DOING WHAT I DO

NOT KNOWING WHAT DAY IT WAS I AWOKE AT 5:36.  WATCHED THE END OF THE YEAR CH. 5 SUNDAY MORNING.  ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DIED 2017.  I WENT TO G2, WALKED AROUND SAFEWAY.  NO $ BACK.  AT LEAST AT SELF CHECK.  ONLY @  WALMART. 

ON TO LUCKY'S I FOUND A JERKY I MISSED AND BOUGHT A NEWSPAPER. 

I'M FEELING SO BLESSED.  I HAVE TONS OF FOOD.  THE CAR IS GOOD.  I'M CURRENT WITH MY BILLS. 

AND I HAVE TOMORROW, NEW YEAR'S, FREE.

I GOT IT

T IS HIS MOM.  WHEN HE'S LEFT BEHIND HE FEELS ABANDONED LIKE WHEN HIS MOM WOULD LEAVE HIM TO VISIT THEIR HUGE FAMILY. 

HE BEHAVES JUST LIKE HER.  TOO BAD.  HE MAY END LIKE HER.  WILL I TELL HIM?  NAH!  HE WOULDN'T HEAR ME.

I AM A SURVIVOR

I SURVIVED THE EFFECTS OF MY FAMILY AND I AM SURVIVING.

SELF CONTROL=GOOD STRESS

MAMA (DELORISE LUCAS) ACKNOWLEDGED I HAD EXERCISED MY SELF CONTROL.

I HAD TO BE A SELF CONTROL NINJA TO LIVE WITH MY FAMILY.  TO SURVIVE.

SO TIRED

T IS FAMILY.  EXHAUSTING.  I WENT OVER YESTERDAY AS PLANNED AND HE WAS PRUNING THE FRONT ROSES.  VERY QUIET.  ROB WAS TAKING A WALK AND LOUISE WAS AT WORK 'TIL 7.

I WENT INSIDE AND STARTED HEATING THE HAM DINNER.  THE SCALLOP POTATOES, CANDIED YAMS, GREEN BEAN CASSEROLE.  I CARVED UP THE HAM AND PUT IT IN QUART ZIPLOCS.  I CALLED HIM TO EAT AND HE FUTZED AROUND.  TYPICAL MOODY T.  SO WE ATE AND I STARTED TO FIX ROB A PLATE AND TALKED ABOUT MAKING ONE FOR LOUISE OR I'D JUST LEAVE HALF THE FOOD.  HE GOT VERY UPSET.  HE BELIEVES THEY DON'T LIKE HIM AND TOLD ME TO TAKE EVERYTHING HOME  I LEFT HAM.  THEY'VE BEEN GOING AWAY WEEKENDS ON ROMANTIC GETAWAYS AND HE'S JEALOUS.  EVERYBODY HAS TO LOVE HIM MOST.  OH WELL.

SO LAST NIGHT I WAS EXHAUSTED.  COULDN'T SLEEP 'TIL 11 AND AWOKE @4.  SO I DROPPED OFF THE DVD MLIB AND CAME HOME.  FELL ASLEEP 2:30 WATCHING J. PEPIN. 

I'M TROLLING MOVIES AND RESTING MY BACK FROM PRUNING THE LEMON BUSH.

THE NEW ME

G2, TD NO ONE HOME.  HE TOLD ME WRONG.  HE WAS AT WORK.  AND DIDN'T CALL TO TELL ME.  SO I CAME HOME 1 PM AND TOOK APART THE TURKEY, COOKED THE MASHED QUITE GOOD MADE SANDWICH, HEATED SLICED TURKEY WITH ORANGE MARMALADE, ATE POTATO/BUTTER, APPLE PIE.  I DON'T HAVE TO HEAT TURKEY.

I HAD THE CHICKEN CAESAR SALAD AT LUNCH.  LOVELY LADIES BACK FROM TRIPS.

CLEANED UP EMAILS.  I HAD OLD ONES FROM LAST YEAR.

GOOD DAY.  COSTCO GAS TOMORROW.

BETTER & BETTER

I WENT TO G2 AFTER 8 AM.  I FOUND CLASSICAL STRETCH ON 54 @ 7:30.  PLAYED, SOAKED, EXERCISED. TOOK MY TIME TO B-SRS.

I GAVE GERTA THE CANDIED FRUIT.  SHE OFFERED TO PAY ME.  I TOLD HER LAWRENCE LUCKY'S, MERRY XMAS.  IT WAS ONLY $4.  ON MY WAY TO MLIB I THOUGHT I'D TRY SARATOGA STORE.  I GET THERE AND LOOK AT CARTS ANTICIPATING...  I FIND A BRAND NEW CAKE PAN W/NOTE TWO DAYS OLD SAYING CUSTOMER LEFT IT, MAY BE BACK.  DIDN'T COME BACK AND WHY WOULD THE STORE LEAVE IT OUTSIDE UNDER A CART IN THE LINE UP?  I PUT IT IN TRUNK.

I GO INSIDE AND BOUGHT 4 JINGLE BELL NECKLACES $.50 EA, 2 SPATULAS /$1, 1 LB. RED CANDIED CHERRIES $6.  THEY DIDN'T MARK DOWN YET.  SO THE REWARDS BALANCES THE DIFFERENCE.  AND THE CAKE PAN.

I WENT TO LIBRARY AND DROPPED OFF TWO DVDS, PICKED UP 1.

I CAME HOME AND WATERED PLANTS, PICKED AND TRIMMED LEMON, ATE ASIAN PORK CHOP FROM LUNCH.  GERTA GAVE ME HER EXTRA.  DELICIOUS WITH BREAD.  I COOKED BROWN/WILD RICE WITH EXTRA H2O AND LONGER COOKING TIME.  THE INSTRUCTIONS ON THE BOX ARE WRONG.

TYGJ.

WATCHING DOC MARTIN

IT TOOK ME 45 MIN TO GET INTO BLOGGER.  I THINK BECAUSE IT'S SO COLD.

THE DOCTOR IS OUT:  WATCHING DOC MARTIN HAS DRAMA, MYSTERY, SUSPENSE, COMEDY.

JEOPARDY AND WHEEL ARE ON LATE TONIGHT.  (FOOTBALL)  I HOPE I CAN STAY UP UNTIL 9.

I CHANGED THE BATTERIES IN THE SPIDER I BOUGHT YESTERDAY AT LUCKYS AND THE RED EYES LIGHT UP.

CHRISTMAS EVE

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D LIVE SO LONG.  I WAS SURE MY MOM WOULD KILL ME OR SOMETHING.  AND HERE I AM.

I WENT G2, LUCKY'S TURKEY DINNER SALE $19.99  CANDIED FRUIT $1-$.50, HALLOWEEN 1 1/2' BLACK SPIDER $1; AWESOME, HOME.  CALLED T SO FRUSTRATING.  INVITED ME JULIE'S TOO COLD AND NOISY.  I'D RATHER ENJOY TOMORROW DINNER.  I CHOOSE.

I TOOK HAM DINNER TO TD.  I'M KEEPING TURKEY DINNER.

GREAT DAY

AWOKE AT 5 WATCHED 3 STRESS WORK EPISODES, $V ZERO, G2 AT 8, RED PHONE FREAKING OUT, CALLED T NO PHONE, MICHAEL'S $2 BEADS, LUCKY'S HAM DINNER & FREE CANDY, HOME FOR BLACK PHONE, $ANTA CLARA BOUGHT POWER STEER, TARGET PAID BILL BOUGHT PISTACHIOS, TD DROPPED OFF HAM DINNER, BATTERY STORE NEW CHARGER, ON THE WAY HOME I REMEMBERED PIES AT SPROUTS.

WHEW!

I'M BACK.  I DID SO MUCH.  I'M READY FOR CHRISTMAS.

I JUST NOTICED

ON THE LIST OF POSTS THERE'S AN EYE THAT TELLS HOW MANY VIEWS OF EACH POST. 

THIS, THE END OF THE SECOND WEEK AT G2 IS TIRING AND OK.  I'D PREFER TO FEEL STRONGER BUT OH WELL. 

MONDAY IS CHRISTMAS.  G2 IS CLOSED.  WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

I PLAN TO BUY HAM DINNER AT LUCKY'S.  THE EASY WAY.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THE EASY WAY. 

I DO HAVE TONS OF DVDS TO WATCH. 

SUE/HARRY GAVE ME A COFFEE MUG FILLED W/CANDY.

I FOUND 3 SMALL  WOOD PICTURE FRAMES AND A NEW DREAM CATCHER HIGH ON A SHELF I PUT IN MY WORKOUT SUITCASE. WE GOT NEW MENUS SO I PUT MY JUICE ON TOP THE TABLE BEHIND US.

2 pm @home
SOMEONE TOOK MY PEACH FLAVORED PROPEL WATER WITHOUT US NOTICING.  IT'S A W TRICK.  JUST THE SORT OF ACTION MEANT TO TEASE-INTIMIDATE.  "SEE WHAT I CAN DO."  WHEN HE GETS CAUGHT HE PRETENDS IT WAS A JOKE.  HE STEALS OUT OF THE FOOD COLLECTION BINS AND GIVES IT TO PEOPLE AS IF HE BROUGHT IT.  AND MARY HELPS HIM.  MARY COMPLAINS ABOUT KIMO AND WAITS ON HIM HAND AND FOOT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.  LIKE A REALLY POINTLESS MARRIAGE.

INGA GOT ME EXTRA POTATOES AND GERTA GOT ME CHICKEN.  AND EXTRA MILK FOR GINNY, EVELYN, ALAMIDA.

WE'RE BLESSED.

FINALLY

I FIGURED OUT WHY MY CHEST HURTS.  MY OPEN HEART SURGERY WHEN I WAS 15 DIDN'T HURT WITH ALL THE DRUGS.  AND I NEVER STRAINED MYSELF.  I HEALED GENTLY AND GRADUALLY.  SO NOW, WITH THE STRETCHING I'M SORE.  AND IT'S INTERMITTENT BECAUSE OF THE LEVELS OF HEALING.

I STILL DON'T KNOW

I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A CAR AND YESTERDAY I GOT JURY SUMMONS FOR WEEK BEGINNING JAN-22-TWM.

THE LAST TIME WAS 2004 WHEN I HAD AN IMPOSSIBLE TIME DRIVING MY 5 SPEED DUE TO MY BACK INJURY AND GOT THE COROLLA/ALARM SO I COULD LOCATE MY CAR IN THE PARKING GARAGE.  I ALARM-SCARED MYSELF SO MANY TIMES AND LOST THE ALARM AT THE MLIB. 

I GOT AS FAR AS FIRST ALTERNATE JUROR AND WAS DISMISSED.  I REALLY WANTED TO GET MY MATLOCK ON A CHILD MOLESTATION CASE.  ONE TIME IT WAS ON WIFE ABUSE.  I THOUGHT I WAS OK WITH MY ABUSIVE EX UNTIL UNDER CROSS INTERVIEW I BURST INTO TEARS AND WAS EMBARRASSED AND DISMISSED.

SOMETHING'S UP.

1:21pm  MY PHONE IS DRAINING.  I CAME HOME TO CHECK THE BATTERY BY CHARGING AT HOME.  THE PURSE CHARGER OR PHONE MAY BE NO GOOD.  I HAVE A PLAN.  IF IT'S THE PHONE I CAN CHANGE THE BATTERY AND SIM CARD INTO THE BLACK MOTOROLA.  I CAN ALWAYS PROGRAM THE RED ENVOY. 

DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE YOGA MAT?

MY PHONE SEEMS TO BE CHARGING OK.

OK, ERIC

DW-HEALING.  I WENT TO G2, THEN TO CARLOS AUTO.  HE DID A DIAGNOSTIC AND IT'S MY CAT CONVERTER.  HE RECOMMENDED I WAIT UNTIL SMOG CHECK TO FIX IT.

WHEW!!

I FIGURED IF HE WAS SUPERBUSY I COULD GO TO CIVIC AUTO:  FROM MECHANICSFILE.COM.  I DIDN'T NEED TO.

SO BACK ON TRACK.

DW-JOY

I WENT TO G2, LUCKY'S; PORK BUTT, GREENS, GRAPEFRUIT, 2 CARDS, $3 REWARDS.  PHONED PCH.

EVERYTHING IS GOING SO WELL.  DESPITE THE ENGINE LIGHT.

I HAVE A PLAN FOR TOMORROW.  I GOOGLED CARLOS AUTO REPAIR, MECHANICSFILE.  I'M HOPING FOR THE BEST, PREPARED FOR THE WORST.

I SWITCHED CHAIRS IN THE LIVING ROOM TO SAVE MY BACK AND LEGS.  I'VE BEEN PLANNING THE CLEAN-UP.  I'M TRYING TO PACE MYSELF.

I COOKED PORK LOIN IN MICRO.  IT WAS SO COLD AND DARK I WENT TO BED AT 8.

FEELS LIKE

I'M GROWING WINGS.  MY SHOULDER BLADES HURT SOOOO BAD.

I DROVE TO WALMART/MISSION, GOT LOST, THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT CAME ON. BOUGHT MY WENSLEYDALE CHEESE,  $40 CASH, PAID $34 BILL.  SO DEPRESSED,  ERIC DIED JUNE, ANOTHER RESPONSIBILITY WHEN I DON'T WANT TO RESPOND.

I CALLED T.  CARLOS DOESN'T WORK WEEKENDS.  T CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE MECH'S NAME?  OH, WELL.  MONDAY THEN.

I'M FEELING VERY ANXIOUS. 

EVELYN G

THE SECOND PERSON TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME.

I'M CONTENT WITH WHO I AM. I HAVE ME.

HOW I MAKE THIS A BETTER WORLD IS THE QUEST.

EVELYN THANKED ME TODAY FOR SUGGESTING HOLDING BABIES AT THE NEONATAL.  SHE'S BEEN 3 DAYS THIS WEEK AND LOVES IT.

I WANT EVERYONE TO BE HAPPY AND HELP ONE ANOTHER.  THEN HAPPINESS WILL ABOUND AND WAR AND CONFLICT WON'T EXIST.

I'M GETTING IT

I'M GETTING THE HANG OF IT. 

HOW QUICKLY I FORGET.  I WAS STRESSING OVER NOT RECEIVING MY MEDICARE BILL AND CALLED MONDAY.  FOUND OUT SOCIAL SECURITY IS SEPARATE FROM MEDICARE.  THEY COULDN'T HELP ME.  THERE'S NO PENALTY UNTIL AFTER A MONTH OVERDUE.

TODAY I GOT MEDICARE AND A LETTER AND $25 FROM AUNTY.  HER 90TH B-DAY WAS THE 9TH.  HOW GREAT IS THAT?  DAD WOULD HAVE BEEN 97. 

SO REAL

THIRD DAY OF 24 HR FITNESS.  IT'S CAUSING MORE FUEL CONSUMPTION BECAUSE OF THE EARLY MORNING (6AM) FREEZING TEMPERATURES.  I'M BURNING MORE GAS.  AND THE EXTRA DRIVING AS WELL.

MONDAY I TIDIED THE FRONT PORCH AND MY NECK AND BACK ARE VERY SORE.  FEELS LIKE WHIPLASH.

THE AFTERNOON WEATHER HAS BEEN INCREDIBLY GREAT.  I DON'T RECALL EVER ENJOYING IT MORE.

 SO WHAT AM I DOING AT THE LIBRARY?  I HAD TO RETURN CHROME AND THERE ARE AVAILABLE SO I CHECKED IT OUT AGAIN. 

THE BOOK I REQUESTED GOT MIXED UP WITH ANOTHER AND HAD TO STRAIGHTEN THAT OUT TOO.

TOO COLD?

CHROME BOOK CAN'T LOG ON.  I'M FINE.  I'M WEARING MY LEGGINGS.

SO I'M BACK AT SRS.  WATCHING DVDS AT 2X. 

THIS IS THE FIRST OF THREE WEEKS AT 24 FITNESS.  I'M SO BLESSED TO HAVE OPTIONS.  IT WAS 40o's THIS AM AT 6.  AND THE AFT 68-70.  TYGJ.

still improving

I HOPE. 

I'M SO SLEEY AND TIRED.  COULD BE FROM FEELING MORE RELAXED.  I HOPE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF.  MYS ELF. 

OH, WELL. 

I WENT TO ST J.  WIND CHIME; HUMMING BIRD, STAINED GLASS DESIGN.  $1.

I GUESS I COULD GO ANYWHERE.

A YR OLDER

AND I HOPE WISER.

WHEN I WAS 16 EVERYONE IN SCHOOL WANTED TO BE MARINE BIOLOGISTS, DOCTORS, ETC. AND I WANTED TO BE WISE.  I HOPE I'M ON THE RIGHT PATH.

THE LIBRARY RENEWED THE CHROME BOOK SO I RETURNED THE HOT SPOT I DIDN'T WANT TO MESS WITH AND CANCELLED THE OTHER BOOK. 

