almost forgot to look at pictures

in greenlights.  m mc is a born storyteller.  he's very clear life is a story.  i'm blessed.  silent unity replied 5:36 pm.  t y g j.  and s u.  they have my back.

i watched judgment - ashleigh banfield regarding dalia dippolito.  she sat smiling as her husband was cross examined totally enjoying his pain recounting her denial and betrayal.  murderers.  her mother too.  liars, soul killers.  nit and alien.  i get it now.  i couldn't believe my sisters could be so animal but why not.  no motivation to be otherwise.

my right temple still sore.  i massaged it but it still hurts.

internet is doing weird things.  i keep having to reduce the size.  beside the hiccups it keeps jumping.  and multiplying pages.  

finally remembered to return the dvds.  i almost forgot m mc pictures i wanted to check out.  i'm so used to books w/o pictures.  i read greenlights 3 times.  he tells a good story.  

and i remembered college safe way may have clearance left i want.  

new configuration on chrome too.  maybe what's affecting internet.  could be unstable weather.  they keep predicting rain.

i watched oprah's interview with meghan and harry.  it was hard for me to see they suffered the same family betrayal.  when it's blood it wounds viscerally.  the enemy strikes from within ripping you to shreds.  and my sisters continue.  i was raised with wolves.  presenting a pleasing appearance just don't expect kindness.  and don't turn your back.  dealing with pain and self protection.  makes me want to die too.  it hurts so bad.  this admission would only make my sisters laugh.  they treat me the way our parents treated me.  it wasn't until mom and dad got old mom and dad understood.

i need to be cuddled and coddled.  i can do that.  it's what i do for others.  

i've been the indian

in my family.  i don't know how they go on.  maybe because they're not alone.  i just know i can't manage any more abuse.  i may go berserk.  ok i feel calmer and after i stretch i'll feel better.  i'm still waiting for my token games to load.  if it wasn't for my love of playing i'd be a lump going nowhere doing nothing.  i watched 'kajillionaire'.  a strange movie i identified with on a spiritual level.  i had to go to wikipedia to find out the plot.  i guess in their limited odd way they loved her.

listening to stress free is healing.  i woke at 4:30 dream of a big benign gray rat.  maybe i should watch 'ben'.

for breakfast i had 6-7 raw asparagus.  all i wanted.  

consumer cellular suveen programmed my link 2  phone.  15 minute hold.  she tried programming envoy 248 but the card is too old so she's sending a modern 3 part card.  3-5 days.  i can use the old one 'til it quits.

ominous, i checked mail preview something from gov.  i have to get back early enough to rest my back for sleeping.  not in today's.

monopoly; when all else fails read the directions.  i got 3 tokens.  

stretched and home for pork, mash, asparagus.  cooked lucky's beans in bag.  young tender.  

watching 'danny says' danny fields knew so many celebrities.  he stayed humble and honest with himself loving music above all else.  stars love with passion music, art, movies.  they project their love to be received by the masses.  that connection creates an energy feed becoming 'popular'.   some celebrities search for that feeling in drugs, sex, rock and roll.  some like monkeys with orgasm brain implants kill themselves.  janice joplin, jim morrisey, etc.  others accept the reality that feelings are meant to travel like sine waves with peaks and troughs.  buddhism seeks a middle path.  no peaks or troughs.  peace.  equanimity.

the autistic take a lifetime to connect those parts of the brain.  like me.  we have a different perception of life just as real one step removed.  

big difference. march is stress

well, i won't be able to play monopoly.  not just online anyway.  i don't know how.  and i don't care to learn.

makes my life simpler.  watched national velvet.  better than i remembered but then the last time i was a child.  

this planet is so wrapped up in false images.  makes the honesty and love more precious, rare.  the american indians have suffered so much.  makes my life look like a piece of cake.  six discs of pain and torture.  

dad and ex.  i don't know the basis for their lies.  people prefer liars.  makes them feel superior.  i just feel sad.  

and when i got home the phone was on the porch.  i called to activate the robot said connected but doesn't work half hour wait time.  i'll call tomorrow.  i'm feeling desperate.  illogical emotions.  new phone has apps.  downloading apps gives them access to everything on your phone.  

cyborg-bbt

wof-taking bold action

scary

i'm having a partly happy childhood.  i still have responsibilities.  children should just have fun.  school was fun for me especially compared to home.  no one hit or bullied me.  course, i was tough having to put up with the abuse at home.  i didn't have to in school.  i could hit back.  no one would abuse me.  school was heaven.

good internet so far today.  i looked online for niece and nephews.  doing ok.  better than me.  tygj.  i feel better.  i worried so much about them.  

and now i know why face book is so popular.  he posts what he wants people to believe is true.  actors creating a wished for life.  if enough people believe psychic electrical energy can bring it into material form.  

scientists study psychic energy using rocks and sticks,  the instruments are too gross to measure psychic energy.   

watching 'national velvet' she has smile braces.  a movie about dreaming big.  healing old hurts.  

