STILL SAD

I NAPPED TWO HOURS.  MAYBE JUST DEPRESSED.  I MAY BE DETOXING TOO QUICKLY.  I'M NOT SURE.  I FEEL SO ALONE PHYSICALLY.  I NEED SO MUCH DONE AROUND HERE AND FEEL SO TIRED.

I BOUGHT SEAFOOD SALAD FOR LUNCH AND I HAVE ROLLS, LETTUCE MIX.  I WENT G2, SFWY, NEW MICHAEL'S GRAND OPENING, MARIA SFWY OVERCHARGED ME $.49 AND THAT MADE ME SAD, LUCKY'S.  MAYBE I DID TOO MUCH.

I HAVE SO MUCH TO BE GRATEFUL FOR AND STILL FEEL TIRED.

I WANT THE WORLD TO BE HAPPY.  I WANTED ERIC TO BE HAPPY.  HE WAS MY COUNTERPART.  SO MANY SIMILARITIES IN OUR LIVES.

MAYBE I WANT TOO MUCH

I DREAMED A WALL EYED TRUCK DRIVER TAPPING ON MY DRIVER'S CAR WINDOW TO TELL ME ERIC HAD BEEN RUN OVER BY A TRUCK AND DIED.  I KNEW HIS DAD DIED RUN OVER NOT ERIC.

I'VE NEVER BEEN A CHILD

I'M LEARNING HOW.  I PRAY FOR THE KIDS TODAY.  SO MANY OF THEM DON'T HAVE REAL PARENTS.

AT LEAST I'VE HAD LOTS OF EXAMPLES OF NOT TO BE OR DO.  THEY HAVE NOTHING.  I THINK A LOT ARE DROPPED OFF, ABANDONED.  NO WONDER THERE ARE SO MANY ANGRY YOUNG MEN SHOOTING UP SCHOOLS, TERRORIZING THE WORLD THAT TERRIFIES THEM.  THEY'RE ADRIFT AND SCARED, CONFUSED.

MY GUILT OVER ERIC AND MOM AND EVERYTHING ELSE IS LEFT OVER FROM BEING A KID AND BLAMED FOR EVERYTHING LIKE I COULD CONTROL ANYTHING.  SOMETIMES NOT EVEN MYSELF.

AND I FORGIVE MYSELF.

DEALING WITH IT

I'M STILL MOURNING ERIC.  SUCH A TRAGIC LIFE AND DEATH.  I THOUGHT I WAS OK.  I VISITED HIM EVERY OTHER DAY HIS LAST WEEK.  I STILL EXPECTED HE'D PULL THROUGH AGAIN.  HE PASSED HALF HOUR BEFORE I GOT THERE.

SO I'M TAKING EXTRA SPECIAL CARE OF MYSELF.  INGA GAVE ME HER BBQ CHICKEN, CORN BREAD,  REAL CHILI BEANS, SALAD.  SHE HAD BURGER ON THE PATIO BBQ.  TYGJ AND INGA.

I THINK JUSTIN REMINDS ME OF A.T.  COOL,  BLACK, COMFORTABLE, GOOD LISTENER, COMPASSIONATE HEART.

I FEEL BETTER SEEING HIM.  I PICKED UP AND RETURNED CAMPBELL LIBRARY AND DECIDED TO DROP IN MISSION.  BEA SAID I COULD RETURN CHROME AND PICKUP FROM HERE.  THEY'RE CLOSED SUNDAYS AND HAVEN'T GOTTEN THEIR OWN YET SO I'LL PICK UP CENTRAL.  I DON'T HAVE TO GO MAIN LIBRARY TODAY.

JUSTIN

I THINK HE'S CONNECTED TO THE UNIVERSE.  HE LISTENS AND OFFERS FEEDBACK.

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND MY CRUSH.  I'VE NEVER HAD A CRUSH ON ANYONE.

WHAT IS IT?

I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD A SINGLE UNCLE.  NO.  DUE DILIGENCE.

