new month terrors

no idea why, just a motivator maybe.  

seniors swim, connected brian jackson doing great, st just charity gave me more lunch i found black lace shirt, stopped at 2 yard sales nothing i wanted, central i picked up get smart, little mermaid.  stayed 'til close at 2.  so tired almost left chrome in copy room.  must be more careful.

sunny vale library, stopped nob hill mimi working there.  i just wasn't ready for home.  puzzled 'til 5.  home sandwich, half soup, crackers, toasted bread.  chocolate almond milk pudding delicious.  bed 7:30 nothing on tv.  driving home i did so much i thought sun day.  i have tomorrow too.  

i'm watching witch mountain series.  came out at at a dark part of my life dealing with recognizing and accepting the lifelong betrayal by my family and the subsequent betrayal by all my relationships.  they only betrayed themselves.  

busy day

nah, i just didn't want to do anything.  i went 6:30 to 24 for internet.  loaded coke y 3000.  picked up and walked store, had to ask for game tickets.  finally remembered to buy stamps.  drove home to check free suitcase gone finally.  seniors i puzzled 'til 10, showered and puzzled more.  11 i went to wash yesterday's dishes i forgot.  taking it to car gerde had parked i removed her walker.  weather and lunch unstable.  hilde waited 'til everyone gone i got left over salisbury didn't want meal.  too much trouble.  sophia gave me more veg, fruit cups i gave to toki.  i kept cake, jane gave me cut cake too i gave away at bingo.  ladies asked to sit at my table talked incessantly, next time i'll tell them no too distracting.  she had the nerve to ask me to watch her cards then asked why not like i can't just say no.  i told the lazy incompetent white privileged bitch i have enough watching my own cards.  her friend told her to put some cards back, she didn't want to.  glad i didn't realize 'til now how overbearing she was.  next time no, no, no.

i did not win bingo.  i won food lottery.  i like no internet, quiet.  tomorrow pool.

home 3:30.  ate cake then patty.  whew!  looked for phone in car, bags, finally in house catch all bin time to charge 50%.  

i couldn't watch celebrity jeopardy

too stupid.  it was like every category could have been titled stupid answers.  i could not believe how dumb the z list 'celebrities'  were.  i couldn't figure out if they were competing for stupidest contestant.  they were guaranteed 30 k for their charity maybe they were trying to be funny.  they weren't.  i thought it was sad.  the dumbing down of america.  or ken jennings trying to feel smart.  he's given all the answers and acts like know it all.  i still remember he missed h r block final jeopardy question.  at least alex trebek never acted like he wasn't given the answers before hand.  

when pat retires i doubt i'll continue watching.  celebrity wheel was good even though i had know idea who they were.  there was a sense of camaraderie.  they seriously played for their charities.  

lunch was a lot of food.  brown rice and quinoa, chicken stew, carrot raisin.  the company was great.  toki, alex, salome.  vanessa ate bbq on patio and diane sat elsewhere.  eddie came and went.  toki is encouraged by eye op to exercise.  

4th day of left leg exercise.  it's working, my back is better.  i'm sleeping better,  back less pain, i'm more comfortable.

sitting here wondering why they didn't love me

i have to keep reminding myself they didn't love.  the lack made me feel wrong.  i didn't belong yet, i know i do.  we're a planet of broken toys.  they had to make themselves feel normal by excluding and abusing me and we know how they ended up suffering with their choices.

i'm feeling freaked.  received letter from patelco security breach in may dated 20th.  patelco never copped to it in all the mail they've sent.  no heads up.  just ambush.  makes me so glad i closed retire.  i have 'til jan '24 to decide what to do.  

so much left overs today.  and few wanted omelet.  i have extra potato, spinach, slaw.  drain tuna add.  

walter came by after counseling.  

planning my day

senior center short hours i can pick up at cup and drop off sunny.  4 pm sunny.  i finished small senior puzzle on to cup at 3.  movie wouldn't check out i took disc to desk cleaned it like new.  5 minutes.  i toured rod to see where it came out.  quite a tour.  ultimately stelling.

found 2 possible puzzles for seniors.  i don't mind turning in spot.  i used to feel deprived.  not today.  i scored 4 bookmarks.  2 metal, car hologram, hp raven claw.  tygj

after being bed confined i appreciate my freedom

i spent 8 years expecting to die.  when i became mobile i looked in the mirror and saw my mom looking back.  

coconut milk dribbled in bag, i was able to wipe up devices.  container leaked, never happened before.  

today i can puzzle or pick up holds at cup.  or tomorrow.  feeling nauseated.  either the cold air conditioning, onion juice from lunch or back strain.  home 3:30.  stomach better @ 80 degree.  tomorrow short seniors hours better for cup.  

happiness is knowing what you need and getting it-onigiri

Publishers website is malfunctioning games.  oh, well.  i decided overcast is encouraging me to rest at home.  i'm catching up on jackie chan collection.  great athletics.  took me 15 minutes looking for my shoe supports.  found them.  i need all the support i can get.  

10:30 i decided to cook chicken, watched end of murder she wrote, prepped chicken 4 quarters.  prepped pans, looked for spice seasoning finally remembered i stored in broken oven.  put thighs in and readied drums.  made sure i wore brace.  collected recycle in bin.  i'm just waiting for the first batch of chicken to cook.  i have asparagus.  the senior lunch sprouts are unfortunately un prepped but cooked.  watched pilot for providence no one i liked in it, i keep trying to like it.  I still don't.  i'm watching medium i used to watch religiously I haven't watched it for maybe a year.  

my stomach muscles are spasm-ing like belly dancing.  

had to bake drums twice.  not cooked enough for me.  i like it falling apart.  i nuked sprouts' sweet potato 99 cents for 15 0z prepped.  

had to go into backyard to cut rose from window.  this cool weather is providing moisture to plants.  checked on allergy runners.  very productive day.

onigiri-triangle rice ball.  i never knew the name.