FEAR OF SUCCESS

I WENT AND REDEEMED THE COUPONS AND REDEEMED ANOTHER PART OF MYSELF.  I WANTED TO USE THE COUPONS.

I FULFILLED MY DESIRE AND REALIZED MY DESIRES AS A CHILD WERE CRUELLY THWARTED STUNTING MY SPIRITUAL GROWTH.  I FELT SO MUCH FEAR.

I'M LEARNING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY WANTS WITHOUT FEAR OF LEARNED SELF SABOTAGE.  MY FAMILY SABOTAGED EVERY SUCCESS I EVER HAD.  OUT OF FEAR AND LOYALTY TO THE FAMILY I LEARNED TO SELF SABOTAGE.  MY SISTERS WERE SO JEALOUS.  I NEVER KNEW WHY.  THEY STILL ASK ME WHAT I WANT IN ORDER TO DENY ME.

NOW TO UNLEARN FEAR OF SUCCESS.  I WAS AFRAID I'D LOCK MYSELF OUT OF MY CAR, OR LOSE MY KEYS OR THE CAR WOULD BREAKDOWN OR SOMETHING.  SATURDAY AT LUCKY'S MY KEYS BROKE OFF THE RETRACTING STRING.  LUCKILY SOMEONE FOUND THEM AND TURNED THEM IN.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.  THE MOTHER IS AFRAID OF TEMPTING FATE BY PRAISING THE BABY.  JUST LIKE MY MOM.  SHE NEVER HAD A GOOD THING TO SAY TO ME.  WHEN I WAS A TEEN I OVERHEARD HER ON THE PHONE BRAGGING ABOUT ME.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MET BLACK ELLA MAY.  SHE SAT DOWN AT THE PUZZLE TABLE COMPLAINING AND 4:30 I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE.  TONIGHT IS SUPER LOTTO.  PRAY FOR ME.