best Thanks

it's up to me to make it great.  my shoulders so sore.  should.  

I'm still feeling flutters of fear over my new behaviors.  I'm feeling sadness losing my family to greed and appreciating all God has given me.  Fred, Toke, Walter, etc.  Diana, Salome, Jane, Ella Mae, Yvonne show Walter cause and effect.  Salome gave me her pork loin.  she decided not to feed Carmen her old lady but wouldn't say why.  

24 hour fitness only open.  libraries all closed Thur/Fri.  I'm looking forward to the holiday.  I always had to work.  

I have hope

I trust the bigger Plan.  I'm feeling alone.  

I'm still obsessing over the misplaced lock keys.  I can buy new locks.  

seniors at 6:53 gave me time to arrange day.  Walter is quiet and calm.  he talks to Fred about cars and machines.  

county?

maybe.   I have holds ready.  auto update not working.  oh, well.  

"Dune" 3 hours of violence.  my old life.  lovely cool overcast.

9:45 sitting waiting at county library 10 am open thanks.  I like the option of early.  I paid for a replacement for 'Let it Go' $19.00.  Nicky was so kind.  she walked me through the payment purchase I almost forgot to pick up my holds.  a large Asian young woman working for Sutter Health had a table inside the library for medicare,  she had such a thick valley girl accent I couldn't understand her.  I asked if she was from southern cal no SF.  

home 11.  I want spit pea soup.  I cooked carrots and added Vienna sausages.  

things are going so well I'm afraid of self sabotage.  

JFK died

another real childhood fear.  after nuclear drills fears of war with Cuba/Russia due our proximity to Moffett Field.  I'm processing more childhood trauma.  

Sprouts jicama on the verge of turning, cucumber slimy, 6 oz mango good.  $7 lunch includes 2 eggs, 1/4 c diced cheddar.  very satisfying.  I pick up St Just Thanksgiving today so no bag lunch.  every year the same I don't know.  I'm feeling mellow, relaxed and sleepy.  my letter and ID ready.  

45 minutes in idling car.  good car.  $30 in gift cards and a bag of groceries.  I declined the whole pumpkin.  I thought I was 17 minutes early but there were 100 cars ahead of me.  I read "Hippopotamus" and decided to go back to the library the old me wouldn't have.  

3:30 I decided to look for dinner.  I walked Safeway nothing I wanted.  then I decided I wanted 4 Jack in the Box tacos.  yummy.  

early to bed-2 favorite dances; abundance and guidance

I love sleeping.  and I love having time to enjoy myself.  I have no one taking my time.  

new new new, I'm sitting upstairs library both alternates taken.  I'm so tryptophan ed out.  turkey lunch.  home at 2:30 can't stay awake.  

I watched 'Murphy's Romance' and called Hector at Scan to apply.  way better than Anthem.  Walter is supporting me.  7-10 business days for paperwork.  so around Dec 5.  

Sunshine, Bonnie, Judy gave me half Safeway Black Forest pudding cake 4 days outdated.  so moist.

city hot spot ready today from yesterday's 23/37.  I have 'til 12-2.  

I searched 'my favorite dance' and 2015 was remarkable.  

potatoes, soup, eggs

b'fast.  I'm hungry.  I sound like Audrey II from "little shop of horrors."

simply Seymour or Stuart.  I misplaced my senior ID.  took it off my shirt just because.

I'm in awe.  Paul, Lloyd's friend sought me, talked to me, offered to buy me coffee I asked Nodira and she offered free to Paul he declined.  we chatted about his eye mole and castor oil.  next time.  he's never done this before maybe never again.  I am grateful.

I introduced Walter to Sheila from my falls class.  Excellent.  

I'm reading Mccall Smith 'Hippopotamus" in the copy room, charging, listening to healing, feet elevated, posters to relax vision.  it's good that Lee has my chair.

split second

fresh coconut and strawberries b'fast.  new day.  

I forgot my supplements and felt OK yesterday.  and I remembered everything I wanted to do.  

today I'm pampering myself.  Walter was mellow.  and Fred and Toke well.  Salome came with her drama.  I read magazines all afternoon.  

b'fast 4 am-closed Chase

salad and lentil soup.   hearty meal.  I watched split second and took my time dressing, still arrived seniors 6:55.  B Jackson back.  I started very satisfying Wysocki puzzle from Sunny.  I'm making myself happy.  

Walter was lucid and calm.  1 cup decaf.  he got me extra potatoes.  he tries to make people happy.  the most important is himself.  

I found a nickel in the upstairs copy room.  I checked my deposit to Merriwest.  I closed Chase.  Maryam was wonderfully patient.  her husband has same b'day.  I said oh, stubborn she laughed and and added sweet.  I felt OK proceeded to Merriwest and then clearance Sprouts 2/$7 red white blue fruit and $2.99 chick sand.  lovely quiet.  

delicious.  

tired of suicide-Saturday St J pick up

'The Trouble With Jessica' about hanging like my paternal grandpa.

I got gas and forgot to add gas treatment for flashing warning.  I collected it, put in car next to me and forgot to add.  stopped pumping I had to start over added and continued fill up.  I noticed last Nov mileage low probably due to seasonal gas formula change.  

I'm yearning for everyone's wishes to be granted.  

no allergies due to the rain.  I can breathe.  when the sun comes out my nose tickles and runs.  

I talked to B Jackson an hour in the tub he may be Aspergers.  I'm certainly most comfortable with intelligent people.  my flock.  

Walter was to remind me Toke and Fred cancelled I reminded him.  

LX gym lovely

yahoo!  I reset post to auto update.  if I'd worn shorts I'd bike.

Sunny I saved $5 didn't buy book sale.  and I picked up hot spot. 

sunny forecast Tuesday good to close Chase. 

and checking gas prices.  

Brian is back from Europe-my environment is a reflection of my mind

he's going by Jackson.  injured when his scooter headlight failed at 4 AM.  so dark he continued to ride, hit a pothole, hurt his shoulder.  he's talking suing the company.  then backpacking he fell into his campfire and burned his knee.  

I'm so done with ADD.  when I had more energy I didn't care.  now I care.  I am no longer amused.  oh, I got it from mom.  no wonder she hated me.  

St Justin Diana P was there standing 15 feet behind so I filled in.  

Sunny hot spot available tomorrow.  

I'm amazed nothing about Derek and Stephanie Shirley autism so obvious to me who also is autistic.  no wonder Giles was Uber autistic.  Dame Stephanie's mother sounds autistic from descriptions of specific behaviors.  I googled neuro linguistic programming autism came up.  Bill Gates, Elon Musk greedy liars are not autistic.  Dame Stephanie "Steve" Shirley was autistic made over 70 millionaires.  

it must be me

so many suicide movies.  Bill Murray 'Friend' movie about a dog left behind.  'the Good Half' Nick Jonas movie about his mom's death.  

I'm back to 1972 nausea every day.  I'm using my hematite shielding.  

you tube plays w/o hookup.  

Walter called his dad 'old man' and has become one.  I'm done.  he doesn't listen.  he got the knee shot to annoy me.  he knows it doesn't work.  I don't want another dad.  hurray!  I run away.  

Walter confessed he had 2 cups of coffee and like an addict wasn't responsible for his behavior.  I told him he was drinking, 2 cups didn't jump down his throat.  he likes the false sense of energy and I warned him the better to injure himself.  typical addict.  he could choose 10 cups after lunch or 20 decaf.  his choice.  I told him I didn't need another dad.  I can't keep telling him.  I want my happy life.  

Jane showed at the library 3 weeks in China.  

5 am dream of double suicide

I don't know.  2 middle aged Asian men in suits jump head first to floor below.  

the rain is triggering my back, legs, everything.  becoming unmanageable excruciating pain.  

