monsters

april 2007 pat vorreitor ex mayor sunnyvale arranged closing mom's estate.  alien finally hired personal r/t estate lawyer.  she and mt were still harping on evicting me illegally in california.  since alien refused a financial accounting i suggested settling house vs. cash over 600 k and alien and mt agreed.  so mt the embezzler owns half the house which mom wanted her to have while alien and i split cash but mom never specified so oh well.

watch monday 7 pm pbs 9.2 miranda comedy i looked up seems like another vicar of dibley.  islands of wonder i'm attempting request main.  only took 10 minutes to go through.

seniors 9;43 car#  .  i'm feeling frustrated.  emails can only access one account at a time.  exalted has over 1500.  it will take me some time and a lot of tranquilizers to straighten out face book. 

art walked by and i didn't say anything.  he's not my flock.  i don't have to talk to anyone who doesn't respect me.  wow....  do i want to give him puzzle books sure why not.

2 pm home from dr peter chung.  when i think how anxious i used to feel it's night and day.  i asked about counseling, he doesn't know,  everything referred to member services.  doesn't seem to have eye results.  oh well.

i'm cleaning my emails seems like forever.

debate

i watched the debate.  i even forgot my game shows.  trump was true to form pouting, bullying, interrupting biden and moderator chris wallace.  it was a cobra and mongoose.  i got to see how an adult handles a spoiled child.  reminded me of me and alien.  i'd call her on her lies like biden called out trump.  i've never seen anyone else do it before.

productive day.  picked up lunch, main library drop off pick up, thought about america tire pressore check but on to cupertino library drop off parked in best shady spot ate lunch 84 o.  something didn't agree with me used restroom target looked for portable cd player but battery only so no, back to library pick up.  at stevens creek intersection decided pressure check done home 2;30.

whew.

town hall phone

i'm listening for covid info.  and i'm ready to get mental health. 

i'm feeling ashamed of my animal family.  they look and have the ability to act human but they're not.  more animal than human.  and i'm ashamed.

knowing other people have problems helps.  feels more doable.  possible to surmount.  reading 'emotional resilience' helps.

still sore painful

pain is exhausting.  belly sore to touch.  peristalsis better.  choked down cheerios.

oh, to be pain free too.  watered porch plants.

new tv season no jamie i can do laundry maybe with 2 back braces.   new behaviors new results.  my tailbone throbbing.

ok 3 braces.  went to 3 laundry mats.  prices up.  ended at lucky on scott. 3 loads $3.50 worth it very clean.  i used coin changer despite i don't trust them, washed paper napkin held together lovely cool. 

i called dr chung made appointment wed 1;30.  for stomach and back.

10;12 seniors car #4.  hot sweaty 76 o.  i'm hungry feed me.  i want to get beef and swiss cheese.  i have potatoes, carrots and onions.  got it nob hill.

home f troop.  meatloaf, mash gravy, peas carrots, bread stick.  i hung clothes took hour and half.  watching nimh and igor. 

2;30 too hot i went to seniors and watched movies in portable 'til 6;30 bought chicken and fish sandwiches burger king.  new behaviors i'm trying.  new tv show line up. 

all my problems

are mom.  my relationships to the world are based on my relationship to mom.  i only respond to people who hate and blame me.  i only love people who hate me.

my stomach is so sore.  the good part is my muscles are active and alive.  the pain is terrible horrible and finally accessible alive.  my pain is the lack of mother love i needed to develop.

i ate cheerios with aged milk almost yogurt.  if i leave milk out i can digest the altered lactose.

i'm considering going to senior center cooling station 2-8.  or not.

10 am channel 5.3 cesar 911.  puppy mill dogs.  i can learn new behaviors choices.  shut down.  depressed.  not wanting to be there.  no joy in living.  i was raised in a puppy mill.  i just need patience and time.  no wonder they're bitches.

my sore stomach.  swollen and painful i'm still using grapefruit c's.

3;30 watching classic nbc tv games.  'split personality' tom poston only show he hosted.  best part is the old time commercials.  92 o outside.  since my flu shot i feel cold.  my temp last dental visit was 96. 