KARAOKE KIDS

I MET ERIC 1992 WHILE WAITING FOR TRAFFIC TO CLEAR.  I WAS WORKING IN PALO ALTO AND LOS ALTOS BAR AND GRILL HAD K KIDS.  I WAITED AN HOUR TERRIFIED I'D BE CALLED.  I WAS AFRAID OF THE MICROPHONE.  MY HOUR WAS UP AND I LEFT.  NEXT TIME I SAW THEM WAS SARATOGA ART WINE.  THEY WERE ONLY TAKING KIDS SIGN UPS.  I THOUGHT I HAD COMPLETED MY PART.  I WAS WILLING.

THE COURSE IN MIRACLES SAYS THAT'S ALL THAT'S NECESSARY.

ERIC WAS STARTING A NEW CLUB IN WILLOW GLEN A BLOCK FROM WHERE I WAS LIVING.  I DECIDED TO TRY THERE.  ALWAYS GOING THE EXTRA MILE.  I HAD A PANIC ATTACK AND PERSEVERED.  FROM THERE I FOLLOWED TO MOUNTAIN VIEW AND SAN JOSE.  HE BECAME MY CAR MECHANIC AND WAS A MAGICIAN.  BEING JAPANESE I UNDERSTOOD HIS LIFE AND HISTORY.  HE WITNESSED HIS FATHER BEING BRUTALLY KILLED BY A DRUNK IN 1998 THE WEEK AFTER ERIC BECAME ENGAGED.  HE WAS THE BROTHER I DIDN'T HAVE AND ALWAYS WANTED.

HE DIED LAST YEAR 10 DAYS AFTER HIS 61 BIRTHDAY.  I DREAMED OF HIM AND AWOKE SOBBING.  IT WAS CLEAR FROM THE DREAM HE DIED THE DAY HIS FATHER WAS KILLED.  IN THE DREAM HE DIED IN A TRAFFIC ACCIDENT WHILE ACTUALLY I VISITED HIM IN O'CONNOR 3 X THE WEEK BEFORE HE DIED.  I'M STILL MOURNING.

I'M SAD WE HAVEN'T HAD HAPPIER LIVES.

AND NOW I KNOW WHY I BOUGHT THE CAR 6-30.  ERIC DIED 6-13 AND LOUISE HAY 8-30.  AND I REVISITED AFFIRMATIONS.

SO FAST-SAT 9/22

SATURDAY I WENT TO G3 ARQUES EARLY AND THEN SRS, AND WALKED OVER TO MISSION RE-OPENING 10 AM.  ARRIVED 15 MIN. B4 AND ATE 7 CAKE BITES.

IT'S WONDERFUL.  BOOKS, DVDS, ALL NEW.  10-6 M,TU,FRI SAT.  11-8 WED&THU.

THE COMPUTERS ARE HIGH DEFINITION AND EVERYTHING IS IN THE SCREEN.  THE KIDS ARE SO NOISY.  SCREEN TIME IS 90 MINUTES AND I HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT THE NEW MEDIA PLAYER YET.  I STARTED WATCHING FANTASTIC BEASTS.  SO BEAUTIFUL.

1:20 pm-SO FRUSTRATING!!!  I TRIED GETTING IN AND IT SAID UNUSUAL ACTIVITY SO I GO OUT TO THE CAR FOR MY CLUES AND IT LETS ME IN WITHOUT IT.  I'M SURE BECAUSE I LOGGED IN FROM THE NEW COMPUTER AT MISSION ON SATURDAY.  I TRIED ON THE CHROME BUT THE SIGNAL TOO WEAK.  CAME BACK UPSTAIRS SRS AND VOILA.

I CAN GET 90 MINUTES HERE AND ANOTHER 90 MISSION AND 120 CENTRAL.  ALL DAY COVERAGE.

I GET SO ANGRY.  MY FEET HURT DUE TO FIXING NEUROPATHY.  THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR NUMBNESS.

THE SOUTHERN CAL FIRES ARE IRRITATING MY EYES AND NOSE.

