simeon

ACTUALLY SIMON.  MY PHONE-I CALLED MISSION AFTER LUNCH NOT MENTIONING TO ANYONE AT SENIORS.  THEN I TALKED TO ART ABOUT PICKING IT UP TODAY OR PUSHING MY O/C BY WAITING 'TIL TOMORROW.  I DECIDED TOO MUCH NEEDLESS STRESS.  I GAVE JUSTIN BAG OF GUAVAS AVOCADOS AND EXPLAINED PINEAPPLE GUAVA.

THE NEW ME FEELS WEIRD.  I THOUGHT ABOUT STRESSING TO ORDER FREE MEDICARE OTC WALMART AND THOUGHT I CAN DO IT LATER.

I REMEMBER I HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE PAVERS TO FINISH.  SO I'M RESTING 'TIL 4:30 AND TAKE TOKI FRUIT.  SHE FED ME SOUP AND FRUIT.

WATCHING BOMBSHELL-HEDY LAMARR WAS THOUGHT PROVOKING.  SHE SEEMINGLY BECAME MORE ENAMORED WITH HER LOOKS THAN ANYONE.  SHE BECAME A TOTAL RECLUSE TALKING ON THE PHONE FOR HOURS.  AND BEFORE SHE DIED SHE WAS HONORED FOR HER INVENTIONS.  SHE COULD HAVE CONTINUED INVENTING LIKE JOY MANGANO.  THE FIRST COMPANY STOLE HER HANDS FREE MOP AND SHE WENT ON TO INVENT MORE, BUILD HER OWN COMPANY AND HELPS NEW INVENTORS.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.  UNLESS YOU'RE DEAD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW TERRIFIC THIS DAY HAS BEEN.   I WENT TO ST J FEELING SAD AND DECIDED TO FEEL SAD WITH THE GROUP INSTEAD OF ALONE ON THEIR LAST DAY.  JOHN SHOWED UP ON HIS DAY OFF RIDING HIS BIKE AROUND THE PARKING LOT.

NEW ME. 

A NEW ME

DIDN'T GO TO MARIA.  I THOUGHT OF SKIPPING LUCKY'S TOO.  FOUND 3 BOTTLES, 3 SMALL CHICK FRY STEAK FOR $1.15.  I'M THINKING OF COOKING WITH SQUASH.  3 PEANUT M&M $1 EACH.

I CAN'T FIND PHONE 1.  I'M USING PHONE 2.  IT OCCURS TO ME IT MAY BE TIME TO THINK ABOUT A NEW PHONE.  OR USE PHONE 3.

I'M CALMLY SURPRISED.

I CONTINUED MY DAY, ST JUSTIN LUNCH.  IN STORE NOON PARKING IS GREAT I  FOUND 5 HEMATITE CHOKERS, 4 SILK NAPKINS ALL FOR $5.45.  LUNCH LASAGNA GARLIC BREAD, CESAR SALAD.  BINGO FUN TO WATCH. 

I WENT TO LIBRARY CHARGED CHROME WATCHED DVD.  THEY CUT POWER I HAD TO REMOVE DVD WITH PAPER CLIP MANUALLY.  AND I'M HOME PLANNING MY LIFE. 

DOING

I WRESTLED THE IRONING BOARD OUT AND PUT IT ON MY LITTLE FOLDING WHEELS.  WORKED BEAUTIFULLY.  SAVED MY BACK.  I HAD AN UNCOMFORTABLE NIGHT.  I'VE BEEN BETTER.  FINISHED AND DECIDED PICK UP FRUIT TOMORROW.  I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO HARD ON MY BACK.

I HAD TIME TO GO CHECK OUT LUCKY'S MYSTERY FREEBIE PROPEL IN EMAIL OR CRYSTAL LIGHT LOADED TO ACCOUNT.  THEY SUBSTITUTED.  I GOT NATURAL GRAPE W/CAFFEINE 10 PACKETS.

I WAS DOWN TO MY LAST MOUTHWASH.  $ANTA CLARA AND SNACKS.  I GUESS I'LL GO PANERA AFTER SENIORS.  MAYBE.  I GOT HERE 8:30 AND SORTED DVD, WATER BOTTLES FOR WINDSHIELDS, SHOES.  YESTERDAY BECAME COLD SO I WORE POOL SHOES.  AND MY FEET HURT.