Walter was in rare form after his shot yesterday.  he was purposely dumping his pain on Fred and I.  he loves his pain more than himself.  I ran away to the library explaining.  

still feeling desolate and filled with light

delightful, the feeling addicts pursue.  up and down along the sine curve of life.  autists can be very comfortable with math the only perfect language no exceptions proving any rules.  

YES! auto update-Herman & Yanti, Louie & Ginny

9:02 Sunny senior lunch city county closed.  10 minute line to get in at 9:30 only half full.  they play recorded 30's Depression music.  I don't like it.  I do like the orange pekoe tea.  

in my mind I can still do everything in my body I'm limited.  I enjoy reading my blog.  

I was at library 11 and got the best shade.  70 o overcast day.  

David showed at 5 pm after work I gave him my Xmas puzzle 1 k.  

still shocked

70+ is tough.  I feel physically unknown.  I don't have anyone I want to depend on I've been betrayed too many times.  I'm done with disappointment.  Tom M called Sat 5:07 pm left message.  he needs reassurance.  the only times he ever called.  I'm done.  

I remembered Citibank due left it on my steering wheel.  went after lunch and decided to check Walmart fish oil too expensive free medicare beets.  I know medicare used to cover fish oil.  I paid $30 on PGE got my flu shot.  maybe covid next week.  pharmacy said I needed 2 shots I already got.  pneumonia and shingles that gave me shingles.  

I finally remembered to google 'little rascals' no mention of orphans and Dame Steve just died Aug 8, 2025.  

survived another crisis

I can't believe the reactions.  Martha security was thrilled.  never seen her so happy.   everyone else flat affect.

today a long session of stretching before rising my back is good.  I soaked and puzzled @ seniors while I entered sweeps and wheel regular and celebrity.  

St J I finally asked Asian who gave me the purple pillow young lady, her name is- ta da Aileen.   God works in mysterious ways.  

2 ham cheese, 2 chips, mini joy, mound, p'nut mm, fun, fun, fun.  I feel special.  

reading Let it go it amazes me Dame Steve doesn't see her mother's behavior as a significant reaction to Dame Steve's autistic behavior.  her mother supported Dame Steve's autistic behavior that made her world interaction a success.  

SUNDAY-watching "OUR GANG" I never knew they were orphans adopted yet remaining family.  

I'm enthusiastic

I am filled with God.  maybe my family was rubbish to force me out into the world.  still rubbish.  I don't have to wallow with them.  I can love them from a distance.  ah, the song.

reading Dame Shirley is so reassuring for me.  she's so aspergers.  

library closing time I couldn't find my car keys.  very unhelpful staff.  I called Csaa while walking to the car.  I left them in the passenger door.  

I do love playing-Tory

I'm learning how.  I was never allowed and punished for enjoying myself.  I'm still a little anxious.  

google keeps trying to take over city wi-fi with unsafe messages.  

Korean kitties puzzle so cute.  I'm going slowly.  

Tory (Victoria) at lunch was fascinated by Dame Steve Shirley, autism, my self diagnosis, I talked about Barry "Bear" Kaufman, Option Institute, son Raun's autism, Dr Thomas Szasz, etc.  Clyde Burton took a class there 1983?  MA.  worried about being $6 k in debt.  

WOW!! I googled Option Institute as of 12/19 it's autism all the time!  

I'm so excited!  there's hope for the planet.  I believe the Earth needs autists for its survival.  we are the evolutionary solution.  

new puzzle 954 pcs-Sammy & David

I remembered my almonds.  I'm encouraging everyone to snack on soaked almonds.  according to Dr Gundry the skin has lectins in almond milk.  I don't like or eat the skin.  

I bought RB bag lunch for dinner.  seniors lunch baked chicken/gravy tasty.  Fred, Walter, Toke.  

forgot glasses again using relaxation to see.  practicing Bates' method for puzzle and Dame Steve Shirley.  

Heavenly, 4:30 I went to the car for glasses and chips from seniors.  getting chilly I got Bass shirt.  

beautiful day

I'm feeling well.  Sunny nutrition is open 11/11 Veteran's Day.  we'll see.

I'm going slowly.  Nodira gave me superior snack bar coffee and HI chips.  I'm having the best Halloween Ever.  I keep eating fun size my feet are swollen.  p'nut MMs eaten.  almond joy then snickers.

I forgot my specs in car I'm successfully puzzling w/o.   

I'm having an effect on Walter.  he can identify when others spin their wheels.  

no DST gentle light-paid Bartolo-he put out bins finally

 always discussion still in effect.  I'm loving the light.  seniors full of pep.

YAY!  candy!  someone left a bag.  I kept the p'nut mm's, almond joy, Reeses.  and I added my mini snickers.  6 months supply at least.  makes my joints ache and blurry vision.  

lovely soak stretch in tub.  I'm so early.  the light is encouraging.  I got extra lunch chicken.  good day.  Fred, Walter, Toke, Salome late.  

4 pm cold.   

Yes!

auto update works.   I figured out I have to add November to see my page.  I can read the entire year.  I feel special.  

I picked up St J lunch behind Gloria looks better.  deli ham cheese sandwiches.  no dairy today.  

parents now are raising a generation of royalty.  little princes and princesses.  and then there are wild troll children.  

4 hours of puzzle I quit.  trolls keep trashing puzzle.  no parents just larger troll kids.  

SUNDAY 6 I cooked diced potatoes cheese b'fast.  8 I remembered senior candies 9 'Danny' movie found noon and candies already in kitchen.  

trying new things

 yay! me auto update.  if I use auto b-4 publishing it's locked in.  

scary Halloween.  OMG!  I'm looking up mental facility in Redwood City on Alameda de Las Pulgas where Mom spent a weekend under observation after attempting pill suicide and this device has my home address.  the street picture for driving directions shows next door Halloween decorations.  

Walter was complaining about his sister so I shared my 2 sisters repeated threats of physical violence having the Sheriff throw me onto the street.   they accused me of costing the estate money when they couldn't illegally evict me.  eh, I didn't want them in jail.  

WOW 5:32 already.  1:30 I bought 5 freshly cooked corn dogs.  

tomorrow monster day-I love playing

the pumpkin fairy left a pie I got a piece for me and Cody.  I forgot my returns at home.  Hilde served leftovers from back again and I got chicken.  I ate faux crab cheese potato b'fast.  

wearing my slip ins my feet are swollen from Nodira coffee I over indulged.  I'm floating on a sea of caffeine.  and standing 2 hours at central puzzle table.  I'll rest half hour.  I have salad.  

most conscious-auto update

I enjoyed puzzling and soaking.  lunch with Trudy and Ken, Fred, Walter, Toke.  Trudy gave me 6 PB cookies  Ann gave me big bag of persimmons I shared most with Trudy.  she likes drying them.  

I had a very serious heart to heart with Walter.  I want him to find his flock.  we're too old, he needs younger folks.  he has to be himself to find his flock to love and support him.  I feel loved and supported.  ergo my bounty yesterday.

and today I went to Walmart 1:30 shady parking space front and side.  I bought A Reds @ pharmacy avoided lines and followed behind delivery man out side door to my car.  

blogger looks like booger-mailed DD

I addressed envelope and pondering keeping stamps with $.  I'm ready.

Hilde had 4 dinners back row.  I got one.  

I mailed DD Franklin and went central remembering I need A reds at 4:30.  tomorrow.  I went to Safeway when I got there a bottle of espresso concentrate in cart.  I put it in the car and proceeded no corn dogs.  I knew it was a distinct possibility.  so I walked the store bought 2 faux crab 2 chips $5.  outside in a cart someone left ice cold 'heat and serve' meatloaf mash and green beans $9.99.  I knew if no corn dog I'd find something else.  

adult draft

10 am just enjoying being.  watching 'Lilo Stitch" live I realize I never had a family.  I had a group of people I worked for.  

life is about feeling.  I was told I was too sensitive and insensitive sometimes in the same sentence.  amazing I'm not crazy.  crazier.  

watching "Janis Ian" she had parents who suffered and still they cherished and supported her.  