GOLDEN MOTORCYCLES

I BOUGHT A BOOK WEDNESDAY AT CAMPBELL BY JACK CANFIELD.  IT'S AN ALLEGORY OF HIS LIFE AND ADVERTISING FOR ALL THE NEW AGE GROUPS.  I'VE READ HALF OF IT. 

COMMISERATION

LUNCH HAS BEEN TERRIBLE.  YESTERDAY'S FISH, TODAY'S CHICKEN W/O ALFREDO.  THE EGG NOODLES DRY AND OILY AT THE SAME TIME.  SOGGY BROCCOLI. 

AT LEAST I GOT GOOD DVDS FROM BOOKMOBILE AND CAMPBELL.  I GOT CROCODILE DUNDEE 1 & 2. 

TIRED TUESDAY EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE

DID A LOT YESTERDAY.  GOT GAS SWAM 1 HR 15 MIN.  LIB CHROME RETURN.  ST J PAY BORROWED $2.  ALL MANICALLY.

I'M TAKING IT EASY.  LUNCH WAS BAD.  THEY COOKED THE FISH WITH CILANTRO AND GREEN BELL,  RED AND TOMATO, ONIONS WAS FINE.  OVERDID CILANTRO BROWN RICE.  MADE CARROT RAISIN SALAD TASTE SPOILED OR MAYBE IT WAS.

MANIC MONDAY

I FELT SO GOOD 4:30 AM.  I'M HAVING A GREAT DAY.  I REMEMBERED SMOKES, PAPAYA, CELERY.  I'M HERE AT MLIB TO TURN IN CHROME.  LIFE IS GOOD AND GETTING BETTER.

CELERY IS LIKE A NATURAL HIGH.  I'VE BEEN TALKING A MILE A MINUTE.  THAT'S 60/HR. 

INTERMITTENT

THE COMPUTER RECEPTION FADES IN AND OUT AT HOME.  THE NETWORK IS IFFY.  SOMETIMES A NET NO WORK.  SO I'M CONTINUING TO REASSESS MY THINKING.  I'M SO CONDITIONED TO JUDGE MYSELF.  I CAN STILL HEAR THE CRITICISMS IN THE BACKGROUND OF MY MIND.  MUST BE STORED IN MY BODY SOMEWHERE.  IT'S ALL LEAVING, MAKING ROOM FOR NEW. 

slowly

I'M LEARNING TO LIVE MY LIFE.  MY EARLIEST MEMORY OF MY MOM WAS HER DRAGGING ME ALONG TO AND FROM THE STORE, HURRYING ME, CRITICIZING MY BABY LEGS.  LIKE I COULD HELP IT.

AUNTY KATCHAN WHO WAS RICH WANTED TO ADOPT ME.  DAD WOULDN'T LET HER.  SO DUMB.  FREE MEAL TICKET.  BUT HE WAS JEALOUS THEN, ALWAYS.  LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE SINCE.  HABITS TAKE A LOT OF WORK.  A LIFETIME OF BAD HABITS TAKE EQUAL ENERGY TO CHANGE.  NOT TIME, ENERGY.  HENCE, MIRACLES.  MIRACLES ARE INSTANT.  NO TIME.

FIRST I HAD TO SEE MY SITUATION.  REALIZE MY PART IN PERPETUATION.  THEN DECIDE WHAT I WANT, LOOK, FEEL, TASTE, ETC.  AND PRACTICE SOMETHING NEW.

SO AFTER EXERCISING I CONSIDERED GOING TO SC OR CUPERTINO OR STAYING IN SUNNYVALE AND DECIDED I WANTED TO RETURN HOME, THE PLACE OF PAST TORMENT AND LONELINESS AND THE NEW HAVEN OF PEACE AND JOY.  I WANT TO READ AND ENJOY MY THINGS. 

I'M FEELING MELLOW.