12:46 PM- I JUST FINISHED WATCHING THE SANTA CLARA PARADE OF CHAMPIONS.  I DIDN'T PLAN IT.  AT 11 I WAS HUNGRY AND GOING TO PANERA I REMEMBERED I HAD PBJ AND CHIPS.  I NOTICED TRAFFIC BEING DIVERTED ON FREMONT AND BRIDGET SAID A PARADE.  I WENT UPSTAIRS ON THE COMPUTER.  IT HAD JUST STARTED A BLOCK AWAY.  I PUT MY THINGS IN THE CAR AND WALKED WEARING MY HAT.  A SHOPKEEPER WAS KIND ENOUGH TO BRING OUT SOME CHAIRS.  I WATCHED IN COMPLETE COMFORT WATER BOTTLES DISPENSED BY SIKHS.

WOW!

END OF MONTH

BLUES.  OR NEW MOON.  ECLIPSE..  I DON'T KNOW.

AT SENIORS I DON'T UNDERSTAND PEOPLE GETTING HERE 6:30 TO SIT IN THE COLD WAITING FOR THE CENTER TO OPEN.  SEEMS EXTREME TO ME.  I COULD UNDERSTAND STAYING IN THEIR CARS NICE AND SNUG BUT THEY'D RATHER GATHER BY THE DOORS.

YAHOO MAIL HAS NEW SECURITY WHERE IT TIMES OUT AND I HAVE TO KEEP SIGNING IN EVERY TIME I DON'T USE IT CONTINUOUSLY.

I WENT TO ST J AFTER LUNCH AND THE RACK WAS STILL THERE.  I FOUND AN IRONING BOARD $2.50 3 HEMATITE STRETCH BRACELETS, 2 SPOONS.  FEELING TIRED I DROVE .2 TO UNDER PARKING LIBRARY AND HUNG OUT EATING PBJ AND CHIPS.  I WATCHED MOVIE 'TIL 4:30 AND DECIDED TO DRIVE HOME SLOWLY.  PAVERS WERE GONE.  I'LL WAIT TO EMPTY THE CAR TOMORROW.  THE FRONT DOOR HANDLE WAS MOVED.  I MADE A POINT OF STRAIGHTENING IT BEFORE I LEFT. 

SUCCESS

I FORGOT MY CHROME AT HOME SO I'M USING UPSTAIRS.  AND IT'S GOOD.

YESTERDAY I WAS GOING TO WATCH MOVIES BUT THE HEATER WAS RUNNING.  SO  I WENT TO MISSION AND HAD A LOVELY COOL DAY 71 WHEN OUTSIDE IT WAS 98.

TODAY THE AIR CONDITIONER IS ON.  HUZZAH!!

I ACCESSED MY DISCOVER TO CHECK ACCOUNT.  WORLD MARK, MEDICARE, CAR INSURANCE.  TYGJ.  BIG MONTH.

THIS HAS BEEN A BANNER MONTH.  SO MUCH FUN.!  SOMETIMES I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO CELEBRATE FUN.  AND BE BRAVE.

MY PINK MARBLE PALACE THAT'S MY SAFE PLACE IS ME.  TAKING AND PASSING THE HYPNOTHERAPY COURSE I DRIFTED INTO MY WORLD OF PEACE, PLENTY, TIMELESSNESS.  IT'S ME.  MY PALACE IS ME.  ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF AILEEN HATING ME FOR SUCCEEDING WHERE SHE FAILED.

NOW I'M AT CENTRAL.  I DROPPED OFF SOME AVOCADOS FOR JUSTIN.  HE WAS DISAPPOINTED YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE CAME IN LATE.  SO I GAVE HIM THE ONES FROM THE CAR.  THEN OFF TO CAMPBELL.  I STARTED IN TECH ROOM AND ONLY HAD 17 MINUTES LEFT SO I WENT OUT ON THE FLOOR FOR 2 MORE HOURS.  I GUESS 4 HALF IS TOTAL.  2 HALF MISSION AND SENIORS.

GERDA AND INGE PICKED UP THEIR LUNCHES AND GAVE THEM TO ART AND I.  THEY ATE BBQ.  TYGJ.  SO I COULD EAT IT HERE.  I PARKED AT ST J.  I JUST REMEMBERED THE FOLDING LUGGAGE CARRIER I FORGOT AT REGISTER.  OH NO.  IT WAS SO HOT IN THERE.  I CALLED JOHN LEFT MESSAGE.

easy come

WHAT I WANT.  IN THE MOMENT I KNOW.  LONG TERM I DON'T.  I NEVER THOUGHT LONG TERM.  PROBABLY THE CONDITIONING OF MOM CONSTANTLY THREATENING MURDER.  TOO MANY TIMES.  AND EACH TIME A LITTLE MORE DEPRESSING A LITTLE PIECE OF ME DYING UNTIL I HAD NO SELF ESTEEM OR HOPE FOR ANY FUTURE.  I CAN'T IMAGINE THEIR THINKING.  WAIT THEY DIDN'T THINK.