I like having choices

funny Walter becomes immobilized.  he's still afraid of choosing wrongly.  he doesn't yet realize he can choose again.  Course in Miracles.  CIM.

                                                                                                         blog's doing something weird.  EH!  keep calm and carry on.  

                                                                                                      time to swim.                                                                                         lovely.  I picked up St Just lunch missed weekend bag by 2 people.  I saved the bread and ate the deli ham cheese.  and someone left raw croissant i can cook.  375 oven 10-12 minutes.  ooh, I can bake egg tuna melt.  

happy girl watching 1993 'animaniacs'

Steven Spielberg's cartoon.  I didn't discover 'til bedridden.  laughter is the best medicine.  so entertaining and distracting.  

reading oprah.  "drama mama".   'O' magazine 2016 p. 50 dysfunction.  victim, rescuer, persecutor.  leads to stress related dis-ease, depression. 

weird google wouldn't work, error warning of city's unsafe connection and to click on message.  definitely under attack to compromise account.  I ignored and used library room.  

wheel is not cooperating at 5.  I'm at Nob buying dinner.  I like it, going to the neighborhood market to pick up dinner.  I feel so cosmopolitan.  sophisticated.  silly.  Narf.  Poit.  I told Walter about "Animaniacs".

celebrity wheel tonight.

their best was rubbish

5 am dream of counselor, my inner pain.  my parents taught what they knew, cruel children.  they were raised by their older siblings.  

my back and stomach screaming at me all night actually my childhood of torture.  wearing new shoes reliving the constant discomfort, releasing the pain filled past.  now I have choices.  

I love salad for b'fast.  mix is easy.  iceberg is sweet, cabbage substantial.  

my left eye twitch is back.  annoying.  

good day freebies from s county DA office scams and frauds senior abuse 12:15-1:15 only half hour.  I came home ate 3 chocolate muffins slept 'til 7 pm so refreshed.  bed after 9.

my puzzles

my way of organizing the chaos.   it started out as a way to lean on the table and decompress my spine.  

the format is reverting to "normal" setting.  weird.

I ate some allergy plant natural antihistamine.  

I brought shoes to break in.  kind of a teal color.  

I went to sunny library returned spot after puzzling 'til 5 pm.  I stopped at Sprouts 1:30 and bought muffins and bear claws.  so good.  

pizza b'fast-Nodira and son Tohir

delicious.  makes me so happy.  

another cup of coffee.  try it again.  I liked the fish with gravy and roasted red potatoes.  the frozen broccoli was bad.  

Wow

27% phone.  allergies are itching and tickling my eyes and nose.  I look like I've been smoking pot.  too much junk in the air.  

I prefer autumn to fall.  

I finally had my Domino's pizza.  $12 with everything.  beef, ham, bacon, mushroom, pineapple, spinach, olives.  on thin crust practically a salad.  

" Build the Life You Want"

we want something different every day.   what I want changes.  to hit the target the focus must remain on the target.  the target constantly changes.  "Build" stresses emotion=energy in motion.  love is an energy, is a verb as well as a noun.  

I can stay home and my body will hurt or go out and distract myself.  or take care of stretching my back.  

every day

I have so many new shoes.  Aiko left 2 pair fancy leather mocs in 7 1/2.  she switched them for the white clogs.  and I have 2 pair sports I got last year.  I can break them in gradually at home and the library.  

I remembered the leftovers.  I cooked the raw onions from the hummus wrap.  tasty mini.  leftover lunch casserole beans greens.  b'fast.  

7:20 I remembered today's Saturn day.  I dressed for seniors soaked and stretched.  then St Just 2 bologna mayo 1 PBJ my inner child so happy.  

 I binder clipped Let it Go hopefully will flatten coffee ripples.  

Lost it

my new purple Star coffee cup leaked all over my bag.  Toki so jealous of freebies.  Hilda gave me extra lunch hummus wrap.  

then after puzzling it shut down I had too many SCAN tabs open.  bless g mail recovery number.  I was afraid it shorted but it's dry.  

I was riding high cuz after lunch I went to UPS $2 to fax DD.  I bought sushi and free water.  

I have to dry out book smells delicious coffee.  I planned on central.

Shao Wei, Asian lady puzzler.  

yay! owl puzzle

 art deco.  brilliant colors.  

I returned 3 overdue at county best shade parking.  found liquified pumpkin pie.  1:23 sitting in the shade I decided to go to Star one for direct deposit and withholding.  Christian was wonderfully patient.  gave me liquid highlighter and I shopped the customer table for a large purple travel coffee cup, chips, water.  no fax.  I checked UPS has fax.  

I decided on central 80 degree day.  I noticed I wore my black skirt inside out since exercise.  oh, well.

I called and apologized-Abe & Jenny

3 messages from Sourcewise the appointments I thought were cancelled when I booked the senior center.  I'm looking forward to receiving help.  my family always sabotaged and confused me.    

I'm feeling anxious.  went well.  Abe had me practice on my chrome.  

Whoa, I have 3 overdue at county.  tomorrow.  or Friday?  quantum leap too real.  made me feel sick to see Rodney King beating new reel again.  

playing all day

 yay! me! 

I want a happy childhood.  I'm having a happy childhood.  Walter is still arguing.  eh, like my family.  if i can turn him around my pseudo family is a success.  I'm already a success.  I survived and I'm thriving.  he remembered Stuart Smalley.  SNL.

"every day in every way I'm getting better and better."  emile coue-  I started 50 years ago.  

Sunny seniors-Herman and Yanti

Yippee!  no muss no fuss.  I put out the garbage bin.  24 hour at 7:46 ok parking at 9 plenty.  

I finally figured out I don't have to suffer stinky people I can wear a mask.  they always talk thinking what they have to say is so important.  their garlic breath actually makes my eyes water.  

lots of sausage, red yellow bell, black olives on bisquick pizza.  reminded me of 8th grade home ec.  I guess the best part is the 50's-60's music of my childhood.  better now.  arugula grape tomato salad.  mandarin oranges.  hard boiled med egg in shell.

pg 248 Build the Life...Love energy the building material for fluid and crystallized intelligence.  analysis and innovation, patterns and new combinations.  

3 pm finally rained I went to 24 Safeway for 5/$5 honey crunch corn dogs only had 4 I tried pizza stick nah next time I'll try burrito.  

woke 3 am

 I wasn't allowed to make mistakes.  I was barely allowed to breathe.  made me Uber Autism.  

God cares for me

after seniors I bought BK croissant b'fast.  I had such a time with the large coffee.  I had protein chocolate powder in a bottle.  I drank while soaking and stretching in tub.  I took my vitamins and picked up St Justin lunch.  

very mellow day.  if the rest of my life is this good I'll stay very happy.  

Build the Life You Want is Great.  books they refer to are like meeting old friends.  I always relied on books.  I always felt enriched buying and reading them.  and they were always with me like tobacco to change my energy.  my two friends growing up.  bob 1993

sleep

 a most important element in a healthy, happy life.  

car mechanics, doctors, dentists are necessary and people avoid them.  

I'm surprisingly calm

I got up to watch Split Second.  I put on my nice warm robe to bring in water.  I found the pocket to repair a book bag.  

smooth.  Carlos dropped me off at 9:30.  will pick me up at 1 pm.  I forgot my phone at home.  I charged it up.  

Cody is so funny.  he has a Star Wars trooper helmet I posed in.  it's actually big on me.  he checked my chrome in and out for me.  he's so funny acting like it's illegal.  