THE CARNE ASADA WAS PRETTY GOOD AND WE'RE#1 TODAY.  RICH AND ROBT HAD LUNCH SO THE TABLE WASN'T EMPTY.  AND MARILYN GAVE ME GERDA'S PAPER.  I HAVE EXTRA TEA FOR THE WEEKEND.  I WANT TO TRY MONK FRUIT SWEETENER.

I FORGOT MY CELERY AT HOME AND MY SHOULDER INSULATED COOLER DISAPPEARED FROM THE KITCHEN HANGING RACK.  OH, WELL.

I AM REPLETE.

PRINCESS BRIDE/CEDAR BLDG

YESTERDAY I FOLLOWED INGE TO HER HOUSE TO PICK UP HER RECYCLE.  SHE HAS DESIGNED A BEAUTIFUL STORYBOOK HOME FULL OF LOVE.  HER MOTHER NEEDLE POINTED SO MANY PICTURES WITH SO MANY HUMMEL FIGURINES.  TYGJ.  KNOWING THIS WORLD EXISTS IS ENOUGH FOR ME.

MOM ALWAYS WHINED OF NOT HAVING BEAUTIFUL THINGS.  SHE WAS NEVER WILLING TO TAKE CARE OF ANYTHING.  SOMEONE ELSE HAD TO DO IT.  NO WONDER DAD WAS A GROUCH.  AILEEN'S CHILDHOOD WAS WARPED BECAUSE OF IT.  THEY HAD CHILDREN TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY THOUGHT THEY WANTED.  CHILDREN HAVING CHILDREN.  I HAD TO BE AN ADULT TO SURVIVE.

I THINK A LOT OF ADULT CHILDREN DEVELOP DEMENTIA IN AN ATTEMPT TO RECAPTURE CHILDHOOD.

I'M SO EXCITED TO BE INCLUDED IN ROSE MARIE'S LUNCH INVITATION.  THE VAN WAS LATE.  JET THE GENERAL MANAGER FOR ATRIA 7 1/2 ACRES OF CONDO-HOTEL LIVING WITH KOI FISH POND, SWIMMING POOL, FORMAL DINING ROOM-RESTAURANT, FIREPLACE,  ETC...LUXURY SENIOR LIVING.  ATTENDANTS ON CALL.  PRETTY SWEET.  MERIDIAN PAST HAMILTON LEFT ON LENN. RT INTO FIRST PKG LOT, BLDG TO RIGHT.

4pm-I JUST FINISHED THE CHICKEN SALAD CROISSANT.  I HAD THE SALMON PATTY AND COLESLAW AT LUNCH.  MY WEDDING SOUP HAD NO MEATBALLS, SMALL PORTION SO I WAS STILL HUNGRY.  ROSE MARIE TOOK US TO HER APT.  AND SMALL CAFE ROOM WITH SANDWICHES, BROWNIES, SOUP SO I TOOK ONE, ELSIE TWO.

I NEVER IMAGINED LIFE COULD BE THIS GOOD.

911 WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY-TIKKUN OLAM

17 YEARS.

MIRRORS REFLECT BACK MORE LIGHT THAN GOES IN.  MY DISAPPOINTMENT WITH OTHER PEOPLE WAS MY SEEING MY REFLECTION IN OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT SEEING THEM AS THEY ARE WHETHER  CONSCIOUS CHOICE OR UNCONSCIOUS.

EMERGENCY-THE OPPORTUNITY TO STEP UP.  WHAT IS EMERGING, UNFOLDING?

FRED ROGERS DIED TWO YEARS AFTER 911.  I THINK IT MADE HIM QUESTION WHETHER HIS LIFE SERVED ANY PURPOSE.  HIS SON DESCRIBED HIM AS THE SECOND COMING OF CHRIST.  MAYBE HE WAS.  IF CHRIST CAME BACK WOULD WE RECOGNIZE HIM?

HE BELIEVED IN TIKKUN OLAM-JEWISH-REPAIR THE WORLD.  HE LIVED IT.

HE WAS VILIFIED AND HORRIBLE GOSSIP, LIES AND RUMORS, PUBLISHED ABOUT HIM.  SPECULATION HE WAS GAY.  HAD BEEN A NAVY SEAL AND KILLED OVER 40.  LIES. 

