I CAN WRITE AND VIEW 2 SEPARATE TABS. I LOVE THE WAY IT LOOKS.
I HAD 2 LUCID DREAMS. BOTH DAD ORIENTED. QUARANTINE IS ALL ABOUT INTROSPECTION.
THE DAY WAS OVERCAST AND SO WAS I. I SPENT AN HOUR LOOKING FOR MY COIN PENDANT. I STAYED SO BUSY I FORGOT MY NICOTINE. I DID A LITTLE TIDYING WITHOUT A BELT AND DID STRETCHING. I FEEL GOOD.
66.4 HAD WESTERNS ALL DAY. SO MANY MOVIES I'VE NEVER HEARD OF. MOVIES CHANNEL IS 24 HOUR. DAD LOVED WESTERNS.
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Friday, April 10, 2020
MITZI BECAME MOM
THEY DELIGHT IN THREATS AND INTIMIDATION, FEAR BASED DEPENDENCY. I PRAY FOR HER. I HAVE NO IDEA IF SHE HAS ANY HUMAN FEELINGS OR IF SHE'S ONLY PROFIT MOTIVATED. MITZI IS LIVING MOM'S IDEAL LIFE. MOM ALWAYS ACCUSED AILEEN OF BEING BOY CRAZY. MOM WAS THE BOY CRAZY ONE.
AILEEN IS DAD. SNEAKY FEAR FILLED SCHADENFREUDE. ALL 4 DELIGHTING IN THE MISFORTUNE OF OTHERS.
I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF WITH THE NASTY CHEMICALS GENERATED BY THAT LIFESTYLE. HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN CAUSE AND EFFECT WHEN IT'S ALL AROUND US. OBVIOUS.
***********************
ORGANIZING MY NOTEBOOKS I FOUND A 2006 MERCURY NEWS BOOK REVIEW 'ISOLATION NATION' ABOUT JAPAN'S QUEST FOR MEDIOCRITY AND THE SOCIAL UNREST FOR THE YOUNGER GENERATION. INDIVIDUALITY IS DISCOURAGED.
AMERICA IS GREAT BECAUSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND SUPPORT OF NEW IDEAS. THE INCLUSION OF NEW COMBINATIONS ALLOWS FOR INNOVATION AND INVENTION.
SO MY SCAPEGOAT IMPOSED ISOLATION IS CULTURAL.
AILEEN IS DAD. SNEAKY FEAR FILLED SCHADENFREUDE. ALL 4 DELIGHTING IN THE MISFORTUNE OF OTHERS.
I COULDN'T LIVE WITH MYSELF WITH THE NASTY CHEMICALS GENERATED BY THAT LIFESTYLE. HOW CAN PEOPLE NOT SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN CAUSE AND EFFECT WHEN IT'S ALL AROUND US. OBVIOUS.
***********************
ORGANIZING MY NOTEBOOKS I FOUND A 2006 MERCURY NEWS BOOK REVIEW 'ISOLATION NATION' ABOUT JAPAN'S QUEST FOR MEDIOCRITY AND THE SOCIAL UNREST FOR THE YOUNGER GENERATION. INDIVIDUALITY IS DISCOURAGED.
AMERICA IS GREAT BECAUSE OF THE INDIVIDUAL AND SUPPORT OF NEW IDEAS. THE INCLUSION OF NEW COMBINATIONS ALLOWS FOR INNOVATION AND INVENTION.
SO MY SCAPEGOAT IMPOSED ISOLATION IS CULTURAL.
Thursday, April 9, 2020
WORKING MY WAY OUT
WHEN I WAS MARRIED I DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO STAY MARRIED. ALMOST DROVE MYSELF CRAZY. FOR A WHILE I WAS CRAZY BELIEVING I COULD SAVE MY MARRIAGE. THEN I REALIZED I DIDN'T HAVE A MARRIAGE. I'D BEEN LIVING IN A TISSUE PAPER CASTLE OF LIES. I DIDN'T HAVE A HUSBAND I HAD A SON 6 YEARS OLDER THAN ME.