88 o s NOON.  IT FEELS WEIRD AND FANTASTIC TO DO WHAT I FEEL LIKE DOING.  I'M STILL IN AWE.  I EXPECTED TO GET USED TO IT.  JADED.  BUT NOT YET.

97 o s 4:30.  WHAT TO DO FOR DINNER. 

POST SCRIPTS

MY NECK!!  I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WHAT I'M DOING.  I LOVE THOSE TWO WORDS.  GOING DOING. PRONOUNCED TO RHYME.  I'M IN A WHIMSICAL MOOD.

I'M IN PAIN I MAY AS WELL ENJOY MYSELF AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.

I SPENT AN UNEVENTFUL NIGHT TYGJ.

ADROIT GAUCHE

RIGHT LEFT.  LOGIC EMOTION.  THE BALANCE.  MY BODY IS COMING BACK ONLINE.  TODAY MY WAIST SHOULDERS ARE SORE.  REDISCOVERING MY BODY.

I'M FEELING DEPRESSED.  I SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND SADNESS WITH MY PARENTS.  AT LEAST 25-30 DOCTOR VISITS A YEAR.  NO WONDER I FEEL TIRED.  I WAS WORKING PAYING MY BILLS AND TRYING TO HAVE A LIFE WHILE BRIGHTENING THEIR'S.   I TOOK THEM OUT.  DID WHAT I COULD TO BRING JOY. 

NEW DAY NEW ME

STARTED MY SEWING PROJECTS.  I'M FEELING WELL RESTED.  I DID MY SHOPPING AND STAYED HOME.  I BOUGHT 6 NEW SLIPPERS=$3.  I CAN USE THE SOLES TO REINFORCE MY CLOGS. 

I CAN FOCUS ON GETTING SCREENINGS DONE.  I STARTED DMV PRACTICE TESTS FOR LICENSE RENEWAL. 

my self

MOVING BACK TO TAKE CARE OF MOM DAD WAS TO FIGURE OUT MY SELF.

1989 MOM CALLED TO SAY THEY WANTED TO VISIT.  NEVER BEFORE.  I WAITED AND MADE TEA.  SHE AND DAD ARRIVED.  MOM DID THE TALKING WHICH WAS ALSO UNUSUAL.  SHE ALWAYS DEFERRED TO THE MAN.  SHE ASKED ME IF I'D DRIVE DAD TO DOCTOR'S FOR PROSTATE CANCER.  I SAID OF COURSE.

I KNEW THEY WERE TERRIFIED OF CANCER.  ALL FOUR OF MY GRANDPARENTS HAD IT.  DAD'S DAD WAS THE ONLY ONE TO KILL HIMSELF.  AS FAR AS I KNOW.

THEY'D HAVE TO GIVE ME ENOUGH NOTICE.  MY LAND LADY HAD JUST TOLD ME SHE WAS SELLING THE CONDO.  I HADN'T STARTED LOOKING FOR A NEW PLACE.  MOM SUGGESTED I MOVE BACK HOME.  I ACCEPTED KNOWING BEING SELF-EMPLOYED WOULD MAKE APT'S MORE DIFFICULT.

SO I WAS ONCE MORE IMMERSED IN THE QUICKSAND.  I WASN'T THINKING.  I'VE MADE MOST OF MY DECISIONS LIKE THAT WHERE FAMILY IS CONCERNED.  LIKE ACCEPTING MARRIAGE TO THE PERSON WHO HAD ALL THE WORST FAMILY QUALITIES.  AND I PROBABLY STILL REACT TO 'FAMILY' THAT WAY.

I DID MY SATURDAY AT MISSION.  JUSTIN IS MAGICAL BUT I DON'T KNOW IN A GOOD WAY OR FAMILY.  MY REPROGRAMMING IS MAKING MY EVERYDAY BETTER.  MY BACK NECK IS STEADY DESPITE THE CAR ACCIDENT. 

newest

I DID IT ALL.  EXERCISE, LUNCH, CENTRAL LIBRARY, ST J.  I DIVIDED THE AVOCADOS, GUAVA, CHILI PEPPERS INTO TWO BAGS.  JOHN GOT ONE AND I DROPPED OFF TOKI'S AFTER I FORGOT AND SELF CORRECTED. 