MCCALL SMITH HAS A NEW BOOK, HOUSE OF SISTERS.  I'M FIRST IN LINE.

NEW ME

I WENT G2 @7 AND SNAGGED THE TV GUIDE AND PUZZLES!  I TOOK MY TIME DOING WHAT I WANT.  SORTING PAPERS IN MY PURSE.

SFWY, 3 CLEARANCE BOTTLE COVERS $3.13.  ON TO LUCKYS FOR MUSHROOMS, SALAD, ANGUS STEAK, INSTANT NACHO  POTATOES.

I WENT

AFTER SRS I DROVE TO FRANKLIN PO TO MAIL LIFE INS. BUT IT WAS CLOSED SO I PUT IT IN MY PURSE.  I WALKED TO MISLIB FOR CELEBRATION, BOUGHT BOOK, ATE CAKE, LISTENED TO BANJO BAND.  I WENT HOME FOR PORK CHOP LUNCH.

DROVE TO J. MONACK MEMORIAL 999 STARFLOWER CT. 94086.  AS I ARRIVE POSTMAN WALKS UP, I MAIL INS. 

MONICA, JIMMY, BONNIE AS GRACIOUS AS EVER.  VISITED A BIT,  REMINISCED.  MONICA GOOD MORNING STARSHINE=YABBA DABBA DOO=FLINTSTONES,  STILL HAS SCAR FROM NO STITCHES=SUTURES. 

I DRIVE TO FAIR/OLD SF FLUFF FOLD.  $V LOOKING FOR GLUCOSAMINE (0). HOME.

I FINALLY FEEL HOME.

SLOW PCH

I THOUGHT IT WAS THE CHROMEBOOK BUT IT'S THE WEBSITE.

I'M NOT COMPULSIVE/OBSESSIVE AND IT'S FREAKING ME OUT.  I GOT SO MUCH ACCOMPLISHED. 

I WROTE OUT BILLS, STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED WRITING AUNTY'S LETTER. 

I FOUND OUT NORTHERN DENTAL=WESTERN.  I GUESS I'LL ASK FOR A RECOMMENDATION FROM CAREMORE. 

I CLICKED ON LEFT TO RIGHT TO SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN AND IT'S MOVING THE PAGE LEFT.

IF ONLY

IF I WERE TWINS I COULD HAVE TWICE AS MUCH FUN.  I ENJOY DOING.  I'VE HAD A PRODUCTIVE WEEK.

LAUNDRY, SHOPPING, LIBRARIES AND BLOGGING.  EXERCISING HAS BECOME AS  NECESSARY AS EATING AND SLEEPING.

I WONDER AT PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE FEELING GOOD.  OR MAYBE THEY DON'T FEEL ANYTHING OR WANT TO FEEL ANYTHING.   DENIAL WILL DO IT.

WHAT A DAY

THE KEYPAD IS SO SENSITIVE IF I HOLD MY FINGER ON IT, IT GOES WHEREVER THE ARROW IS.

I WENT TO THE CLUB AND COULDN'T DECIDE WHAT I WANTED TO DO.  I PUZZLED AND DECIDED ON WALGREEN'S AND TARGET FOR JELLO AND PAYING BILL RESPECTIVELY.  I FORGOT MY PHONE ON THE PUZZLE TABLE AND NOTICED IN THE CAR BEFORE I LEFT.  WHEW!  WENT BACK IN AND SLOWED MY ROLL.

I FOUND ONION CHIPS AND FRIED CORN AT SPROUTS ON CLEARANCE.  HURRAY!

I HAD SOME FOR DINNER WITH SALAD AND ROAST CHICKEN.  TONIGHT I FINISHED READING THE NEWS.  I STILL NEED TO FINISH WRITING AUNTY'S LETTER.  AND WATCHING THE 16 DVDS I FOUND AT SRS. 

I'M DOING OK.

OH YEAH

I REMEMBERED WHEEL ANSWER.

I REMEMBERED I WANTED TO REQUEST CHROME BOOK AND LOOKED ONLINE.  MISSION HAD TWO.  I COULDN'T GET ONLINE WITH THE I-PAD SO I TURNED IT IN.  THIS IS THE LAST WEEK FOR MISSION BEFORE THE REMODEL FOR TWO YEARS.  SO AFTER LUNCH I WENT @ 1 WHEN IT OPENED.  YEAH ME!!

THEN I WENT TO SAVERS AND SPENT $32,47 ON LARGE BLUE ROLEY LUGGAGE, 2 1/2 FT OCTAGON MIRROR, SEWING PATCHES, PENCILS, DASHBOARD COVER, PASHMINA, PACKING & DUCT TAPES, KNIFE SHARPENER, RECIPE CARDS, NAVY SHEET FOR POCKETS.

THEN I REMEMBERED THE MOOD RING AND 3 INCH RHINESTONE RING, MUCH BETTER QUALITY THAN I THOUGHT, $4,57.

WHAT A DAY.  TYGJ.

STILL HERE

SOMETIMES JUST MOVING THE CURSOR IS ENOUGH TO CHOOSE, OTHER TIMES THE ENTER IS REQUIRED.  I DON'T KNOW.  AND THAT'S WHAT KEEPS ME INTRIGUED.

I'M HAVING A HARD TIME ORGANIZING MY THOUGHTS TO WRITE AUNTY.  I READ JAMES MONACK'S OBIT YESTERDAY AND I WANT TO GO.  I HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF BABYSITTING MONICA AND JIMMY.  CUTE KIDS.  AND BONNIE STILL LIVES IN THE SAME HOUSE.  THEY'D DRIVE TO PICK ME UP AND DROP ME OFF.  I WONDER HOW I STARTED WORKING FOR THEM?

CONT. DELITE

9AM T & GREG PICKED ME UP AND WE ATE MISSION GRILL, I HAD CRAB LOUIE AND G'S LEFT/O FRENCH TOAST SOAKED IN BOYSENBERRY SYRUP.

T DROVE MLIB, PCH, DIRK GENTLY DVD DUE YSTRDY.  HOME 10:30.

WATCHING OLD MOVIES; FUNNY FACE, ETC.

9 HRS

I HAVEN'T SLEPT THIS MUCH IN YRS.  AND RELATIVELY COMFORTABLY. 

OFF TO G2,  COSTCO GAS. 

HOME 8 AM.

FIRST BLACK FRI

I'VE ALWAYS WORKED RETAIL AND NEVER B4 WANTED TO GO OUT BLACK FRIDAY.

I DECIDED TO GO TO SAVERS.  75% OFF BOTTOMS 'TIL NOON.  $17.17.  FOOD MAXX I GOT 3 WATER AND OAT MEAL PACKETS 3.

THE FIVE SKIRTS AND TWO BACK BRACES NEED LAUNDRY AND I REMEMBERED THE FLUFF AND FOLD I STILL NEED TO DO B4 G2.

I STOPPED BY MLIB TO CHECK INTERNET-ZERO.

I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED WHEEL ENTRY AT 1:30 AND I KEPT MESSING IT UP.  I GOT IT IN JUST IN TIME.

I WAS WATCHING 'WAITING FOR THE LIGHT' AND HAD A $3.54 WALMART CHICKEN; SANDWICH AND USED THE BONES FOR SOUP.  SO GOOD.

I'M SO GLAD I GET INTERNET AT HOME.

3 PM I WENT FAIR-OLD FLUFF/FOLD, G2, SFWY SUSHI.  THE PILPINA PREFERRED TO FLIRT R/T MAKE ME INARI.  SO I GOT SALMON AND COOKED IT 33 SEC.  YUM.

I WANT OAT MEAL FOR DESSERT.

BEST THNX EVER

I WENT TO G2 AFTER MUPPETS FROM SPACE.  IT WAS 11:18 SO I DROVE DIRECTLY TO ST CLARE 11:39, AND WAITED 'TIL NOON.  I TOOK MY TIME.  VISITED WITH DAN, ROSE, BILL 'TIL 1:30.  DROVE TO 1ST PRESBY SC TOO FULL TO EAT MORE.  TALKED TO SIDNEY AND WALTERS.  PHONED PCH AT MLIB AND HOME TO WORK ON BEDRM.  SO FULL OF TURKEY, MASH, GRAVY, ROLL, BUTTER, SALAD, VEGS, CAKE, PUMPKIN MOUSSE.   INSTANT COCOA, CIDER.

SO AFTER WORKING UNTIL 3:30 I DECIDED TO GO CHECK OUT 1ST PRESBY SV.  TOOK MY TIME GETTING THERE, AND THERE WAS A LONG LINE.  I SAW JOHN FROM ST J AND SAT AT HIS TABLE.  TURKEY, RICE, MASH, DRESSING/WILD RICE, GRAVY, BEST BEAN CASSEROLE/H2O CHESTNUTS, CARROTS, ROLL, BUTTER.

THEN MICHAEL'S FOR BLACK FRIDAY ON THURSDAY.

AND HOME AGAIN JIGGEDY JIG.

I'M LIKING THE FREEDOM

I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO EAT 4 TXGVNG DINNERS.

TODAY SRS CENTER, TOMORROW ST. CLARE 12-3, FIRST PRESBY SC 2-4, FIRST PRESBY SV 4-6.  AND SO FAR MY BODY'S OK.

DREAMS:  I HAD A LARGE LOVING FLUFFY CAT AND GOOD PAST LIFE VICTORIAN.

 

HUH-SV LIB

I DREAMED OF PULLING WEEDS USING THE PULLER/LEVER.  AND I CAN PICK UP THE CHROME BOOK 'TIL MONDAY. 

AND I JUST FOUND OUT ONLINE LOS ALTOS LIBRARY IS OPEN SUNDAYS 10-7.  WHO KNEW?

MY LIFE IS UP LEVELING. 

SV LIB SCREEN FORMAT IS SO LARGE. 

MY EMAILS DON'T FILL THE SCREEN.  AND I CAN GET IN. 

AMAZING.

I FOUND A RECEIPT OF MINE! IN A WODEHOUSE BOOK ON THE SHELF HERE DATED 10/7/2017.  HOW DID IT GET IN THE BOOK I HAVEN'T BORROWED YET?

I JUST DON'T BELIEVE IT!!  BUT AL FROM SRS JUST WALKED BY AFTER I JUST DID ALL THAT READING ABOUT MACULAR DEGENERATION ONLINE.  OUTBACK VISION PROTOCOL.

I WAS THINKING OF HIM AND HIS EYES.  I GUESS IT WORKS. 

SO FAR H20 TIGHT

I'VE BEEN TOSSING AND TURNING PLANNING WHAT I WANT TO SEE IN MY LIFE.  NEXT WEEK CAR SALE-ENTERPRISE.  THNX GIVING WKND. 

THE HOUSE AND YARD.

LAMENTING ERIC

I AWOKE MISSING ERIC AND THE LIFE HE DESERVED THAT ROSE TOOK AWAY.  WELL ROSE AND FRANK.

I WISHED ERIC SUCH A HAPPY KARAOKE LIFE.  HE WORKED HARD TAKING CARE OF HIS GRANDAD AND ROSE NEVER APPRECIATED HOW MUCH ERIC DID FOR HER.  HE GAVE UP HIS LIFE FOR HER.

J-FAMILIES RUIN A GOOD THING BY INSISTING ON DEFORMING THEIR YOUNG WITH J-VALUES. 

I SOMEHOW HIT F12 AND THERE'S A WIERD DOM EXPLORER PAGE AT THE BOTTOM.

WELL, A MESSAGE FROM ERIC TO GET ON WITH MY LIFE.

SCOTT-SKYLITE SHOWED UP AND FROM THE OUTSIDE IT "LOOKS" FABULOUS.  I'LL FIND OUT WHEN IT RAINS.

last night

I SUDDENLY BECAME SAD THAT MY FAMILY STOLE FROM ME. 

THEY TRIED TO STEAL MY LIFE.  I FEEL SAD KNOWING THE EVIL SIS' ARE WAITING FOR ME TO DIE.

I FEEL SAD THEIR KIDS KNOW THEY ARE THIEVES AND ARE ALSO GUILTY. 

SO I CRIED. 

AWAKE AT 3

IT GIVES ME TIME TO STRETCH/ERCISE AND WATCHING THE CHAIR TAI CHI PUT ME BACK TO SLEEP. 

SLEEPING @ 8-8:30 FROM EXHAUSTION IS OK.  I FEEL WIMPY AND THAT'S OK TOO.  I'M ADAPTING.

THIS AM I WANTED TO FLUFF AND FOLD, RECYCLE.  I CAN GO AFTER SRS IF I WANT TO. 

THIS FREEDOM WAS LONG IN COMING.  TYGJ.

SORE ALL OVER

I'M HURTING ALL OVER SO I CAN'T TELL IF I'M IMPROVING OR NOT. 

I'M LEARNING TO ENJOY THE MOMENT.  MOMENTS AS COMFORTABLY AS POSSIBLE. 

I'VE SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE WORRYING OVER LIFE'S IMPERFECTIONS 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WAS TAUGHT BY EXAMPLE AND COERCION. 

I'M TEACHING MYSELF TO ENJOY WHAT IS AND THE EFFORT TO REPROGRAM IS TREMENDOUS.  SO MUCH ENERGY TO ERASE AND CREATE NEW NEURONS. 

MY NECK/SHOULDERS ARE SO SORE.  DEALING WITH THE PAIN TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY TOO AND THEN LIVING THE DAY TO DAY.

I'M TAKING A LOT OF DOWN TIME.  I FEEL LIKE A WIMP BUT I HAVE TO CARE FOR MYSELF.

I WENT G2, LUCKYS, HM, MLIB, ST. J LUNCH.

NO WONDER I'M FEELING TIRED. 

GLORIOUS SUNNY PERFECTION

I'VE BEEN RUMINATING GENTLY.  I WENT TO WMART, ZERO, FOR WIPER BLADES.  FOOD ONLY.  SO I'LL LOOK AT TARGET.  I COULD ALWAYS HAVE THEM DELIVERED.

I WANT A NEW BATTERY FOR MY PHONE.  IT'S TIME. 

I STARTED CLEARING MY CAR.  I HAD A DREAM A WAS SPYING LIKE SHE DOES.  TWO WEEKS BACK I CAME HOME AND THE FRONT DOOR LOCK BECAME STICKY.  I'VE NOTICED BEFORE SOME TAMPERING WITH THE FRONT DOOR.  SOME MORNINGS THE FRONT DOOR HASN'T BEEN COMPLETELY CLOSED.  MAKES ME FEEL SAD. 

I STARTED REVIEWING THE PARR PAPERS AND SHE EMBEZZLED $120,000 FOR THEIR KIDS.  OH, WELL.  I WONDER IF SHE GAVE THEM ANY MONEY OR IT'S JUST WHAT SHE WANTS TO BELIEVE. 

NEW GIRL

YES I AM. 

T WANTED ME TO SEE THE CAR-GREG'S NEIGHBOR CURTIS-SO I MET HIM AT 2:30.  IN FACT HE GOT THERE WHEN I DID.  I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE THE HOUSE WITHOUT THE JEEP. 

SO I LOOKED AT IT.  THEY WANT TO MAKE IT SOOOOO COMPLICATED.  ALL HE NEEDS IS THE DEATH CERTIFICATE TO THE DMV TO CHANGE TITLE. 

OH.  I HAVE TO GO DMV TO GET ONE FOR MINE. 

YYY

THAT WAS ON THE CAR LICENSE PLATE IN FRONT OF ME AS I DROVE THRU 3 GREEN LIGHTS IN A ROW.  REMINDED OF MOMMA'S DAY.  DRIVING 20 MILES OF GREEN LIGHTS SAN TOMAS EXPRESSWAY. 

TODAY DW COURAGE.  AND AS RAIN IS FORECAST AND I KNOW THE TOPPER SCOTT ADDED TO DAD'S SKYLIGHT IS TOO BIG AND ALLOWS H2O TO BLOW INTO THE SHAFT I'M PRAYING.  HE CHARGED ME $500 FOR THE JOB.  HALF FOR THE TOP AND HALF LABOR.  BAD KARMA.

HHWW.  TYGJ FOR MY BLESSINGS.

I KNOW WHY WE AGE AND BECOME FEEBLE IN SOME CASES.  AN OPPORTUNITY FOR COMMUNITY.  FOR SOME TO RECEIVE AND SOME TO GIVE HELP.

LIVING THE DREAM

MY DREAMS ARE MODEST AND PEACEFUL AND CALM.

KOREAN MARKET

I WENT SRS, ST J, WALG CIGS, SUSHI&FISH&ARARE.  THEY DON'T TAKE PLASTIC AGAIN SO I PAID CASH.  AND I DIDN'T MIND.

I ATE AN ENTIRE 3 OZ BAG AS MY DESSERT.  SOO GOOD.  AND TODAY I FEEL GOOD.

I BIKED MY AFTERNOON W/ MILL&JEO. 

AND 2015 THE STORMS AVOIDED THE SOUTH SO WHO KNOWS?

