Maude suicided at 80 mom died 80

the Kaiser counselor called her not taking her meds Mother's Day 5/13/2001 passive suicide.  Ail Aiko insisted I look through mom's purse to find her meds.  Ail maneuvered mom that day running her shopping.  I hope Ail got her money's worth.  the only reason they took mom shopping was to get stuff.  they were always criticizing me for having too much.  then they'd steal my stuff.  I have to laugh at the pettiness.  they were always afraid mom was buying me stuff when I worked for everything I ever had.  

I soaked at 24 stretching for half hour then picked up free orange drink and clearance "crab" for salads!  HURRAY!!  $7 for 24 oz.

I finished upstairs puzzle.  harder than I thought.  lunch off fish tough rice peas carrots.  Fred ordered salad and gave me half his pineapple bits.  I didn't want extra weird fish I want "crab" salad.  Walter is better.  he started crying I quoted Shrek "better out than in."  

I went to college Safeway for salad and bought sale mac egg salad, ice cream, chips.  YUM!!  came home ate 2 servings.  took me 10 minutes to open ice cream.  cup had no instructions.  open was etched in the plastic rim.  I had to turn it in the light to see it.  that's why it's on clearance.  

looking back to create my future.

Walter has backed off I trust he's finding a new hobby.  I'm watching and re watching the special features and commentary on Harold and Maude.

lunch cilantro slaw and sweet potatoes best part.   I got 4 extra corn tortillas from Elizabeth and Florence.  the rewards of practicing positivity.  and this morning at 24 Hour I found a quarter walking back to my car.  I love finding money.  and I got extra lunch a chicken quarter, cilantro slaw, sweet potatoes.  

Harold and Maude 1971

I can vividly remember seeing at the drive-in playing with thx 1138 George Lucas before he was famous.  a revolutionary time.  they were constructing Bart and thx was filmed in the tunnels under the bay.  and Harold and Maude was filmed before the Dumbarton Bridge was built.  it's an historical record of the bay area.  Muir Woods.  I went there because of this movie.  

WOW !! and this was way before I knew of grand dad's suicide hanging.  

I'm tentative

10 minute drive.  I remembered to warm up the car 2 full minutes.  so far so good 35-37 degrees.  b'fast senior veg chili full of bell peppers.  

I've been wiggling more and feel better.  allergies are terrible.  more fires.  

an hour to do a 300 large piece puzzle of stamps around the world.  philately.  

listening to releasing guilt.  i can still feel a reaction.  

Woo Hoo!  after a not good lunch I decided to pay PGE and Walmart clearance 2 pairs soft stretchy pull on 2x blue and black jeans for $8.49 ea.  so comfortable.  I walked Lucky's Innovasian fried rice $9.99.  too much.  

I stopped at home Safeway for salad and sale pizza only one left.  I went to price fried rice on sale I got the last pork.  I deserve chicken too.  I put back the pizza.  dinner 1/3 salad and 1/3 rice so delicious.  

programming change

no Split Second.

I saw Jin at 24 hour.  her b'day 4/22 earth day reminded me Inge's 1/29.  

I used old gift card and I still have $96.  

weird I thought I finished Indian puzzle I didn't.  someone tried.  I had to use shades.  all the pieces there.  

and today auto update works.

I want to go to central and cup libraries.  I returned hot spot 11 days over.  125 holds.  Sunny is 132 holds.  I parked in front.  I started to go to Cup and remembered *1.  white woman in big black BMW getting ticket from motorcycle CHP.  PHEW!  lots of library parking at 1:30.  stopped at B King for 2 bacon melts and 8 cheesy tots are salty and home at 2:25 for People Puzzler.  

simple not easy

half of life is just showing up.  I'm deciding what to do when.  watching Temptation.  I'm doing chair exercises.  that and drinking water are the easiest ways to change my chemistry.  too simple for most people.  and the hardest part is remembering.  habits are programs.

Sale of the Century and playing online Mahjongg.  makes me feel close to mom and her poker machine.

I ate second half of rice and peas with sausage.  so comforting.  

11:30 soaking in 24 hour tub doing my stretches.  and I'm being aware.  12:30 ready for burger king.  I decided on 1 mushroom, 1 bacon melts lunch and dinner.  on to Sunny I ate half the bacon melt so YUMMY and picked up a hot spot.  OMG fried onions so good.