Carlos showed me the worn brake disc almost to metal.  i came home and needed a nap.  

playing

mom and dad both had autistic behaviors.  I'm Uber Autism.  both had no need for people.  both hated new anything.  both suffered anxiety and made us suffer.  

I called Carlos re front brakes he looked and in the red zone.  he can see from the side.  tomorrow 9:30 appt to replace discs $330 total.  as safe as I feel there I still feel anxious.  anything non routine causes me to feel anxious.  

hungry after lunch I made half tuna sandwich.  

Monty Hall-finished reading Flagg

Spit second 5:30-6:30.  

6:59 am happy sweeps and puzzle.  I puzzled 'til 9 showered, soaked & stretched, Toke was late Chinese took her chair, she sat next table.  they were on my doodoo list.  Walter started watching Second Hand Lions.  good distraction I told him.  I stopped negging.  

Hilde gave me deli turkey veg stew meal when I asked for potatoes.  I had the alternate sandwich/cranberry.  I ate the meal at 3:30.  8 oz not ample lunch good snack.  

eh-sis' b'day

my body remembers the denials and ridicule.  I can safely feel the rejection.  in my stomach.  I wonder if that's why seniors get big bellies.  all the negativity stored.  I don't have to deal with any of it.  I can let it go give it to God.  I put in my time 7x70.  

oh, no TV listing changes.  figures.  

my lucky day

new Fannie Flagg book.  Something to Look Forward To.  and I am.

weird St Just lunch frozen sandwiches, chile jello too hot to finish.  interesting concept.  I mixed it with peach cup.  looks like guava so I tried finishing it.  spicy jello BIG NO.

such happiness.  puzzle and new book=heaven.  

oh, the corn dogs are calling me.  I have a sandwich and cucumber. 

Yippee!! paid Disc

I'm having more fun.  oh, my back hurts from standing at the central puzzle table 4 hours.  worth it.  I want to keep the muscles working.  I load my bags for weight lifting.

I'm watching Young Sheldon from 5/16/24.  I don't know why I missed it.  maybe recovering from 2/14/24 car collision.  reminds me of dad's funeral.  

despite weather 100% rain-Happy Thursday to me, Happy Thursday to me

Happy Thursday dear me, Happy Thursday to me.  I saw, I swam, I conquered.  

way more than a tenth of an inch of rain.  if it continues raining banking tomorrow.  I decided Bartolo $ later too.  stopped raining at 7 am seniors and 10 Cody mobile.  

I bought RB bag lunch w/coupon clipped my car key and the desk freaked.  Miranda tried signing me up for class Silicon Valley Power lighting safety on Mon. 10/27 at 12:30-1:30 pm and couldn't find it.  Aracelli signed me up.  I remembered my lunch myself.  

it stopped raining I went to teller Chase withdrew and deposited at Merry.  I walked Sprouts nothing.

2 pm ensconced at main.  found current PGE bill $70/2 months due 16th.  

I paid Bartolo in his front yard I told him the branches need cutting off the roof.  I hate stating the obvious.  

labels are so confining

 like definitions.  everything is made up.  social agreements.  

so lovely peaceful senior center.  

and library reading is my favorite.  

Build the Life You Want.

adenosine pg 61 makes you feel tired sleepy opposite of caffeine.

anhedonia pg 72 inability to feel pleasure.

Beloved daily word-HiCap 10/15 appt. 2 pm Medicare-Sunny hot spot and picked up

today's Daily Word.  I was feeling punk.  Lee gave me left over unhygienic croissants I gave to birds.  

I ate my corn bread for b'fast.  I want corn dogs.  

'Blazing Saddles' was remade into an animated cartoon 2022 'Paws of Fury'.  Mel Brooks voice actor.  what a world.  

feeling dizzy from post nasal drip sinuses.  blustery windy day full of junky air.  I must drink more water to avert dehydration.  

4 pm I picked up free baby carrots 2 lb out of lb Jesse Mgr authorized Food Max.  then Sunny library I picked up hot spot, book and 'Young Sheldon'.  I walked Sprouts $1.99 salad for dinner.  

watching LO Criminal Intent.  fascinating so much murder on TV.  psychic deaths.  

I let God 6:59 seniors

I filled gas $3.9399 Costco 95050 better price, access.  they open 5 sunny at 6 and $3.9999/gal.  

smooth.  I entered my sweeps, puzzled, soaked in jet massage, puzzled more, lunch with Fred, Walter, Toke.  she asked me mystery woman's name the one asked me Toke's name last week is Jen I asked her.  Toke doesn't know her either?  Toke said Jen sat at our table.  I don't know.  my favorite answer.  dysfunctional family triangulation.  'warning, danger Will Robinson.'  Robby the robot Lost in Space.  

sad and sore 8:03-MY DEAD FRIEND ZOE

better after corn dog.  My Dead Friend Zoe made me cry.  heartfelt.  in a world of lies and deceit TRUTH is a revolutionary act.  I added 2 tubs potassium salt to water soft using my cortisol.   

11:30 am I showered at 24 taking a luxurious amount of time.  lots of parking 12:30.  still extra time I walked Homestead Safeway.  Jane was walking in the store too.  I mentioned rummage sale she said April yeah, right.  I bought chips and asked clerk about deli dogs.  the Nathan's looked peaked so the corn dogs are $2.49 ea or 5/$5.  of course I bought 5.  and still 4 minutes to spare.  practically no one at the library.  

Heavenly.  I'm using walking inside as my exercise.  

pebble toads

Aimee Nezhukumatathil likened herself to a pebble frog but I can't find what they eat or why they climb mountains only that they roll downhill to save themselves from tarantulas.  I hadn't planned on going since the line was across the foyer.  once they opened the door I went and sat.  

finally I googled 'pebble toad food' they eat ants, termites.  

I am being more social.  I went to Presbyterian harvest celebration 3-6.  4 pm everyone I might have known gone I ate watermelon.  today was Baptist rummage too early I missed it.  

under main library 11:52-Sunny salmon

parking was good after 8 at 24 Fitness.  $300/ year $25/mo.  few people during week.  on the road to Sunny senior lunch 9:07 easily 60 in line for salmon.  took half an hour standing didn't help my neck couldn't find my reservation Debbie remembered me and I got in.  it was good just not worth the hassle for baked fish, homemade tartar, fresh dainty beans broccoli diced carrots, baked whole wheat roll, mixed potatoes.  a lot of rigmarole for lunch.  must be salty I'm very thirsty.  

I followed Spirit and a line of cars to LXPY to Homestead to St Just lunch bag.  just as I was going to the under parking Cody mobile showed up I screened so he could safely back in.  HI!  

I made a new charging spot with a footrest and chrome shelf.  and no Lee cooties.  after standing in line for half an hour my hip hurts I have no desire to stand at the puzzle table.  I'm tired.

it's also the strange energy of new people.  adapting and adjusting.  

or do I want a fruit tart for dinner?  

arrived 6:59 am

the vicissitudes of life.  things just pop into my mind.  it's busy in here.  

I left the chrome in the trunk 19% charge.  go figure.  usually 85%.

heavenly.  I visited with Cody after my soak.  I'm enjoying puzzling.  different worlds the way I enjoy traveling.  

I took cornbread as per my dream many moons ago.  it seemed a ridiculous dream except for corn bread aficionados.  I brought 4 pcs Walter didn't want Trudy Kenny showed up so Toke and Fred.  

3 pm epiphany mom and dad were mentally ill.  the sisters too.  that's why they can't love me.  my purpose is to neutralize the crazy.  

heaven is the bits you like and leaving the rest-Elizabeth's b'day-9/27 first presby 3/6 pm

the subliminal music is working.  I'm having more fun.

OMG my neck and skull feel normal.  first in 25 years.  