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

I TALKED TO AN ORIGINAL MONK.  NO RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION.  FORMER AEROSPACE ENGINEER.  BING WAS ORIGINALLY FROM CHINA, WENT TO CANADA AND DIDN'T FIND WORK IN HIS FIELD.  AT 44 HE FOUND HIS CALLING OF TRAVELING ALL CONTINENTS WITHOUT MONEY ASKING FOR ONLY FOOD AND WATER.  HE STARTED AT 45 AND HAS BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR 11 MONTHS NOW.  46.

AND I FEEL BETTER FOR MEETING HIM.  HIS TASK IS SO MUCH HARDER, LONELIER THAN MINE. 

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SV SENIOR CENTER AND LISTENED TO STANFORD MEDICARE.  AND LOOKED AROUND THE CITY HALL.  SO DIFFERENT FROM WHEN I WAS THERE FOR VOTER TRAINING.  THE TALL CEILINGS LEAD ME TO WONDER WHY.  IT'S NEWER, SHINIER AND SMALLER.  SO MUCH IS FLASH.  AND THE DYED WATER IN THE PONDS AND FOUNTAINS MAKE ME WONDER WHAT THE CHEMICALS ARE.  THE AIR CONDITIONING WAS GOOD.  I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS 90o. 

I STOPPED AT WOLFE MARKET FOR RED POTATOES 69c.  COOKED THEM, HEATED LENTILS AND ATE LIKE A QUEEN.

TYGJ.

ST. J

LAST NITE I FELT AMBITIOUS AND MOVED THE DVD PLAYERS.  AND THEN I WAS WIRED AND DIDN'T SLEEP 'TIL 12:30, AWOKE AT 5:30 AND IGNORED CH5 AM AND WATCHED DVDS SOME MORE. 

G2, LUCKY'S, HOME WITH SALADS, GRAPEFRUIT DRINKS.  3X POINTS.  SET FOR THE WEEK.

WENT TO ST. J AND 3 SILVER STONES BRACELETS /$6, AMETHYST, BLUE ZIRCON, WHITE.  BETTER THAN MOM/DAD BDAY PRESENT 1989.  MORE TREASURES.

TOMAS CALLED RE EMAIL OF CAR IN GARAGE.  FOR SALE 2007 YARIS SEDAN 7K MI.  MAYBE $3K NEEDS SMOG/REGISTRATION.

FINALLY

I WENT TO VV AFTER A UPSY DAISY NIGHT.  FREE STUFF:  2 DREAM CATCHERS, PLASTIC STAND.  SPARKLE JEANS.50, 2 ROCK NECKLACES, SILVER COWBOY BOOT EARRINGS .25, THE ROWELS SPIN AND APPEARS TO HAVE YELLOW AND ROSE GOLD DECORATIONS.   

AND CAME ON TO SRS FOR WHEEL AND FINALLY FOUND A WEBSITE FOR ANSWERS.  I GOT DISTRACTED AT THE END AND WATCHED PBS ON BOOT MAKING BY HAND.  $1200+. 

YARD SALE; CAMPBELL SOUP SILVER WARE $5 SET, SPOON FORK KNIFE.

AND DRY SKIES FOR THE NEXT WEEK.

SAVERS HAS A 40% SALE MONDAY AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO. 

THANK YOU GJ.

DOWNPOUR

@12:26 FOR MAYBE 20 MIN.

AND I'M OK.  THE WIND WAS NW.  THE HOUSE IS OK.

AND I FINALLY FIGURED THE SOUTH SIDE IS THE LOWEST PART OF THE TOPPER.  AND IT ISN'T SNUG SO IT DOESN'T FIT.  THE RAIN CAN PUSH UP UNDER THE LID.

letting go of dad

I HAVE SO MANY REPLACEMENTS. 

INTO EACH LIFE.  I'M RESIGNED TODAY.  NOT HAPPY.  NOT TOO DEPRESSED.  DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

DISCOVER, WMART, PGE.

WHEN WILL IT END

THIS WEEK RAIN IS FORECAST AND THE DEPRESSION CONTINUES. 

AT LEAST I'M CLEAR THAT IT'S A FLASHBACK TO DAD'S SERIAL CRISES. 

EVERY EPISODE I HOPED WAS THE TURNING POINT WHERE HE'D LEARN TO DO BETTER AND BE BETTER BUT I WAS SO DEEPLY IN DENIAL I COULDN'T SEE I WAS IN DENIAL.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW I'M IN DENIAL?  DOES DENIAL PRECLUDE KNOWING?

SO HE DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH HIM.  WHAT ELSE COULD I DO, ABANDON HIM LIKE MY SISTERS?  I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.  I KNOW THEIR FATES.  I WANT HAPPINESS.  HEAVEN IS POSSIBLE.  I'VE LIVED IN HELL.

HE ABANDONED MOM.  SHE NEVER RECOVERED.

I'M RECOVERING.

FEELS SO WEIRD

TO DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT.  I PUZZLED UNTIL 9, I ATE AN APPLE AND ORGANIZED MY BAG WHILE WAITING FOR COMPUTER ROOM TO OPEN.  THEN I WHEEL'D, SOAKED, REMEMBERED PAY CON CELL WHEN I PUT WET THINGS IN CAR TO DRY, LUNCHED WITH LADIES, BIKED FOR 1 1/2HRS WHILE WATCHING TV.  HEAVEN.

AND NOW MY SNACK.  MY BACK IS STILL SLOWLY IMPROVING.

TYGJ.

I LOOKED IT UP

ONE WHO FATHS?

AND IT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW.  CIRCULAR DEFINITION. 

I'M HERE AT SV TO RETURN DVDS.  I FORGOT YESTERDAY.

THIS 9AM I CALLED SCOTT/SKYLIGHT AND HAVEN'T HEARD A PEEP.  PEEEEP.

I WATCHED xXx  AT SRS.  AND JEO WHILE BIKING.  AND HAD THE FIRST TOTALLY NORMAL BM IN NO IDEA. 

SATURDAY NIGHT I HAD EXCRUCIATING STOMACHE.  I HAD TO GET GRAPEFRUIT DRINK TO GET BACK TO SLEEP.  IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE TWO STAN'S DOUGHNUTS.

SUNDAY T CALLED AND TOOK ME TO PHO AND I HAD RICE AND I'M BETTER.  I ALSO WORE TWO BELTS UNTIL BED.

WHAT NEXT?

I'VE BEEN CLEANING UP MY EMAILS.  WHEW! A LOT OF THEM.  SO THIS AM YAHOO WANTED CONFIRMATION I'M ME.

I'M STILL ME.

still FATH

I'LL HAVE TO LOOK THAT UP.

FAITH!

FREUDIAN SLIP.  I TYPED FATH.  I FORGOT THE I.  I SENT IN PRAYER FOR THE SKYLITE AND I HAVE TO LET IT GO AND DO IT'S JOB.  ANOTHER TEST.

THE FIRES UP NORTH, NAPA, SONOMA MENDICINO COUNTIES ARE OVERWHELMING THE SOUTH BAY.  THE SMELL AND ASH.  I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO CHECK AIR FILTER.

I LEFT A DVD IN THE SR COMPUTER AND IT WAS HERE.  I TOOK BACK A BUNCH AND TEDDY BEAR DIDN'T REGISTER RETURN SO I ASKED AT DESK.  I CAME BACK AFTER WATCHING IT YESTERDAY.  TODAY I WATCHED STAR TREK BEYOND.  I LIKE WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED. 

DREAMS

LAST NITE I LOOKED FOR AND FOUND THE LIB WODEHOUSE BOOK.  I'M DOING OK.  I'VE DONE BETTER AND I WILL AGAIN.

I ATE TOO MUCH AND AWOKE @ 2:30.  I WATCHED SNATCHED.  SO GROSS.  THE GOOD PART WAS LADIES.  EQUALITY.  OF A SORTS.  AMY SCHUMER, GOLDIE HAWN LOOKING LIKE A FROG.

NAPPED 5-6.  STARTED BIO/ANTHRO DVD.  IT'S OK.

DREAMED I LEFT T SHOWERING AND DROVE INTO HURRICANE CALMLY AND RESOLUTELY.  HUH.

I'M GROWING

MY HOROSCOPE CAUTIONED AGAINST GETTING FAT.  TOO LATE.  I LIKE THE NEW ME.  AFTER A LIFETIME OF SKINNY POPO I'M FEELING REFRESHED.  I LIKE BEING THE RUBENS WOMAN.  A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE.

I FOUND A PHONE CHARGER AT SRS.  I HOPE IT'S WELSUN'S.  SERVE HIM RIGHT AFTER SHORTING MINE. 

ST. J. HAD CLOTHES HALF OFF.  I WAS HOPING FOR THE SHIRTS TO EXERCISE IN.  I FOUND 2 AND A TANK AND FABRIC FOR INSOLES. 

NOW I HAVE TO WASH ALL THE CLOTHES.  MAYBE TOMORROW. 

I'M NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THE ROOF.  DIVINE ORDER. 

WORRYING IS SUFFERING TWICE.

somewhat disconcerting

TODAY MY SVLIB ACCOUNT SAID I OWED 1.20 FROM APRIL.  SO WHY DIDN'T IT SHOW UP LAST WEEK?  SO I PAID IT ON DISCOVER.  WEIRD. 

I DULY WENT AND EXERCISED HALF HOUR.  WALKED THE SV CITY HALL CLOSED.  FOUND ABANDONED STARWARS TEE AND BLACK LEVIS.  BUT THE LIB IS OPEN.  WEIRD.

I CAME TO BRING BACK THE CRAFT BOOKS.  ZERO.  AND PICK UP ANOTHER WODEHOUSE.  SO ZANY.

I'VE BEEN SOOO HUNGRY.  AND I HAVE SOOO MUCH FOOD.  I MAY TAKE TIME OFF FROM SRS TO EAT IT. 

THE SVLIB HAS A GUESS THE WEIGHT OF THE PUMPKIN.  THE PRIZE IS THE PUMPKIN.

 

LLA

LONG, LONG AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY.... I WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.  THIS AM AT G2 I WAS WATCHING STAR WARS 3.  HOW ANAKIN BECOMES DARTH.  AND THEN IT SEGUED INTO 4.  I SAW THE ORIGINAL BACK WHEN.  AND I AM AMAZED AT MYSELF. 

I WENT TO LUCKYS FOR PAPER, VEGS AND CONSIDERED RETURNING PEANUTS BUT I'M WORTH IT.  MAYBE TOMORROW. 

I FELT VERY TIRED AND CONSIDERED NOT GOING TO ST. J. BUT THEN I HAVE TOMORROW TOO.  AND I SAW LUCELINA.  LUNCH WAS CHICKEN BREAST, SALAD, ROLLS THAT TASTE SO MUCH BETTER BAKED, RICE AND GRAVY.  I GOT 3 ICE CREAM CUPS THAT MAGICALLY APPEARED.  I FORGOT THEM ON THE PORCH.  I'M JUST NOT AN ICE CREAM PERSON.

WHAT TO DO FOR DINNER?  I LIKE THAT.  MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS WHAT TO HAVE FOR DINNER.    HURRAY!!  REAL PROGRESS.

I HAD ALREADY NUKED BACON FLAVORED PORK CHOPS.  SOOO GOOD.  I COOKED THE VEGS W/ ORANGE SAUCE.  YUMMM.....

THE HUNGER MUST BE THE HEALING.  MORE MATERIAL TO REMODEL. 

I GOT IN ! ! !

I HAD A GREAT DAY YESTERDAY AND IT'S GOING GOOD SO FAR TODAY.  I DECIDED TO COME TO SUNNYVALE TO EXERCISE AND COMPUTE.  MAINLIB HAS COMIC CON TODAY SO NO PARKING.  AND ST. J. IS SELLING PARKING. 

YESTERDAY WITH THE LUNCH LADIES WAS RELAXED AND ENJOYABLE.  I MIGHT MAKE IT PERMANENT.  HURRAH!!  NOT HURRY.  HUH.  I WENT ST. J. AND MAIN LIBRARY.  A GOOD WEEK.  A RELAXED WEEK AND I HAVEN'T MISPLACED ANYTHING.  EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE.  AS I PREFER IT AT THIS POINT.

TOMORROW IS ST. J. SENIOR LUNCH. 

IT SEEMS SV IS OPEN MONDAY.  NO COLUMBUS HOLIDAY.  SO I CAN DO MY REGULAR ROUTINE HERE. 


AND I MANAGED TO GET INTO MY MAIL.  WINNER!!

LUNCH LADIES

TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS I'M SO MUCH HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER LUNCHING W/THE LADIES; INGA, GERTA, ROSE MARIE.  NO JT-DAD HAS MADE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE TO MY ATTITUDE.  AND MY DIGESTION.  ARMANDO HAS BEEN SICK.  HE SITS NEXT TO JT.  I DON'T KNOW WHY HELENE GOES ALONG WITH JT.  SHE COMPLAINS BEHIND HIS BACK AND YET ACTS INTERESTED IN HIS INSANITY.  SHE MUST BE CRAZY.

I'VE BEEN DOING WHAT I WANT PRETTY MUCH WHEN I WANT.  I FOUND SOME HALLOWEEN STICKERS AT ST. J TO SEND TO AUNTY TOMIE. 

AND THE LADIES HAVE BEEN GIVING ME EXTRA LEFTOVERS FROM LUNCH.  RICE-A-RONI AND CARROTS TODAY.  TUESDAY; PASTA AND PORK CHOP.  PETER GAVE ME SALAD.  HE OFFERED ME FISH AND COLESLAW TODAY BUT I HAD HIM ASK HELENE FIRST, SHE IS A JEALOUS GOD AND I DON'T WANT EITHER OF US IN TROUBLE. 

I'M FEELING HAPPY.  AND ANXIOUS ABOUT FEELING SO HAPPY.  RETRAINING OLD RESPONSES.

2 NEW

I DECIDED NOT TO GO TO SAVERS AND NOT TO GO TO MISSCU.  I AM AT MLIB WATCHING COLOSSAL, A VERY WEIRD DVD.  I DON'T KNOW HOW ORIGINAL IT IS.  IT REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I CAN'T QUITE RECALL.  VERY DARK. 

OH, WELL.

THE GALS GAVE ME EXTRA NOODLES, PORK CHOP, SALAD, MANDARIN.  YUM.  AND LAST NIGHT I MADE PF CHANG MICRO.  I'M SET.

I STILL HAVE THAT SENSE OF DOOM.  OH, WELL.

NEW-3

I'M FEELING NEW.  3X.  I WENT TO CAREMORE'S 25TH ANNIVERSARY 9-10, 10-11.

I JUST NEEDED SOME REASSURANCE.  I GOT A PACKET STATING CAREMORE JOINED ANTHEM BLUE CROSS.

WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW TIL TODAY, CAREMORE HAS BEEN ANTHEM SINCE 2011.

THE SAME BENEFITS AND I GOT TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE.  I HAVEN'T BEEN TO MARRIOT SINCE THE PARKING WAS FREE.  PARKING VALIDATION=$12.  PAIR OF SOX.  MELON, PINEAPPLE, MUFFIN, LOTS OF JUICE, DECAF FOR ME. 

I GO TO SRS AFTER 11:30, FOUND EZ PARKING HAD LUNCH AND HERE I AM. 

commitments

I DON'T KNOW WHY I FEEL OBLIGATED TO SUPPORT T.  HABIT I GUESS.  I'M TRAINED TO HELP. 

I DON'T KNOW.

MINE ALL MINE

DW-PROSPERITY

I NOW KNOW WHERE TAB BUTTON GOES.  TO PUBLISH, SAVE, PREVIEW.  I DIDN'T WANT IT TO CLOSE.

YESTERDAY'S ENERGY WAS MINE.   TODAY I FEEL SOOOO DIFFERENT.

EMAIL MYSTERY STARTED WITH YAHOO SAYING DUE TO UNUSUAL ACTIVITY I HAD TO USE EXALTED TO PROVE MYSELF.

THE CONTINUED TROUBLE WITH YAHOO MAIL WAS PARTLY MY DOING.  IT DIDN'T WANT TO LET ME INTO SIMPLY AND THEN EXALTED; AND I HAD FLASHBACKS OF THE LAST TIME IT HAPPENED THAT WASN'T MY FAULT AT ALL.  I FORGOT MY PASSWORD TO EXALTED.  THEN I WENT REVSUSAN AND STRAIGHTENED THAT OUT.

AND THEN I GOT INTO SIMPLY NO PROBLEM.  GO FIGURE. 

ROSE MARIE GAVE ME COMPLETE NICE PAPER. 
 

WEIRD ENERGY

AND IT'S MINE ALL MINE; OR IS IT????

EVILSIS STOLE MY SUPPS LAST FRI.  FIRST I NOTICED THE FRONT DOOR STUCK AND THEN SUNDAY MY FISH OIL WAS MISSING.  SO SUNDAY I WENT $V AFTER G2.

