Wednesday, October 18, 2017

WHEN WILL IT END

THIS WEEK RAIN IS FORECAST AND THE DEPRESSION CONTINUES. 

AT LEAST I'M CLEAR THAT IT'S A FLASHBACK TO DAD'S SERIAL CRISES. 

EVERY EPISODE I HOPED WAS THE TURNING POINT WHERE HE'D LEARN TO DO BETTER AND BE BETTER BUT I WAS SO DEEPLY IN DENIAL I COULDN'T SEE I WAS IN DENIAL.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW I'M IN DENIAL?  DOES DENIAL PRECLUDE KNOWING?

SO HE DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH HIM.  WHAT ELSE COULD I DO, ABANDON HIM LIKE MY SISTERS?  I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.  I KNOW THEIR FATES.  I WANT HAPPINESS.  HEAVEN IS POSSIBLE.  I'VE LIVED IN HELL.

HE ABANDONED MOM.  SHE NEVER RECOVERED.

I'M RECOVERING.

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