I'M FEEDING THE BIRDS LEFTOVER BAKERY. 

I WENT TO RETURN NORTH SIDE CHROME BUT CENTRAL RENEWED IT FOR ME SO I'LL JUST KEEP IT.  I REMEMBERED TO CLEAR SETTINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME.  AND I REMEMBER HOW TO REGAIN BLOGGER.  I READ NEWSPAPER.  VERY RELAXED.

AND I'M HOME EARLY FRIDAY.  I FORGOT JELLO AND MASH ROLLS IN CAR.  OH WELL. 

FEELING HAPPIER

FELL ASLEEP FOR 10 MINUTES AND DREAM WOKE ME.  I'M RENOVATING A HOUSE REPLACING WINDOW SCREENS GETTING RID OF MOSQUITOES AND I SEE YELLOW LARGE SOFT PARAKEET SC HASN'T BEEN FED COMES TO ME FOR FOOD.  I CAN'T FIND SEEDS.  I GO TO KITCHEN FOR FRUIT, CUT UP APPLE, BANANA.  SCARED ME WATCHING FOR HOUSE CATS.  DREAM STARTED WITH FRONT OF HOUSE LOOKING FOR TOM AND FRIEND TO HELP WITH CLEAN UP.  LOVELY BRIGHT TWO STORY WHITE WITH BLUE TRIM.

WOWIE WOW WOW

VERY GOOD PRODUCTIVE DAY.  I WAS SORE BUT DIDN'T TAKE WILLOW.  I EXERCISED AND STRETCHED IN HOT AND COLD POOLS.  FISH LUNCH SURPRISINGLY GOOD.  I GOT TOFU PEACH SALAD FOR DINNER.

I WENT TO PAY WALMART ON THE WAY TO LIBRARY AND FOUND TWO SMALLISH WOODEN ARTIST BOXES IN THE PARKING LOT DIVIDER.  I WENT IN PAID MY $1.62 LOOKED AROUND STORE AND REMEMBERED I CAN PAY PGE AND SAVE ME ANOTHER STOP. 

I PROCEEDED TO ATHERTON AVE CARE MORE GOT MY FLU SHOT HALF HOUR WATCHED 'MOM' ON TV.  DOLLAR TREE $TORE KITTY PEN + POST ITS.  LIBRARY AND HOME.

NEXT

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.  I MAY AS WELL MAKE MONEY AT IT.  GERDA SNAGGED ME A POCKET SKETCH BOOK.  I WONDER IF SHE WANTS THE HUMMINGBIRD PICTURE.  I COULD MAKE HER ONE.

I WENT TO SPROUTS AND I'M HAVING PEACH PIE, MY HAPPY CHILDHOOD.

????

MY HIP IS STILL SORE AND I'M BETTER.  TWO DAYS OF OF SELF CARE.  I'M GETTING CRANKIER AND I'M OK.  AM I 'THOUGH.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING MOVIES FROM 2003 WHEN I WAS SO SICK.  AND IT'S COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BECAUSE I'M DIFFERENT.  THERE'S SO MUCH I MUST HAVE SLEPT THROUGH.

I GOT MAD AT KIMO.  THIS MORNING I STARTED A NEW PUZZLE AND HE SHOWED UP AS I WAS LEAVING TO EXERCISE.  SO THIS AFTERNOON AS I'M WORKING AROUND THE PUZZLE HE SITS IN MY CHAIR TAKING OVER MY SECTION.  I SAID I GUESS I;M INVISIBLE AND THREW THE PIECES I HAD ON THE TABLE.  HE IGNORED ME.  SO HE'S DEAD TO ME.  I'M GIVING AS GOOD AS I GET.

I WENT OUT TO THE CAR FUMING AND REMEMBERED I WANTED TO GO TO SAFEWAY FOR GRAPEFRUIT SPARKLING ICE AND WAS OUT OF SMOKES FROM WALGREEN'S.  I USED MY GIFT CARDS.

HURRAH FREE MONEY.

I'M MISSING TONGS.

HEADACHE

WHIPLASH FROM BUMP YESTERDAY.