AT HIS MEMORIAL SERVICE THEY PROTESTED ACROSS THE STREET SAYING HE ACCEPTED GAYS.  WOULDN'T CHRIST HAVE ACCEPTED GAYS AS BEING MADE BY GOD?  THE FIRST STONE.

HOW STRONG MUST ANYONE BE TO TOLERATE THE HORRORS.  THE WORST IS THE HUMAN CONDITION.  PEOPLE WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN TRY TO PULL DOWN OTHERS.

LOVELY

ADMISSION DAY.  I WENT TO G2 AND SWAM THE LAP POOL.  SAFEWAY ZERO.  SAFEWAY MARIA CHEESECAKE FACTORY ROLLS.  LUCKY'S 4 JERKY, 2 HEINZ BBQ SAUCE.  THEN I DECIDED I WANTED MCD KIDS MEAL FROM HOMESTEAD.  YUM, HURRAY!!  CHOCOLATE MILK NOT OFFERED SRS MCD.

I SEWED SHORTS TO SKIRT, BAGGED ROLLS, PUT EVERYTHING AWAY.  I ATE SOUP ADDED CELERY AND PEAS, AND CROISSANTS.

I WATCHED DVD PLEASE MURDER ME, 1956 FILM NOIR ANGELA LANSBURY, RAYMOND BURR.  AILEEN ALL OVER.  IF ONLY I'D SEEN IT BEFORE.  GOOD MOVIE.

2001 WAS SO BAD.  DAD DIED 9-5-1999, MOM 5-1-2001, 9-11-2001 FOUR MONTHS LATER I'M BEDRIDDEN FROM WRECKING MY BACK THE NIGHT MOM DIED.  I AWAKE 6:30, TURN ON THE TV CHANGING CHANNELS,  EVERY CHANNEL THE SAME SO I TURN UP THE SOUND AND CAMERAS ARE ON BURNING TOWER I THOUGHT WAS A MOVIE.  THE SOUND ANNOUNCES WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY TERRORISTS IN MANHATTAN.  AS I WATCH, THE SECOND JETLINER CRASHES AND I'M CRYING,  GRATEFUL MOM IS ALREADY DEAD.  IT WOULD HAVE KILLED HER.

AILEEN MOVES IN LOOTING EVERYTHING IN THE HOUSE.  AND THE HELL INTENSIFIES.  TOOK 5 LAWYERS AND A LOT OF MONEY TO GET HER OFF MY ACHING BACK.

STILL PROCESSING

I GUESS I'LL ALWAYS BE WORKING ON MYSELF, ADJUSTING AND ADAPTING.

10:16 CUPERTINO LIBRARY.  IT STILL FEELS STRANGE TO BE ABLE TO EXERCISE, SHOWER, SHOP WITHOUT FORCING MYSELF, WATCHING THE CLOCK WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY, MY LIFELONG COMPANIONS.  I NEVER FELT ALONE.  I WAS TOO BUSY WITH FEAR AND ANXIETY.  TURNED IN PG WODEHOUSE.  SOMEONE REQUESTED HIM.  IMAGINE THAT.  I'M NOT ALONE AFTER ALL.  MY FAMILY RIDICULED AND HUMILIATED ME FOR MY CHOICES IN EVERYTHING.  I LEARNED NOT TO CARE WHAT OTHERS THINK.

I DIDN'T WATCH MORNING WITH LOUISE.  I KNOW LIFE GOES BETTER WHEN I DO.  I'M ACTING HUMAN.

I HAVE MY EARBUDS.  I CAN WATCH LOUISE ON YOU TUBE.

EVERY THOUGHT AFFECTS OUR BODIES.  THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS AFFECT OUR CHEMISTRY.  THAT'S WHY AFFIRMATIONS WORK.

WOW!!!

had to turn in chrome.

