my real family

HOW GREAT TO SLEEP'TIL 5 AND WAKE TO DREAM OF DISNEYLAND WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME ASKING ME WHAT I WANT TO RIDE NEXT.  WHITE WATER RIDE. LOVELY COOL CLEAN. 

BOOKMOBILE DAY.  I WORKED OUT HARD BEING REFRESHED FROM TAKING YESTERDAY OFF.  CATHY WAS IN THE POOL.  WE HAD A NICE CHAT.  LUNCH WAS PRETTY GOOD.  AFTER LUNCH I DID A DRY RUN TO COUNTY RECORDER.  I'LL HAVE TO WEAR HIKING SHOES.  I'M NOT SURE WHICH BUILDING ON AN IMMENSE BLOCK WITH SUPERIOR COURT AND JAIL.  MOST BUILDINGS AREN'T LABELED.

I THOUGHT OF GOING TO CARDENAS MARKET BUT I DECIDED NOT.  I'M RESTING FROM YESTERDAY'S PROCEDURE.  I DROVE TO COSTCO AND REDEEMED MY REBATE.  BOUGHT TWO CAULIFLOWER PIZZAS, COOKED THEM, ATE ONE.  SO GOOD.  I FELL ASLEEP IN LIVING ROOM WATCHING TV FOR 1 AND HALF HOUR.

I'M FEELING GRIEF.  STILL SAD DAD MADE LIFE DIFFICULT.

AS MUCH SADNESS AS I FEEL THERE'S STILL MORE HAPPINESS.  I HOPE.

worst night terror yet

WOKE 3;30 FLASHBACK TO THE FEELINGS I STUFFED DOWN TO BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THE EVERYDAY FAMILY CRISES.  THAT'S WHAT ALL THE  EMOTIONS I'VE BEEN PROCESSING IS ALL ABOUT.  RELEASING STUCK ENERGY.  I THOUGHT OF CALLING SILENT UNITY FOR PRAYER SUPPORT.  CONTACTING DR CHUNG FOR PSYCHIATRIC SUPPORT.  I HAVE OPTIONS.

I'M OK.  I'M LOVED.  I'M PROTECTED.

WENT TO GYM TO SHOWER FEELING HOT AND STICKY.  LEFT 7;30 AND SPENT 10 MINUTES PASSING FREMONT HIGH SCHOOL WHAT A MESS STUDENTS AND CARS EVERYWHERE.  I WAS STILL FEELING ANXIOUS.  GOT THERE EARLY TOOK MY TIME WITH ID CARDS AND PAPERS. 

SHIRAN FROM ISRAEL WAS VERY KIND AND PATIENT ANSWERING MY QUESTIONS  SHE PUT ME AT EASE.

amazing

I WENT G 2 POOL AND TUB ALMOST TO MYSELF.  SOW COMES TO HOT TUB AND WITH 3 STEPS SHE COMES ASKING ME TO MOVE.   I SHAKE MY HEAD SAYING TO HER 'THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS'.  SHE WENT OUT OF HER WAY TO ASK ME TO MOVE.  SHE SAYS AS AN EXCUSE 'IT'S HOT'.  I REPLY 'THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT A HOT TUB.'  KAHRAZEE!  I TURNED MY BACK TO HER AND DID MY STRETCHES. 

I WENT TO SAFEWAY, WALKED THE STORE AND FOUND DELI SALADS.  I GOT $5 SEAFOOD, OLIVES, TOMATOES.  CAN OF ARTICHOKES $1.35.  2 CHEESE DIPS $1.98.  WHAT A DEAL.  AND $30 FOR PGE AND POCKET CASH.  ON TO $SUNNYVALE ZERO.  ASKED ABOUT STOCKING STUFFERS AND DELIVERY DAYS TU& SAT.  I DECIDED TO GO $SANTA AND GOT CHIPS, WASH, CLEARANCE DISH SOAP, CARDS, STICKERS, 2 DVD.

I THOUGHT ABOUT GOING GOODWILL AND DECIDED I'D BETTER EAT AND REST.

eye dread

THE HORROR STORY OF DAD'S EYE PROCEDURE.  NO WONDER I'M SO UPSET.

I DROVE MOM AND DAD TO KAISER SANTA TERESA EARLY MORNING.  HIS LEFT EYE HAD A CATARACT REMOVED.  HE HAS A BAD REACTION TO THE TRANQUILIZER AND TAKES 4 HOURS TO REVIVE.  MOM AND I CALL AILEEN AND MITZI.  WE WAIT.  

HE'S STABILIZED AND I BRING THEM HOME I'M EXHAUSTED.  DAD INSISTS ON STAYING IN THE LIVING ROOM.  HE'S TOLD NOT TO BEND OVER TO AVOID PRESSURE IN HIS EYE SO IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT HE LEANS OVER TO GET THE TV REMOTE HE DROPPED ON THE FLOOR, FALLS FORWARD HITTING HIS EYE ON THE COUCH ARM REST.  INSTEAD OF WAKING ME UP LIKE HE'S DONE COUNTLESS TIMES WANTING TO GO ON MIDNIGHT DRIVES HE WAITS UNTIL MORNING TO TELL MOM AND I.  