IT'S RAINING. 

fallout

OK MY BACK WOKE ME.  AGAIN.  AND MAYBE YESTERDAY I'M FEELING UNUSUALLY HAPPY WHICH MAKES ME FEEL AN ANXIOUS REACTION.  I MANAGED TO STAY CONSCIOUS I THINK.  I FOUND A DIME AT MISSION.  HELLO UNCLE.  IN 87 o WEATHER I NAVIGATED COMFORTABLY.

I'M BEYOND THE FAMILY.  THEIR AND MY GREATEST FEAR OR MAYBE JUST MY GREATEST FEAR I DON'T KNOW.  I'M WATCHING BECAUSE I SAID SO.  SO BUSTER KEATON SCHOOL OF ACTING.

4 PM-
     I'VE BEEN RESTING WATCHING GLORIA, JULIANNE MOORE.  WOMAN OF A CERTAIN AGE.  I WAS HIT BY A 20 SOMETHING MODERN EAST INDIAN WOMAN BACKING OUT OF A PARKING SPACE AT SUNNYVALE DOLLAR STORE IN HER SILENT ELECTRIC SEDAN.  I COULDN'T HEAR HER CAR AND ONLY NOTICED THE TAIL LIGHTS.  SHE STILL HIT ME.  SHE WAS LISTENING TO SOMETHING WITH EAR BUDS WHICH IS ILLEGAL AND DIDN'T EVEN LOOK.  I'M A PRETTY LARGE TARGET.  I'M LUCKY TO HAVE PADDING.  IF I'D BEEN A CHILD SHE WOULD HAVE ROLLED OVER ME. 

I STOPPED AT PANDA EXPRESS, PICKED UP LUNCH AND CAME STRAIGHT HOME.

THE END OF DENIAL

AND THIS RENEWED CHROME IS FREAKING DOING WEIRD THINGS I'VE NEVER SEEN MUCH LESS IMAGINED.  I BELIEVE IT'S ACTING OUT MY INTERNAL TURMOIL.

THANK YOU CHROME.

5:23 AM THE TIME I WAS BORN.  THE TOUR AROUND MY HIGH SCHOOL WAS GOOD.  I WAS A VERY UNHAPPY GIRL.  THE LAST 18 YEARS I'VE BEEN A VERY UNHAPPY WOMAN AND I'M DONE WITH THAT.  I'M DONE WITH LIVING MY LIFE ACCORDING TO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WANT ME TO DO AND I DO ONLY WHAT I WANT.  NOW I HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THAT IS.

TEENAGERS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN LOVE WITH THEMSELVES.  I SKIPPED AND HAVE TO DO IT NOW.

I CONSIDERED PAYING CSAA DUE TOMORROW, NAH.  THIS IS NEW FOR ME.

1;11 pm I EXERCISED, DECIDED ON CARL'S JR GUACAMOLE 2 X CHEESEBURGER AND STOOD FOR 5 MINUTES AT THE COUNTER OF AN EMPTY STORE WHILE THE EMPLOYEES TALKED IN SPANISH SO I LEFT.  IF I WANT TO BE IGNORED I CAN GO ANY WHERE.

SO I WALKED TO LUCKY'S (DR CHUNG WOULD BE SO PROUD OF ME) AND GOT MY FREE 10 OZ PC COLD BREW MOCHA COFFEE.  NOT VERY TASTY.  I BOUGHT THE PANERA GIFT CARDS FOR 1000 POINTS AND CHECKED OUT THE SALAD/ HOT FOOD BAR.    I GOT AND ATE .32 LB  CHILI CHICKEN AND MUSHROOMS $2.56.  AS GOOD AS PANDA EXPRESS.  EVERYTHING ELSE WAS DRIED OUT.  FRIED RICE, CHOW MEIN, CHILI RELLENO, BEANS, SPANISH RICE.  IF I GO EARLY IN THE AM I CAN GET IT ALL FRESH.

I FORGOT MY CHARGER IN THE CAR AND I CAN USE THE IN HOUSE STATION HERE AT MISSION MY SATURDAY GO TO.  I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR FORGETTING.  NO I CAN'T.  I GOT IT FROM THE CAR.

I SIGNED UP FOR PANERA AFTER CHECKING CARDS VALUES.  FREE PASTRY OR SWEET EXP. 11/13.

STILL 90 DEGREES+

TOMORROW TOO.  I DON'T KNOW WHY NORTH SIDE CHROME WON'T RENEW EVEN THO' I SPECIFICALLY INQUIRED.

I MAY BE WITHOUT TOMORROW.  I PLAN ON MISSION.  LIFE IS LOVELY.

