slowing my roll

heavenly listening to 2 count 'em 2 healing on samsung and dell chrome.  i'm feeling bliss.  i so deserve this. picked up fruit 12 minutes.  did my gyms found kohl charge card turned into desk.  dropped off post office life ins.  8:30 i pull up wait and 2 minutes #1 spot opens.  

listened to nurse mall rant and rave.  then they gossiped.  what a job.  i charged both chromes.  now dell keeps settings.  a mystery.  i don't trust sunny management.  nu stepped had lunch.  called star one set appointment next wed 10.  i'm so proud of myself.  

i'm listening to healing

i got to sleep 'til 4:30!  i got so relaxed just thinking about gym i picked up fruit and drove off leaving my lunch bag and half the recycles on the front porch.  dollar tree no seam rippers.  when i got to danny's i looked all over car and considered returning home, nah.  so much for being ok.  

came straight home.  going through storage a little at a time.  i need more rest to balance relaxation.   

so far perfect

woke 4 am watched game shows 5.  put out garbage and recycle cost co gas 6:30 then gym.  checked $tore for healthy snacks forgot to look for seam rippers.  tomorrow.  

oh yeah, baby

i'm more comfortable in my body.  yesterday rest and relaxation.  

tried on both camouflage found stretch pants so soft fit med.  lightweight warm.

i keep limiting myself to going library hours when i don't need to go there at all.  i'm free to go whenever i want or not.

i can go fill gas or go gym 6 pm or not.  toke came by dropped off kimpira from nijiya market supposed to be healthy full of msg.

chrome ran down to 8% and shut off.  oh, well.  i'm back.  format is weird.

up and about since 4:40 am

doing what i want.  i kept smelling salonpas.  menthol vicks smell.  i thought it was from laundry but it travels.  i folded and put everything away.  my back shoulders good all i did.  new brace great.  

hit wrong button starting over.

informal exercise today i'm feeling exhausted could be diet.  oh my neck is so sore.  feels so good to just let go.

lucky laundry sitting

6-9:30 doesn't say what days.  drove around back door still dead bolt i don't feel like opening.  i parked out front at least level so no run away carts.  i've done that before.  i prefer 2 doors and front load machines are easier on back.  no bending over.  and ledge to charge laptop and hot spot.

3 load machine price same as 2.  i love no schedule.  

i'm still recovering from brother eric 2017 death.  it's all jumbled with family mess.  too pain filled.  i chose him.  maybe i shouldn't have let him overcharge me and under pay me.  i suppose it made his drugs and alcohol easier.

home hung laundry and rested loving back brace.

eggs, eggs,eggs

i made faux eggs for b'fast 5 am.  gym 3 relaxing swim.  bought chickpea snack target by 8:30 i was hungry Panera bacon souffle i ate before puzzling upstairs.  packed for senior gym i checked bookmobile no cody.  and lunch tiny 1 egg cheese omelet.  

i 'm feeling wired.  better than feeling weird.  i'm carefully assessing my options.  guarding my back.

like a baby i woke every 2 hours

i like my routine.  i went to gym and soaked massaged feet.  healing only happens relaxed.  20 years of muscles locked no change.  seniors reassuring.  a sense of security i've never had.  strange and new.  how did i manage i never had it i never missed it.

8:30 down time nothing on tv.

i got to sleep 'til 5

delicious reading about myrtle fillmore she scheduled rest time as an important part of spiritual growth.  what i've been missing. 

8:17 nothing on tv bedtime for be be.  rest and reflection.

i got to sleep 'til 4:30

watching my movies then gym shower wisdom tattoos are all about endorphin pain and addiction.  life is painful enough for me with bumps and bruises.  i'm amazed at the ink at the gym.  

without words i'm feeling

tv has always been my only family.  i picked up sorted a bucket of fruit, brought in water.  staying busy the opposite of depressed.  i'm enjoying the doing.  

huh, no library book sale today.  usually 2 days.  so i'm snacking target jerky waiting for open to return movies and spot sitting at table in shade.  how very lovely.  returned got receipt no problem unlike combo.  big 5 coupon $5 tried everything on 2 pair shoes.    decided to check out safeway and get cash to pay bills.  got wasabi almonds and 3 clearance juice.  then decided to go target such a lovely day bought 2 of a dozen raw sunflower seeds.  what a great day.  home i realized i left suit at gym 3.  paddled more.  