PART OF IT WAS THE POT. WHEN WE MET IN COLLEGE I SMOKED SOCIALLY. I THINK ONE REASON HE MARRIED ME WAS I NEVER OUT OF POT. I WAS AN EXCELLENT HOMEMAKER. HE TRIED SELLING IT BUT JUST SMOKED IT ALL HIMSELF. FIRST THING IN THE MORNING LAST THING AT NIGHT. AND I WAS SO SELF SUFFICIENT WHEN WE MARRIED HE QUIT HIS JOB. HE IMMEDIATELY FORGOT HOW TO COOK, DO LAUNDRY, SHOP, CLEAN. HE BECAME COMPLETELY DEPENDENT AND I BECAME TOO BUSY WORKING, GOING TO SCHOOL, TAKING CARE OF BILLS. WE'D FIGHT ONCE A MONTH, HE'D PROMISE TO DO BETTER AND I WAS TOO COMMITTED TO STAYING MARRIED.
TEN YEARS LATER DURING COUPLES COUNSELING I REALIZED HE'D SPENT ALL HIS TIME AND ENERGY CHEATING ON ME. HE WAS SO GOOD AT LYING HE CONVINCED THE PhD COUNSELOR IT WAS MY FAULT. MADE ME FEEL LESS STUPID SINCE I ONLY HAD A BACHELOR DEGREE. DR. ELINOR MILNE FOUND OUT WHEN HE ANNOUNCED HIS SOLUTION TO REBUILD OUR MARRIAGE WAS QUITTING COUNSELING AFTER TWO YEARS AND GOING TO THE MOVIES ONCE A WEEK. LASTED ONE WEEK AND I STARTED DIVORCE RESEARCH.
IT STARTED ME SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS TO MY DISASTROUS MARRIAGE. I KNEW I'M SMARTER THAN THAT AND I'D HAVE TO HELP MYSELF. I WAS A RAGING CO-DEPENDENT. I'M STILL LEARNING TO BE INTER-DEPENDENT.
AND ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO EXTRICATE MYSELF FROM THE SOURCE OF MY PROBLEMS; MY FAMILY.
***************************
10;43 LONG LINE FOR THURS, GOOD FRI, SAT MEALS. AND I HAVE SVP MEDIUM SIGNAL.
NOON COVID UPDATE CAL GOVERNOR NEWSOM FISHING SEASON POSTPONED AND ADDITIONAL ONLINE SUPPORT AND HOT SPOTS. MAKING MITZI'S EXCUSE TO RUMMAGE BOGUS.
PART OF IT WAS THE POT. WHEN WE MET IN COLLEGE I SMOKED SOCIALLY. I THINK ONE REASON HE MARRIED ME WAS I NEVER OUT OF POT. I WAS AN EXCELLENT HOMEMAKER. HE TRIED SELLING IT BUT JUST SMOKED IT ALL HIMSELF. FIRST THING IN THE MORNING LAST THING AT NIGHT. AND I WAS SO SELF SUFFICIENT WHEN WE MARRIED HE QUIT HIS JOB. HE IMMEDIATELY FORGOT HOW TO COOK, DO LAUNDRY, SHOP, CLEAN. HE BECAME COMPLETELY DEPENDENT AND I BECAME TOO BUSY WORKING, GOING TO SCHOOL, TAKING CARE OF BILLS. WE'D FIGHT ONCE A MONTH, HE'D PROMISE TO DO BETTER AND I WAS TOO COMMITTED TO STAYING MARRIED.
TEN YEARS LATER DURING COUPLES COUNSELING I REALIZED HE'D SPENT ALL HIS TIME AND ENERGY CHEATING ON ME. HE WAS SO GOOD AT LYING HE CONVINCED THE PhD COUNSELOR IT WAS MY FAULT. MADE ME FEEL LESS STUPID SINCE I ONLY HAD A BACHELOR DEGREE. DR. ELINOR MILNE FOUND OUT WHEN HE ANNOUNCED HIS SOLUTION TO REBUILD OUR MARRIAGE WAS QUITTING COUNSELING AFTER TWO YEARS AND GOING TO THE MOVIES ONCE A WEEK. LASTED ONE WEEK AND I STARTED DIVORCE RESEARCH.
IT STARTED ME SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS TO MY DISASTROUS MARRIAGE. I KNEW I'M SMARTER THAN THAT AND I'D HAVE TO HELP MYSELF. I WAS A RAGING CO-DEPENDENT. I'M STILL LEARNING TO BE INTER-DEPENDENT.
AND ONCE AGAIN I HAVE TO EXTRICATE MYSELF FROM THE SOURCE OF MY PROBLEMS; MY FAMILY.
***************************
10;43 LONG LINE FOR THURS, GOOD FRI, SAT MEALS. AND I HAVE SVP MEDIUM SIGNAL.
NOON COVID UPDATE CAL GOVERNOR NEWSOM FISHING SEASON POSTPONED AND ADDITIONAL ONLINE SUPPORT AND HOT SPOTS. MAKING MITZI'S EXCUSE TO RUMMAGE BOGUS.