2:30 am i woke saying good by.

i was sitting in josie r's den my new phone rang and jenny z called to catch up.  she knew josie.  so it was alien in reality.  

my stomach upset and muscle sore.  g c does the trick.  i wonder from fajita and beans?

i remembered to get costco gas.  $3.30/gal.  highest it's been.  i wonder because gas is being obsolete with electric cars.  like phones planned obsolescence.  i'm so tired of the tricks and money games.  at my age i generally see them coming.

i wanted to go monopoly but too tired of sitting.  came home changed water filter, cooked pork with pickled onions, made asparagus sesame, cheese.  watered porch plants.  lay down totally relaxed my back.  upper back sore.  cooked rice with baby veg.  

i watched 'last days of planet earth.'  low budget space bug movie.  and 'love boat'.

my body is tingling.  napped half hour.  feeling ok.

bbt-wonder woman

wof-out of fashion

after sleeping to 'good omens'

i woke to casting out demons of the past.  and i feel sad to have suffered as a child.  and empty and alone.  i've never felt empty before.  bruised, lighter, free.  so new.  so uncomfortable.

my red phone died after 17 years.  my black one works great.  i looked online not made.  obsolete.  i have the free red con cell sent me.   oh, well maybe.  i'll research.  

eye sent me bill for $84 again.  i called on black phone bill was mistake.  

picked up lunch walked, stretched, computed.  veg is beans and bell peppers so i'll wait and have asparagus and lettuce at home.  guy had to wake me from my computing mourning.  scratch more responsive today.  spoke too soon.

i'm feeling better.  looked online for sim remove install.  

home feeling weird i tried to switch sim cards.  i don't know how to do it.  i want to run away.  the impending family condemnation hanging over me.  i used card in envoy and called con cell 2:07 and asked jennifer how to use sim card.  only covers phone number and account.  she transferred me to tech support @ retrieving phone numbers and no luck.  ruben said next generation in a few months 4-5 g.  so i bought red 'link 2' 4th generation $30+tax=$32.70  4-8 days.  then i have to update sim cards.  i have old dinosaur cards.  maybe i'll wait to get new batteries.

i know how diabetics are made.  i ate lunch 3 pm.  i added tortilla, asparagus ate half.  diabetics skip meals and throw sugar chemistry out of balance stressing organs.  i wasn't hungry but felt light.  they wait until starving and gorge.  

i'm doing ok.  i went to lucky's last day 97 cent asparagus, clearance pork ribs, 3 pasta.  i can't believe i ate all the monopoly pasta.  and i added cheese and amino to left over lunch.  delicious.  washed asparagus into glass bowl with plastic bag green house.  will keep a week.   

sitting in chase parking

new month snuck up on me.  garbage pick up 10 am.  brought in bin.  i picked up lunch.  stretched and walked.  mailed life and aunt card and while i did lobby banking chrome connected.  tygj.  so now i know.  in a pinch i can try there.  just across the street there's definitely no reception at the park.  

don't know why coca cola is so good.  i'm treating myself.  new daily word calendar on dashboard logical location is new.  no searching for it.  

i was so tired waking up falling asleep.  

sitting at main eating korean beef bulgogi.  needs sesame seeds.  beef part is good i could do without the fat and gristle.  basically thick savory teriyaki.  

my body is aching in waves traveling.  my hands, knees then my back.  all over tour.  and i have funny tickle twitches right temple, my left nose.  sound healing you tube.

i want more asparagus.  keeps very well washed and set in mug with plastic bag green house.  

ok. i'm debating deposit today or tomorrow.  and procrastinating.  digesting lunch.  today is better i guess.  i'm just feeling so tired.  and i'm not worrying worries me.  it's so new for me not to obsess for days about banking and paying bills.  family tradition.  whew!!  a big load off my back.  no wonder my body is reacting.  

pch back to malfunctioning.

i went to lucky's walked store bought asparagus.  deposit c u and home.  watched the end of 'jason and the argonauts' 2004 and 'love boat.'  soaked asparagus.  remembered i had senior sandwich toasted added cheese pickled onions lettuce.  ate almonds and chips.  watched 'mike and molly'.