GOOD DAY

I CAN BIKE, SWIM, OR BOTH.  I STRETCHED HALF HOUR IN HOT TUB, BIKED HALF HOUR.  I FEEL PLEASANTLY TIRED.  LUNCH WAS GOOD.  NO INGE AT DENTIST.  SHE'S A FUNNY GIRL.  SHE WAITED TO GIVE ME THE PAPER 'TIL AFTER MAURICE LEFT.  SO LUNCH WAS ME, GERDA, ROSE MARIE.  AND ART OF, COURSE.

AND TONIGHT IS BIG BANG. 

EXHAUSTED

I'M TIRED OF WAKING EVERYDAY IN PAIN.  I HAD ONE MORNING LAST YEAR I DIDN'T HAVE PAIN AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WAS DIFFERENT.  WAS IT SOMETHING I ATE OR DID OR WHAT?

MY LIFE HAS BEEN MISERABLE FOR A LONG TIME, MAYBE FOREVER.  TODAY I DON'T KNOW.

I WATCHED YAYOI KUSAMA DOCUMENTARY.  SHE HAD IT MUCH WORSE. 

I GUESS IT'S TRUE THAT YOU ONLY FAIL IF YOU QUIT.

CAPITALISM

LOOKING FOR A DENTIST NOT TRYING TO GET RICH IS TOUGH.  CAPITALISM HAS BECOME SYNONYMOUS WITH GREED.  THE IMPLANT CRAZE HAS THEM TARNISHING THEIR SOULS WITH DREAMS OF BIG BUCKS.

WHEN TIMES GET TOUGH DOUBLE DOWN AND PUSH HARDER.

NEW TRUTH

THE DISCOMFORT I WAS FEELING WAS THE RACISM.  INGE AND GERDA ACCEPT PEOPLE AS THEY ARE.  I'M LEARNING. 

MY FAMILY WAS RACIST.  THAT I KNEW.  I LEARNED TO IGNORE IT.  THERE'S A LOT OF RACISTS AT THE SENIOR CENTER.  I IGNORED IT AUTOMATICALLY AND NEVER EVEN NOTICED.  I JUST KNEW I DIDN'T LIKE OR TRUST SOME PEOPLE.  AND JESSICA.  I CAN'T RESPECT DISRESPECT.

I BELIEVE IN CALLING A SPADE A SPADE.  THAT'S WHY ANGEL AND PERLA WERE DRIVEN OUT AND KIMO IS PAYING HIMSELF BACK.  KARMA IS SIMPLE PHYSICS:  ACTION / REACTION.

MY SCHOOLS ALWAYS HAD RACISTS I AVOIDED AND IGNORED.  TEACHERS AND STUDENTS. 

I LOVE ME

I LIKE BEING FAT.  I LIVED MOST OF MY LIFE A SKINNY PO PO.  I TOOK AFTER DAD'S FAMILY AND SUFFERED FOR IT.  FOR EVERYTHING HE WASN'T I WAS PUNISHED.  I WAS ABUSED BY MOM AND MY POOR SISTERS FOLLOWED HER EXAMPLE.

I'M STILL ADJUSTING TO HAPPINESS.  IT'S CHALLENGING.  I HAVE TO KEEP REASSURING MYSELF THE WORLD WON'T END IF I SCREW UP.  I MIGHT TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE OR WAIT A WEEK.

ooohhhh....

THIS IS MY DAY OF REST.

2/9/2019 MY FIRST OFFICIAL SABBATH.  I SPENT 10 YEARS TAKING CARE OF DAD AND 12 WITH MOM WITHOUT A BREAK.  SO OF COURSE MY BODY AND MIND BROKE.  THEN I SPENT 8 YEARS STUCK IN BED SUFFERING.  I RAN UNTIL I COLLAPSED.  AND NOW I'M CONSCIOUSLY AVOIDING DOING IT EVER AGAIN BY LEARNING. 

NO WONDER I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE LEARNING.  IT MAKES LIFE BETTER.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE TO HAVE A CHOICE.

PHYSICAL EMOTIONAL

EMOTIONS BECOME PHYSICAL IF NOT EXPRESSED.  AND I HAVE A BEHAVIOR PATTERN WHEN I HAD TO HIDE MY FEELINGS TO AVOID MORE ABUSE.

CHANGE TAKES MENTAL AND PHYSICAL DISCIPLINE.

SUCCESS THROUGH A POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE BY NAPOLEON HILL AND 
W. CLEMENT STONE.