WHY DIDN'T SHE LOVE ME?

I CAN'T SLEEP I'M SO DEPRESSED.  I'M CRYING AGAIN.  HOW CAN I LOVE MYSELF AND FIND LOVE WHEN MOM NEVER LOVED ME.  HALF OF MY GENES IS HERS.  I CAN'T CRY FOREVER.

I STARTED WATCHING PLEASE STAND BY BECAUSE TONI COLLETTE IS IN IT AND I LIKE HER WORK EVER SINCE 6TH SENSE.  I HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.  IT'S ABOUT AUTISM.  I TOOK SOME KAVA.  IF I DIDN'T HAVE TOBACCO I'D HAVE NO FRIEND AT ALL.

4 AM-TOMORROW IS MOM'S 17TH DEATHIVERSARY.  SHE TRIED TO BEAT THE AUTISM OUT OF ME.  IT HURTS SO MUCH.  WHY DIDN'T SHE LET AUNTY KATCHAN ADOPT ME?  I MIGHT HAVE BEEN LOVED, DIAGNOSED AND HAD A LIFE.

I PRAY SOMEDAY I CAN STOP THE SELF SABOTAGE.  SHE HATED ME AND DID EVERYTHING TO RUIN MY LIFE AND NOW I'M DOING IT.

LOSING MY PHONES, RUINING MY BACK TAKING CARE OF THEM IS ALL SELF SABOTAGE.  ALLOWING MY SELFISH SISTERS TO BETRAY ME.  SHE DID IT FIRST.

IT'S SO CLEAR TO ME NOW.

74o AT 10 AM.  SO I'M TAKING CARE OF ME AT HOME.