7;00-93 o.  now i'm sweating.  feels good.  i used to hate sweating.  new me.

back cramping

those horrible immobilizing pelvic pains grapefruit relieves.  listening to secret cd relaxed me too.  feels like acid is dissolving my intestines.  all that vicodin i took for years.  i wonder doctors are so unconscious.  the pain ripples in peristalsis waves.  pain is exhausting burning through calories.  not a form of weight loss i'd recommend.

fierce hunger fights with fear of pain.  fear of food causing acid pain.  fear that gum will cause acid pain.

watching 'superman marathon' and 'medium' commercial asking for money for abused animals makes me so angry.  where were they when i was being burned, beaten and abused.  kids rights are more important.  human rights.  people make animals more important than people.  commercials for pet food.  what about kids.

waves of pain.

5;30 my eyes are stinging and burning from wind carried smoke. 

3 rainbow baggage straps

i bought them years ago probably a dollar each hoping i'd use them someday or pass them along to someone who needed them.  well, my green robe is missing its belt and the strap fits perfectly with a squeeze buckle so instant on/off.  i love when my seemingly nonsensical behavior proves invaluable.

i watched 'longevity film' and 'becoming nobody' ram dass' ode on death 'til 1;30.  he died 88 shortly after filming.  december 2019.  just before covid or not.  maui hawaii would have gotten it earlier than mainland. 

sitting seniors 9;46 #5 signal is very slow if at all.  i'm very blessed.  i looked on exalted email for jamie grable.  i had dream visitation prompted by jamie catto producer musician for ram dass.

i decided to do nothing.  i walked in the park.  all the avocados are gone.  i have bags of apples and oranges too.  straight home i'm feeling a little sad.  i'm a little tired.  nap attack.  'stuber'.

i re arranged some living room boxes for comfort.  sitting and new stretches.

being

is lovely.  while doing gives me a feeling of purpose.  a reason for living.  i had to earn my place in the family.  i couldn't understand people liking me for no reason.  my family never liked me.  barely tolerated me living.  blamed for living.   crazy bill blamed me when george h w bush was hospitalized for  heart disease.  in the past i always picked crazies like my family.

after a leisurely breakfast of brown rice, apricots and almonds i picked up 3 dvd and dropped off smart book, main library.  i requested stuber this morning and it was ready.  just looking at the cover lifts my spirit. 

on to seniors 10;12 car #5.  i walked around park for half hour leaving avocados for squirrels.  i have more energy from the stretches i did after walter's call.  i'm more authentic.  when i heard him dissembling i said it was ok.  we talked 50 minutes.  i checked out pilates chair online.  not for me.  you tube has lots of senior stretching.

using the yoga ball as a back rest is better support than a pillow. 

i resisted overdoing

hurrah me!!  i'm feeling ok.  not great but ok.  my tendency to do as much as i can is lessening.  i can do when i want rather than being driven by past learned behavior.  i'm not forcing myself to satisfy others delivering avocados or feeling guilty, or waiting to be punished. 

i'm resting in bed 'til 8;20 practicing relaxing.  breathing.  air better not good yet no matter what weather says.  i can tell.  aerobics stretches lung capacity.  i can practice when smoke and fires clear.  my eyes stinging. 

here i am seniors 9;46 #2 car 69 o 69.9 miles enjoying a beautiful day at the park.  i'm writing out bills catching up enjoying myself.  i like being ahead. 

i went to main and remembered hours 3-7 so dropped off boat and proceeded to st just avocados.  parking packed covid testing st j.  john got me eggs, potatoes, onions, carrots, peppers, apple, orange.  2 ham cheese sandwiches, snacks.  i went past toke's too.  i rinsed off the the senior pepper fish, ate brown rice, spinach. 

i can't believe the cops who murdered breonna taylor got off free.  they have license to kill whoever isn't white.  it's a trump world.  the non whites have more murder to look forward to.  200,000 trump murdered with covid.  his attitude on white supremacy gave white officers license to kill.  his soul if he has one is so black.  no light at all a black hole sucking all the energy around him.  i thought the bushes were the devils.  trump makes them look like amateurs.