I shared the Sunny menus at lunch.  

so I carefully navigated to county library and considered Savers, home, Sunny, and came back to central to park under and dry my swim.  I stopped at Home Safeway found 2 toys, St Pat bow tie and Haribo refill battery Winnie Pooh fan too cute.  $2.50 and $7 probably never seen again.  glucosamine $12.50.  chips, cornbread.  

SIGH-due diligence

I just feel like crying.  I'm crying inside.  too much energy fighting myself.  I'm tired.  

Iniraja (Sourcewise) returned my call regarding changes losing medicare benefits.  new plans not final 'til 10/1.  appointments start 10/15.  she couldn't navigate website either 10 minutes no results.  

and Sunnyvale menu posted.  I printed.  

93 degrees today.  80 tomorrow.  50% chance of rain tomorrow my county hold expires tomorrow.  I'm pondering.  I cleared my car window channel of debris.  

took all day to recover

I slept and rested after an hour of classical stretch.  2003 I was so sick I only saw the funny in King of Queens not the pain.  denial is a powerful tool.  

shooters only knew hate.  I received love from non family members.  I finally stopped asking why my family hated me.  love and hate are forms of energy.  when anyone stares it can be felt.  the predator and prey.  

King of Queens TV 2003

I woke so angry not a clue.  so I burned off the adrenaline and cortisol by going out to the car and working on next month's bills.  after an hour I felt calmer and realized the threats of murder and mayhem acting on TV were unlike feeling the hatred pouring off my mom onto me my whole life.  I cut off feeling in order to survive emotionally and spiritually.  

I think that the mass shooters are already dead inside.  they have nothing to lose.  they kill the innocent they envy.  

one good thing mom taught me was to use anger energy to get things done.  I saw her clean house twice in my life.   I was already cooking and cleaning @ 8 years old.  my Cinderella complex.  school was my only respite.  

I figured out how to view the year in blogs.  click on 2025.  I walked book sale.  

the new me picked up Nob ads-Bonny's b'day

I took my time dressing for the day.  I feel wonderfully relaxed.  SCARY.

lunch was pleasant.  Fred, Walter, Toke such fun company.  I love laughing.

indigenous day the city and county closed and Sunny open.  Woo Hoo!!  seniors menu today.  I'll wait to see Sunny menu.  I hung around to see the bingo prizes.  the candy I ate made me too sleepy and tired.  

I went to Safeway scored free water with $5 sushi.  and they had corny bread $5.  clearance window cling Easter $1.50 so I got 2.  and 4 2/$1 chips.

I'm relaxing at main.  they finished paving parking lots early.  David (Asian) and Sammy (Indian) are the avid puzzlers.  I finished alphabet puzzle.  

I'm having such fun doing nothing.  It's boring acting responsibly.  I've had a lifetime of it.  I'm preparing next months bills.  after a certain age we should go to a monastery and meditate on peace.  maybe then we'd have some.

just got back in-FRED's b'day

0% battery.  alas poor chrome.  I charged phone from chrome.  

took some thinking to regain my account.

I'm pondering Anthem Blue.  no Silver Sneakers next year.  I have to call Sourcewise to plan next year.  

SIMPLIFY!  Fred brought b'day Stan donuts.  Sunshine brought St Just choc cake.  happy b'day to me.  tomorrow Bonny's b'day.  when I made note clever Fred said a cold Jan winter inferred results in September babies.  I sat outside waiting in parking and when Fred came out I knew to give Fred Nob large crumb b'day cornbread.

Sunny 2 dozen seniors already lined up

Herman and Yanti were there.  I parked with visibility a priority.  8 am no line.  he asked if I were going home, no to exercise.  I detoured to Danny's recycle to redeem Inge's bottles $2.94 like a dollar/small bag.  at 8:30 am no one there.  I got there just before the rush.  

9 am seniors last shady parking spot I soaked then entered my sweeps and lunchtime.  everyone missed me and worried.  when I thought to call no phone.  I had figs from the gym and avocados.  early bird gets the goodies.  Jennifer gave out 1 cookie/ to write off the cost to the senior lunch program.  

tomorrow Fred's b'day.  

guys finished fantasy no picture puzzle.  complete.  amazing.  

ME-new behaviors-paid cell

all about me.  I missed my childhood, never too late.  I woke sans plan.  I decided on seniors soak and gamed while I waited for tub to open.  then I pondered Inge bottles ready for pick up 3 small bags maybe redeem tomorrow.  I could get used to this.  

9:45 am Sunny half full.  74 degrees hot humid.  I drove from Inge's to Los padres, construction detour Forbes, San Tomas, Homestead, Wolfe, ECR, Fair Oaks, old SF less than half hour 7.4 miles.  I'm old SF too.  

Herman & Yanti said if I want salmon on the 26th Friday tomorrow are sign ups 8-9:30 am.  Louie and Ginny agreed.  I was pondering beef stir fry.  I could sign up and go to seniors tomato beef and friends.  Wednesday til 7 pm.  

I picked up a St Just lunch and sun dress.  I forgot Tue, Wed, Thur clothes give away.  

3 pm I've been playing puzzle sans picture.  legs swollen I put them up on poof left back ribs screaming at me.  I dodged Lee being brat.  

csaa jasmine

yay! me!  I updated mileage even less than 3k/yr and checked I'm on auto pay.  new behaviors.

every chair is different.  my legs are hurting from my back.  

oh, bless the library air 90 degree weather this week.  

special hours-sunday 10/5 due to art wine

I stopped at $tree for chips and mirror.  only had compact/brush.  cute hedgehog design.  I brought my sand from yesterday.  

best summer fest ever.  

I looked all over thinking I lost $100 key when I clipped my chips.  too expensive.  

Guidance my favorite dance

I showered at 8 after rescuing a blue Xfinity shopping bag and 2 cans in the senior parking lot.  much needed soak in the tub I stopped at Sprouts unsure about lunch.  I walked store $6 sack lunch.  St J box of bakery onion bagels and garlic french bread, and weekend.  

I was hungry ate both chips 1 sand granola bar.  I forgot the food art wine fest today.  I was trepidatious about parking.  half the cars are not library patrons.  I puzzled and read.  pondered Safeway maybe tomorrow.  

the library closed at 5 pm and 2 dozen cars were still parked under the library.  fest closes at 6.  oh well.  

dinner was Sprouts bag and St J tuna crackers with avocado.    

still trying to get through to Walter

after lunch Asian and white woman helped demonstrate ignoring vampires and why adults interrupting like a 2 yr old is distracting not cute or friendly and a waste of energy.  he's me 40 years ago.  

what do I want for dinner?  I deserve the best.

I bought 4 tacos $4 at Jack in the Box with Fred's lettuce and lunch peaches and avocado delicious nutritious.

Home Depot h2o softener WOW!

light was flashing for cleaner and I need potassium salt.  

I was passively avoiding Walter still stuck in Teresa mode.  lunch he chose to sit with the complainers then after he sought me out to dump and I told him point blank I can't continue his choice of immature avoidance and blame.  he doesn't take any responsibility for his life and I have to save myself and cut him off.  uncomfortable and necessary.  

I decided to go to home Depot to order and entering the store customer service had a long line.  desk manager asked if I needed help I told him I wanted 3 cleaners and 40 lb potassium salt delivered.  he had available clerk write me up in and out 10 minutes while returns waited.  same day free delivery 4 pm.  WOW!  

I need 12 hours down time

back at work/school.   I'm feeling OK. 

coffee or tea? Sunnyvale

I arrived before 9 and rummaged in my car consolidating lunch boxes.  

I showered @ 24 used the internet for sweeps and to update blogs.  

I had no idea what I wanted to do.  I like one step at a time.  following spirit like the pioneers.  I bring my pillow and sit watching and listening.  very relaxing.  I even enjoy old Frank Sinatra.  30's 40's music when he was young.  maybe when he was still innocent.  before he became a big liar and cheat.  I can't tolerate liars and cheats unless they're family.  