AND TODAY I'M HAVING TROUBLE WITH EMAILS. 

I JUST NOTICED EVILSIS / ELVIS.

THE WAY MY BRAIN TRACKS.

MY DREAM THIS AM @ MLIB AND PAYING $100 FOR STUFF.  $10 WORTH OF COPIES.

DEFINITELY WINNER

I ACKNOWLEDGE MY ENNUI IS CYCLICAL.  OH WELL.  INSTEAD OF INTERFERING I SHALL ALLOW MY ENNUI TO PLAY OUT, RUN ITS COURSE AND SEE.


I'M AT THE MLIB.  I PUZZLED UNTIL 4PM-87o DAY.  I'M STAYING COOL.  YESTERDAY I ATE A BURGER W/RED CLOVER SPROUTS.  THEY WERE LUCKY'S MGR SPECIAL SUNDAY.  AND HEALING.  DETOX.  ALSO VERY GOOD.  I CAN HAVE THE SAME TODAY.  I CAN HAVE ANYTHING I WANT.  WHEN I HAVE WHAT I WANT I DON'T GRAZE.  I STOP EATING.  NO NEED TO SEEK MORE.

I STOPPED AT THE FRONT TABLE TO ENQUIRE AND READ A SHORT SURVEY.  IN RETURN I GOT A METAL H2O BOTTLE AND WALLET.

I CONSIDERED GOING TO CAMPBELLIB AND RESTED INSTEAD.  SO MUCH BETTER THAN FORCING MYSELF.  THE NEW ME.  I'VE RELEASED THE FAMILY ABUSE.  I CAN GO TOMORROW OR THURSDAY. 

HURRAY!!

BIRTH BLUES?

THE END/BEGINNING OF THE MONTH I GET SAD.  BECAUSE I WAS BORN?  I ONLY KNOW MY BODY REACTS WITH DREAD. 

ALL MEMORY IS BODY MEMORY.  SOME CONSCIOUS-TRIVIA-FACTS.  MOST AMBULATORY.  MOST MEMORY IS SET IN THE MUSCLES FOR SURVIVAL.  WE CAN REACT VISCERALLY FASTER THAN A THOUGHT.  (WOW, I CHECKED SPELLING AND I DID IT ALL RIGHT.  GOOD GUESSING.) 

I HAVE NO CONSCIOUS REASON FOR DREAD AND YET I FEEL.

ADULT ENNUI

I'M FEELING ENNUI.  AND I NEED TO CHANGE IT TO PEACE OR I'M CREATING UNCONSCIOUS DRAMA. 

GRATITUDE IS GOOD.

I SAW A WOMAN FIND A QUARTER SECONDS BEFORE ME AND I HAD TO DISCIPLINE MY SELF TO BLESS HER.  IT'S ALL GOOD. 

IT'S WORKING

SO FAR SO GOOD.

ELECTRIC

I FEEL ELECTRIC, I SING THE BODY ELECTRIC.  SONG IS THE ULTIMATE VIBRATION.  MUSIC IS THE RECOGNITION THAT ELECTRONS ARE IN CONSTANT MOTION.  THAT THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS IN PERPETUAL MOTION.

RUNNING

RUNNING AWAY IS RUNNING TOWARDS SOMETHING ELSE, HOPEFULLY BETTER.

I DECIDED AFTER TALKING TO T TO GO WITH SCOTT-THE DEVIL I KNOW.  I ALREADY KNOW HE DIDN'T DO THE JOB RIGHT THE FIRST $500 OR SECOND TIME.  T THINKS THIRD TIME AND $1K WILL DO THE TRICK.  HE'S KICKING IN HIS FEE. 

I CAN GO TO CAMPBELL TODAY.  I GUESS I WILL.  YESTERDAY I WENT TO COSTCO AND NO CHERRIES SO I GOT SLICED ALMONDS $3.53/LB AND WALNUTS FOR SURE NO BUGS.  I THOUGHT THEY GOT IN BUT MORE LIKELY I BOUGHT THEM WITH BUGS FROM BINS.

SO I WILL BUY SEALED BAGS FROM NOW ON.  NO MORE.

I'M FEELING BETTER NOW THAN 2:47 THIS AM.  DAD'S ANXIETY.  MOM ALWAYS SAYING THEY DIDN'T WANT TO BE A BURDEN AND ALWAYS DOING LIFE THE HARD BURDENSOME WAY.  DAD SO LAZY.  I SUPPOSE THE REASON I LIKE BEING ME FREE TO CHOOSE WHAT AND WHO I WANT TO BE.  I KNOW THE OUTCOME OF SLOTH.  A DEADLY SIN AND BOY IS THAT ACCURATE.  INACTIVITY LEADS TO A SLOW PAINFILLED DEATH.  UNHAPPINESS.  OUR BODIES ARE DESIGNED TO MOVE. 

OR WE WOULD BE BOULDERS.

SCOTT-TU 9/19

CALLED HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE HIS NO MS LAST FRI.  HIS IDEA FOR FIX  ESTIMATE:NEW FLASHING AROUND BASE 2X4'S $1K.  HE HAS NO IDEA HOW TALL THE COVER IS.  HE SAID IT'S STANDARD HEIGHT WHATEVER THAT IS.  I CALLED AND LEFT MS WITH VALERI SUNLIGHT CONCEPTS "LET US LIGHT YOUR LIFE."  I WANT TO GO CHECK OUT SHOWROOM 1130 WALSH.

MY STOMACHE.  STINKYSMELLYMAN WATCHING ALINA QUEST FOR MUSCLE.  CARTOON NUDE.  WELL NAMED.

HAPPY THURSDAY TO ME

I ATE WITH THE LADIES TWO DAYS.  I AVOIDED JT!!!  HURRAY!!!!

I FEEL CAPABLE AND A TINY BIT APPREHENSIVE.  I'M NOT USED TO BEING HAPPY WITHOUT THE FAMILY PUNISHING ME AND THE LEARNED BEHAVIOR.

IF I WANT A DIFFERENT LIFE I HAVE TO LIVE A DIFFERENT LIFE.

MY ATTITUDE MUST EVOLVE FOR MY LIFE TO EVOLVE.

FREE-DW

JEANIE'S CHICK SAND CHEERED ME UP IMMENSLY.  I SLEPT 7 HALF LAST NIGHT.  SO I FEEL BALANCED. 

I GUESS MY SACRED CONTRACT IS TO CONTINUE TO LOVE DESPITE BETRAYAL.

YESTERDAY WAS MY FIRST DAY NO JT.  NO DAD REPLICAN'T.  CANT IS RIGHT.  AND TODAY KIMO IS MISSING.  ANOTHER REPLICAN'T.

TYGJ.

SO TROPICAL

I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO AUNTY.  THE WEATHER HERE IS SUMMER IN HAWAII.

AND I'M OK DESPITE THE RAIN, THUNDER, LIGHTNING.  LIGHTENING. 

I'M DOING NEW BEHAVIORS.  NO HOT TUB, PADDLE POOL.  TAKING MY TIME.  NO ANXIETY.  I DON'T KNOW.

9/11/2001

I AWOKE FEELING SAD AND REMEMBERING HOW GLAD I WAS MOM HAD DIED 5/13/2001 SO SHE DIDN'T HAVE TO FEEL THE SADNESS.  ONE MORE PAIN AVOIDED.  I NEVER TOLD OF A'S MANY BETRAYALS BECAUSE I KNEW THEY WOULD HURT MOM AND SATISFY A, REVELLING IN OTHER PEOPLE'S PAIN.  PROBABLY THE PSYCHO IN HER. 

THERE ARE PROBABLY A LOT OF PSYCHOS WHO HAD A BETTER UPBRINGING AND NEVER NEEDED TO ACT OUT.  SHE WASN'T ONE OF THEM.  THEY'RE BASICALLY COWARDS.

I JUST REALIZED THREE BIG HITS:  DAD DIED, MOM DIED, 9/11.

AND THE HELLISH YEAR BEFORE DAD DIED.  WHEW!  I SURVIVED A MAJOR STREAK OF DISASTERS. 

AGAIN

I FELL ASLEEP 1030 AND AWOKE 1130 DREAM: WITH A BANK TELLER NOT CHANGING MY DEPOSIT AS CASH ADVANCE.  I WAS ANGRY AND REFUSING TO LEAVE BANK UNTIL VIDEO REVIEWED AND DEPOSIT REINSTATED. 

SO I FINALLY FELL BACK ASLEEP AT 1-630 AFTER REALIZING EVERYONE I'VE BEEN INVOLVED WITH HAS BETRAYED ME.  ALL OF THEM.  THE LESSON IS LOVE.  TO LOVE THE BETRAYERS.

AND I WENT TO G2, B-KING FOR hungry/susan, LUCKY'S SALADS AND DINNER.  I HAVE A PLAN.  I took my time watching tv. 

IT'S FORECAST TO RAIN TUESDAY.  WE'LL SEE.  I WROTE SILENT UNITY. 

TYGJ I WON BINGO.  JOHN'S GF, JUNE AND THEN ME.  ALL AT THE TABLE.  I WAS INCLUDED.  TYGJ.

I INVITED THE NEXT TABLE TO JOIN US.  THEY STARTED WINNING. 

SATURDAY HIJINKS

I DON'T CARE.  I'M FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE HOUSE I NEVER FELT WAS MY HOME.

I WAS NEVER MADE WELCOME BY MY FAMILY.  I WAS TREATED WITH DISDAIN, HATRED, VINDICTIVENESS FOR NO REASON.  THE HUMANIMALS IN MY FAMILY WENT BEYOND REASON TO PUNISH ME FOR THEIR FAILURES. 

I WAS CRITICIZED AS HAVING IT TOO EASY AND THEY MADE SURE I SUFFERED FOR THEIR MISTAKES. 

NO MORE. 

THEIR INFLUENCE HAS EVAPORATED AS THE MOISTURE IN THE AIR. 

I AM FREE.

chance of rain

I'M HANGING IN HERE.  TOMORROW CLOSED ADMISSION DAY SO I'LL GO 24. 

TUESDAY DW RELAX IS GOOD.  I HAVEN'T DEPOSITED CU YET.  I WALKED OVER AND THURS OPEN 10 AM.  I WAS HALF HOUR EARLY SO I CAME BACK TO SRS.  AND I'M OK WITH THAT. 

HAVING DELEGATED THE REPAIR TO T HAS RELIEVED ME IMMENSLY.  I CAN SPEND ALL MY MONEY AND THEN I'M DONE. 

I'M DOING WHAT I CAN.  INDIAN SU ASKED ME FOR GUAVAS.  SHE SAID YESTERDAY SHE WAS BRINGING ME PINK GUAVA.  YEAH RIGHT.  NOTHING AND SHE HAS THE GALL TO ASK TODAY LIKE I'M A BIG IDIOT.  BULL****.  FULL OF IT. 

BETTER TODAY

T PICKED ME UP AT SRS 2:30 FOR EARLY DINNER W/D.  WE PICKED HER UP AND THEN CAME BACK TO PANERA.  GO FIGURE; 3MI, BACK AND SRS AGAIN.  MY TURKEY-AVOCADO-BACON SAND AND CAESARS WAS GREAT.  THE BREAD IS SO FRESH.  TWO BAGS OF CHIPS, HE GAVE ME HIS FEELING GUILTY; LENNY AND GIRL ARE HERE.

D BOUGHT ME GUILT CHERRY BAGEL, DELICIOUS, THE BEST BAGEL. 

THIS AM JEANIE GAVE ME TUNA, I GAVE HER BAG OF AVOS AND GUAVA TO DO WITH AS SHE PLEASES.  WHEW!!  SO MANY.  I PICKED UP YESTERDAY AND STILL THIS AM A LOT.

EVEN WITH THE RAIN.  AND IT MAY SPRINKLE LATER.

OH, WELL.  TYGJ.

BACKTOSRSTUB

TODAY IS 18th DAD DDAY.  AND I'M FEELING IT.  I FEEL SAD AND TIRED.  I SUPPOSE IT'S OK.  COULD BE BETTER. 

I WENT COSTCO GAS AND THOUGHT ABOUT RECYCLE AND DECIDED TO BE GENTLE W/MYSELF.  I ALWAYS HAVE TOMORROW.

AVOIDED LOCKING MYSELF OUT OF CAR.  I HAVE TO GO BACK TO CSAA FOR DISCOUNTS ON CAR INSURANCE.  THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY.  IT'S JUMPED $150 IN TWO YEARS.  DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT. 

7&8th HOT TUB-LABOR DAY1-5

I'M EXHAUSTED DRIVING TO 24 AND THEN MY DAY.  IT ADDS AT LEAST 5 MI PER DAY. 

YESTERDAY MLIB I PARKED OUTSIDE SO I COULD SEE IF ST J WAS OPEN.  NOT.

TODAY IS SAVERS SALE BUT I'M SO SLEEPY.  IT WAS SO HOT LAST NIGHT AND THE WIND BLEW AND WOKE ME.  I THOUGHT IT WAS CRITTERS.  TOOK ME 2 AND HALF HOURS TO CALM MYSELF.  SPLIT SHIFT SLEEP IS TIRING.  AND THE STICKY SWEATY HEAT. 

AND I'M WORRYING IT'S SPRINKLING ALREADY.  SO I'M SUFFERING TWICE.

T CALLED AT 10 AS I WAS LEAVING G1.  I'M EXERCISING EVERY DAY. 

AND MLIB IS OPEN BECUZ OF THE HEAT EVEN WITH THE HOLIDAY. 

I FINISHED READING ZOOKEEPER'S WIFE AND DISTANT VIEW.  I LOVE READING THE BEST.

I HAVE DVDS TO WATCH FOR THE NEXT 2.5 HRS.

TYGJ

6th DAY INDECISION 100+

DRIVING TO THE HOT TUB IS TIRING ESPECIALLY WITH 100o HEAT.  I'M FEELING THE EFFORT.  YESTERDAY AND TODAY I'M AT THE MLIB.  I WAS UNDECIDED.  I THOUGHT I MIGHT GO TO NORTHSIDE WITH THE COVERED PARKING AND LUNCH AT RED ROBIN.  SUCH A DRIVE.  I CONSIDERED IT LAST NITE FOR DINNER BUT TRAFFIC DETERRED ME. 

I AWOKE 3:30, ATE OATMEAL W/WALNUTS&DRIED CHERRIES @ 5.  SO I WENT TO G1 AND WAS VERY HUNGRY AT 9.  I DECIDED BKING 2 CHEESEBURGER SPECIAL.  THEN PO TO MAIL LIFE INS.  ST J CLOSED.  AWWW.  AND HERE I AM.  READY FOR A NAP. 

I THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO WAIT TIL THE PARKING GARAGE OPENED BUT THEY WERE OPEN AT 9:45.  SO PERFECT.

MAYBE MY INDECISION IS EXHAUSTION?

TYGJ

5th DAY 108o

OH, I THINK I HAVE GOUT.  GO-OUT.  MY LEFT FOOT IS SO PAINFILLED.  I THOUGHT IT WAS FROM THE THREE SPRAINS, ERIC RUNNING OVER MY HEEL, THE MOTORCYCLE FALLING ON IT, BUT IT COULD BE FROM EATING THE FUN FOODS. 

WE'LL SEE.

MY RIGHT FOOT IS BETTER TODAY AND MY SIT BONES HAVE BEEN TWINGEING.

SO WHO KNOWS?

4th DAY 90o

I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S BETTER OR I'M BECOMING USED TO IT.

THE THREE SPRAINS ON THE LEFT FOOT AND THE 2014 ON THE RIGHT MUST BE CORRECTING ITSELF. 

THAT'S ALL I CAN FIGURE.

DESPITE 90o HEAT.

3rd DAY

MY FEET ARE SOOOOOO SORE.  I HAVE TO WEAR THE ARCH SUPPORTS TO BARELY BE ABLE TO WALK.  LFT CALF IS BOUND.  RT IS SORE. 

REMINDS ME AT 21 AFTER THE FALL, MY FEET HURT.  ALL I COULD WEAR WAS ONE PAIR OF SANDALS.  I WORE SUPPORT HOSE TO KEEP MY LEGS FROM ACHING.  I WAS TAKING LOBSTER HOT BATHS 3 TIMES A DAY.  MY LEFT ARM ACHED TO THE POINT I KEPT IT IN A SLING FOR A WEEK.  AND THE MIGRAINE HEADACHES!!!

I'M SUFFERING AND IMPROVING. 

SRS MAINT.

YESTERDAY STARTED TUBBING AT 24.  G2 WILL CLOSE THUR AND I'LL GO TO G1. 
I STAYED IN AT SRS FROM THE HEAT.  RESTED.  SUNDAY I PICKED A GROCERY BAG FULL AVOCADOS.  WHEW!!  HARD WORK.  T SAID THE GIRLS WOULD BE AT D'S FOR CORN PANCAKES.  AND TODAY I PAY.  LAST NITE I AWOKE EVERY TWO HRS.  TODAY SUCH PAIN IN RT HIP, ACROSS BACK. 