treasures

i'm using my stored goodies.  i'm wearing my green terry robe.  i put it away when i wasn't sure if i'd live or die i was so sick.  i'm finally on the mend.  i limited my responsibilities by simplifying.

i'm dreaming every night of healing the scars of a lifetime.  my heaven family is helping me process.  they comforted me for my losses.  i actually slept.  i'm still tired and better.  yesterday taught me i can take more time without punishment.  whew.

my teeth and gums are better.  a little sore yesterday good today. 

i brought the chrome to seniors.  i haven't in a long time.  i've been too shell shocked.  i don't understand the need to fight.  ex and alien cried complaining they couldn't help being cruel and continued.  i left in hopes they could be nicer to other people and save their souls.  nit doesn't get it.  negativity poisons the spirit which poisons the body.  i denied who what they were.

selfishness and immaturity created trump and the wildfires.  lack of preparation and foresight.  the only thing trump projects are his failings and faults on other people.  he's classic.  i had to read 'a course in miracles' teachers manual to understand projection.  we're all teachers by the lives we lead.  children learn thoroughly from the example before them.

my nightmares

are memories.  i'm remembering beatings.  i'm a skinny toddler.  mom grabbing me by one arm so i can't get away and hitting me until i retreated into myself.  alien tortured me to avoid beatings.  it satisfied mom to see me tortured.  we moved to isolate.  mom and dad tried to escape grandpa's suicide.  that's when dad started drinking.  auntie k wanted to adopt me to save my life. 

oh, my stomach and back are screaming.  i feel sick and exhausted.  that feeling of not wanting to move is the exhaustion after beatings.  the deep sadness is not being allowed to cry or more beatings.

nit and alien were always axis pretending to be my friend for their own benefit.  i was only a scapegoat to the family.  the mayan sacrificial offering.  my heart cut out on the altar of family preservation.

feels like a knife stabbing my right hip.  my lower back throbbing.  i'm waiting for herbs to take effect.  come on kava muscle relaxer.  i feel so cold.  

i arrived ad at 9;38.  took kava, willow, passion and it went well.  1 filling half deep cleaning half hour.  teeth slightly sore.  $260 so worth it.  second half $260 next month. 

watching morning stretch

exercise  movement brings me here into present.  exercise is an internal massage on a cellular level.  i'm feeling all twitchy.  i'm feeling everything moment to moment.  anger sadness calm nervous everything the entire spectrum.  since feelings are chemicals i can take herbs.  i can drink water eat chips.  i already ate mush with quick and slivered almonds.   no effect.  or i can stay with the feelings.  harsh.

i made it over to lucky's double points free chobani coffee creamer.  fresh turkey drumstick $2.  no idea how i want to cook it. 

10 am cesar 911 rescued dogs.  pound puppies.  helping others is symbolically helping yourself.  giving yourself what you never got from your family what you need.  my family could never understand helping others unless they got paid. 

my right hip hurting.  frequently everything hurts but one pain is strongest and the other pains don't consciously register.

i'm dealing with the fear my sisters may kill me.  both were instrumental in the deaths of my parents maneuvering and manipulating.  and mom threatened to kill me enough times for me to feel fear.  no wonder i feel depressed.  not a lot of joy at home. 

somehow my anxiety over doctors visits is linked to them.  admitting it my tailbone is throbbing.  huh, pain in my bum. 

woke 2 am

watched dale evans and roy rogers dvd.  wiki bios differ from dvd.

my back and stomach are upset.  white willow and grapefruit juice.  my tailbone is so sore.

another spare the air today from midnight to tonight midnight.  now i'm coughing and sleepy.

i ate more squash rice and corn chili.  squash corn beans complete protein.  the senior scone is delicious. 

i'm just doing what i know.  putting one foot after the other.  i keep on keeping on.

i'm feeling so sad missing the parents i never had.  feeling alone all one.  watching 'rise of skywalker' i cry for all of us who never had parents.  my parents included.