3 pm problem with battery looks like dried milk inside won't hold a charge i asked for new battery and they cleaned dried detritus.  best part I didn't have to fix it.  finished the burger in the car.  

stopped at Sprouts $1.99 pie, donuts, mini chocolate cupcakes.  home the mushroom melt so good.  Wedding Planner acting so good.  

BUZZR 4 minutes fast channel 2.4

I forget and miss the start.  I'm used to a restless night so I got up.  I love the morning.  I feel fresh and rested.  I love feeling fresh and rested.

I want to watch 10 am the air I breathe film 2007 I've never seen based on an ancient Chinese proverb.  all about perception.

I finally ate free Skinny Konjac spaghetti with boxed sauce and sausages.  slightly crunchy veg noodles.  tastes pretty good.  makes me wonder if it has any nutritional value.

I'm still reacting to reprogramming guilt.  I'm listening to Releasing Guilt and my body is cringing.  

I'm consolidating drinks and organizing.  and thinking and feeling.  Eric was me.  his sad life was my life.  he and I accomplished everything alone, no family.  no love no support.  we depended on the kindness of strangers.  my desire to help others gives me my purpose.  he gave up.  as long as I'm here I'll be my best.  Hernandez v Hamlet parole denied lists all the trial details.  Eric lived with it for years.  the original trial was two years and then the appeals dragging it all out.  

I'm watching sat night live.  it's been years.  

I'm moving and trusting

I spent my life thinking of what's best and here I am.  now I want happy.  being alone I don't worry about anyone else.  I pray for all.   

an hour of Split Second goes so quickly.  I want to pay Costco.  

picked up free drink and tuna salad 4/$5.  self check froze on gift card.  manager rang me up.  I paid Costco.

senior food was weird.  beans side and in the casserole.  Walter was insultingly stupid like his dad.  I told him so.  he left for counselor's appointment.  then I remembered Carlos check engine light.  WHEW!!  I called him and collected antifreeze and wiper blade.  he fixed everything for me and wasn't going to charge me so I tipped him $20.  

I got home 1:30 starving.  CHIPS!!  and my game shows.  71 degrees and calm perfect weather.  recooked potatoes added eggs on top of lettuce with creamy Cesar dressing.  so delicious.  

Split Second game show

I learned by accident search+s=speech of highlighted text.  it works.  I also learned a pound of feathers weighs more than a pound of gold because of different definitions of pound.  I love learning new facts.  

game shows exercise my recall and knowledge.  even though I could be relaxing and resting, my favorite pastime.  

41 degrees @ 6:55 and 4 standing in the cold. 

the new me paid most of my bills.  I also added 4 month cleaner to water softener.  Cody came I gave him a cookie.  

I do love playing mahjongg.  I told Walter he needs to develop a hobby to replace worrying.  he's the only one to fix his anxiety, not doctors or drugs.  replace a bad habit with a benign one.  

went to Carlos picking up parts Ricardo in office.  I called his cell he said more time tomorrow.  

M W F soak at 24 hour

my new plan.  parking at 24 OK between 6-7.  seniors at 8 am is fine.  I skipped when the seniors gym was closed, no suit spinner.  so I'm back.  and I bring it in to hang overnight.

my knee injury from Friday fall has corrected my walk.  it hurts now when I walk crooked.  Huh.

I may get Sunny hot spot this week.  I'm #12/125.  

turning stupid into stupendous.  Trump's lies.  he doesn't make any sense.    

Inge gave me 2 pieces leftover dutch apple pie from the senior dessert for breakfast club.   

front door lock loose I over tightened it.  I'll worry tomorrow.  my evil sisters interference.  

chrome book slow and hanging.  I reset works fine.    I'm breaking in Reebok and Sketchers Thanksgiving shoes.

Busy, Busy, Busy.  I decided to watch Hobson's Choice 1953.  Prunella Scales is in it.  I should like to be called Susella.  

52 degrees Sue and Inge standing in cold and wind-CHECK ENGINE

I believe life can be heavenly.