OH, WELL.  SO I'M SLEEPY.  AFTER 24 TUB I'M SOMEWHAT BETTER.  I WAS NAUSEATED SO AT LUCKY'S I GOT GRAPEFRUIT AND CRACKERS. 

MY FEET HURT SOOOO BAD.

more anxiety

AND I DON'T WANT TO SMOKE TODAY.  SO WHAT DO I DO??

DW-FREE.  I ACCEPT.  FREE FROM BAD HABITS.  FREE FROM SELF SABOTAGE LOYALTY TO FAMILY.  FREE FROM ANXIETY.

I WENT G-ARQUES AT 7:30 AM, SAVERS.  I FOUND MY ONE AND ONLY MICHAEL KOORS TEE 6, CLOGS 6, FAN 3.2.  I USED MY ONE TIME 20 o/o OFF. 

I FOUND DIME, PENNY, NOW AT M-SRS TIGER GLIDER, NOTE CARDS.

AND NOW I'M HUNGRY.

THREE STRIKES; FORGOT TOWEL, FORGOT PURSE, STOOD AT DOOR AT SAVERS AND COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY IT WASN'T OPENING.  MAN PUSHES OPEN DOOR.  IT WASN'T AN AUTOMATIC DOOR.

PRE 9/5

I'M FEELING TIRED AND DRIVEN.  BY MY AXIETY.  AS DAD'S DEATHIVERSARY COMES UP. 

AA MANIPULATED DAD TO GOING TO ACCUPUNTURE AND CHIROPRACTOR BY TAKING MOM TO TAHOE.  MOM PAID FOR IT.  THEY KEPT IT SECRET FROM DAD AND ONLY TOLD ME TO NEENER.  SO I TOLD HIM AS SOON AS I COULD.  THEY WANTED ME TO BEAR THE BRUNT OF HIS WHINING AND CRYING ALONE.  NO WAY. 

SO HE WENT TO HER TORTURE AND DIED LIKE SHE WANTED, USING MIT AS HER STOOGE. 

WORTH IT

I'M WORTH HAVING FUN!!!

IT'S TAKEN DILIGENCE AND DEDICATION.

SO TIRED

I FELL ASLEEP 8:30, AWOKE 1P, 3BMP, 5 TO TURN OFF TV-DVD.  SOMETHINGS GOING ON WITHIN.  I THOUGHT IT WAS TOO MUCH CARBS BUT THE WEATHER SPEAKS OTHERWISE. 

IT'S STILL OVERCAST.  AND COOL. 

I'M CARRYING ON.

T-CALLED YSTRDY

I HAD CALLED HIM SAT FROM CAMBLIB AND REMEMBERED HE WAS PLAYING MUSIC.

I THOUGHT HE WAS RETURNING MY SATURDAY CALL BUT HIS RT RR WINDOW WAS SMASHED AT CVS WHILE HE WORKED.  HE DIDN'T MENTION UNTIL HANGING UP.

HE OFFERED POTATO OMELET SO I WENT TO SHOW SOLIDARITY.  HE GAVE ME RECYCLE.  I GAVE HIM ORANGES FROM LUNCH. 

HE MAKES LIFE COMPLICATED.

SUNDAY 13 I WENT G2, LUCKY'S 6 PENNIES, QUARTER IN SLOT. 

I'M FEELING BLESSED.  TYGJ

I WENT

TO $ANC THIS AM FOR LIGHTERS. I FOUND A WADDED $.  I GOT SALAD AND UNDIES.  THEN SRS.  REMEMBERED POPEYE'S CHICKEN $5. ON THE WAY A FREE DRAWERS.  AND ST JUST.  NOTHING.

NOT VERY RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT FEELING VERY ADULT WITH THE STRESS OF THE WEATHER.  IT'S VERY HUMID.

knowing

DOESN'T MAKE IT EASIER.  I STILL HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FEELINGS AND WAIT FOR THEM TO RUN THEIR COURSE.

GOT IT!!

I RETURNED SCOTT-CAL SKYLIGHT- CALL FROM 2:20PM YESTERDAY. 

SITTING THINKING, TALKING TO VERA I REALIZE THE NEVER ENDING REPAIR = DAD WITH A NEW CRISIS EVERY YEAR. 

OF COURSE I'M FEELING DEPRESSED, HOPELESS, HELPLESS, INCAPABLE.  HE DIED AFTER TORTURING MOM AND ME. 

I HAVE REASONS FOR FEELING DEPRESSED.  GOOD VALID REASONS. 

space saver

SATURNDAY- THE FREEDOM TO WRITE WHEN I WANT, WHAT I WANT. 

I REMEMBERED LAST MINUTE TO SAVE THE DAY SPACE.

DRAINED

OF ALL RESISTANCE.  realized the weather and my anxiety are about the 20 yrs of horror with the parents and the 10 with the sister/thieves. 

PERKS

PERQUISITES-I WENT TO ST J AND FEEL BETTER.

I WAS FEELING SO ANXIOUS.  I DON'T KNOW WHETHER FROM THE WEATHER EMINENT ECLIPSE OR ASPERGERS.  TODAY IS OVERCAST.  WONDER WHERE THE SECURITY GUARD IS?  WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER LAST VISIT AND HOW SHE PREFERS CLOUDY DAYS.  I HAVEN'T SEEN HER TODAY.  

AUGH!! DISTRACTED.  THAT'S DEFINITELY AUTISM. 

I FOUND 2 BOTTLES, 4 MARYS, PLASTIC STAND, PURSE MIRROR AND FEEL RICH. 

TU-8-1

A NEW MONTH AND A RENEWED ME. 

IT'S 90o AND I'M OK.  I DON'T EVEN NEED MY COWBOY AIR CONDITIONING.  I'M IN AWE. 

I DROVE TO SAVERS, SHOPPED FOR 2 HRS AND I'M STILL VERTICAL.  I'M SO GRATEFUL, TYGJ.

I'M GETTING MY APPETITE BACK.  AND I'VE DECIDED TO STOP SMOKING. 

IT'S PART OF MY PAST.  NOT HAVING HAD A CHOICE IN UTERO I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING FREE. 

RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS

HAVING KNOWN SINCE I WAS 16 HELPS. 

FEBRUARY 1967 DAD GOT MAD WHEN I HAD TO STUDY FOR A BIG TEST.  HE DECIDED HE WANTED HOT CHOCOLATE AND BUTTERED TOAST.  HE INSISTED I MAKE IT FOR HIM AND THAT I JOIN HIM.  WHEN I MADE THE SNACK AND WENT TO MY ROOM TO STUDY HE WENT BEHIND MY BACK PUTTING MY 10 GAL. AQUARIUM OUTSIDE IN FREEZING TEMPS TO KILL MY FISH.  THE ONLY PETS ALLOWED. 

THE NEXT MORNING WHEN I MISSED MY FISH I RETRIEVED THEM IN ICE COLD WATER AND SUFFERED BURNS.  I COULDN'T USE MY HANDS AND WENT TO MOM WHO COULDN'T HAVE CARED LESS AND SAID I HAD MY GRANDMA'S ARTHRITIS.

SHE ENCOURAGED HIM TO BE A BIG BABY AND HAD THE NERVE TO CONSTANTLY COMPLAIN.

SATURDAY SPACE SAVER

I LOVE BEING ABLE TO SET UP A SPACE FOR LATER.  SATURDAY I HAVE VALLEY VILLAGE RUMMAGE, FOUND YARD SALE @ ROSITA, ESTATE.  BUSY DAY. 

I DROVE AND DROVE.

I'M OK

I maxed out the number of videos at mlib. 

I WENT TO CAMPBLIB AND TJ'S.  83o AND I'M DOING OK. 

I YDWRKD, TUBBED, AND I'M DOING WELL.

I LIKE ME

I DON'T KNOW WHY SRS CONTINUE TO DRIVE.  I DON'T WANT TO ABUSE THE PRIVILEGE BUT I LOOK FORWARD TO SELFDRIVING CARS.  I THINK BEING CHAUFFERED IS THE HEIGHT OF FASHION.  IF I COULD FIND SOMEONE TO DRIVE ME WHEN AND WHERE I WANT I'D BE IN HEAVEN. 


MAYBE I NEED A MOPED.  CARS ARE JUST SO CUMBERSOME. 


I WATCHED PURPOSE OF A DOG AND CRIED.  IT WAS FORMULAIC IN PARTS AND THE ATTEMPTS AT HUMOR WERE JUVENILE BUT WHEN BAILEY IS RECOGNIZED FOR WHO HE IS, THAT'S WHAT I WANT. 


MOMMA-DELORISE LUCAS WAS THE ONLY ONE.  THEY STOLE THE PAPERWORK BUT SHE AND I KNOW. 

ST J SUNDAY

I WENT G2, SFWY PAPER, HOME.  MLIB, ST J SR LUNCH, I WON $1.50. I SPENT $2.73 FOR A PLEXI-FRAME AND SAND PLATES. 

I HAD A GOOD TIME EVEN WITH ALLERGIES.  I DIDN'T NEED COWBOY COOLERS.  EVEN THOUGH IT'S 88o. 

GROWING UP

I STOPPED AT $ANTA AND THE AUTISTIC MANCHILD WAS SO HAPPY.  MAYBE THAT'S WHAT AUTISM IS FOR. 

I GOT MY BBQ CHIPS.  I'M HAPPY. 

LEAP OF FAITH

TODAY'S DAILY WORD SAYS IT ALL.  I SLEPT 9-------6AM. 

AT SRS I WORKED ON GETTING ONLINE ON THE TOSHIBA AND MANAGED TO CONNECT MSN.  I COULDN'T LOCATE THE LIB.  AT LEAST I MANAGED TO GET ONLINE.  I USED THE HOTSPOT.  ON ASKING ABOUT BUYING ONE I FOUND OUT ONLY SERVICE PROVIDERS LIKE SPRINT, VERIZON SELL THEM WITH A TWO YR PLAN FOR INTERNET ACCESS. 

T CALLED AFTER LUNCH THINKING IT WAS CAMPBELLIB DAY.  NOT.  INVITED ME FOR SUPER BURRITO.  YUM.  I PICKED UP HOLDS.  PARKING AT CMPBLIB WAS BAD DUE TO MUSIC PROGRAM.  I'LL RETURN DVDS TOMORROW. 

IT WAS HEAVENLY TO TAKE MY TIME TO DO WHAT I WANTED. 

                                                              I AM.

I FORGIVE MYSELF AGAIN

I DID TOO MUCH AND SLEPT 9:30-1:30.  I WATCHED DVDS AND FELL ASLEEP UNTIL 6:30 SO MAYBE 6 HRS TOTAL. 

I'M GETTING GOOD AT FORGIVING MYSELF.  I PICKED UP THE IPAD @MLIB AND IT NEEDS CHARGING. 

YESTERDAY AT SAVERS THEY OVERCHARGED ME $2.18 AND REIMBURSED ME $1.27.  NO COMMENT.  OR RATHER I FORGIVE.  I DID GET AMAZING STUFF.  TWO BATHING-SKIRTS, $1.40 EA, 24K GOLD-PLATED/CRYTAL B-FLY$10, JEWELRY, SCRABBLE BOARD, GLASS JAR. 

CIGS-WALGREEN'S 4 @$4/PACK.

AND AT SPROUTS 5 BOXES OAT-CRANBERRY-ALMOND BARS $1/BOX.  AND PISTACHIOS $5.99/LB.  I'M REMINDED OF DANA CARVEY MASTER OF ILLUSION.  SO SILLY. 

TARGET-CAL PIZZA, CHOC, 2 PENCIL SHARPENERS.

I DO LOVE TO LAUGH.  HOW DO I TURN IT INTO $$$$?

I KNOW I CAN.  WATCHING MICHAEL KEATON IN THE FOUNDER-RAY KROC I'M CONVINCED I CAN FIND A WAY TO GET BIG MONEY LAUGHING ALL THE WAY EVERYWHERE.  HE STUDIED POWER OF POS-THINKING. 

JEANIE GAVE ME A TUNA SAND AND I SAT IN MY CAR IN THE UNDER GARAGE SPITTING THE ONIONS. 

MY LEGS ARE SO SORE SINCE MY MUSCLES UNBOUND.  I'M DOING MY STRETCHES RELIGIOUSLY. 

I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO TURN THE IPAD ON/OFF.  55% CHARGED.  SO MAYBE ANOTHER HALF HOUR.  NOPE 76%.

GETTING USED TO THE GOOD

I PUT SWEET PEA IN BIN 45 MIN, SRS, DECIDED ON SAVERS, THEN SPROUTS-PISTACHIO, WALGREENS-CIGS, HOME. 

I FEEL SOOOOOOOO GOOD.

FALLOUT ERIC'S MEMORIAL-SAT 15-2PM

I'M FEELING SAD AND TIRED.  IT WAS SOOO HOT.  I'M GLAD T INVITED HIMSELF.  I DROVE TO TJ AND HE DROVE FROM THERE.

IF I'D GONE ALONE THE DRIVE HOME WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH.  THE RECEPTION HAD NO AIR OR FANS.

YESTERDAY I DID MY GYM AND RESTED.  I'M STILL FEELING IT.  HOT AND TIRED.

TYGJ FOR THE TIME TO REST.

PACING

I'M RESTING MODE.  I DID YARDWORK 2 DAYS AND TODAY I GOT COSTCO.  I REMEMBERED.  I'M PULLING BITS AND PIECES OF MY SELF TOGETHER. 

BIT BY BIT I'M RE CREATING MY SELF.

I ALMOST BLEW IT BY TRYING TO DO 3 DAYS YARDWORK.  I'M SCREWING UP IN LITTLE WAYS.  FORGOT TOP B-SUIT, SPILLED COFFEE ON ME, TOOK 3 ATTEMPTS TO REMEMBER TO BLOG.

OH WELL.

I'M LEARNING.

I'M THE DECIDER

I LAUGHED WHEN BUSH JR SAID IT.  NOW I'M STILL LAUGHING.  IT'S SOMETHING MY TODDLER INNER CHILD SAYS.

EVEN THO' MY LIBRARY BOOK IS DUE I'M NOT GOING TO READ IT.  I'M GOING TO SAVERS TO REIMBURSE MY INNER CHILD FOR THE FAMILY STEALING AND DISSING ME.

4 BATHING SUIT SEPARATES, $8.40.  BEADS AND 2 ORGANIZERS $6.30. A GENTLEMAN ROCKHOUND WAS GOING TO BUY IT FOR SOMETHING AND DECIDED I COULD USE IT MORE SO HE GAVE IT UP.  PLUS MISC.

SOMETIMES THE UNPLANNED FOR IS GREATER THAN THE PRECEDING DISAPPOINTMENTS

HURRAY! TODDLER SUSAN!!!

TINY OBIT

SUNDAY'S PAPER HAD A TINY OBIT FOR ERIC 1-HALF BY 2-HALF.  NO MENTION HE OWNED AND MADE KARAOKE IN THE SOUTH BAY. 

OH WELL. 

SAT. 2pm ALMADEN UNITED METH CH-1200 BLOSSOM HILL RD.

I FEEL SAD HE STILL HASN'T GOTTEN THE RECOGNITION HE DESERVES.

CITY DUE 14th-LION=SHERU

SRS-I PUZZLED UNTIL 9, CALLED FROM BILLIARDS, FOUND H2o BOTTLE, AND PAID CITY 4, COUNT 'EM, 4 DAYS EARLY.

ONLY SLEPT 2 HRS.  YESTERDAY I PULLED WEEDS, TRIMMED HAIR, WENT CITIBANK PAID COSTCO, MARIA SFWY, G-2-SFWY,  WOLFE BAZAAR, LUCKY'S, COOKED TACOS AL PASTOR, POTATOES, PUT OUT GRN BINS, TIDIED.

AND I FEEL GOOD.  I WATCHED LION AND BEAUTY AND BEAST PRETTY GOOD.  VERY BEAUTIFUL.

READY PLAYER ONE DUE TODAY.  I'M ALMOST DONE.

LOTS-O-FUN/SR CTR

FRI 7/7/17
HOLDERS COUNTRY INN CALLED HAD SPECIAL CRAB MELT.  I DROVE FROM MLIB IN 90o HEAT AND YUM.  A STRAIGHT SHOT KIELY TO SARATOGA.

I THOUGHT THEY LEFT OUT THE FRIES SO I CALLED AND DECIDED TO GET ANOTHER ORDER AT 8:30PM  YUM.  NO FRIES, CLAM CHOWDER SUBSTITUTE.

AND EVEN THOUGH I WAS AT LIBRARY I FORGOT TO BLOG.

NOT OBSESSING, HURRAY!!

AND TODAY I WANT BK GRILLED H-DOG/FRIES.