2 pm i'm finally warm enough to take off my robe.  i'm staying in pajamas all day.  i may be reacting to my flu shot.

for dinner i toasted my sandwich, lettuce salad with pickles i found in the cupboard. 

another year

i woke at 3 and 6 watching dale evans.  the clock went off 6;25.  i leisurely got up, ate cheerios with milk, dressed, closed up the house.  i watched split second, brushed my teeth and left 7;32. 

arrived at care more atherton 10 minutes early and rested in my car.  appointment went well, got my flu shot, blood and urine test results ok.  i lost a few pounds i think due to the muscle mass loss i've noticed this month in my thighs and calves.  muscles finally relaxing.  i remembered to mention i quit smoking january.  i'm soon to be 70.  the different stages of life.     

i was done 9;09 too early for seniors so i went to walmart to pay pge and found clearance grapefruit packets.  10/$3.  i wanted more grapefruit for my stomach and voila. 

senior 9;56 #3.  straight home with lunch and weekend sandwiches.  lunch heavy salty soy sauce.  so i added squash i cooked last night delicious.  i completely forgot chips in car last night. 

watching 'sybil' on tv i used to go numb.  my mom was crazy.  when i was 8 i thought the entire world was crazy but it started with my family.  it's quite different accepting reality.  i was feeling upset and now feel calm.  for the first time in my life i've never felt so calm. 

feeling depressed

it's been 6 months of covid and my back isn't better i forgot re injuring when the step broke and i compressed my back again not wearing back brace and my neck hurting.  i wonder if i'm shorter.  i'll find out tomorrow.

every other breath is a yawn.

i went to seniors 9;41 #2 car.  i went to main library and stood in long line 40 minutes behind old white woman complaining of wait.  pick up was cancelled for weeks.  i reminded her how great to get things free and be able to breathe after 30 days of smoke.  i kept stretching and moving.  i was hot and sweaty standing in partial shade.  4 dvds 1 book. 

i realized i don't need to deliver avocados i need to harvest allergy plant.  i'm putting myself first.  new behavior i keep forgetting and remembering.

i've almost finished drinking the kombucha i keep buying by accident on clearance.  that reminds me of the kombucha i drank for years after i got the mushroom from paula nunes metaphysical bookstore owner cupertino homestead wolfe.

pelvis

stomach.  a lot of my exhaustion due to air quality and cells healing being replaced.  i still want to cry.  i'm tired.  i feel drained.  i keep sighing.  i feel my clock running down.

when i was getting my divorce i was focused on survival.  i don't know how i felt.  i was too busy staying afloat.  with covid isolation and no predators i don't know what i want.

i'm watching zathura special features kristen stewart is skinny like i was as a child.  no wonder the family hated me.   i looked so healthy.  young strong healthy.  i'm feeling that hate.  waves coming at me.  in flashback.

it sprinkled just before i left and i water bottled washed the windows.  i left the window open so i got out perfect time.  i picked up lunch 9;48 #3 car monroe detour repairs.  tamale pie yum.

2;30  i have 5 dvd at main.  i just remembered main hours 3-7 today.  i tried internet for 2 hours with no response and felt scared and totally isolated like my childhood.  toke lives with a niece but has no internet i wonder how she copes.

i fell asleep to zathura for half hour that felt like forever.  growing old is weird.  on the inside i feel the same as my body changes.  i guess that's why i want house yard to reflect me.

knute rockne

lars his father a carriage maker in norway.  only in america could a kid's game player make a career of it.  i still can't understand the value of spectator sports.

i didn't sleep having overextended.  i enjoyed dancing around the house and i didn't feel pain only restless.

t'm feeling so tired and depressed.  i was feeling so tired i was nauseous.  i drank some 04 and felt better.  i went dollar store for mouthwash and flip clerk asked me if i wanted 25 cent clearance i found 8.  on to seniors 9;35 car #2.  i hid inside rainbow book.  i wouldn't have survived my family without vacationing in books.  books gave me distance from the soul shriveling hatred and fear.  and because my spirit shrank from their vitriol i became a target of scorn perceived and labeled as weak.  the strongest child is traditionally singled out for the best chance of family survival.  the scapegoat to sacrifice and blame.  i survived my soul bloodied and scarred for other predators to hunt.  the animal instinct still survives in all of us.  not acting as a predator makes us human.  otherwise we're still animals.