JUSTIN CHECKED IT IN AND CHECKED IT OUT.  I WENT HOME WITH MY SALADS AND TRIED IT AND IT WAS LOCKED SO I CONTINUED TO WILCOX 50TH REUNION TOUR AND SAW BILL CHARRON AND RICK HAWKINS.  AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE I DIDN'T REMEMBER.  I REMEMBERED DAVID MOLLENHAUER, ALEX FLORES, KERRY BURNHAM.  STEPHANIE CARTWRIGHT.  ALL ON FACEBOOK.  OH MAYBE THE NOTIFICATIONS.

SO I RUSHED BACK TO MISSION AND JUSTIN HAD NO PROBLEM USING IT.  I DON'T KNOW.  HE'S A HERO.

97 o s.

feeling better

I HAVE A NEW SET POINT.   MY NECK AND SHOULDERS ARE SUFFERING THE EFFECTS OF DOING LAUNDRY.  MY STOMACH IS UPSET WITH ME BUT OTHERWISE OK.  FUNCTIONING DEALING WITH IT.

STILL NEED MY MOOD UPLIFT.  I'M MOVING SLOWLY TAKING MY TIME BEING GENTLE AND KIND WITH MYSELF.  I HAVE A BIG RESISTANCE TO BETTER.  I LET GO AND LET GOD. 

PTSD

ALL THE STRESS OF THIS WEEK HAS BEEN 9/11/2001.  BEING BED RIDDEN I AWOKE 6 AM TURNED ON THE TV TO SCENES OF THE NY TOWER 1 ON FIRE SMOKE BILLOWING.  I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY IT WAS ON EVERY CHANNEL.  I THOUGHT IT WAS A MOVIE UNTIL I TURNED ON THE SOUND. 

I'M FEELING SO SAD.

TYG

I SLEPT TIL 6. 

WHAT TO DO

I FEEL TIRED AND RESTLESS.  I KNOW WHAT I WANT NOT HOW TO BE IT.

HUSTLE THE DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDRELS REMAKE PLAYED 4 TIMES AFTER I WOKE 2:30 PANICKED STEVE WAS TEACHING ME COMPUTER REPROGRAMMING AND I WAS AFRAID I'D FAIL.  I CAN'T FAIL.  I HAVE TOOLS TO HELP ME.  I STAYED IN BED AND RESTED.  I'M STILL NOT CALM BUT I HAVE NATURAL SUPPLEMENTS WHICH I'LL TAKE NOW THAT I'M LUCID ENOUGH TO REMEMBER TO DO IT.

I ONLY NEED TO LET GO AND LET GOD.

10:30 AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WHERE TO GO.  I FOUND AN OLD ENVY APPLE I SOMEHOW MISSED.  IT'S WRINKLY AND STILL CRUNCHY AND DELICIOUS.  I FOUND TWO GRAPEFRUIT TOO.

SANTA CLARA IS ONLY CITY CLOSED FOR ADMISSION DAY.  I CAN GO ANYWHERE ELSE.  I TOOK OUT GARBAGE.  NOT FULL YET.

10: 45 I FINALLY TOOK CALMER.  I GOT DISTRACTED.  DECIDED TO WAIT TRIMMING KIWI.  SO MANY POSSIBILITIES.  WEATHER OUTLOOK DRY TIL HALLOWEEN.  8 YEARS OF BEING BED RIDDEN HOUSE SURVIVED.  NOT WELL BUT OK.

I'M FEELING SAD.  CALM AND SAD.  BETTER.

I REMEMBERED I HAD DOUBLE LOAD OF LAUNDRY TO DO AT LAFFAYETTE LAUNDRY.  I WENT TO MISSION CITY CU FOUND OUT ONCE A YEAR SHREDDING.  THIS YEAR SHRED-IT TRUCK BINS.  ONLY SANTA CLARA CITY EMPLOYEES CAN BE MEMBERS.  MAYBE NEXT YEAR EXPANDED TO INCLUDE RESIDENTS.  I WAS INVITED TO EAT SO I TOOK ONE BURGER DOG TWO BAGS CHIPS COKE TO LAUNDROMAT.

I CHARGED CHROME LEARNED I NEED ADAPTER TO USE EXTENSION CORD.  3 TO 2 PRONG.