90o NOON-I WENT TO BK AND GOT TWO.  I GOT TO LIB AT NOON.  LESS THAN 2 MILES.  GOT MY FAVORITE PKG SPOT.

I FEEL LIKE THE QUEEN OF HERE.

THIS WORLD

I'M CONCENTRATING ON WHAT I WANT TO SEE AND IT'S WORKING. 

SATURDAY I SRS; SUNDAY G-2, LUCKYS.

ICREATED A BOOK NOOK AND HAVE BEEN WATCHING DVDS AND READING AND PLANNING. 

TODAY I GOT SANDWICH FROM JEANNIE AND THE HEAVENS ARE THE LIMIT.

I MISPLACED AND FOUND LIB BOOK.  IT'S GOOD.

FINALLY

I REMEMBERED TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY TO BOOK 4500 CREDITS DUE TO EXPIRE WITH WORLDMARK.  I WAITED UNTIL 9am WHEN THE SRS LAB OPENED AND LOGGED ONTO WORLDMARK AFTER 3 TRIES.  THEN I HAD TO NAVIGATE THROUGH SIGNING UP FOR SF NEXT YEAR 2018, 3-11SUNDAY THROUGH 3-15THURSDAY. 

                                          I DID IT!

AND I DID A LOAD OF LAUNDRY AND REMEMBERED TO HANG IT OUT. 

SAVING PLACES

I'M LEAVING MYSELF LOTS OF ROOM. 

SETTING PLACES

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WRITE, I'M JUST FEELING.

4 THEME

THIS AM 9:30-10:30-3:30-4:30, DECIDED TO ENJOY THE DAY.

4MINNIE MICE

MY DREAM TODAY.  THEY HAD RHINO HORNS.  ONE HAD DOUBLE HORNS. 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

I CREATE

I HAVE A READING CHAIR IN THE LIVING ROOM.  I'M STILL WORKING ON THE LAYOUT.  IT'S IN FRONT OF THE SLIDING GLASS DOOR SO EXCELLENT LIGHT.  AND TODAY IS 84os.  QUITE COMFORTABLE.  I COOKED RICE AND PCHOPS.  I HAVE ZUKE. 

ONWARD AND UPWARD.

SHE IS A JEALOUS GOD

SO THERE MAY NEVER BE AN OBIT. 

I WENT TO SAVERS LOOKING FOR A REPLACEMENT DRESS*AND**ZORIS AND FOUND A GERBER CARVING KNIFE, $1.40, BLACK TWO POCKET DRESS, NEW ROLL CONTACT PAPER, GLASS PURPLE PYREX LID, PINK/GREEN HANKIE, LIME XERCISE TANK, LUCITE BOX,

*MY YELLOW THREE TIERED SLEEVELESS LONG
**MY BROWN FROM DELLA BIRKENSTOCK ZORIS

STILL NO OBIT

I'M FEELING FRAGILE.  YESTERDAY WAS SO HOT.  100o.  SO I'M COMBING THE NEWS FOR ERIC'S OBIT. 

T TOOK ME TO DENNY'S AFTER 7:30 MINUTES OF ABBOT COSTELLO CONVERSATION. 

I HAD CHEESY BACON TATER TOTS AND TWO SLICES HONEY JALEPENO BACON.  SO GOOD ON A SWEATY DAY.  REPLENISH MY SALT. 

MY SHOULDERS ARE SORE FROM BEATING ON THE ICE IN FREEZER.  FOR HALF HOUR, TWO BUCKETS. 

AND I'M TRYING TO FIGURE WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT. 

KKIDS GONE-88o DAY

I GOOGLED ERIC TO LOOK FOR THE OBIT AND WOW. 

GLENN ALREADY TOOK IT DOWN. 

I WENT TO $ANC AND GOT COCONUT H2O AND SALAD.  I'M GETTING BETTER.  IF I WEREN'T SO STUBBORN I'D PROBABLY BE WELL.  ALL PART OF GOD'S PLAN TO GENTLE ME AND ACCEPT MY CREATING HEAVEN. 

I GOT HOME YESTERDAY AND AUNTY SENT ME A VERY UPBEAT LETTER & $25. 

I'LL TREAT MYSELF.

WOOHOO!!!

MY BEST FRIEND

HE CALLED WED NITE TO CHECK I WAS OK.  I TOLD HIM MATTNEXT DOOR/CINDY OFFERED TO CLEAR THE WEEDS.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE INTENTION IS.  I REPLIED HIS HELP IS MARVELOUS.  NOTHING SO FAR.  MATT APPROACHED ME WHEN I ARRIVED HOME TUESDAY.  I ASSUMED IT WAS ANOTHER COMPLAINT.  CINDY IS SO GOOD AT IT. 

MOST PEOPLE ARE INSINCERE.  FULL OF WAX.

ERIC d.6/13/17

WHEN I GOT TO OCONNOR AFTER LUNCH HE WAS ALREADY DEAD.  ROSE, CRIS, MAN AND WOMAN SAID ERIC DIED 11:30.  THEY WERE WAITING FOR MORTUARY PICK UP.  SO I EXPRESSED MY CONDOLENCES AND LEFT. 

I HAD PLANNED ON B4 SRS BUT SLEPT 'TIL 7.  TYGJ.

I READ THE PAPER IN THE LOBBY AND GOT HOME @2.  T SAID PICKUP @3 FOR NOODLES.  HE CALLED @3 SAYING 3 HR DELAY.  JOKE.  HE WAS OUTSIDE.  WE DROVE AROUND UNTIL HE DECIDED ON MISSION CITY GRILL.  THEY DIDN'T HAVE CRAB MELT.  I HAD CHICKEN&WAFFLES.  GOOD COMBO. THE GRAVY TO LIVE FOR.

HOME FOR JEO, WHEEL. 

LAST SAT I FOUND HERO CHANNEL, TV'

DW-HEALING

I'M SLEEPING MORE AND DRINKING EXTRA WATER.  SINCE MY MUSCLES UNLOCKED I'M FEELING SO TIRED.  AND THE WIND AND WEATHER DON'T HELP.  I APPRECIATE THE COOL, NOT THE WIND.  TYGJ.

I'M BETTER

I VISITED ERIC AT 8am AND KIM WAS THERE.  THE HEALTH CARE FRIEND.  HE SEEMS BETTER.  I WIPED HIS FACE GAVE HIM WATER TWICE. 

AHHHH, THIS IS AN OPPORTUNITY FOR ME TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF WHILE CARING FOR OTHERS. 

I CAN DO IT BETTER. 

I'M OK/MUNSCHAUSEN

THERE WAS A SERIES OF I'M OK YOU'RE NOT BOOKS.  IT BECAME A JOKE. 

I AM SERIOUSLY OK.  I DON'T KNOW IF ERIC'S GOING TO MAKE IT THIS TIME AND I'M OK. 

SAD BUT OK.

M- STOLE MY YELLOW 3 TIERED DRESS.  GONE W/OUT A TRACE.  PROBABLY WITH THE D-SANDALS.  TIME FOR NEW THINGS.  TYGJ.  I WAS A LITTLE SAD,  SHE'S CREATING SUCH BAD KARMA.  OH WELL.

I NEED TO FOCUS ON NEW THINGS.  BETTER THINGS.  MOST, BEST.  ME.

ERIC MUNCHAUSEN1956

HE WAS GETTING BETTER.  YESTERDAY THERE WAS NO NEED FOR MASK, JUST GLOVES.  THIS A.M. I HAD TO WEAR MASK AGAIN AND HE'S ON OXYGEN AND MORE PAIN MEDS. 

ROSE LEFT 3 PRAYER CARDS YESTERDAY.   I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HER NOT CLEANING UP.  HE ATE 1/4 PBH... I THINK.  SOMEONE DID. 

I ASKED IF HE COULD HAVE GUM SINCE HE'S NOT BRUSHING.  IT'D BE NICE TO HAVE TEETH.  EVEN IF ALL HE'S EATING IS ARARE, SENBEI AND JUNK.  IT'S OBVIOUS TO ME SOMEONE WANTS HIM DEAD.  MAYBE A BIG LIFE INSURANCE POLICY.  THE NURSE SAID IT WAS A CHOKING RISK.  NOT THE JUNK FOOD?

KARAZY.

BEING WHAT I WANT(-munschausen)

I'M TAKING MY TIME.  I DID LAUNDRY MONDAY AND HUNG IT OUT AND I HAVE IT IN THE TRUNK UNTIL I WANT TO FLUFF IT. 

I BOUGHT AN EPEE FOR $2 SATURDAY FOR THE WEEDS NEXT YEAR.  I GOT POSTITS AND A HAIR CLIP $1 AT AN ESTATE SALE.  I SAW A SIGN FRI AND COULDN'T FIND IT. THE SIGNS WERE LEFT FROM LAST WEEKEND. 

SO SATURDAY I SAW NEW SIGNS AND FOUND IT. 

I'M BEING. 

YESTERDAY I WENT ST JUSTIN AND FOUND TWO BABY SPOONS AND A FORK $2.18.

CALLED ERIC TO WISH HIM HBDAY.  HE'S IN OCCONNOR AGAIN W/SPINAL CANCER.  I  WENT TO VISIT.  PASSED ROSE AT THE ELEVATORS AS I WAS LEAVING.  COLD. 

ERIC IS DRAX. 

ALL IS ATTITUDE

MOM TOLD ME IT'S NOT THE WHAT BUT THE HOW.  IF A PERSON TRULY IS TRYING TO HELP, ULTIMATELY ONLY GOOD CAN COME. 

WHETHER A PERSON BLESSES THEIR LIFE INFUSES GOOD VIBES INTO THEIR BEING AND  SURROUNDINGS.  WE'RE JUST MOLECULES IN MOTION.  BLESSING FOOD IS A GOOD EXAMPLE.  SO MANY PEOPLE CURSE WHAT THEY EAT BY COMPLAINING. 

YESTERDAY 2:30 MEMORIAL DAY T INVITES ME TO G'S BDAY(5-27) DINNER @5-5:30 PICKUP.  I WONDERED THAT HE OFFERED.  I TOLD HIM I WASN'T DRIVING, RESTING MY BACK.  I HAD A MIRACLE 12 HR HEADCOLD SUNDAY.  I AWOKE 3:30 AM SNEEZING MAYBE 12 TIMES.  AND I KEPT SNEEZING AND BLOWING MY NOSE.  ALL DAY.  NOT ALLERGIES.  I WENT TO G2 TO CONFIRM IN DUST FREE ZONE.  WENT HOME HAD SALAD, TOOK VITC, ATE ORANGE.  FELL ASLEEP TV AND WHEN I AWOKE @ 3:30PM MY COLD WAS GONE. 

HE PICKED ME UP 4:45 W/D&S IN HIS CAR.  I WAS OUTSIDE ALREADY BRINGING IN BINS THEN WE WENT TO PICK UP G.  I GAVE G $25 FANDANGO CARD.  IF I'D KNOWN SD WERE GOING TO BE THERE I WOULD HAVE PASSED.  AMBUSHED.  PACKED LIKE SARDINES.  T TRIES TO CONVINCE ME D'S VAN SAME SIZE.  ROB CRUNCHED THE RT BACK BUMPER.  SD COMPLAINED ROB SPLASHED THEM W/HOT GREASE.  HE WANTED TO LEARN TO MAKE EMPANADAS.  THEY SHOULD HAVE DONE THE FRYING THEMSELVES BUT THEY GAVE HIM THE JOB SO THEY COULD COMPLAIN.  THEN TWO WEEKS LATER THEY'RE STILL REHASHING TO ASSUAGE THEIR LAZY GUILT. 

S'S FLIGHT CANCELLED AT NOON.  T PICKED HER UP FROM AIRPORT.  SO THEY LEECHED ONTO T. 

AND COUNTRY KIT HAD HOLIDAY STAFF SO NO CRAB MELT. 

OH WELL.  I HAD FISH CHIPS W/MASH.  THEY GAVE ME FRIES FOR HOME.  ANOTHER DAY.



LOVELY.

D&S TALKED ROB TRASH TO EMBARRASS T.  HE SPLASHED HOT OIL ON THEM?  TRYING TO MAKE EMPANADAS.  AT LEAST HE TRIED. 

T'S SO SCREWED.

NEW MACHETE

I WENT TO OSH AFTER HALF HOUR IN THE FRONT YARD.  THE WIND IS BLUSTERY.  TRADE WINDS.  I BOUGHT MYSELF A NEW MACHETE AND LEFT THE OLD TO BE SHARPENED.

I AWOKE HOLDING THE FAMILY SHAME.  1995 NORA MONACO WARNED THAT I WAS CARRYING THEIR PROJECTED SHAME AND GUILT.  AND IT'S BACK.  THE FAMILY LEGACY I DON'T WANT AND LOVINGLY RETURN TO THEM INDIVIDUALLY AND AND TOGETHER.

 

CELLULAR FATIGUE

GROWING AND CHANGE TAKE SO MUCH ENERGY.

AS I SIT AT SRS I GATHER MY ENERGIES, CONSIDERING WHAT TO DO TODAY.  I'M FEELING CALMER AND RESIGNED TO MY LIFE. 

IF I DON'T KNOW WHAT MAKES ME HAPPY I WON'T RECOGNIZE IT WHEN I GET IT.  I TURN IT OVER TO GJ.  SPIRIT KNOWS MY HEART.  THAT'S WHERE MY HAPPINESS RESIDES. 

I'VE ENJOYED WATCHING FOREVER GREEN AND THE FACT THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER CREATING.  ACCORDING TO IMBD.  THEY ARE MY HOPE TO FINDING HAPPINESS, LOVE. 

I DID WHEEL, BLOG, NEED TO RETURN CMPBLIB, FORGOT DVDS AND HAD TO GO BACK...STILL TIRED.  SLEEP DOESN'T SEEM TO MATTER.  MY CELLS ARE TIRED. 

CELLULAR FATIGUE.  I NEED TO FOCUS ON CONVERTING DETRITUS TO PURE ENERGY.  THE PAST TO THE PRESENT TO THE FUTURE...

TOO MUCH?

IS TOO MUCH POSSIBLE?

I'm healing issues I didn't know I had.  wow, this corrects capital I automatically.  e.e. Cummings would freak.

I'm still working on loving my life.  I can look around and appreciate the beauty of living things and the wind and sky but my life?  not what I would consciously choose...  the operative word conscious.

and people, the least of god's creations.  maybe he was tired if he had to rest. 

huh, that doesn't make sense does it??

I've been blissfully watching episodes of forever green, alderton/Collins, and checking monopoly pieces.  hurray!!

tygj

AUG31-12...

THE DAILY WORD WAS I LOVE MY LIFE.  AND I'VE BEEN TRYING EVER SINCE.  I DO BETTER SOME DAYS THAN OTHERS.  WHEN ONE HAS LITTLE OR NO EXPERIENCE WITH HAPPINESS IT'S HARD......

HAVING PEOPLE LOVE ME NOW IS PAINFUL.  I FEEL RAW.  I DON'T KNOW HOW TO RESPOND.  IT'S SUCH NEW TERRITORY.

I'M WILLING TO LEARN.

MONOPOLY HAS VANISHED

WELL I CAN'T ENTER ANY MORE CODES.  THE WEBSITE IS GONE.  POOF! 

SO I KNOW NEXT YEAR, IF I PLAY, TO ENTER CODES DAILY. 

EH, LIVE AND LEARN. 

AND THE MEEK (TEACHABLE) ARE INHERITING THE EARTH. 

SENSITIVE MAN....

INSENSITIVE WOMAN.  THAT'S WHAT PLAYED IN MY HEAD THIS AM.  SOMETHING TO PONDER. 

I'M AT THE LIBRARY HAVING A WONDERFUL TIME.  I WENT TO G2-SFWY 3 CROISSANTS, REMEMBERED TARGET $1.41, PAID IT AND ARRIVED AT SRS WITH 5 MINUTES TO SPARE.   I COMPUTERED, GOT SUSPENDED IN MONOPOLY, CALLED CUSTOMER SUPPORT, TALKED TO DAWN.  I TOOK A BREAK AND ATE TWO CROISSANTS. 

SO I WENT BACK IN AND WATCHED FOREVER GREEN FOR TWO HOURS.  TIME FOR A BREAK. 

I FOUND OUT FROM DAWN THERE'S A LIMIT ON HOW MANY NUMBERS CAN BE ENTERED EACH DAY AND I SHOULDN'T SAVE THEM UP.  I'M SUPPOSED TO ENTER THEM DAILY.  NOW I KNOW FOR NEXT YEAR.  LAST YEAR I DIDN'T HAVE SO MANY, I WAS TOO SICK. 

I SAW ART ON THE WAY OUT AND HE HAD A VTA CARD HOLDER SO I WENT TO CHECK OUT THE SR FAIR.  THEY HAD A WALKING BINGO GAME AND I COMPLETELY ZONED ON THE CARD HOLDER.  OH, WELL... THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR. 

I'M SOOOOO MUCH BETTER.  I HAVE TO FOCUS ON MY HEALTH. 