I walked Target no 18" wipers.  doesn't look adjustable.  sprinkling reminded me.  feels like God kisses.  

I looked online Goodyear sent me to O'Reilly who installed $10 wiper for me.  5 minutes.  50% chance of rain tomorrow.

open for Monday

sans hot spot.  and it worked today.  I finished "bon appetite" puzzle.  senior shower and tub perfection.  nice chat with Laura.  John needs pet scan.

well played.  lunch was OK Fred, Toke, Walter.  he's still choosing problems.  he chooses to call complaining conversation while I know he's just programming his autopilot for more problems.  he chose to sit with Teresa of like mind.  I've noticed they want someone to rescue them.  good luck. 

I decided to pick up Cup today good call tomorrow big Apple event flashing signs portending traffic delays.  library upstairs very quiet.  I focused on perfect shady spots driving over and voila!  

and now I'm charging my phone down to 10%.  back up phone 99% has 3 emails I can't access.  

Wings the entire series-return hot spot

I guess it's just mindless entertainment.  when they disagree there's no physical violence or threats of murder or maiming.  so nothing like my childhood.  

I guess most people have a calm simple home.  huh.

I decided to park in the sun #1 space at Sunny half hour early.  one thing the heat soothes my arthritis.  only supposed to climb to 81 degrees.  of course hotter in sun.  

still angry

I've eaten 2 of 4 ripe bananas.  I put them in a recycled plastic box.  it's like solid pudding.  I'm hoping the potassium will calm me down.  I'm eating the good bits.  some is bruised.  goes well with Cheez-It crackers.  I've never eaten so much banana before.  an experiment.

I remembered I wanted to fill gas and went 8:30.  drove in drove out.  I checked gas prices online.  same both locations.  

I ate St Just sandwich + tomato slice for b'fast.  I started watching "Wings" TV I don't get its popularity.  

24 was good.  lovely cool overcast from fires pollution.  

I love cutting off the crust and adding fresh veg.  

I was a slave-lunch Sunny no Emma

watching "finding your roots" I realize I was merely property to my parents.  my rich auntie wanted to adopt me providing me with a better life that mom and dad couldn't accept.  and so began their life of toil.  

Newton's law of equal and opposite reaction is basically karma.  what goes around comes around.  "judge not lest ye be judged" warns of self condemnation.  my family taught negative values and the results of that thinking and acting.  makes me sad it's so simple.  they couldn't accept that either.

refreshing shower at 24 then lunch at Sunny 9:30 I'm 4th to last.  everyone likes meatloaf and mash.  and the enthusiastic dancers.  music must start at 9 when they open.  it's from 1930s-40s.  not our era but classic.  the universal language.  I'm playing with the menu I downloaded.  imagine me downloading.  

I love reading my blog.  I can see what I've done and the changes I've made.   

5:30 pm I'm feeling unreasonably angry today dad's death day.  OK I'm angry Mitzi hypocrite crying to me when I warned her to leave him be.  so I'm moving to burn off the chemicals.  when mom was mad was the only time she cleaned.  

I prefer auto update-I scolded Walter.

he's anxious.  I'm done reminding him his body remembers his dad dying October.  I don't want to cut him off but I may have to save myself.  he does his body a disservice.  lack of respect.  like the planet the body has a tipping point of no re creation.  I cannot witness another train wreck.  

I don't know how to engage auto update.  sometimes it comes on not today.  

and tomorrow I have lunch in Sunnyvale.  

I stopped at Chase withdrew, Merriwest deposit, walked Sprouts 3-25 mg CBD $3 ea I thought long and hard bought with 2 goat cheese/$5.  then a lovely lunch with Fred and Walter.  

I like the leisurely

I like taking my time.  I made ramen added salad and amino and chili.  yesterday I made chili burritos.  I still have cooked meat 10/14.  I am blessed.  

I went to 24 showered then Walmart I paid PGE and bought low salt chips for taste test $1.50.  sometimes the oil quality isn't worth it.  I walked Prune Lucky's nothing.  I picked up senior to go lunch then I thought I went to St Just bag lunch.  new behavior.  

I'm feeling BOING!! 

I just watched 2001

movies and TV gave me a vacation from my nightmare life.  I wouldn't have survived without them.  I had no one I could trust.  

my body and soul are releasing dad's last month and week of his death.  I release his pain and suffering.  26 years of his stored pain.  

I decided to shower and run.  the new me takes breaks.  I paid Citibank and decided I can do more when cooler this week.  another self compassion.  88 projected so more likely 90 degrees.  60% humidity.

rob schneider connection

I've enjoyed his movies and now I understand the spiritual connection.  "The Chosen One" has suicide, alcoholism, Mutant Message Down Under, Black Elk Speaks, etc. the same warning the last over 40 years that we're burning up the planet.  we're killing mother earth.  it didn't get accepted because it doesn't fit a category.  it can't be easily pigeon-holed and discarded.  so it was ignored and forgotten since 2010.  I found it by accident.

human nature kills what it doesn't understand.  

popular movies

are interesting as a representation of general interest.   I like to know the trend.  watching 'mission impossible' I understand kids riding atop trains dying and being crippled.  they think they're Tom Cruise.  no consequences watching a movie.

doing what I want when I want is still new and scary.  a lifetime of training being rewritten.  the abuse taught me caution.  

chrome unplugged overnight 39%-30 minutes 72%-31 minutes full

what a terrifying morning.  car was wet underneath hopefully condensation and left front brake making a funny noise when all the way down.  light is OK so it may be dirt on the disc.  I'm hoping.  I'll keep phone charged 73% since yesterday if I need AAA.  CARLOS CLOSED WEEKEND.

I woke 8 am after a restless night ate leftovers 5.  8:30 I showered and soaked half hour.  I forgot Gloria told me no St Just and drove back to Sprouts.  nothing looked good I bought a meat stick $2.50, prepped watermelon and mixed berries $3+3.  on the way back to library I stopped at an estate sale $20 for spider + web pin I passed on and bought $5 spoons and sewing kit.  2346 Kay Dr.  A beautiful house.

if I hadn't forgotten St Just closed I would have missed the sale.

I finally looked at mail.  car insurance OK.  I started new Lego puzzle.  FUN FUN, SILLY WILLY.  I make it look so good everyone wants to play.  Jane chased me down from under parking to complain of visa difficulty.  

I found quiet empty copy room.  

new day new me

puzzling helps my back.  the subject doesn't matter.  the colors and lines must be interesting.  

every day is a new opportunity.  

wow phone down to 4%.  

I'm loving the Sprouts pineapple pork stick.  the plain uncured not so much.  my morning protein.  

'quilt cupboard' took 1 week.  since seniors is closed next week I picked 300 fun puzzle for today and tomorrow.  65 edge PCs.  "bon appetite"  Susan donated it and served at the BBQ.  Fred gave me Debi's ticket.  she declined.  lunch was tough chicken and mediocre pasta.  Fred said Melvin got sick after yesterday's frozen green beans onion veg.  I stopped eating it too much raw onion.  and frozen blue lake beans.   

oh, what to do.  4 pm I puzzled 2 hours until annoying "HA!" man showed up.  he has to tap the piece and proclaim like it will escape otherwise.  I organize the pieces so it's totally easy.  

I didn't miss chrome

 I got to seniors and it didn't matter.  

understanding

"with all thy getting, get thee..."  my tum is upset must be more fires.

I decided on tub jet massage and Sunnyvale lunch pick up and library.  I love people watching.  10 am plenty of people to see.  most people seem to enjoy the social aspect.  it's very noisy and I don't feel judged here like at Santa Clara.  Emma told me Russell is the 7 dwarf man.  she gave him the cantaloupe and milk.  and I can put my feet up.  