UNUSUAL

DID MY SUNDAY ROUTINE AND DECIDED TO GO STRAIGHT TO WALGREEN'S AND THEN DIRECTLY TO ST J EARLY NOON AND READ PAPER FOR HOUR.  SHOPPED STORED ITEMS.  BOUGHT TWO BEAUTIFUL WATCHES, STRETCH HEMATITE ANKLET, METAL TREE JEWELRY RACK $5.  LUNCH WAS GOOD CHINESE CHICKEN SALAD, SPRING ROLLS, BREAD ROLL BUTTER, BROUGHT HOME LEFTOVERS FOR DINNER.  I ASKED FOR WHAT I WANTED AND GOT IT.  HOW ABOUT THAT.

I WORE MY NEW DENIM DRESS I FIXED FROM CULOTTE LAST NIGHT. 

AT LIBRARY NEXT DOOR I CHARGED CHROME AND PHONE WATCHED HUSTLE.  HOME 5:30. 

TRIM KIWI TOMORROW, MISSION CU BBQ.

3 a m

IT JUST OCCURRED TO ME HOW DISAPPOINTED GOD MUST HAVE BEEN WHEN ADAM BETRAYED GOD FOR EVE.  HE KICKED THEM BOTH OUT OF EDEN BUT BEING OMNISCIENT HE KNEW BEFORE HE CREATED ADAM WHAT WOULD HAPPEN SO HOW COULD HE BE ANGRY.  DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

BEST DAY EVER!!!! 

8 AM $TORE.  THEN I EXERCISED AND WENT TO VALLEY VILLAGE HEALTH FAIR 10;08 AND HAD TO PARK IN BACK WHERE HELEN LIVED.  THE WEATHER WAS COOL OVERCAST.  I READ THE PAPER AND DID THE PUZZLES.  I LEARNED FROM AN AGENT ANTHEM BLUE CROSS GIVES $500 PER YEAR FOR OTC PHARMACY.  ALL I HAVE TO DO IS CALL TO GET THE CARD. 

I LOOKED ALL AROUND AND GOT MY PASSPORT STAMPED FOR AN EXTRA RAFFLE TICKET.  DR FARI WAS THERE GAVE ME A BIG HUG.  THE NERVE.  SHE RESURFACED MY TEETH WEAKENING THE ENAMEL.  HER NEPHEW PAID FOR IT WITH HIS LIFE HIT BY A CAR ON HIS BIKE.  I WON A PEET'S COFFEE GIFT CARD AND FOLDING REUSABLE BAG.  GERDA AND ELSIE WERE THERE.  I GOT HER BBQ PLATE FOR HER.  I MISS DOING THINGS FOR OTHERS.  I LIKE BEING OF SERVICE TO PEOPLE WHO APPRECIATE ME UNLIKE MY FAMILY.  I SAT AND TALKED TO ELLA MAE AND HER DAUGHTER. 

WHEN I WAS LEAVING I SAW RAYMOND TALKING TO GERDA IN HER CAR AS SHE WAS LEAVING.  HE GAVE ME A BIG HUG AND INVITED ME TO HIS COTTAGE #10.  WE TALKED FOR AN HOUR.  THEN I WENT TO MISSION LIBRARY WATCHED DVD, ATE LEFT OVER GARLIC DOG, POTATO SALAD, BAKED BEANS.  EXCELLENT DAY. 

one step

I THINK I'M DOING OK.  OR BEING OK.  I FORGOT TWO BAGS AND ALL MY EAR BUDS SO I COULDN'T WATCH DVD.

I WENT TO CAMPBELL, $TORE EXTRA EAR BUDS, ST J AND WAS TIRED CAME HOME 3 P M.  TOOK APART CULOTTE DRESS AND THOUGHT ABOUT FLORA.  SHE'S TRYING FIRST PRESBYTERIAN AFTER GETTING KICKED OUT OF CHURCH OF THE VALLEY.  IF THEY ACCEPT HER IT'S NOT THE CHURCH FOR ME.

EMERGENCY

I'M EMERGING.  I WONDER IF THE BUTTERFLY IS SELF AWARE.  I'M FEELING A LOT OF PAIN.  I TOOK PASSION RELAXER AND WHITE WILLOW.

DAD'S 20TH DEATH YEAR.  STILL DEAD.  I THINK THE PROLIFERATION OF ZOMBIE MOVIES SPEAKS OF HOW THE DEAD ARE STILL WITH US.  FRANKENSTEIN LAZARUS THE FASCINATION WITH DEATH.  EVEN TERRORISTS AFRAID TO GO ALONE AND TAKING VICTIMS ALONG.  THAT EXPLAINS HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR.

