woke 4 am

the dilating eye drops are almost worn off.  i added peas to macaroni tuna salad, heated some and delicious breakfast.  stayed in bed dozing and watching 'taxi' 'til 9.  dressed, put out garbage, washed dishes.  squeegeed car windows.  supposed to rain again wed-thurs.  good time to hang out rugs.  

and this weekend is christmas st j pickup.

they took away experiment garbage bin.  i'm surprised it lasted this long.  life should get simpler.  separating garbage is not simpler.   

3 pm i suddenly have a new channel 5.4 fave tv= tv land.  'total recall'.  can't find listing for it.  and decades tv 'love boat' strange juxtaposition.  

cesar 911-growing older healthier happier

cesar observes patterns of behavior and stops the dangerous unwanted pattern, reprogramming wanted behaviors.  what works fine with puppies doesn't work with mature dogs.

body brain connection.  my back issues forced me out of my thoughts into taking care of my body.  living in the past is deadly.  not an intelligence issue an autonomic process.  reprogramming a closed loop system intercept and interrupt.  i was so used to living in a constant state of anxiety from my family i was disconnected from my body and injured myself.  then still being disconnected i kept re injuring other muscles.  

life is a series of behaviors.  what we did in the past got us here.  sometimes it doesn't work any longer.  new behavior is necessary.  dysfunction is doing what no longer works.  continuing outdated patterns of behavior.  i quit smoking for a year now.  free nicotine gum and library relaxation cds comedy dvds.  

breakfast toasted senior sandwich w/mustard.  1 pm lunch 2 poached eggs w/pine nuts cooked green onions on slice of bagel.

5 pm i decided to cook 1 1/2 c rotini 'pasta and more' t salt, water to first line 17 minutes.   i diced 1 stalk celery, large grated 1 carrot.  added large can tuna and water, half can drained black olives, heaping tablespoon dried onion t salt 4 pepper, c safflower mayo.   so good i wanted to keep eating.  i forgot peas.  tomorrow sweet.  something to look forward to.  raw peas onion gravy.  

lying in bed

i just had 2 helpings blueberry cobbler and last crunchy chicken.  i'm learning how to pamper myself.  i spent my life cooking, cleaning living for other people now it's my turn.  

next year i start a new phase.  i expected mom to kill me.  i never imagined living this long.

stayed in bed 10;30.  got up to see 'movie,movie'.  cut my nails.  since becoming healthier i have to every 2 weeks.  8 years bed ridden i cut my nails and hair maybe twice.  being sick nothing grows.

lunch was the last of the cobbler and burgers.  dinner i wanted chips and saw weekend food.  mac salad peas onions grated carrots celery tuna which i prefer.  i have to make some without onion.  so good.  choc fudge dessert.  tomorrow toasted sandwich breakfast.

wouldn't it be funny if dna testing proved trump an albino black.   all his racist skinhead friends would need to rethink his popularity.  

watching 1944 'return of the vampire' people fascinated with energy sucking killing beings.  werewolves and vampires are alcoholics.  compulsive behaviors.  

dr mark

everything stable.  prescribed specs.  dilated my eyes.  going back 3 pm for frames fitting.  he's aged 10 years in this past year.  he looks frail.

picked up lunch walked park stretched.  put extra weekend i cold.  ate lunch.  

discovered options on publishing yesterday and changed the time somehow.  i don't know.  i figured out how to change it back.  

12;30 went lucky's freebie oatmeal and big lots bras and slippers.  on the way to library tom called he got my christmas card wished me happy birthday.  i told him auntie sent me $100 for birthday and christmas.  reminded me uncle and eric died 4/'17 and 6/'17.  he told me noe died thanksgiving.  oh, well.  his diabetes got him.  players.  i looked online obituary he tested positive covid-19 nov 18 dead 9 days later.

picked up cup library returned darling buds, hope gap, one foot, merry sitcom.  talked to tom more.  decided to go to safe way and ended up at sprouts line out the door went back to saratoga sunnyvale to safe way.  bought orange chicken $5 friday forgot free water.  2 dark roca, lemoncello.  hurrah!! used my perks.  i forgot to use gift cards.  i was getting tired.  forgot my shopping bag candy aisle.  still there.  on the way out i found 2 cardboard box bottoms for spice storage.  i put the spice tubes in sorted stacking trays.

drove back way to eye doctor new reading glasses $215 i'm worth it.  thuy=tee helped me decide.  each eye slightly different.  deeper relaxation.

my own copy of cd

i'm looking online.  9 am leisurely showered then opened window.  

i left 10;00 intending to go to rite aid looking for dvd player and remembered to fill gas.  i want to avoid holiday gas price.  costco changed program.  now you leave card in.  as i was leaving i noticed asian man in front still trying to insert card.  i told him they changed it and want you to leave the card in to process.  it worked he gave me thumbs up i was distracted and i left with fuel door open.  i noticed on overpass pulled over on monroe and checked cap.  whew!! 

my practice for eye doctor tomorrow.  picked up lunch 10;30 # 10 they require mask for pick up.  walked park stretched.  thought about main and county.  main is closed and county open today is 3-7 glad i came straight home.  i have 'til 19th.  i changed clasp on necklace to match olivine mother of pearl anklet.

decided to cook 4 burgers, blueberry cobbler.  o m g so good.  ate 2 burgers 2 servings cobbler.  happy tummy.  i mixed 2 eggs, cup of coffee creamer.  blended in 2 cups pancake mix.  added pint of washed well drained blueberries.  microwave 3-2-2-2.  so good.  full of blueberries.  i'll have it breakfast.  or maybe asparagus and crispy chicken.  

success

courage.  i called 18 times before talking to soc sec agent pamela in cambell 9;09 am.  she advised me to pay medicare and over payments are reimbursed.  whew!  i felt so relieved i thanked her profusely.  

i felt so good i ventured to campbell big lots to return bras and walk store.  i checked out good will.

seniors 10;36 #9.  walked park and stretched.  inspired i went to chili's to redeem freebies.  paid 99 cents more for 5.75 kid's crispy chicken meal.  i added 2 side grilled asparagus crispy chicken $12.99.  got my birthday hot fudge cake w/vanilla ice cream.  took me an hour online to figure it out.  way easier than panera.  pain online.  i'm so proud of myself.

autism resources

 the libraries are full of books and movies.  well, an exaggeration.  a lot.  

i felt the spirit and returned sunday's bras that didn't fit.  the exact same style size that i bought 11/29 but 12/6 didn't fit.  well i have 4 good ones.  i spent a couple hours trying to figure out the good ones from the bad.  confusing the style numbers are different from the receipt.  don't know where those numbers came from.  i can see why surplus or over runs.  from china the sizing is inconsistent.  the fabrics are the same color but stretch differently.  

went to citibank paid bill.  on to seniors car # 6.  remembered daily word and to bring in car secret cd.  chicken pretty good.  dinner will be potato gravy beef onions and yam for dessert.  

i don't know.  got medicare bill.  medicare social security campbell closed at 4 i waited on phone hour and half 4-6;30 with main san jose soc security gave up.  i'll call tomorrow.  fear and loathing.  life is so complicated.