tyg pain free miracle

if i only knew how i'd do it everyday 24/7.  savory cereal oatmeal choc ginger chicken feta dip delicious b'fast.  i love mixing matching dishes.

seniors paid utilities 2 days late didn't put on calendar.  done and done.  spent half hour listening to healing accounting bills.  so pleasant.  car warming up 43 degrees 9 am.  sitting in the sun shades up. 

lunch so good women's club turkey dinner delicious stuffing salad mix veg cranberry orange cooked from scratch.  pumpkin bite.  could taste pumpkin.  so nice alex, toke, ron, joanie.  she makes me laugh.  she lied it took them so long to serve lunch she got ron extra pie.  tiny one inch square delicious.   

went college safeway asked wed free snacks loaded on acct almond hummus corn chips.  on to main finished puzzle pieces missing computed rested back.  went car put away back filled water.  considered dollar tree remembered chicken.  home 4:30 made rice pasta found cooked spinach added feta dip delicious plenty for 2 meals b'fast.  

9 pm ready for rest.

i can do what i want

woke and was hungry ate 2 snacks.  watching 'kim's'.  i just realized my movie family is the big family i always wanted.  loving inclusive.  and i picked up 'good karma hospital'.  i have huge tv family for holidays.  loving supportive family.  considering mom dad sisters condemning critical soul killing what i have now is so much better.  and not due 'til 1/3/23.

mitt sent xmas card after all this time and all the cards i sent xmas and b'day for years with no response.  she must have noticed gardener and wants help alien.  

real i d extended to 2025.  maybe required do away completely.  

6:30 freezing 37 degrees out.  

lunch lovely toke, alex, diane.  last day panera b'day and nob hill sale.  hmm....how much do i want it?  

just saw cute alex from 24 studying.  i decided on sc pan just blue muff.  drove home continued to under parking nob had my favorite soup and peas $2.48 less than safeway.  done and done.  5 pm.

astonishing

amazing.  my back and body feel fine.  8:30 i drove to cost co just in case.  traffic light i filled tank 10 minutes done.  $3.99/g.  seniors good parking i organized car.  showered stretched puzzled.  lovely lunch with toke alex ron joanie.  decided to go cole man cost co.  getting into lot a challenge.  walked around looking for garlic herb almonds couldn't find.  found coconut dark choc almonds.  cut line by accident.  checkout offered to ring up hot dog i did it walked over to food 2 lines one payment kiosk and pick up.  6 feet between i stepped behind woman.  man came up behind me saying he was in line yeah right.  maybe he was but 6 feet behind i avoided the kiosk line.  i picked up my hot dog and soda.  drove around back easy.  on to sunny vale library to pick up movie pop up sale i bought 2.  saw online postcard reply in mail to jury duty.  dismissed for 12 months.  home 4:30 i ate hot dog.  almonds dark choc not good.  like mini almond joy.  not quite.  too bad.  

8:30 i'd like another hot dog.  nothing i want to watch.  bed and movies.

feeling horrible

i want more heaven.  as all the chemical memories leave my body the process feels painful.  i have to relax and minimize the damage.  feels like 2001 when mom died i ripped up my back my sisters attacking abusing me like always.  doing what mom and dad taught them.  i can distract myself from the worst of it with tv and subliminal music.  

9 am my back continues to protest.  could be the constant rain.  atmospheric pressure.  turmeric, kava, p flower.  

fell asleep pain exhausted dreamed of tobacco balls.  i don't know.  part of the pain resonance is nicotine leaving cell storage.  excruciating waves started after i had tiny bit of gum with sugar free 2 ?? weeks ago.  

2 pm i put on brace and put out recycle and garbage bins.  i've been doing too much without it.  i've been trying to resolve dad making everything harder on himself and everyone around him.  i don't understand.  

it's weird there's nothing of interest to me on tv.  found romance marathon 5 pm.  i never was interested now i'm studying what i want.  family always pooh poohed my life.  now i can do what i want.  called cathy to acknowledge receipt of her beautiful card.  

miracle i'm still alive

the body can endure miraculous pain.  and i'm still here.  i cooked chicken with curry orange zest and pulp.  tastes healthy minimalist.  used juice to cook rice added slivered almonds.  stomach cramping i think curry.  feels like 2001 when everything i ate felt like broken glass and i lived on vicodin.  i'm not hungry took my supplements so i must eat.  if i knew what causes i'd avoid. 

considering st just or main or sunnyvale book sale.  or just resting.  determining what my soul and body desire.  yay! me!  i am truly blessed with ability and freedom.  if only this debilitating pain would go.  exhausting trying to run away from pain.  that's games and puzzles feeling ok.

pain getting worse i have liquid willow from sprouts helping most took 2 kava 1 p flower.  pain subsiding.  i can rest.  spasms comes in waves one second fine then excruciating.  no more solid food for awhile.  just grapefruit candy.  muscles feel bruised ripped torn.

3 pm feeling better spasms less made soup from senior lunch salad rice and potatoes.  maybe if i cook it enough it will digest.  back on the spiral.  feeling sneezy.  cold steady rainy damp day.  good day to stay in bed.  i'm so hungry yet afraid of cramping.  i just realized it's the same reaction as my raw onion allergy.  i never eat raw onions so i didn't put it together before.  

my stomach feels like i've been kicked in the gut.

better

i feel like a miracle.  since 2 am when i finally felt warm the pain is gone.  woke 8 late.  lunch lovely everyone present toke brought me b'day sushi.  brenda gave me sweet cookie i gave to albert.  stomach neck shoulders stiff sore.  nothing to compare to last night,

'kim' 2 and 5 at main puzzled and picked up.  

hurrah! cody

he brought my combo and heather told me everything due to jan 3.  so my holiday covered.  no charge always says hour even when hour half.  i like NOT feeling obligated to compute.

lunch lovely diana didn't want persimmons toke brought gave to brenda so happy.  

i don't feel like puzzles.  it's freezing cold.  my back is screaming pain like 1972 when i fell.  it was exactly the same.  i slipped on ice.  

the young asian tech jiggled the combo and it started working.  maybe it was the low 23% battery.  i couldn't get it to work.  it suddenly reset.  maybe my static electricity.

my back and stomach screaming just like 1972 i took 2 kava willow turmeric.  neck feels like a block of granite.  playing takes my attention from constant pain.