little kid

i'm feeling restless and frustrated.  i watched 2 stretches and feel loose.

i always forget split second starts 3 minutes early.

i went and got gas due to articles saying monday is cheapest.  $2.799/gal and no receipt.  i wrote my own.  mileage and cost of fill up 23.70.  what are the odds. 

on to target 2 mark down salads $4.98 total.  avoided monroe road work too.  drinking burger king coffee.  seniors 9;46 #3 car.  drove homestead to drop off return cup 4 dvd and book.  cup pge office covid temporarily closed.  i wanted to pay my bill.  i'll go to walmart.  decided to explore sunny vale neighborhood to dollar store.  remembered the monacks.  such a lovely family.  dollar store long lunch time lines.

my head neck, jaw, teeth hurt.  well that was weird.  i highlighted teeth to correct spelling and it erased entire word.  the entire day feels weird.  feels like my head is screwed on too tight.

i'll watch godzilla vs gigan and ghidorah.  fits my day.

case of the missing dvd case

now i know depression leads to less than perfect behavior.  i couldn't find the j 3 case when i put in the 4th dvd.   i looked living room, bed room everywhere i might have carried it to.  finally i took a flashlight and hunted.  it had fallen open behind and under the chair so it was black and invisible.

which means i need to cut mom and dad more slack.  grand dad's alcoholism and suicide lead to bad decisions.

new format

blogger went down and disconnected last night.  i had to reconfigure.  people are set on complicating life when they have nothing to do.  they can't just enjoy what is.  that's how we ended up with covid 19.  developers cut down forest disturbing bats who went seeking new homes in farming areas spreading virus to which they were immune.  and instead of studying their immunity humans start from zero.

success and failure reside within us.

i'm finally mourning dad.  my body is releasing the sadness and depression of a lifetime.   i think the body work is releasing cellular memories.

i watched the 3 jumanji's and now zathura.  so violent. 

i went to lucky's for lettuce completely forgetting h2o4.  at burger king i decided on croissant breakfast.  i'm planning for next week. 

whatever i want.

in the shelter of home it's hard to grasp europe's second wave of infection.   it's hard for me to focus on me and what i want.  i'm so habituated to what others want.  tv news thinks it's still wave one.

i stayed in bed 'til 8 am after watching 'aging backwards' dvd since waking at 5.  relaxing is hard after a life of stress.  relaxing allows muscles increased healing.  relaxed muscles stretch further.  better circulation blood flow.

given everything i still need to do i'm reasonably stressed.  practicing relaxation is new and hard.  there's always something needs doing.  because of covid everything is stopped.

i called to renew roadside assistance and talked to a live person rebecca in menlo park.  usually it's a robot phone tree.  so i changed charge cards because of the chase fiasco with the cancellation and new account when i called to activate new expiration date.  she also took my car insurance payment.  i forgot to upgrade non smoker discount. 

feeling tired

my entire life has been being the good mother.  and i'm tired of taking care or everyone.  i'm tired of taking care of me.  i was always distracted by everyone else's needs never having a chance of knowing what i wanted because i never mattered to anyone else.  not because i wanted to but because my childhood survival depended on it.  i was trained to be a selfless caretaker.  i never had a choice before and i'm tired.  after a lifetime i'm finally having time to myself and i'm feeling my exhaustion.  a life without the distractions of people needing me.

i'm back to being me.  just me.

dental exam was quick.  i need deep cleaning so 2 appointments half at a time with novacaine no pain.  2 small cavities need crowns.  from extensive resurfacing.  2 weeks to recover y equanimity. 

so seniors 9;36 #3 i contemplated laundry i already did enough today. 

after resting i remembered to try cd in karaoke machine.  $10 st justin years ago i never tried it before worked great.  i prefer listening without ear phones.  i like the sound to wash over me. 

i called tom he doesn't want the deck back. 