I'm feeling

I'm feeling like a pre verbal baby.  

I'm taking tomorrow for me.  no plan.  

I googled Bates Vision Improvement.  I can print eye charts.  

Napa fires making me nauseous

waking up with my sinuses blocked.  made ramen added can tuna for b'fast.  the sweets I ate didn't help.  worth it.  

lovely cool 63 degree overcast weather.  

9:50 am sitting waiting outside Cup library to return and pick up in space #1.  I'm wearing my mint green ruffle tank and white cotton tiered maxi skirt I found in storage.  and I found pink green gym bag.  

I let Spirit lead me to Target wiper blades too big.  I paid card.  on to Gym 2 and Safeway.  I bought cornbread no kernels I'm disappointed and cupcakes and chips.  

new behavior

I woke and made ramen with carnitas (tastes so good, bad for sugar), and just enough for a mini burrito I dressed and ate with TV news.  I parked seniors #3 spot.  I puzzled 'til 9:30 entering my sweeps then showered and stretched deciding no pool.  

I picked up St Just lunch and weekend bag.  Gloria avoiding me reminds me of Tom hiding and peeking at me.  

I puzzled the 'fairyland' for an hour in blissful peace.  when another puzzler came I'm taking a break.   

extra carnitas

I woke 6:30 and got dressed, put my supplements in a container and seniors 7:23 am I got #4 parking spot.  

Lee is having a hissy fit.  I got here and staked my spot two hours ago.  3 pm he's harassing the upstairs librarians.  better them than me.  it's a show he's put on at senior lunch a couple times.  I wonder if he's still in Hilde's good graces.  as the female librarian was passing I mentioned to her he's picked fights with different people a couple times at senior lunch and maybe it's a blood sugar thing like my diabetic parents.  she said he complained I was sitting in his spot and some of his things are missing and wanted to call the police.  oh, well like dad said I caused his cancer when I moved home to take care of them.  and dad's 9/5 coming up.  august was the sisters' month of hell.  crazy is as crazy does.

HEAVEN.  they called the police to interview him.  so he's on record.  he's my dad.  he brought the officer over saying I was in his spot.  swear to God dad died 9/5 26 years ago.  

found my PGE

always at night resting I didn't recall the bill.  so I started at 6 am general housekeeping, fetching water, rinsing off the car and found it next to my TV chair was due the 18th.  Augh!!  Discover due!

I don't know how to do any of the icons that show up on my desk.  I have a link to the Sunny menus.  how I got it I don't know it just added itself.

computer room is deliciously cold.  I finished the 'Winnie the Pooh' puzzle.

no Cody today.  I plan on library.  I'm resting, relaxing every muscle.  

Inge had coconut crispy rollers.  I ate half a dozen.  little sticks.  Costco and Walmart.  

lunch was bad, company was good.  I prefer ramen.  

sitting at the library Lee in my spot I finally figured he's jealous.  he made a big show of treating Toke for awhile.  like a mad cat.  makes me laugh.  I'm sitting in the kid's section.  when I sat down 10 minutes ago I was the only one and now it's full.  and 2 restrooms are right here.  I thought there was better I was missing.  

I read the tofu book for ideas.  

still shaky processing

I'm hoping to be better than before.  after dad died I was on mom suicide watch.  and after she died sisters trying to evict me and estate tax shenanigans consumed my energy.

3 pm heavenly resting in the cool library.  Toke encouraged me to stay cool.  new Disney stamps puzzle.  two frantic alien girls were harshing my mellow so I walked the library.  they're gone and I'm resting and puzzling.  burning calories.  

so many unsupervised emotional orphans left on their own by selfish immature parent/children while the parents play at the library.  

liquid aminos and noodles

dinner last night.  better still sore.  I finished puzzle so satisfying.  it calms me or maybe gives my soul a chance to catch up.  "Mutant Message Down Under".  

soaked away my aches and pains.  sat with Bonny Judy and remembered chamomile.  there were 3 Beatle CDs at the library I hope she bought.  I pondered Rubber Soul, Revolver and compilation.  $2 ea I already have so many I don't listen to.  

I came back to the library, gone today so they weren't mine.  Lee sitting in my spot sleeping.  such a weird little man.  did he expect me to pay him for the food I never asked for?  puzzle orphans here being neglected and ignored while she and annoying east Indian man frantically add pieces.  makes me glad I didn't have kids to neglect and abuse.

I filled water bottles, donated Dean Edell glasses, reworked garment bag to re purpose strap and mend mesh.  

nice Indian man helped me relocate since Lee was in my spot.  I hung out 'til 6.  

almost 2 hours

for muscle cramping to subside.  torture.  I wasn't hungry didn't eat anything.  huge mistake.  

I ate a little weird lunch.  pork loin sour cream, roasted tomatoes and green beans.  stomach muscles are still sore.  

rested central library.  20 minutes to tidy Mythical world puzzle.  I put together half before the know it all's showed up.  begging for attention.  at some point I want to ask if they try to drive people away.  pointless attention grabbing behavior when adding one piece.  

left 4:30 found $1.40 in copy machine.  laundry money.  finished lunch at home.  

nice not being obsessive.  

I'm feeling so sad

dad's last month alive was torture for mom dad and me.  my sisters manipulated and constantly harassed us.   my body has the freedom to process the physical, emotional record of pain.  post traumatic stress.  the body stores the energy for survival, self protection.  

9:30 my back is screaming like my sisters.  10 am the "Millers".  a dysfunctional family without the physical/emotional abuse.  I need to laugh.  I was watching "the Thief of Baghdad" and the second disc is all about Hitler, WW 2 and the British mobilization.  and I turn on the TV to take a break and "last Man Standing" has a WW 2 reference.  

waiting for tub to open-over a week without-I got sideswiped senior parking lot no note

massage is part of my heaven.  simple easy way to enhance circulation.

OK still closed.  open Friday when pools closed.  closed today though running.  so I puzzled.  someone sideswiped me senior when parked.  like when I lost hubcap.  

I saw Gloria at St Just.  Sandy gave me weekend bag and 3 avocados.  lady gave me broccoli top.  

Sunnyvale hot spot ready.  oh, and summer reading book coupon.  

I feel so comfortable parked underground central.  copy printer I found a dime=uncle saying hi.  the twin girls were here with their dad puzzling power puff girls fixed his hair with bow clips.  their mom showed up later very frazzled.  they all needed to eat and calm down.  smarty pants asian librarian asked if I was putting together the border of mythical world map.  I forgot my glasses and managed.  I amazed myself.

I might feel tired and sleepy from eye strain.  

beyond the evil step sisters-tub repaired-happily ever after

planning what comes next.  failing to plan is planning to fail.  I think I made that up.  it came to me.  thank you Walter for reminding me of my past but one step removed.  I can see it I don't have to be it.

I think Google wants to connect "link" me to other blogs.  nah.

I'm enjoying the m c escher "reptiles" puzzle.  appeals to simple drafting style and looks like baby dragons.  

I added left over ravioli sauce 2 T. to garlic parmesan sourdough bread toaster oven it's better than new.  and ground oregano for umami.  

living MY life

1:46 Halford laundry

I watched game show, became bored. washed 1 load $4.25.  very humid.  

very good.  I came home watched my show and took my time hanging the wash.  

plain salad mix

for b'fast and pumpkin for dessert.  just what I wanted.  I cold brewed hazelnut coffee added vanilla protein shake to taste.  30 mg protein filled me up.  lunch OK.  Fred, Toke early.  Walter sat next to Diana again.  she called him her friend.  he hung back so I had to open the exit door for him.  huh.  

I considered recycle and laundry.  no rush always tomorrow.  