Wednesday, April 8, 2020
SVP IS BACK
SIGNAL SEEMS STRONGER THAN BEFORE.
I DREAMED OF MOSQUITOES TRYING TO BITE ME IN MY SLEEP. THE BLOODSUCKERS. THE ISOLATION IS WORSE FOR THEM. I'VE BEEN OSTRACIZED BY THEM MY WHOLE LIFE. MUCH MORE PAINFUL WHEN IT'S THE GENETIC FAMILY SCAPEGOATING. THEY HAVE EVERYONE ISOLATING TOGETHER.
I ATE TOO SWEET PACKAGED OATMEAL. TUMMY ACHE. I THINK I MAY HAVE HAD VIRUS IN JANUARY. OLD VET ON NEWS DESCRIBED SYMPTOMS GINNY HAD IN JANUARY. TIRED NO APPETITE. MAYBE DIFFERENT MUTATION. GRAPEFRUIT WATER FIX ME RIGHT UP.
10;38 sitting waiting in lunch line. Tomorrow we're to get 3 days since Good Friday holiday.
I DREAMED OF MOSQUITOES TRYING TO BITE ME IN MY SLEEP. THE BLOODSUCKERS. THE ISOLATION IS WORSE FOR THEM. I'VE BEEN OSTRACIZED BY THEM MY WHOLE LIFE. MUCH MORE PAINFUL WHEN IT'S THE GENETIC FAMILY SCAPEGOATING. THEY HAVE EVERYONE ISOLATING TOGETHER.
I ATE TOO SWEET PACKAGED OATMEAL. TUMMY ACHE. I THINK I MAY HAVE HAD VIRUS IN JANUARY. OLD VET ON NEWS DESCRIBED SYMPTOMS GINNY HAD IN JANUARY. TIRED NO APPETITE. MAYBE DIFFERENT MUTATION. GRAPEFRUIT WATER FIX ME RIGHT UP.
10;38 sitting waiting in lunch line. Tomorrow we're to get 3 days since Good Friday holiday.
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
cscpublic
I'VE BEEN OFFLINE AND SUFFERING WITHDRAWAL. PLENTY OF TIME TO THINK.
WATCHED LOVE ACTUALLY AND IT'S OK. 2003 THE YEAR THE EXPLORATORY LASER SURGERY AND FALSE CANCER SCARE. AND MITZI SNEAKING TO MY PRE-OP AND EMBARRASSING ME BY REFUSING TO DRIVE ME SAID TO KAISER DOCTOR MELISSA ESTES.
SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT ASKING IF I WANTED ANYTHING. YEAH, RIGHT. SHE'S NEVER NEVER GIVEN ANYTHING I WANTED 100%. SAID SHE WANTED MOM DAD ASHES AND FISHING GEAR. SHE ONLY WANTS MY STUFF. SHE WANTS TO SHOP THROUGH MY STUFF. AGAIN.
WATCHED LOVE ACTUALLY AND IT'S OK. 2003 THE YEAR THE EXPLORATORY LASER SURGERY AND FALSE CANCER SCARE. AND MITZI SNEAKING TO MY PRE-OP AND EMBARRASSING ME BY REFUSING TO DRIVE ME SAID TO KAISER DOCTOR MELISSA ESTES.
SHE CALLED LAST NIGHT ASKING IF I WANTED ANYTHING. YEAH, RIGHT. SHE'S NEVER NEVER GIVEN ANYTHING I WANTED 100%. SAID SHE WANTED MOM DAD ASHES AND FISHING GEAR. SHE ONLY WANTS MY STUFF. SHE WANTS TO SHOP THROUGH MY STUFF. AGAIN.
Thursday, April 2, 2020
holy
OK I WENT TO WALMART FOR GUM 10 MNUTES, STAR DEPOSIT EASY, HAD AN HOUR TO PLAY AND FOUND FREE LIP BALM VF SAFEWAY BOUGHT CLEARANCE CHOCOLATE CROISSANTS, 4 GAME PIECES FREE HOT DOG BUNS AND 6 OZ TRAIL MIX, IN LUNCH LINE10;38. WHEW. LUNCH TINY BBQ BEEF SLOPPY JOE, SALAD. I LEFT RICE CHILI IN MICROWAVE LAST NIGHT SO DINNER TONIGHT.