karaoke dream

i woke 1 and 3.  dreaming i'm in a club singing karaoke i realized i can try cd in machine in closet.  watched fresh off the boat ate left over mac n cheese i made for dinner.  brushed my teeth i love the feel of clean.

i'm watching danny thomas show channel 11.4.  dentist.  i love my new dentist.  tomorrow exam.  i'm feeling excited finding out.

the air is still bad and i'm feeling it.  at least it isn't an orange sky like yesterday.  it felt so weird.  i have oxygen water which helps.  when i smoked i couldn't feel it. 

classical stretch the more relaxed the muscles the more benefit.  that's the missing info.  being muscle bound takes more effort.

the more relaxed the further the stretch.

the oxygen water helps.  as soon as i drink i feel stronger more normal.  costs more and i'm worth it.  it's why i save on other things to have money for what i need. 

i called tom he thought i had cancelled wanted to postpone.  he was worried about renewing his dmv license.  may 9th it expired.  he called they extended 1 yr.  so typical.  i told him i had avocados to drop off he had cd console deck ready for me.  not boom box.  maybe with tv.  i have wires.

i felt pretty good and went to target for portable zilch zero out of stock for 2 months.  short drive to danny's recycle $8.42+ quarter someone left.  home and lunch 12;30.

tired and happy.

so lovely cool

best overcast day.  the smoke has covered the entire bay. 

i steamed carrots to glaze w/balsamic, broccoli parmesan omelet.  my thinking has changed.  i used to buy in bulk to bring down price.  i'm eating smaller amounts in greater variety.

i want to buy portable cd player target.  i may go after noon in the cool.  or not.  no matter.  i'm important.  my health and what i want.  i'm learning.  painful and necessary.

1;20 pm that was lucky robo call flu clinic reminder made me aware my phone fell between couch cushions before i looked for it and panicked.  so i called farrah at atherton to ensure i'm getting my vaccine during my check up.  yes.

it's as dark today as an eclipse.  it's as lighted as 6 am.  weirdly spooky and still.  i'm experiencing it entirely.  no tv.  no dvd.   no music.  no running from it.  totally embracing the experience.

reading 9/7/20 reuters' news story 2018 trump appropriated 'stole' art from the american ambassador's mansion rather than attend memorial service for american military buried in french cemetery.  i could understand things from the embassy but not from the home.  when his excuse was the dead were losers.

he's just like my sisters.  and no one cares.  like tom not backing me when i complained.

luck vs. wisdom-masculine vs feminine

65 o cooler and humidity 78%.  overall it's 15% for the day.  hopefully the fires will be put out soon.  the air quality is still smoky.

feeling good to ok i must discipline myself not to overdo.  the proper balance of doing and being.  i checked on plants water levels. loaded car with recycle and laundry.  then i laughed to myself.  i can drive around with it for days.  i don't have to do anything.

mom labeled me lazy, stupid and lucky.   she taught me to look at what people do with what they say so i knew trump was a dangerous liar.  her example taught me to look at results and compare to the rhetoric.  she labeled me lazy because i couldn't find value in doing pointless things.  she labeled me stupid because i couldn't accept her ways of doing things if an easier way was obvious.  she labeled me lucky to discount and denigrate how much work it took to stay conscious and research.  she wanted me pliable to manipulate.  she and trump set up every one for failure so they can rush in and rescue creating dependency.  probably how they were raised too.  the masculine pattern limits intelligence.  co-dependency requires not asking too many questions.

the feminine way is nurturing and empowering.  i have my wet towels for cool down and breathing.

up since 5

getting ready for cooling senior center.  ate cheerios, cooked 2 eggs, almond butter for veggies. 

compared to other seniors i'm doing alright.

watered plants, watched matlock, couldn't get jamie.  no channel 5 reception.  playing on computer games. 