I'M AT NORTH SIDE 3 AVAILABLE 4 MILES FROM SENIOR.  THERE WAS HOLD ON CHROME MISSION.  SO I'M RESETTING SITES.  AND KEVIN DOESN'T WORK HERE ANYMORE. 

I TRIED PLAYING FOOLS & HORSES AND THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH DISC 1 & 2.  3 PLAYS FINE AT HOME.  I'LL TRY WALTER PLAYER.

I DROVE COMPLETELY AROUND COVERED PARKING CIRCLING AROUND AND FOUND GREAT SHADY SPOT.

LETTING GO

IS BEHAVIORAL RETRAINING.  I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT 'JOB' A LOT.  I DON'T BELIEVE GOD MADE A BET WITH THE DEVIL.  GOD ISN'T AN OLD WHITE MAN MAKING ARBITRARY DECISIONS SITTING ON A BIG WHITE CLOUD.  GOD IS A PHYSICS CONCEPT OF THOUGHT ENERGY.  ELECTRICITY ALWAYS EXISTED BUT COULDN'T BE USED UNTIL PEOPLE UNDERSTOOD THE ENERGY.

I WATCHED 'IT'S KIND OF A FUNNY STORY' ABOUT SUICIDE.  COINCIDENTAL SINCE THURSDAY IS DAD'S 20TH OF HIS DEATH AND HIS DAD HUNG HIMSELF.  I PICKED IT TO WATCH SOMETHING FUNNY.   OH, WELL.

I GOT GAS COSTCO EXPEDITIOUSLY AND ARRIVED SENIORS 15 EARLY SO I DID BILLS.  I RETURNED SOME DVD AND WAS MISSING TOMORROWLAND.  I REMEMBERED I PUT SOME IN THE BAG POCKET AND THERE IT WAS.  I REMEMBERED I PUT THE SPARE BOTTLE IN THE CONSOLE TOO.

I WALKED TO MISSION CREDIT UNION.  I GAVE INGE THE FREEBIE COFFEE FOR SHE AND MAURICE.  LUNCH HAD QUINOA.  I'M EATING HEALTHIER EXCEPT FOR LAST YEAR'S HALLOWEEN CANDY.  I DECIDED TO THROW OUT BREAD AND COOKIES FOR BIRDS.

LET GO

LET GOD TODAY'S DAILY WORD.  I BROUGHT MY BREAKFAST.  I 'M TAKING SAMPLES OF MOOD UPLIFT.  NATURAL BOTANICALS.  I'LL HAVE TO CHECK THEM OUT ONLINE.

SO LOVELY COOL THIS MORNING.  64 o.

MY BACKS A LITTLE SORE FROM THE ORGANIZING I DID YESTERDAY.  I DIDN'T GO TO EXERCISE UNTIL 11.  I WANTED TO FLOAT AND DID.  HALFORD B-KING ISN'T AS JUICY AS ECR.  I'M READY FOR MY CEREAL NOW.

I ATE MY CEREAL AND BRUSHED MY TEETH SEEING ONE TOOTH WESTERN DENTAL WORKED ON DISCOLORED SO UGLY.  NOT ONLY DID THEY KEEP ME WAITING 3-4 HOURS EACH APPOINTMENT, OVERCHARGED ME, DISRESPECTED ME WHEN I COMPLAINED BY ASKING ME HOW IMPORTANT MY TIME WAS DID I HAVE ANYWHERE IMPORTANT TO BE.  THEIR WORK IS CRAP.

I HAVE TO LET IT GO.

MOM MARRIED A CHILD

DAD NEVER GREW UP.  PETER PAN.  AND I MARRIED IMMATURE EX.  THE ONLY EXAMPLE I HAD.

I WAS WATCHING HUMMINGBIRD PROJECT.  ONE SONG ABOUT A MAN PERPETUAL CHILD.  DAD.

THE ANSWERS ARE OUT THERE.

I'M OK

YOU'RE OK AND NOT.  TWO BOOKS FROM THE 70'S.  HADDI AND HIS BUDDY WERE TALKING ABOUT IT IN THE POOL FRIDAY.

I'VE READ SO MANY BOOKS.  LIVED SO MUCH LIFE.

I THINK I'M OK.  DAD DIED 20 YEARS AGO THIS THURSDAY.  THAT LAST WEEK MOM AND I DIDN'T SLEEP.  DAD'S SUFFERING HE MADE SURE WE SUFFERED ALONG.