A test.  I'm trying something different.  I was pondering when to fill up with gas and the light came on.  so after seniors I picked up $3 STP cleaner at $tree, 2 biotin, lens cleaner.  I forgot nail files.  I drove to Sunny Costco and instructions said I could add after fill up so I came home and did.  never occurred to me.  $3.76/gal.  Coleman is $3.70.

feeling depressed I realized Eric still makes me sad.  Frank's killer was up for parole so the case is on the internet with witness descriptions.  gruesome.  parole denied.  

kids are always moving.  they get exercise all the time.  

one step back

I soaked for half an hour 6 am at 24 hour.  Jin arrived just as I was leaving.  seniors 8 am OK parking.  

I puzzled unchanged.  lunch OK meatloaf Jessica put it in back I got extra.  I left 1 pm and remembered to check Nob Hill.  i bought coconut water on sale.  used to be so cheap when no one wanted it.  limit of 4.

home I checked wiper blade size.  

unheard of-I have no dreams, goals

I'm resting watching  Ben Stiller 2007 Heartbreak Kid.  

I'm listening to Releasing Guilt.  I cut my finger opening a can of soup.  I'm feeling healing's total body makeover.  I'm vibrating.  I need to stay calm and allow my healing.  subliminal avoids denial.  resistance to change.  people don't believe prayer works because they pray 20 minutes consciously and 90% unconsciously.  prayer is mental energy.  

I wanted to buy soup and pizza but taking care of me is most important.  

biotin seems to help my hair, skin and nails.  dollar tree stocks it now.  

I am blessed-7:30 temptation game show

right now I'm caught up.  I like doing nothing.  I'm having my happy childhood.  I'm creating my happy childhood.  I enjoy other people succeeding.  sometimes more than me.  

it's all in how we see things.  

napped from 9-noon my knee is better.  I usually force myself to keep moving.  well, my family insisted I keep doing for them.  

I warmed salad with amino and tofu ham for lunch.  just what I wanted.  I'm watching Christmas movies.  I just got that Hallmark romance movies are a lot of royalty due to the crown.  watching these movies about families and traditions, ours were fights and resentments so I don't miss them.  I'm happy to be on my own.  I can understand homeless people.  they just want peace.

free vegan butter Lucky's-I fell 24 hour walkway

I found quarter 2 dimes, I successfully  then quarter.  climbing back up my right leg gave out again and I wrenched my right knee.  2 men and woman stopped to help me.  the incline was too much for me.  

it was overcast I put the butter in the trunk and got my gym bag.  I was shaken.  I wondered whether to soak at 9 am.  I went slowly still undecided.  in the gym I realized I didn't pack my flips so no tub.  just slow relaxation.  I think my neck is OK I tucked and rolled.  

sitting at seniors I'm glad I got here early it was raining when I left 24 and it hasn't stopped.  and people are waiting out in the cold and they haven't opened the doors.  oh, well.  Toki gave me 6 Inari sushi.  YUM.

chicken was OK.  not general tsao but nice teriyaki.  Jessica gave back field 2 alternate meals I gave mine to Fred.  Boca burger.  he's too lazy to get it for himself.  men die early due to lack of movement.  women are always busy.  even with my injured knee.

Happy's Place makes me happy.  and Lopez vs Lopez.  

I soaked, stretched at 24 hr-paid Bartolo

 I feel differently.  I'll just enjoy it without judging.  11 am 55 degrees.

2 hrs = 7% of battery.  I love details, statistics.  I'm wearing my $7 dress as a slip under my diaphanous summer dresses.  they're much longer than I remembered.  then in the summer I'll go back to regular slips.  so much warmer.  

I spent hours looking for the gardener's envelope.  I looked through all the bags in the car, chrome bag multiple times, TV chair, trunk, everywhere.  so I sat down preparing to make a new envelope and suddenly when I was counting out cash it was back in the chrome bag.  

I mailed my life insurance, and withdrew at Chase.  came home and Bartolo showed up not remembering I paid him last month or our conversation about leaving the wet yard alone.  he filled both bins too heavy for me.  we discussed gutters and front overhang repair again.  

pizza for b'fast-still alive in 2025

I woke to a lovely Heaven dream.  my home is bigger and brighter and peopled by kind compassionate thinking beings.  

I lost channel 36.5.  Byron Allen must have sold to KICU.  so no more Funny You Should Ask.  I'll have to go back to watching Jeopardy and wheel or maybe not.  

even Person Place Thing I'm only interested in the contestants.  today's weren't.  I watched Wheel because of Pat Sajak.  I watch People Puzzler for Leah Remini.  

blogger is weird.  the view is either this year or last.  no transition.