still processing the fact plastic poisoning 'cbs sunday morning' for the past 70 years since teflon invented.  and dow etc. knew they were poisoning the planet.  they were aware and put money above integrity.  the epitome of capitalism.

catch 22 city target doesn't have the sales so doesn't get merchandise so doesn't have sales.

awake since 4

i watched annie oakley while eating sushi toke brought me.  makes me wonder if city of oakley named for her.  toke goes out of her way to bring me sushi.  makes me want to cry.  no one has ever done as much for me.  

my body feels weirdly energized and depressed.  lovely cool 7:30.  windows open fans going.

i picked up fruit, washed car windows, put out cheese for crows.  we love doing feeling god energy coursing through our bodies.  respite from the aches and pains of living.  

watched 'any day now' then went st just picked up 9 eggs, chicken etc.  cooking potatoes carrots dollar patty so delicious.  with god going with the flow life is easy.  

6 am dark

lucky's freebie 100% juice.  forgot suit in car took a leisurely shower.  reorganized trunk avocados so much stuff.  nu stepped my hour watching 'any day now' with Trudy half hour releasing the past daily word forgiving.  i free myself.

i'm feeling sad angry picked on.  daily word forgive release past.  came home note on door from busybody next door fire hazard yard like i'd choose to live like this.  just like my sabotaging sisters.  always making trouble.  i was sharing with Trudy this morning nu stepping how mom dad ex all the same and leaving them behind.  i would love to leave this behind but the grand kids are afraid mom died in the bathroom.  well they never came to see her when alive she died of broken heart disappointed by their lies.  when dad alive they promised her home with them then reneged.  they always lied to mom.  i'm remembering them calling only when they wanted something.  always asking for favors never offering help.  i bless and pray for them.

i know neighbor wants trees.   avocado guava persimmon.  if not for my back i 'd be gone forever.

called Walmart order to Michael 22 minute call delivery tomorrow.  WOW!  left message for Raymond regarding back brace no equate only copper fit $30.  if he doesn't want it i'll try it.  

i thought of going to sunny didn't and toke came by with sushi 6:30.  i keep forgetting Big 5, target, return movies.  

7:40 still feeling upset.  the only way is through.  feeling some feelings suck.  

checked email 9:12.  4 of 6 Walmart order delivered 9 pm!!  i haven't stayed up this late all week and ta da!!

went to target to use card couldn't remember pin

called and reset easy.  letter gave me 3 months to use or cancel.  i tried buying jerky.  used discover.  i have to go to sunny for sunflower target personal shopper checked for me.  

i bought ice cream @ dollar tree.  spirit gave Philipina avocados and it's her birthday.  spirit always knows.  1 mile from gym 3.  

20 min at gym-3 hot tub jets massaging feet and calves.  pool cold 5 min to adapt then 10 relaxing.  they wave me through like a celebrity.

5 new bookmobile movies.  half dozen oranges avocados pears to Cody.  lunch just Alex and me.  back to dollar tree best day for parking.  4 frozen dinners, 2 patties for tortillas.

disc 346-89

i realized due 3 days and no copy.  called requested and paid.  i didn't freak out.  tried online difficulty log on.  went found my phone called.  robot said 3-5 days.   

good Aileen bad Aileen

good Will bad Will. 

WOW!!  white american women are the most self entitled.  they encourage men to subjugate and objectify women hating the fact they're female.  like trump they believe themselves superior above all others.  crazy.  outside the evil they carry inside themselves.  talking to Sue seniors like sickly George she'd vote for Trump always.  they be crazy.  i understand they can't admit mistakes.  they can't change only kill themselves with lies and try to take others with them to be 'right'.  explains white boys killing school children.  the mothers then fathers teach them.

oh my stomach has ache

left foot hurts aches throbs.  left hip.  nerve damage moves up down all around.  b'fast i finished chicken brown rice.  

watching my game shows.  looking forward to soak stretch.  watching resting allows good digesting.  i used to always be on the run scheduling as much as possible in shortest time.  why?