12;30 i went b king for fish and whopper.  considered chicken maybe tomorrow.  or fried chicken.  arr at 1 pm senior cooling 101 o already.  brought cd player, computer, all current books, looking over otc medicare. 

took an hour to stop sweating.  2;30 pm 108 o in shade.  went out to car remembered gum i needed hand lotion. 

feeling ambitious-another heat wave 108 o

3;30-6;30 watched 'boat'.  then 'stretch' and 'get smart' ate brownie and chips.  watered plants, heated rice turkey onions.  still feeling strong so washed hair, showered.  feeling sticky and oily. 

making lunch of raw veggies, boiled eggs.  i can get burger king later.  or whatever i want. 

'get smart' is so racist.  it makes fun of everybody and everything so it isn't offensive just cleverly dumb.  it makes racism the province of stupid people thereby proving racism stupid. 

while watching a good cesar 911 episode tv reception went out.  i tried moving antenna.  when it's this hot maybe the tower is out.  channels 2 and 7 left.  and now it's back so the transmission is restored..

so i'm watching the 'last of sheila' a murder mystery.  i had to google it to find out what was going on.

i can't believe it's 9/6.  finally time is moving along.

went to burger king 2/$5 fish and whopper.  i saved veggie tray ate broccoli, carrots, celery, 2 perfectly boiled eggs.  ate fish wich, drank iced tea.  108 o at 3 pm.  i'm feeling delightfully sleepy. 

pretty sweet

steamed and ate fourth last bbq pork bao.  so good.  the pork is gross gristle and fat but the bun and sauce are good.  i guess worth not having to cook myself.  the inari sushi was better than nob hill.  not as sweet.

watched get smart weekend marathon.  still makes me laugh.  'not the craw the craw.'  'diplomat's daughter.'  ate cheerios.  i have to keep reminding myself i'll do laundry and recycle next week.  i watered plants.  checked danny's recycle open 7 not sunday or labor day.  i have all wednesday admission day holiday for recycle and laundry.

so i have all the time in the world.  nothing i need to do.  i keep calming myself. 

i mailed the last oct/nov/dec medicare payment.  next year it comes out directly from soc sec benefits.  if i go to work wages no longer gets penalty. 

arrived seniors cooling at 1 pm opening.  i toasted 2 senior lunch sandwiches, boiled 2 toshiba auto eggs, tuna snack, 2 apples.  i'm playing big time.

H2O4

dreamed we were living under the sea.  low no air.

oxygen water.  i bought 2 at lucky's picked up free chobani yogurt and lawrence only had one veg tray 100 bonus points sell by yesterday.  produce manager chris sold 8.99 to me for $3.  works out to 600 bonus points.  used $2 expiring reward points.

went to seniors 9;57 #7 car.  felt sick drank oxygen water felt so much better.  lots of food for 2 holidays.  then i went to scu safe way for sushi made special inari only.  free smart water.  bought bbq pork bao.

home ate lunch rested feeling sick again.  so hungry.  i can put things away later.  in cool bedroom.

lovely cool

went to flora vista chase withdrawal.  smooth.  dollar store 5 chips.  senior lunch 1 meatball 9;47 #4.  not on menu i feel like a fool filling it out.  i called justin re avocados.  i drove by and he came out to pick up.   on to safe way potty.  clearance big jar choc hazelnut spread, slivered almonds.

on to star one deposit.  drove by st just dropped off avocados to john,  home.


i'm feeling good about home.  of course it's easier when the weather is perfect.  i'm tired in part the sweets. 3 pb cookies.  lunch was so little i filled up with kettle chips.  i want to read chitty bang. 

all done

after a sleepless night from too much stretch yesterday watching fresh off the boat and secret cd i watched split second and stretch ate veg noodle soup for breakfast and went to dentist.  15 minutes to glue.  arrived seniors 9;26 #1.  i'm #1 i'm #1 in my life.  it's taken covid to get me here.

my back and legs were very uncomfortable stomach upset.  my back hurts and i chose wisely to come home.  sipping grapefruit calmed my nausea. 

in two weeks i'll fresh start dentist treatment.  miss alex the receptionist wanted me this friday but too soon for me.  2 week break perfect for me. i need the rest.  i'm being gentle with me.  i'm using compassion with me.

i still have banking to do.  i thought about it today and decided i needed rest more. tomorrow good.

i still have laundry and recycle to do.