2 hours

front and half the back.   maybe a dozen guys from fire dept cars and trucks.  i'm exhausted hiding stressing.  

didn't know what to do with myself.  dressed and watched some concentration.  i seem to be more autistic.  my symptoms seem more pronounced.  maybe it's the weather too.  internet is behaving erratically too.

i never know what to click on.   i'm not ready to go home.  

i came back to seniors from mission and coll safe way.  i stretched and walked a little.  my back is ok.  my right hip is not yet.  i have hope.  if i concentrate my energy on healing and let go of maintaining the house i'll heal my back, my life.  i need the healing music, the subliminal reprogramming the negative family.  

it helps to read my blog.  remembering better times better feelings.  living in the now is tough.  maybe why so many people don't.  run away, run away.  in grade school i imagined myself beyond whatever was stressing me.  i couldn't continue doing it with the parents' overwhelming negativity.

1:30 i feel calmer i can go home now.

spent all day calming myself.  7:45 i called fire station 888 agnews 95054 to thank jason beals his day off i talked to ryan regarding honorarium. i can send thank you.  i have to drag med ladder under awning tomorrow since tall ladder gone.