AUGUST-tough month for me.  i forgot city due fri 12 paid online late.  fee according to schedule i can't find.  been feeling depressed.  old age either depressed or psychotic.  

i do love this small screen.

i can swipe and change tabs

i've been awake and up since 5.  today i woke in pain, exhausting pain.  eh, yesterday was fun.  i stopped at 2 yard sales on the way home.  got my shopping.  eating chicken swiss cheese lettuce croissants.  

i decided 11:30 a good time to rest.  the beauty of work is scheduled rest every 3-4 hours.  i used to go until i collapsed.  no wonder it's been so hard to recover.  1 pm classic concentration.

retraining myself playing mahjongg to think more flexibly.  and i'm trying new games.

back brace & supplements

made out order i want to get cash from ray first.  i don't need to i can always use an extra brace.  

went gym- 3 my own time.  picked up freebie soda lucky's cherries.  home 9:15 left windows open lovely cool.  super moon beautiful at 6.   watched 'any day now' 10 am.  made chicken sandwich from braised in italian salad dressing.  on croissant with green salad.  so delicious.   napped 11:30 'til 1.  classic concentration.  3 pm jamie cooking.  

heaven.

bliss listening to healing watching movies

gym-3 6:49.  i'm proud of myself.😊

sitting seniors 8:30.  swimming stretching done.  decided to puzzle.  10 suit spinner watched end of 'any day now'.  i'm blessed.  lovely lunch with alex and toke thanked her for cost co croissants. 

home 1 pm stomach.  forgot classic concentration.  i went $tore came home.  i have to remember go later when not busy.  

considering friday freebie.  caff sparkling ice.  showed up 7:30 pm.  playing my online games listening to healing.  drinking coconut cream.  not very good.  at least i'm using up cans.  

left side hand and leg cramped up.  pinky toe and finger sharp stabby pain.  white flour allergies.  keeping me healthy from overindulging.

joshua-bless cody

sitting seniors in favored spot facing out ready to roll.  

cody brought combo samsung.  smaller lighter than lenovo my new favorite.  gave him fruit and avocados.  huh.  i don't have to reduce music page i can just click on page i want.

still feeling sad preparing myself for better life.  i'm focused on how i choose to feel.  

waited half hour listening to healing to give genie avocados.

i just remembered i still have manju in fridge she gave me.  i'm changing her spelling.  

5 am watched game shows 'talk about' and 'whew!'.  ramen tuna lettuce b'fast surprised myself ate it all.  dressed and gym 7 am remembered my name i felt like a celebrity.  seniors 8:15.  

i'm feeling resentment kicking and screaming internally being dragged into 21st century.  i don't know what it is.  it's not the money.  more feeling coerced double teamed ganged up by whites on asians.  sad karma.  i'm rounding up my ear buds.  i have them everywhere and nowhere i need them.  

ok.

feeling sad and tired wow $199.99 cracked chrome sunnyvale

leaving the past behind.  was already cracked i wouldn't notice.  it's why it doesn't hold settings.  and i'm ok with it.  i have to be.  roff and jeff must have known.  they're the experts.  i knew sunnyvale land of crooks per pat voreitor 2007 alien's lawyer.  i didn't appreciate the double teaming.  spoke of cowardice.  guilt.

funny how content disappeared.  i guess i didn't update.  i don't know.

i blessed the money and moved on.  bread cast upon the water.

i quit smoking and started gum 12/19 (last purchase 1/22-3 month supply)

just before covid shutdown.  

i'm coming out of denial.  alice and diane are just human.  i don't have to pretend they're better than they are.  

it's truly amazing i haven't had more gum in my hair.  most nights i've fallen asleep chewing gum.

alice vampire

Gerde gave me clothes.  i appreciate she washed them  shows respect.  tried them all pretty good new for me.

diane chose to sit next to me superseding toke.  i don't like that.  presumptuous.  insidious.  new lunch lady alice late.  pretending to be nice full of compliments.  alex sat neighborly table.  

home i fell over a book bag.  ouch!  too many books.  and more tired than i'm aware.  i'm getting brighter.  evolving.

started 7 am soaked stretched.  my body so sore stiff painful i wore brace on waking.  i nu stepped an hour watching 'any day now'.  i checked online listing channel 170 comcast seniors.  