I GOT LUNCH AT BKING:  JR AND NUGGETS.  I WAS STARVING WHEN I GOT TO MLIB AND ATE THE JR AND HALF THE NUGGETS.  I'VE BEEN EXERCISING MORE.  I WATCHED MORE FG AND HAD MY SNACK OF THE REMAINING.  AND I'M BACK.

HOW HEAVENLY IS THIS.....😊💲EMOJIS.  🙏🙏🙏  THEY ALL PRINT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE PIECE AND HAVE TO BE INSERTED.  CUT AND PASTE.  I MADE MYSELF LAUGH. 
♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛

SPRING FEVER

I THOUGHT I HAD SPRING FEVER BUT IT WAS A COMBINATION OF MOM'S DEATHOVERSARY AND ALLERGIES.

CSAA SENT ME A LOVELY LETTER LISTING MY EMERGENCY CALLS AND NOTIFYING ME I ONLY HAD ONE MORE TIL 9-16.  SO I GET 4 NOW. 

I'VE DECIDED NO MORE MONOPOLY TICKETS.  I STILL HAVE TO LOG AND CHECK TWO BOXES. 

I AM BLESSED.  TYGJ.

HEAVEN DAY

I CALLED T @ 8:06 AND LILY CALLED B4 TO WISH HIM H-BDAY.  I HAD LUNCH.  I SAVED PC OF CAKE MALITET GAVE ME.  HELENE ATE HERS.   

I GOT LEFT OVER PORK AND SALAD.  I ATE AT 3-3:40.  YUM.  WATCHING BRIT COMS,  AND FEELING HAPPY. 

TYGJ.

WEIRD!!

THE INTERNET IS DOING STRANGE THINGS.  WHEN I TRIED TO SIGN IN I WENT TO YAHOO MALAYSIA, PHILIPPINES, ETC. USING ALL MY ACCOUNTS TRYING TO LOG IN.  GOING ROUND AND ROUND.  THE HELP PAGE SAID LOG OFF, TRY A DIFFERENT BROWSER SO I DID.

I KNEW WHAT IT MEANT!!

AND HERE I AM.  DOING MY JOB.  IMMORTALIZING MY EXPERIENCES.

THE LOOK IS BIGGER, BRIGHTER.  THE SETTINGS HAVE SHIFTED.  IT'S VERY SUBTLE.  I HAVE TO LOOK FOR THE LINKS.  THE DEFAULT IS NO LONGER TO POSTS, IT GOES TO STATS.

T IS PLANNING ON COMING OVER.  WE'LL SEE.  TOMORROW IS SUPPOSED TO BE COOLER.  95o YESTERDAY.  WHEW!!  I STAYED AT MLIB TIL 6:45PM.  HOME FOR JEO.  BED 8:30.

4DIMES EXORCISM

WHILE MOM AND DAD ARE PENNIES WHILE UNCLE IS BRIGHT SHINY DIMES.  MESSAGES FROM HEAVEN.

MY DEPRESSION IS LESSENING THE MORE I REPROGRAM MY BRAIN.

I SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WHILE DRIVING HERE (SRS) TALKING TO HIMSELF AND GESTICULATING.  THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE AROUND.  I GUESS WE HAVE TO EXORCISE THE PARENTAL OVER RIDES.  HE REMINDED ME OF THE WORK I STILL HAVE TO DO.

I'VE BEEN VISUALIZING WHAT I WANT TO SEE.  I HAVE TO IMAGINE THE FEELING TO ACCOMPANY MY HEAVEN.  FUNNY THERE'S NO WORD FOR PROJECTING YOUR FEELINGS.  WHAT DO I WANT TO FEEL.

WHAT DO I WANT TO FEEL?

perpetual paranoia

MY PARENTS DIDN'T HATE ME.  THEY WERE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.  AND DEPRESSING. 


ALL THIS TIME I THOUGHT THEY HATED ME BECAUSE I WAS DIFFERENT AND I WAS.  I WASN'T DEPRESSED SO THEY TORTURED AND ABUSED ME TO BRING ME DOWN TO THEIR LEVEL.  IN MY BEST INTERESTS SO I WOULDN'T STAND OUT.  A PERVERSE FORM OF PROTECTION. 


AND MY SISTERS ARE JUST MEAN AND TRYING TO SURVIVE THE BEST THEY CAN, WHICH ISN'T VERY WELL. 


I WONDER IF THEY REALIZE THEY HAVE CHOICES?


I'M WONDERFUL, FULL OF WONDER. 

OH, YEAH.  YESTERDAY WAS MOM'S BDAY.

STILL DEALING END/BEGIN MONTH

I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE BILLS OR WHAT.  EVERY END/BEGIN I GET ANXIOUS, UNEASY.  AND MY LIFE IS OK.  ANNUAL CLEANUP PRESSURE NEXT WEEK. 


IS IT HABIT?  TRAINING?  LOYALTY TO THE FAMILY?

I JUST WANT TO RUN AWAY. 

HANGING ON/IN

SOMEONE RESET THE LANGUAGE TO DUTCH.  I REMEMBERED THE SIGN IN, IGNORED THE LANGUAGE AND GOT IN.

WELL, UNTIL THAT EVERYTHING WAS TOOO SMOOOTH.  I WAS FEELING ANXIOUS. 

HILDA SAVED US FISH.  SO I HAVE VEGS, AND SALAD FOR 3PM MEAL.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOT.  WE'LL SEE.

I'M LOVING THE PARKING.  SRS IS SO NICE AND CALM WITHOUT THE PARKING HASSLE. 

I WENT COSTCO, G2, SRS DID MY CMPTR.  I CAN BE DONE FOR THE DAY.

G-2 WEEK

SINCE THE POOL/SPA HAS BEEN CLOSEDTHIS WEEK THE PARKING HAS BEEN GREAT AT SRS.

I'VE BEEN GOING EARLY TO G-2 AND TAKING MY TIME DOING WHAT I WANT.

TUESDAY I WENT W/T TO SSF TO C'S.  I WAS HOME 7:39 IN TIME FOR WHEEL.  AND I'VE BEEN DILIGENT SIGNING IN FOR BONUS.

MONOPOLY HAS BEEN GOOD AND I'VE BEEN WATCHING MY ENERGY.

LAST NITE I CUT FLOWERS AND PUT THEM IN KITCHEN WINDOW.

SO THIS AM I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE MY DISC/LIC WERE.  I FIGURED I MIGHT HAVE LEFT IT IN A POCKET.  YESTERDAY(WED) I WENT CMBLIB, WESTGATE, SPTS I BOUGHT ICELANDIC H20 FOR.50.  THE LAST TIME I USED IT.  FOR SOME REASON I PUT IT IN MY BOOK BAG.

I WENT TO SFWY, G-2 AND LOOKED FOR IT AND IT WASN'T THERE.  I LOOKED ON FLOOR, UNDER SEAT, OVER SEAT.  I DROVE HOME TO CHECK MY POCKETS AND NOTICED THE AM/SPIRIT CARD IN MY B/BAG.  SO I CHECKED THE BOTTOM AND THERE IT WAS.  WHEW!!!!!  HOW I PUT IT THERE I DON'T KNOW.

I'M MORE TIRED THAN I KNOW.

REST, REST, AND MORE REST.

GONE AGAIN-MAINTAIN WEEK

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT BUT AGAIN I HAVE TO FIND THE WAY IN.  AND THAT IRONIC MESSAGE OF SIMPLIFYING SIGN IN. 


AND I DID IT. 


I WAS FEELING SO GOOD.  TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF G-2 AND SRS.  AND IT SEEMS MY BACK HAS REACHED A HEALING POINT. 


LAST NITE T CALLED FROM JULIE'S FOR A MONTH AND SAID HE'D SEE ME TOMORROW.  WE'LL SEE.


I DID MY MONOPOLY AND EMAILS, PCH.  I'M GOOD.  I PRINTED OUT NICKELODEON FOR VALERIE'S KIDS. 

HURRAY!! IT'S BACK

THE OLD SIGN IN IS BACK. 

ST. JUSTIN ENTERTAINING AS ALWAYS.  THIS KEYBOARD STICKS.  DOESN'T ALWAYS PRINT THE LETTER.  HMMM....

NEW FORMAT

IT JUST TOOK ME TWENTY MINUTES TO FIGURE HOW TO GET TO NEW POST.  IT SAYS IT WILL BE EASIER, YEAH, RIGHT.  MAYBE IN A YEAR WHEN I GET USED TO THE NEW FORMAT.


I ALMOST FORGOT TO BLOG.  I'M JUST DOING AND CHANGING AND THE TUB IS DOWN AT SRS.  AGAIN.  IT WILL BE CLOSED ALL NEXT WEEK ANYWAY.


AND LISA GAVE ME 23 MONOPOLY TICKETS YSTRDAY.  0. OH WELL. 


TODAY IS THE CITY GARAGE SALE.  THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.

STILL ADJUSTING TO HEAVEN

EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE A NEW BEGINNING, A NEW YEAR.  I HAVEN'T LOST ANYTHING THIS WEEK OR MISPLACED ANYTHING.  I WAITED TOO LATE FOR WHEEL YESTERDAY SO I'M EARLY TODAY. 


AND I NEED TO PAY DISCOVER. 


AND RETURN DVDS CMPBLIB.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING

I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO GO TO SAVERS OR CMPBLIB, ST JUST.  THERE'S NOTHING I MUST DO.  TOMORROW I MUST RETURN DVDS TO CMPBL.

MAYBE I'LL GO TO SFWY TO SEE IF THE LOGS ARE STILL THERE. 

I HAVE LEFTOVER PIZZA AND SALAD. 

I SLEPT SO GOOD FROM 10:30-5:43-7:07.  I DRESSED AND HAD A PNUT BTTR BFAST SQUARE.  I'M YAWNING SO MAYBE I NEED A NAP. 

AND HURRAY!! I FOUND THE MC PIE COUPON. 

I SAW EVELYN (GEORGE) AND GAVE HER MILKS AND SHE GAVE ME STORAGE BOXES.  SINCE ONE MILK WAS ART'S I GAVE HIM BOXES TOO.  I GAVE HER 3/5 ORANGES TOO. 

I TALKED TO WALTER JR OUTSIDE BY MY CAR.  THEY GET THE APT THIS WEEK.  HE'S WORRIED.  THE FAMILY HOBBY.  I TOLD HIM KEEP THE TWO CAMPERS.  HIS DAD MAY NOT STAY.  HE'S SO OBSTINATE.  LIKE MY DAD.  SELF-DESTRUCTIVE TO HIMSELF AND ALL AROUND HIM.

MY LIFE IS GOOD.  AND GETTING BETTER.

KARAZY OLD LADY

AND I'M LOVING IT.

IT'S FREEDOM FROM EVERYTHING.  AND I'M LOVING IT.

I REMEMBERED TO PAY PGE AND WHILE THERE I REMEMBERED I NEEDED TO PAY CONSUMER CELLULAR TODAY.  WHEW!!  SO I CAME BACK TO MLIB.  I WATCHED X-MEN APOCALYPSE.  OK.  SOME PARTS WERE VERY EXCITING.  BUT HOW CAN THEY DESTROY THE INDISTRUCTABLE??  IT DIDN'T SEEM TO FLOW.

T-TAXES DONE; TERRIBLE TWO'S

YESTERDAY:  G2, SVLIB, FORGOT PGE AT HOME.


HE REFUSES TO FILL OUT HIS TAXES.  SO I DID IT.  WHY?????  I DON'T KNOW.  HE'S A PILIPINO PRINCE.  THEY TEACH HIM TO DO NOTHING.  SO HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. 


THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF STUCK IN TERRIBLE TWO'S.  AND I'M THE OBVERSE SIDE.  I WAS RAISED TO DO EVERYTHING FOR EVERYBODY.


I'M DOING MY TERRIBLE TWO'S NOW.


HE DID TAKE ME TO THE BEST CRAB MELT.  CANADIAN LUMP CRAB, CELERY SALAD, SUBSTITUTED SWISS CHEESE, ON GRILLED SOURDOUGH.  THE BEST.  MAKES MY MOUTH WATER EVEN NOW.  COUNTRY INN ON SARATOGA.  $15. 


THEN  HARBOR/BBB LAST FREE COUPON.  I FOUND DEMO CLOTHES RACK $10 AND PERU SALT CRISTAL $7-$5 COUPON.  HOME AND I COULDN'T SLEEP.  MUST HAVE BEEN THE DR. PEPPER OR THE THREE HELPINGS OF D'S RICE-HAMBURGER.  LIKE NASI GORENG.  SO GOOD.


THE TUB IS DOWN SO ON TO G2. 

GROWING PAINS

SINCE I GREW 1 1/4 " I DIDN'T EXPECT GROWING PAINS, BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE. 

BABY HUEY GAVE ME SFWY TICKETS.  WOW! AND THE J-MAN FROM LUNCH.  TYGJ. 

T CALLED AT 1 TO SAY THEY WANTED HIM TO WORK.  I KNEW HE'D POSTPONE.  SO TYPICAL.  IT'S HIS TAXES, HIS HEAD.  HE SAID COME OVER TOMORROW 11:30-12 FOR LUNCH AND WE'D DO TAXES.  SRS CLOSED FOR NO REASON.  AND NATORIUM CLOSED 22-29 THIS MONTH FOR MAINTENENCE.  SO 24HR.

AND I REMEMBERED HARBOR FREIGHT. 

TANTRUMS

AUNTY WROTE UNCLE DIED TWO WEEKS AGO.  HE'S MY SPECIAL ANGEL. 


YESTERDAY WAS ANOTHER MIRACLE.  CMBLIB, $TREE, WESTGATE MICHAEL'S-TARGET.  THE MARIO SHORTED ME $.30 BY NOT SCANNING MY COUPON AND GAVE ME $2 OUT OF THE TILL.  SO I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND DECIDED TO GO HARBOR-BBB THEN ON TO ANOTHER MICHAEL'S.  I DROVE UP STCK BOULEVARD AND CHECKED OUT THE NEW MAIN STREET CUPERTINO, BUILT TO SUPPORT APPLE CORP.  NO NEW SFWY BUT TARGET.  I CONTINUED ON THE BACK WAY TO HOMESTEAD RD VIA BLANEY.  RETURNED AND REBOUGHT PENCILS USING COUPON AND FOUND MORE GRN BEADS 70% OFF.  I DROVE THE BACK WAY TO BENTON.  HURRAY!!


I GOT HOME 6:45 TO AUNTY'S LETTER.  I HAD LEFTOVER PKCHP, 2KALE SALADS, GRN BEANS.  I WATCHED MY SHOWS AND AT 10 STARTED A LETTER 'TIL 11 PM.


I AWOKE 6:30 AND DROVE TO SRS REMEMBERED I NEEDED GAS, DROVE TO COSTCO COLEMAN.  EZ.  PARKED SRS FOR SAVERS HALF OFF DENIM TODAY.  I HAVE 30% OFF COUPON. 


AUNTY SAID UNCLE IN THE HOME REFUSED TO EAT AND WAS IN AND OUT OF THE HOSPITAL.  HE LIVED AND DIED THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE CONSIDERING THE TIMES.


EVERYONE GETS A CHANCE TO BE A TERRIBLE TWO YR OLD.  I'M DOING MINE NOW.


 

THE GOOD FIGHT

YESTERDAY AT 24 I SAW A WOMAN EYEING ME.  SHE OBVIOUS TO ME; WANTED MY SPOT IN THE TUB.  AFTER MAYBE TEN MINUTES SHE TELLS ME THE JETS ARE STRONGER ON THE OTHER SIDE.  I WASN'T FOOLED.  I SAID NO.  SHE TURNS HER BACK TO ME AND STARTS COMPLAINING, MUTTERING TO HERSELF.

TODAY ARMANDO TELLS ME I DROPPED A SHEET OF PAPER, I ALREADY KNEW.  TEN MINUTES LATER DANNYBOY TAPS ME ON THE SHOULDER FOR THE SAME THING.  IF THEY WERE TRYING TO HELP THEY WOULD HAVE PICKED IT UP.  I SAID DO YOU MIND IF I DO IT WHEN I WANT?

UNHELPFUL PEOPLE.  LIKE PATTY "OFFERING" TO PAY ME $2000 A MONTH WITHOUT A THOUGHT ABOUT ME AND WHERE I'D LIVE. 

WHAT THE!!!!

THEN AFTER LUNCH KIMO'S GIRLFRIEND ASKS ME ABOUT MY WORKOUT LIKE I'M ONE OF HIS BITCHES.  I ASKED HER WHY SHE WAS ASKING, WHY DID SHE CARE.  SHE BACKED DOWN.

WHAT THE!!!!

I DECIDE

I WENT TO $ANC, SAFEWAY MIDTOWN MONOPOLY NEW GRILL CLEANER TWO BOX TAPES, SAVERS 50%=$13.50, SRS.  I'M DOING IT ALL.  WOO-HOO!