I'M BACK.  I CHECKED MY ACCOUNT AND GOT ONE OF THE 3 AVAILABLE.  I GOT RATTLED.  I WENT TO LUCKY'S FOR MY FREE CHIPS WITH HALF HOUR SO DECIDED TO PAY CITI WHICH NOW REQUIRES PASSWORD ISSUED WITH CARD.  I CALLED CUSTOMER SERVICE MISSY NO HELP.  I HAD THE LETTER TAPED AT HOME.  I WENT ONLINE AND PAID IT.  I HAVE TO CHECK EMAILS. 

CYCLES

FROM THE TROUGH I'M ON THE WAY BACK UP TO THE TOP OF THE WAVE.  THE SINE WAVE OF THE CYCLE OF LIFE.

SOMETIMES IT'S A SPIRAL EVER CLIMBING.  WHENEVER I REVISIT AN EXPERIENCE FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE I KNOW I'M TRAVELING THE SPIRAL.

GOD IS THE CENTER OF THE KARMIC WHEEL.  WE RESIDE ON THE SPOKES OF THE WHEEL.  THE FARTHER WE ARE FROM GOD THE HIGHER AND LOWER THE AMPLITUDE, THE LIFE EXPERIENCES.  THE CLOSER WE ARE TO GOD , THE CENTER, THE STRAIGHTER OUR PATH ALONG THE GRAPH OF LIFE.

DAD

AND ALL THE MEN IN MY EXPERIENCE WERE AFRAID OF WOMEN.

THEIR MOTHERS.  THEY NEVER GREW UP AND LEARNED THEIR MOTHERS WERE JUST PEOPLE.  SO THEY FIGHT AND FEAR THE WOMEN AROUND THEM.

AND I HAVE TO GIVE THEM UP.  I RELEASE THEM TO THE UNIVERSE.

I HAVE YET TO MEET AN ADULT MALE.  EXCEPT FOR FRED ROGERS WON'T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR DOCUMENTARY.

STILL

SPENT THE DAY PUZZLING.  MY BACK AND NECK ARE SORE.  MY LEFT ARM AND HAND ARE SORE,  LIKE 1972.  ACHING.

DAD'S DEATHIVERSAY

I'M FEELING BETTER.  SAD AND OK WITH IT.  NOT REALLY I DON'T LIKE FEELING SAD.  REMINDS ME TOO MUCH OF THE FAMILY.  THEY HATED ANYONE ELSE FEELING HAPPY.  THEIR HAPPINESS DEPENDED ON OTHERS' UNHAPPINESS.

THUS THE BITTER END.

i'm feeling so tired.  more fires up north.  more smoke, less oxygen.  and it's only going to get worse with global warming.  what world will be left?

BOOKMOBILE DAY.  BEA AND CODY WERE NICE ENOUGH TO RENEW THE DVDS DUE TODAY SO I DON'T HAVE TO RUSH WATCHING THEM.  I LOVE HAVING THEM COME TO ME.

I WENT TO CAMPBELL TO PICK UP AND MY BOOK IS DUE SAT SO I CAN RETURN IT SUN.  I STOPPED AR ST J.  RHINESTONE EARRINGS AND GLOVE CLIP.  WENT TO MLIB I WATCHED ONE MOVIE. 

HOME 4:30.  STILL TIRED.  SURVIVED.  I NEED MY AFFIRMATIONS. 

HEAL MY DOUBTS

AS A CHILD I DIDN'T CARE FOR SWEETS.  I THINK I CONNECTED SUGAR WITH FEELING BAD.  MY RA.  KIDS ARE MORE IN TOUCH WITH THEIR BODIES.  THEY MAY NOT HAVE THE WORDS TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS.  I THINK THEY'RE MORE IN TUNE WITH THE UNIVERSE.  I CAN REMEMBER WARNING MY MOM AND HER ASKING FOR EXPLANATIONS I COULDN'T DESCRIBE.

WHAT HAPPENS TRYING TO FIT IN.  CONFORMING TO A WORLD THAT DOESN'T WANT NEW.  WARPING,TWISTING, ONESELF STRUGGLING TO RESTRICT AND MAINTAIN THE STATUS QUO. 

AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.  KIDS ARE SCHEDULED AND REGIMENTED WITH NO TIME TO JUST BE.  NO TIME TO BE A KID.

I AWOKE RE: DREAM OF JET BUTTERFLIES IN BUBBLE WRAP ENVELOPE HATCHED FROM COCOONS.  RESCUED FROM THRIFT STORE.  I HAVE HUMMINGBIRD NECTAR.

KIDS AREN'T ALLOWED TO BE KIDS.  THEY HAVE TO BE LITTLE ADULTS.

NOON- I'M HOME READING LAST HUNT.  PG 292 TRANSFORMATION FROM GIRL TO UNICORN.  THIS IS WHAT I'M EXPERIENCING.  PAIN OF NEWNESS AND DELIGHT OF MIRACLES.

I EXERCISED, DROVE AROUND SUNNYVALE TO THE POST OFFICE TO MAIL BILLS.  IT'S ALL RECONSTRUCTED.  AND IN MY OPINION UGLY.  HUGE BUILDINGS AND PARKING LOTS.  I CALLED T TO WISH HIM HAPPY LABOR DAY.  HE'S WORKING.

ESTHER HICKS

I'VE BEEN AWAKE SINCE 4:30.

FELL ASLEEP LAST NIGHT 8:30, SLEPT THROUGH.  MUST BE I ATE CELERY.

I LISTENED TO LOUISE HAY MORNING AND EVENING MEDITATIONS SINCE I MAY HAVE TO TURN IN THE CHROMEBOOK TO THE LIBRARY AND THE YOU TUBE ITEM AFTER IT WAS ABRAHAM HICKS NARRATED BY A WOMAN'S VOICE, SO I GOOGLED ABRAHAM HICKS AND FOUND ESTHER AND GOOGLED AND READ SHE WAS ORIGINALLY IN THE SECRET AND WITHDREW WITH CAUSE SO AT THE LIBRARY I SEARCHED AND SHE'S IN THE YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE DVD.  FULL CIRCLE.

I HAVE THE DVD FOR TWO MORE WEEKS.  THE ONLY COPY.

ONWARD AND UPWARD.

THE MORNING MEDITATION SAID TO PREPARE FOR MIRACLES.  I'M STILL NOT COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE WITH "COINCIDENCES."

MY DRIVE TO GYM 2 WAS GREEN LIGHTS.  I WENT TO CUPERTINO LIBRARY TO USE INTERNET AND CHARGED CHROME AFTER FINALLY SUCCESSFULLY RENEWING CHROME BOOK FOR TWO DAYS.

I WANT TO BE TOTALLY COMFORTABLE WITH MIRACLES.

 

NO CELERY

I SLEPT 9:30-4:30.  I FORGOT TO BUY CELERY.  OUCHY BACK, IFFY TUMMY.  FEELING BM BACK.  THE ONLY DIFFERENCE NO CELERY.  I ATE ALL OF IT YESTERDAY B4 AND AFTER LUNCH TO CLEAN MY TEETH.

I'LL GET SOME B4 SRS.

BOUGHT CELERY ARTEAGA'S.  FINISHED PUZZLE AND SWAM.  WENT TO LUCKY'S FOR FREE CHEESE.  CHASE (BILLS), *1, ST J ATE SANDWICH & DILL PICKLE.

I DECIDED TO READ MY NEWSPAPERS AND SHINN BOOK.  NAPPED.  WENT TO MLIB.  FOUND NICKEL WALKED AROUND SOME.

5 PM HOME.  I'M FEELING WEIRD.  FOUR DAYS 'TIL DAD'S DEATHIVERSARY.

CLEANED CELERY, ATE MY FILL.  HAD SPINACH OMELET/CHILI BEANS.  WASN'T SURE THEY WERE STILL GOOD.  TASTED OK.  FLAT BREAD GOOD. 

WASHED LUNCH CONTAINERS.