SIGH!

voicemail sunnyvale library broken chrome screen i don't know sisters?  i didn't use couldn't figure out apps borrowed chrome main.  i'll pay tomorrow.  cheap considering how many years i've used for free.  the convenience knowledge expertise.

energy vampires.

feeling exhausted

 been awake since 5.  i are too many cookies too much refined sugar.  oh, well.  one of the few pleasures i still enjoy.  

today sunnyvale return combo.  lovely cool overcast tygj.  

cooked chicken then quinoa.  i can feel the muscles in my stomach and back move with chewing.  feels weird.  my back around waist legs weigh a ton everything hurts.

time for willow analgesic.  pain is making me angry.

perfect-i returned combo and hot spot ready.  i went gym to soak and felt slightly better.  sunnyvale parking still torn up.  sitting at signal i remembered to pay citibank cost co.  

chrome crashed feeling blah

resetting tabs is becoming common place.  when i was so sick i'd feel panic that something horrible would happen.  no idea what was scary.  just a feeling of dread would envelop me. 

toke commented yesterday on my imagination.  i don't imagine i see.  i don't make up things i just see what is there.  maybe that's all imagination is.  seeing into anther dimension of being.  it's been percolating in my brain trying to make sense organize.

learned don't add powdered drink to seltzer it volcanoes.  still delicious.  

aquafaba

chickpea goop.  cornbread and chickpeas b'fast.  eating protein sets the healing intake.

loaded Lucky's freebie energy drink picked up by gym.  swam soaked relaxed so blessed.  i've never moved when i wanted doing what i wanted.  that's the biggest resistance to scheduling anything.  feels anti heaven.  

woke with gum in my hair.  only to be expected i suppose falling asleep chewing gum.  chewing signals relaxing.  the popularity of gum for stress release.  i combed with castor oil and easily removed it.  

feet up relaxing-chrome crashed i don't care

bookmobile day.  toke avocados.  good day.  7 am swam half hour pool.  soaked and stretched.  i'm feeling so relaxed.  trusting healing.  

reading anat baniel 'kids'.  due tomorrow.  fascinating.  she's experienced the miracle of development.  the miracle of healthy life.  

napped half hour fell asleep watching 'concentration'.

good it crashed reset you tube playing background.  i like it.  makes me glad i don't own it.

2 cheesecake

plain is better than flavored.  i taste tested.  add real strawberries heaven.  fruit and veg from nob hill so much tastier.  cooked ate cob corn.  

salads today i brought mine home chick cesar ok.  home early.  put glass bottles in recycle bin Danny's wouldn't take.  at least car trunk empty.  

had to prune side yard kiwi from house attaching to antenna roofers wrecked and backyard ivy from bathroom window screen.  then patched screen holes with clear tape.  i had to forcibly stop myself doing.  too easy to overdo.  doing instead of feeling.  workaholics.  

i'm feeling sad and alone.  

heavenly relaxing

muscles only heal when relaxed.  when tense it's locked up can't be healed, immobilized.  7 am gym soaking is healing.  9 am dollar tree.  listening to healing music is relaxing.  

seniors good.  home cooking med boil best eggs, defrost 2 chick drums for teriyaki.  last box cornbread toaster oven for beans.  prepped second lb strawberries with nob hill cheesecakes.  i'm so blessed.

format keeps resetting itself.  

up and at em atom ant

took me a week to admit Eric disrespected me.  i don't like admitting he caused how he died.  too reminiscent of the parents.  that's the only thing we can control.  mom saw my inability to hold a grudge as a failing i saw it as a waste of my time and energy.  i prefer having fun.

i sat at chase writing i filled gas 7 am swam soaked an hour @ gym it disappeared.  so a good day.  cu made a cup of tea waiting to deposit.  banking done.  wrote out bills planned month.

i've been so majorly sick last 6 years.  i'm finally feeling better.  my legs and hips are remodeling.  

CRASH!!