Costco so perfect

being ready early I remembered time to feed car.  and so easy.  6:45 no traffic.  probably helps 95050 opens 5 am.  gave Inge 2 magazines while she waits with Sue.  

lunch egg omelet OK.  I was aware and I got only egg.  I sat with Bonny and Judy, Fred, Walter and finally Toke.  I mentioned powdered eggs and Diana wouldn't eat it.  she sat at our table to avoid Gil who sat next to her at Inge's table.  I stayed alert and got the only extra egg.  

the Ghost and Mrs Muir

I picked up from the library.  I've never seen it in totality.  

and "A week With Marilyn".  she worked so hard to become who she was.  no one ever appreciated she was self made.  

gym shower 10:30 choice of 2 shady parking spots.  I drove the back way to $ tree 5 bought fish oil and 1 zinc, basil pesto.  then I drove around the block to Gym 2 Safeway bought 5 soups for 2.  dropped off book and movies at library went to Sprouts pumpkin pie and tag remover.  Nob Hill salad mix, frozen orange chicken and lo mein.  cooked it when I got home for lunch and dinner.  

8:30 am decided on gym

very hot and sweaty.  stopped $ tree Toke gossip closing next year.  such a mess so much resentment I can understand it's too much.  no fish oil, I bought overpriced chips, black elastic hair bands, 1 mouthwash.  

St just lunch balances out.  Charity and Sandy.  sweet muffin making me sleepy.  library Hindu puzzler so annoying an exercise in whatever.  no rhyme or reason.  bookstore I bought "Second Hand Lions", Queen Latifah as Taxi driver, Sgt Pepper CD.  Happy FUN FUN SILLY WILLY!!  my new holiday.  

woke 6 am

I started M C Escher puzzle.  I suppose I could pencil draw.  my eggs in hat I did Ohlone college drawing class came out good and I did bring home the orphan frame from seniors.  I'll let it simmer.  

"Common Knowledge" TV show 10-12 almonds=1 aspirin.  

I rinsed my car

5 water bottles.  I drove half a mile and I forgot my brace went back home.  that's how my day started.  I finished the Van Gogh puzzle.

Walter got me an extra food plate Hilde denied me a plate giving me veg instead.  Walter was upset she be crazy.  I told him she's like that.  sometimes she seeks me out sometimes she denies me.  she be crazy.  

I just realized mom said TV dinners were too expensive when she went to lunch every day when working in Mountain View Fairchild and dinner with co-workers every Friday raving about Mexican food so dad hated it before trying it.  explains why jealous dad hated it.  

Master Mind question Patterson ranch site of first Renaissance Faire.  it was hot dirty parking in plowed fields.  I was taking college Shakespeare.

I'm rebelling-tub down no soak

I'm having terrible two's.  I don't want to do anything.  when we learn to say no unless it's beaten out.  I'm playing my puzzle.  

lunch OK Fred and Walter early, Toke.  I filled my shampoo bottles and went to Target Chase.  Arlene explained ATM may have run out of specific bills for withdrawal.  used my card easy peasy.  made deposit Merriwest and walked Sprouts found clearance 3 $4 black sesame seeds and 5 $1.30 CBD soda.  

remembered I needed fish oil I detoured to $tree none I bought 2 reading glasses and 2 chick fries dinners.  

home I put everything away.  I did too much, my back hurt so bad it made my stomach hurt too.  

Flora ATM 90002 message

David helped me with phoning customer service I didn't have my phone or glasses.  Vidan on phone checked my account couldn't help suggested not enough cash in ATM.  I have to go to teller branch with ID.  tomorrow.  I'm tired of jumping through hoops.  

I checked Cal PERS site may be time to change DD.  CU 3 branches now.  when I opened account only Sunny.  

Yippee! I don't have to do laundry.  there's always tomorrow. 

ooooo, I have pumpkin pie.  chicken mole lunch not very good.  

I've made a hundred small changes in my life.  my TV reception went out so I turned it off to reboot.  it worked.  

I'm still processing grief leaving my body

I was too busy working to pay my bills and on suicide watch with mom after dad died and the sisters were pulling their manipulations.  I was on overload.  I'm letting go of their hate for me.  so much discomfort and pain it's a miracle my sanity is intact.  or is it.  maybe why people seem so stupid.  

lunch was OK.  I started a new Van Gogh puzzle.  takes me away from my misery.  

I'm improving at relaxing-Sprouts eggs $4.19-paid Citibank

the gummy helps a lot.  

my day started parked in shade Citibank wouldn't take $40 on 38.  too much message I had to get $38.  shade Cup Safeway 3 chips and free dip, orange cream cokes.  9:48 library 20 minute zone in shade picked up 9 movies.  pondered what I wanted to do I drove to Sunny gym 2 feeling hot and sweaty.  parked in shade Safeway 2/$1 chips, orange Hostess cupcakes 2/$1.25, clearance sourdough round loaf garlic Parmesan.  put everything in car and showered pool full of so cute little ones swim school.  across ECR I parked in the shade shade and walked Sprouts clearance pumpkin pie $4.69.  

flashback 2002-3 watching season 5 King of Queens

my body is processing the anxiety stored from the constant harassment of my sisters.  they manipulated our parents' deaths and I was unable to protect them from themselves.  dad's 9/5 death the summer of torture.  they believed my sisters' machinations.  they chose to believe lies over the truth.  It still pains and upsets me.  my post nasal drip causing my upset stomach.  my anxiety seeking a reason focusing on bills and details.  I'm feeling a lot of emotional pain.  I used to feel like crying now I know why.

listening to healing music helps, reminds me to breathe.  

I've experienced Hell I know Heaven is real. 

9 am $tree I bought 5 brown rice+quinoa.  on to Safeway since too early for banking 2 clearance relaxing gummy clerk adjusted BOGO paid for 1 message on receipt.  (so lost $13 on Lucky's frozen rewards account.)  $20 dollar change blew under car.  lot had emptied I re parked the car and retrieved the bill.  WEIRD.

10 am waited for St Just relaxing.  Charity working inside Sandy processing.  lunch and weekend bag.

living the mystery

this morning I decided I'm working for God full time.  so at 6:36 am I drove to Mission PO and dropped off my insurance.  the drive through is out of commission still.  I drove past the defunct laundry and scoped out the area.  

I finished the Disney puzzle 8:15 am.  I read the 2 anatomy books, printed phone pages.  shared them with Fred.  I got ideas for stretches.  

Course in Miracles

I was planning on making a book cover carrier when I realized all the fabric bags I customized already will do nicely.  and I figured out the drawstring bag I don't like because it's too long I'm shortening.  

lunch was OK and I bought a roast beef bag lunch for $5 bingo coupon only 4 items.  Toke gave me most of her mash.  Gloria was there

I watched Lingo and no longer care for Idiot test.  subject to change.  

I took a 2 hour nap.  luxury.

lucid dream

I'm driving up the mountain, a long line of vars and trucks when we hit a patch of unpaved highway.  a fool guns it spinning rocks and dirt, we hang back 'til the dust clears and proceed with caution.  I can continue or find another road.  

I may be releasing my attachments to life.  one less responsibility.  

I went to Consumer Cell website down.  

I'm still pondering

listening to Kelly Howell Super Learning I feel peace.  I so enjoy the Disney puzzle.  I soaked in the tub at 10.  it's so nice to have Bonnie and Judy back at lunch.  Toke came early and left early.  she feels obligated.  Fred was late and sat next to Bonnie.  everybody likes sitting next to me.  I think it's the music.  

I'm still considering if I want email.  

chase sent a letter about requiring two step security.  hopefully it's for online not in branch.  maybe I'll call tomorrow maybe I won't.  HAH! 

I feel pretty good on 5 hours sleep.  I'm excited I don't know why.  don't need to know.  although I did buy a copy of Course in Miracles 2007 for $5 at Sunny yesterday.  my copy from 1985.