ANOTHER TRIP TO EMERGENCY.  HIS EYE IS FULL OF BLOOD AND HE'S PERMANENTLY BLINDED.

ANOTHER TIME I STUFF DOWN STILL ON HIGH ALERT FOR THE NEXT TRAGEDY.

SO THE HORROR IS COMING UP NOW ALLOWING ME TO REGURGITATE THE AGONY AND DREAD.  IT COMES AND GOES IN WAVES.

NEW LINES

MY LIFE IS TAKING NEW TURNS.  I CAN'T PUBLISH THE OLD BLOG SO I'M WRITING NEW.  THE PROGRAM WON'T ENGAGE.

I WENT IN FROM A NEW TAB THAT CONNECTED WITH THE OLD AND UPDATED WHEN I REFRESHED.  I GOT TO KEEP IT ALL.

I WOKE 7:30 FROM A FITFUL NIGHT SUDDENLY REMEMBERING-RECONNECTING WITH MYSELF I NEEDED TO COVER THE DMV CHECK FOR RENEWING MY LICENSE.  I CALLED AND TOOK CARE OF IT.

NOON- I'M BACK.  I DECIDED  NO GYM.  I WANTED SMOKES FOR WHAT I'M PROCESSING WENT TO FLORA VISTA ZERO.  DROVE THROUGH LAWRENCE SQUARE TO SEE EVERYTHING BOARDED UP.  NO SIGN OF DEVELOPMENT YET.

WALGREEN'S @MARIA HAD ORGANIC.  I CHECKED $UNNYVALE GOT CLEAR WASH, PAPER, NEW CAR LOG BOTH SIDES PRINTED KEEP IT SIMPLE.  RECYCLED 10 WATER BOTTLES AND WATER FROM TRASH.  DECIDED I WANTED TO USE WENDY'S KID MEAL COUPON.  I LOVE COUPONS.  NOT 1.99-2.37.  HUH.

I REALIZED MY INNER CHILD WAS RAISED BY FAMILY OF WOLVES TO BE BOY.  OF COURSE I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BE.  LUNCH DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE MILK, APPLE BITES, MINI BURGER, 3 D STICKERS.

WHAT THE HEAVEN.

I'M STILL HAVING TO REASSURE MYSELF.  THEY BETRAYED ME SO MANY TIMES.

mini nap ginny gives me something for bingo she'll miss.

I PICKED UP MULTI DIRECTIONAL FREE ROLLING CARRY ON SUITCASE ON SIDEWALK.

THE ART OF RACING IN THE RAIN

TIMING IS IMPORTANT.  LIVING LIFE CAN BE AN ART.  I'VE WANTED TO WRITE AUNTIE AND THE TIME IS RIGHT.  THE STORY FROM THE POINT OF A GOLDEN DOG.  BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.

MY EXPECTATIONS.  I THOUGHT THE WEDDING GUEST DEV PATEL WAS A COMEDY.  NOT.

BETTER THAN I EXPECTED.  IT MADE ME THINK.  PEOPLE WANT THINGS IN THEIR LIVES AND DECIDE HOW TO GET THEM.  NOT HAPPILY EVER AFTER BUT IT STILL COULD BE.  LIFE ISN'T OVER YET UNLIKE THE MOVIE UNLESS THERE'S A SEQUEL.

MY SUBCONSCIOUS

I'M GETTING CLOSER.  I'M STILL SLEEPING LIKE A BABY WAKING EVERY TWO HOURS AND WATCHING THE BIG BLUE TICK.  TICKLE.  THE IDEA EVERYONE HAS A SUPER POWER.  EVERYONE IS A SUPERHERO OR VILLAIN.

I'M HERE AT SENIORS DEBATING.  MY SUPER POWER.

I SPENT YESTERDAY RESEARCHING NEW THOUGHT.  THE 1880'S MUST HAVE BEEN AMAZING.  THE 1960'S BEGAN THE UNCOVERING OF TRUTH.  THERE'S STILL POLITICIANS THOSE WHO SAY WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR.  THE BEST DEFINITION OF LEADER IS THE ONE WHO SEES WHICH WAY PEOPLE ARE GOING AND RUNS TO THE FRONT.  HITLER, TRUMP.  THEY GIVE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT TO HEAR.

TRUMP GOT ELECTED SO PEOPLE HAD A VILLAIN TO CRITICIZE.  THEY LOVE TO CRITICIZE.

TUESDAY BINGO I ASKED GINNY TO TRY TO WIN THE YELLOW 2 X TEE FOR ME AND TODAY SHE GAVE IT TO ME.  SHE LOVES ME MORE THAN MY OWN MOM.  I HAVE LOTS OF PEOPLE LOVING ME MORE.


I WENT TO THE DMV ONE HOUR TO RENEW AND FOR REAL ID I NEED COPY OF MARRIAGE LICENSE FOR SOCIAL SECURITY NAME CHANGE.  SANTA CLARA COUNTY.