MY MIDDLE BACK HURTS SOMETHING FIERCE AND I'M OK. 

I KNOW IT WON'T LAST FOREVER.  EITHER I IMPROVE OR EVENTUALLY I'LL DIE SO EITHER WAY IT WON'T LAST FOREVER.

I forgot to pay Citibank.  Sunday standing in line at SFWY I suddenly remembered, sat in my car and called citi.  Stacy fixed it for me.  help was provided.

GOOD TIME

I HAD A SALAD AND I'LL HAVE FISH FOR MY SNACK.  AND I'M HAPPY EVEN THO I FORGOT WHEEL UNTIL 2:30.  I'M OK. 


D DID A NUMBER ON T AND HE WAS TOTALLY OUT OF IT.  I CAN SEE WHY IT'S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO GET IT.  IT'S SO SUBTLE.  THE DENIGRATION IS SO INGRAINED FOR SO LONG.  I'M LUCKY.  BEING THE MIDDLE HAS IT ADVANTAGE.


SO NOTHING WAS ACCOMPLISHED AND I'M OK WITH THAT. 


IT MUST BE OLDER AND YOUNGER WHO PUT THE ONUS ON MIDDLES. 


LIARS ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO CONVINCE THEMSELVES THEY DON'T LIE.  THAT'S HOW THEY END UP SUFFERING MISERABLY. 

WHOLENESS-DW

T CALLED FROM LEXINGTON DAM TO CHAT 4:13 MINUTES.  I WAS AT SRS WAITING TO HEAR WHEN HE WAS COMING OVER FOR ROOF OR ATTIC OR YARD.  HE'S DUE THIS PM WHENEVER. 


I CAME HOME AND TIDYED IN LIVING ROOM.  MY LEGS ARE SORE FROM 10 MIN. BIKE AND STRETCH YESTERDAY AFTER LUNCH. 


I'M STILL FEELING APPREHENSIVE ABOUT THE IMPENDING RAIN.  IF I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT THE SKYLIGHT LEAKING I'M WORRIED ABOUT THE  AVOCADO TREE COMING DOWN. 


WORRY=THE FAMILY TRADITION. 
I HEARD A GOOD ONE THAT WORRY IS SUFFERING TWICE.
THEY WERE TOTALLY INTO SUFFERING.


I'M GLAD I'M THE BLACK SHEEP.


PART OF MY WHOLENESS AT THIS TIME IS WORRY.  I'M LEAVING IT BEHIND AND FEELING THE PARTING.  LIKE PSYCHIC SURGERY.






 

PREJUDICED GENEALOGY WOMAN

THIS 7:30-8:30 A M I PROCESSED MY MONOPOLY TICKETS.


HOMELESS ASIAN WOMAN CONFRONTED THE GENEALOGY WOMAN ON GOING OUTSIDE TO TALK WITH HER FRIEND.  A VERY SENSIBLE REQUEST.  BECAUSE SHE WAS OBVIOUSLY HOMELESS, GENEWOMAN ACTED LIKE HOMELESS WAS UNREASONABLE WHEN IN FACT GENEWOMAN WAS VERY RUDE AND INCONSIDERATE.  HER CLASS DIDN'T START FOR 15 MINUTES.


GENEWOMAN NEEDS THE ATTENTION.  SO INSECURE AND BEHAVING BADLY TO ATTRACT ATTENTION. 


GENEWOMAN=ENERGY VAMPIRE.

I REDEEMED MONOPOLY

I WON $5 FOOD CARD AT SFWY.  HURRAY!!  SO I WENT AT 6 AM AND FOUND PORK JERKY HALF OFF= $2 AND USING MY SFWY CARD $1.50 EA.  AND THE CLERK WAS SOOOO NICE.  I WAS GOING THRU' DIY TO BUY 6 INDIVIDUALLY OR JUST ONE MONO TICKET.  DIY DOESN'T OPEN TIL LATER.  SHE AGREED TO DO IT.  SO 12 MORE. 


AND I GOT MASH AND BROCCOLI@SRS.  AND IT'S COOL.  HURRAY! ME!



AND I NOTICED TODAY'S LAST DAY CAR CONTEST NISSAN SCLARA.  SCBLVD AND CRONIN/ALBANY.  SAYS I WON SOMETHING.

ow, my shoulder blades

FROM THURSDAY YDWK. 

I WAS AT G2 AT 7 AM.  I GOT MY FREE BAGEL AT SFWY TO CHASE $ AND HERE MLIB. 

IT'S GOING SO WELL I'M ANXIOUS.  THE BAGEL WAS DELICIOUS.  YSTRDAY AT SRS I LOOKED UP HOUSE OF BAGEL LOCATIONS AND I DON'T NEED IT.  ALL BAGELS ARE BOILED FIRST.  SO MUCH IMPROVED FROM COLLEGE.  I JUST NEED TO EAT FRESH ONES. 

I'LL GO TO *1 AFTER AND SFWYVF FOR MORE BAGEL.  HURRAY!!!

FANTASTIC ENDS BETTER

OK, THE LAST THIRD IS GOOD. 


IT'S A GOOD BABY SITTER.  I WEEDED TWO HRS YESTERDAY AND I NEED TO REST. 


THE SECOND LILAC IS PLANTED AND I WATERED THE LAVENDER AND CUT BACK FOR THE FRENCH LAVENDER. 

VISUALIZE

TODAY'S DAILY WORD IS PROSPERITY.  I DO FEEL WEALTHY. 


I WASHED A LOAD YESTERDAY AND TODAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN.  SO I'LL WAIT AND DO ANOTHER WASH LOAD TOMORROW.  FRIDAY IS GOOD.  NO TAXES OR CLASS SO MORE PARKING. 


I'M FEELING A LITTLE TIRED.  I DETERMINED THAT UNLESS I'M TIRED I DON'T LISTEN.  I HAVE TO BE QUIET TO HEAR AND I DO TEND TO HYPERACTIVITY.  SO WHEN I SLOW DOWN I'M NORMAL.


SO WHY DOESN'T EVERYONE LISTEN?


I'VE STARTED CLEARING SMALL AREAS.  I CAN MAJOR THROW OUT IN MAY, THE CITY CLEAN UP.  HAPPY B'DAY, BIDET, M.  IF NOT THIS YEAR, NEXT.

ROLLING WITH FEAR

FEAR IS A MOTIVATOR. 


I'M FEELING STUCK.  YESTERDAY T CALLED, BOUGHT THE CAR.  THE USUAL NONSENSE.  PICKED ME UP AND WE DROVE AROUND.  I BOUGHT HIM SUPER BURRITO MOUNTAIN VIEW.  AND TODAY THE DOWN. 


THIS JUST MEANS I'M NOT CENTERED.  THE SINE WAVE OF DAR MA, COMEDY DRAMA.  ADJUST AND ADAPT.  CREST AND TROUGH. 


AND FROM 11 TO 2:30 LINDSAY TWO EIGHTS PLAYING POKER.  4:30 TO 7:30. 

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE THE BABY

ME TOO.

EVEN THOUGH BABIES ARE LIMITED.

MAYBE MOST PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR LIMITATIONS TO EASE THEIR CONSCIENCE, TO MAKE DECISIONS EASIER.  OR NOT DECIDING AT ALL AND BEMOANING THEIR LIVES. 

I WOULD LIKE TO BE CARED FOR.


I THINK THAT'S WHY PEOPLE BECOME FEEBLE.  IN THE HOPE THAT SOMEONE WILL TAKE CARE OF THE BABY. 

AMAZING BAGELS-RUTH COLVIN

YESTERDAYS DAILY WORD PRAY FOR OTHERS RELEASING THEM AND ME WORKED.

I WENT TO LOWE'S AT 8 AND GOT 4/$10 PINK LAVENDERS TO GO WITH MY PINK LILACS.  I DIDN'T PLAN IT, IT JUST WORKED OUT.  I DROPPED THEM OFF AT HOME AND WENT TO SRS.

OUTSIDE I SAW THE LIBRARIAN FROM MISSION WITH HER CAR PARKED AT THE BACK DOOR AND SHE WAS THERE FOR THE 100 YEAR OLD LITERACY ADVOCATE RUTH COLVIN'S SPEAKING ENGAGEMENT.  SHE SAID 10:30 WITH CAKE AND FRUIT.  SO I TUBBED AND WAITED FOR 10:30.  IT MUST HAVE STARTED AT 9:30.  IT STILL WENT ON UNTIL AFTER NOON. 

RUTH SWIMS 30 LENTHS OF THE POOL AND DOES 30 REPS EVERY DAY.  SHE TRAVELS THE WORLD. 

THEY HAD THE BEST BAGELS!!!  I HUNTED THE GAL WHO BOUGHT THEM.  SHE SAID TENTH STR. HOUSE OF BAGELS BY SJSU.  SHE SAID TO TAKE SOME HOME SO I WAITED UNTIL THE END.  WHILE WAITING I TALKED TO THE SOUND GAL ABOUT THE MIC FEEDBACK.  WHEN I TURNED BACK THEY'D PUT EVERYTHING AWAY.  KATHERINE GAVE ME THE BAG OF LEFTOVERS AND WHEN I ASKED ABOUT THE OPENED CREAM CHEESE, THEY THREW IT AWAY SO SHE GAVE ME A NEW ONE. 

I WAS WONDERING WHAT I'D HAVE FOR LUNCH. 
TYGJ

HEIL THE DONALD-ST. PATRICKS DAY

ALL HIS MACHINATIONS HAVE BEEN TO TEST THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.  LIKE COOKING A FROG.  PUT IT IN COLD WATER IN A PAN.  TURN UP THE HEAT GRADUALLY AND THE FROG COOKS ITSELF.

HE'S NOT SMART BUT SNEAKY.  MY EXPERIENCE WITH SOCIOPATHS; D-A-X-T HAS TRAINED ME WELL.  NOW IT'S JUST A QUESTION OF WHAT TO DO.

TOMORROW?

WOULD HAVE BEEN UNFRANK'S 97th B'DAY.  BIDET.  I STILL WRITE TO HIS OLDEST SISTER, TOMIE.  WHO THEY REFERRED TO AS TOMMY.  WHICH MAKES T THE THIRD.  THIRD TOM'S THE CHARM. 


WOW!  I DID NOT KNOW B4.


ON HIS BIRTH CERTIFICATE IT SAYS THE 18th.  HIS REASON OR EXCUSE IS THAT HE WAS BORN AT HOME SO IT WASN'T REGISTERED RIGHT.  I THINK HE WANTED AN OUTSTANDING B'DAY LIKE MOM'S  MAYDAY THE FIRST.  HE'S SO COMPETITIVE.  PASSED IT ON TO A. 


TODAY'S DAILY WORD FROM UNITY IS ZEAL.  CHARLES FILLMORE'S FAVORITE WORD.  NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH DOGGED DETERMINATION OR PASSION.  I HAVE A TENDENCY TO ADDICTION.  SO I TEND TO OVERDO. 


I HAVE A PSEUDO A.  THE AFTERNOON SWIM TEACHER. SUCH A BITCH.  FIRST CONTACT SHE TRIED TO GET ME OFF THE PUZZLE TABLE.  WANTED TO TAKE OVER THE PART I WAS PUTTING TOGETHER.  WHEN I REFUSED TO BACK OFF SHE GOES TO HER CLASS TALKING SMACK AND LAUGHING AT ME.  LIKE MY FAMILY DIDN'T CURE ME OF RIDICULE BY OVER EXPOSURE. 


I LEARNED FROM THE BEST AND SIMPLY AVOIDED HER.  WHEN SHE'D COME OVER TO THE PUZZLE TABLE 

CARLY SIMON

NO ONE HAS IT EASY.  SHE'S AN HEIRESS AND HAD TO CONTEND WITH BETRAYAL AND HUMILIATION ON A PUBLIC SCALE. 

GOODBYE DEPRESSION

DEPRESSION IS A NORMAL PART OF LIFE.  SADNESS WHEN SAYING GOODBYE TO THE PAST, A NO LONGER USEFUL PART. 


WESTERN CULTURE DEFINES THE NEGS AS SOMETHING BAD.  HOW COULD WE KNOW HAPPINESS WITHOUT SADNESS.  WE WOULD HAVE NO CONTEXT.  NO FRAME TO VIEW LIFE. 


LIKE HOT AND COLD.  BLACK AND WHITE.


GOOD AND BAD.


I AWOKE CRYING TO MOMMA DELORISE.  AND BEING CONSOLED. 

ONE THING AT A TIME

I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO REMOVING UNDERWIRES FROM TWO BRAS SO I CAN WEAR THEM.

I'M CREATING MY HEAVEN.

A LITTLE THING AND SO IMPORTANT TO COMFORT.  THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL.

OUCHY!!

YESTERDAY I GOT UP EARLY AND GOT GAS AT COSTCO AND BACK HOME.  I FORGOT MY BACK BRACE.  I TOOK MY TIME GOING TO THE CLUB AND SEEMED FINE ALL DAY. 

I'M PAYING FOR IT TODAY.  MY BACK, NECK AND SHOULDERS.  I HAVE AN EXTERNAL HEADACHE.  MY SKULL IS SORE.

I WENT TO G2, SFWY, LUCKY'S, HOME, ST JUSTIN'S, AND NOW THE LIBRARY. 

HURRAY! I'M STILL FUNCTIONING.


 

DIRK GENTLY

WATCHING 2016 SEASON ONE EPISODE 7 FARAH GETS LOCKED IN TRUNK OF CAR AND ESCAPES THRU BACK SEAT, SAYING REBIRTH.

HOT TUB=WOMB 5/23

I'M REBIRTHING MYSELF USING THE HOT TUB.  AND SO FAR SO GOOD.  I HAVEN'T LOST ANYTHING THIS WEEK.  I MISPLACED A PACK AND BOOK.  I REMEMBERED WHERE I LEFT THE BOOK, IN THE LIVING ROOM WHEN I STARTED CLEARING A READING SPACE AND GOT DISTRACTED AND ENDED DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.  OH, WELL.

5/23  IT'S WORKING.  TODAY I WATCHED THE 9TH LIFE OF LOUIS DRAX AND I'M OK.  EVERYDAY IS A REBIRTH.  I CAN START FRESH.  NEW.  SITTING IN MY CAR IS ANOTHER WOMB.  I REEXPERIENCED THE SMOKE AND TENSION B4 BIRTH.  SHE SMOKED.  SHE FELT GUILTY WHEN I WAS BORN AND WAS ACTUALLY BETTER THAN B4.  DIDN'T BEAT UP ON A AS MUCH.

TAKING ME FOR GRANITE

I'VE BEEN LEADING THE WAY IN TAKING MYSELF FOR GRANTED.

TODAY I LOOKED FOR MCCALL BOOK AND COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE IN CAR AND KNEW IT WASN'T BY BED.

WHERE WAS IT?  AFTER STARTING AND STOPPING STRESSING I RECALLED STARTING TO TIDY LIVING ROOM TO READ AND BECAME DISTRACTED AND IT'S PROBABLY THERE AND NOT MISSING.

ONLY TOOK 2 HRS TO REMEMBER.  SUCH A FUNNY WORD.  REATTACH.

COMPASSION FOR THE YOUNG

JOYCE, JOICE, A SCU STUDENT ASKED TO INTERVIEW ME.  SHE'S SMARTER THAN THE REST.  CHINESE FROM SF.  I WONDER WHY SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE USF.  MAYBE TO BE ON HER OWN.


I WOULDN'T BE YOUNG NOW FOR ANYTHING.  IT'S COMPLEX AND ONLY GOING TO BECOME MORE COMPLICATED. 


IT'S A GREAT TIME FOR CHANGE AND TECHNOLOGY.  NOT SO GOOD FOR BEHAVIORAL PSYCHOLOGY.  ETHICS AND HUMANITY LAG BEHIND. 


POPULATION IS CONTINUING TO INCREASE MEANING THERE WILL BE MORE AND MORE CRAZIES, MORE AND MORE BEASTS.  IT WILL BE HARDER AND HARDER TO FIND FRIENDS.  NO WONDER THERE ARE SO MANY DYSTOPIAN STORIES.  IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH NEGATIVITY AS MUCH AS EXTRAPOLATING A FUTURE TIMELINE. 


MORE AND MORE STRESS.  NO THANKS.

STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT

BECAUSE OF THE CHANGE OF WIND DIRECTION THE SKYLIGHT IS LEAKING IN A NEW SPOT. 


I BOUGHT SO MANY BUCKETS BECAUSE I LIKE USING THEM TO HAUL STUFF AROUND.  NOW I CAN USE THEM AS BUCKETS.


TODAY I'M AT MISSION LIB ON MY WAY HOME FROM CAMPBLIB, SAVERS, $ANC.


DOING NEW LIFE IS EXHAUSTING.  CREATING NEW NEURAL PATHS TAKES A LOT OF ENERGY. 


AND I'M USING NEW BAGS.