SO I'M HOME WATCHING RERUNS OF MEDIUM AND MONK MARATHON. THEY'VE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LESS ALONE UNLIKE MY FAMILY WHO WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL OSTRACIZED. OH, OSTRICH.
I WENT ONLINE PAID PROP TAX. COULDN'T REMEMBER FOLDER SO CREATED NEW, FOUND OLD UNDER 'PROP TAX'. OK I'M PANICKING A LITTLE.
I'VE NEVER HAD THE FREEDOM TO WAKE AT 8 FEELING SO RELAXED. AND EVERYTHING IS RELAXED. I'M RELAXED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO CONSCIOUSLY FORCE MYSELF TO RELAX MY MUSCLES CLEAR MY MIND..
FEELS WEIRD.
SO I'M HOME WATCHING RERUNS OF MEDIUM AND MONK MARATHON. THEY'VE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL LESS ALONE UNLIKE MY FAMILY WHO WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO MAKE ME FEEL OSTRACIZED. OH, OSTRICH.
I WENT ONLINE PAID PROP TAX. COULDN'T REMEMBER FOLDER SO CREATED NEW, FOUND OLD UNDER 'PROP TAX'. OK I'M PANICKING A LITTLE.
I'VE NEVER HAD THE FREEDOM TO WAKE AT 8 FEELING SO RELAXED. AND EVERYTHING IS RELAXED. I'M RELAXED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE WITHOUT HAVING TO CONSCIOUSLY FORCE MYSELF TO RELAX MY MUSCLES CLEAR MY MIND..
FEELS WEIRD.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
pesto
3 jars i thought were sweet relish are basil pesto.
TRY THIS AGAIN. I WROTE OUT MY MORNING AND SOMEHOW ERASED IT. 8;30 I DECIDED TO GO TO COSTCO TO CHECK PRICE CASE OF WATER. 5 DOLLARS A CASE INCLUDING CRV. I'M DELIBERATING SENDING CATHY CASH. I'LL DEFINITELY SEND THE WRIST WALLET. AUNTIE TOMIE TOO. 9-10 IS SENIORS AND HANDICAPPED ONLY SHOPPING. PARKING GOOD. WALKED TO THE BACK OF STORE. GOT IN EXERCISE.
I DECIDED TO PAY CITIBANK. CHECKED DOLLAR STORE. WITHDREW CHASE, MISSION CU CLOSED. ONLY ATM. FROM CAR I CALLED STAR. LOBBY OPEN LIMITING NUMBERS COVID DISTANCING. YOUNG MAN PULLED UP I ROLLED DOWN WINDOW TO GIVE HIM 411 AND HE CAN USE ASSOCIATE BANKING AND LOCATIONS. BY THEN 10;45. I GOT IN LINE FOR SENIOR PICK UP IN MY FAVORITE ONLY SHADY SPOT. I READ DAILY WORD ORGANIZED BILLS. I CONSIDERED GOING TO STAR BUT I'M ALREADY SORE AND TIRED. I ORGANIZED 9;30-11;30 LAST NIGHT. I FELT WEIRDLY ENERGIZED.
NAP ATTACK.
TRY THIS AGAIN. I WROTE OUT MY MORNING AND SOMEHOW ERASED IT. 8;30 I DECIDED TO GO TO COSTCO TO CHECK PRICE CASE OF WATER. 5 DOLLARS A CASE INCLUDING CRV. I'M DELIBERATING SENDING CATHY CASH. I'LL DEFINITELY SEND THE WRIST WALLET. AUNTIE TOMIE TOO. 9-10 IS SENIORS AND HANDICAPPED ONLY SHOPPING. PARKING GOOD. WALKED TO THE BACK OF STORE. GOT IN EXERCISE.
I DECIDED TO PAY CITIBANK. CHECKED DOLLAR STORE. WITHDREW CHASE, MISSION CU CLOSED. ONLY ATM. FROM CAR I CALLED STAR. LOBBY OPEN LIMITING NUMBERS COVID DISTANCING. YOUNG MAN PULLED UP I ROLLED DOWN WINDOW TO GIVE HIM 411 AND HE CAN USE ASSOCIATE BANKING AND LOCATIONS. BY THEN 10;45. I GOT IN LINE FOR SENIOR PICK UP IN MY FAVORITE ONLY SHADY SPOT. I READ DAILY WORD ORGANIZED BILLS. I CONSIDERED GOING TO STAR BUT I'M ALREADY SORE AND TIRED. I ORGANIZED 9;30-11;30 LAST NIGHT. I FELT WEIRDLY ENERGIZED.
NAP ATTACK.
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