AHA FIDELITY

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT TOM'S HIDING FROM ME WHENEVER WE WENT SOMEWHERE.  HE'D TAKE OFF AND HIDE BEHIND TREES OR POSTS WHATEVER AND OBSERVE ME.  OF COURSE I ALWAYS FELT HIS ENERGY AND SAW HIM AND HE'D PRETEND HE WASN'T SPYING ON ME.  HIS PARENTS WERE CHEATERS AND HE WAS TRYING TO CATCH ME.  LORD KNOWS HIS NIECES WERE CHEATERS TOO.

MAYBE HE CAN TRUST DEANA ENOUGH TO SUCCEED IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.  SHE'S YOUNG, STRONG, WEALTHY ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF HIM.

I NEVER HAD THE PATIENCE OR INCLINATION TO RAISE A 6 YEARS OLDER SON.

GERDA BACK

INGA AND MAURICE TOOK OFF RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.  THE CHICKENS ARE SO JEALOUS OF THEM.  EAST INDIAN SUMI IS MAD AT MAURICE FOR SOME FOOLISHNESS.  SHE AND HARI USED TO BE THE ONLY COUPLE AT THE COOL KIDS TABLE.

I'M ENCOURAGING GERDA TO EXERCISE.  HER COPD IS GETTING WORSE.  SHE WAS OUT TUESDAY AND WEDNESDAY WITH A COLD AND COUGHING.  WALKING AROUND THE BLOCK ONCE A DAY IS NOT ENOUGH.  AND SHE'S NOT USING CHAMOMILE NATURAL EXPECTORANT.  I TOLD HER TO DROP A TEA BAG IN A BOTTLE OF JUICE OR WATER.  IT WORKED FOR MOM'S BRONCHITIS AND PNEUMONIA.

I'M CONCERNED.  SHE'S 85 AND PROUD.  I THINK SHE EXPECTS TO DIE BUT WHAT ABOUT LIVING.

I GUESS WE'RE JUST LAZY.  I DON'T LIKE EXERCISING BUT I DON'T WANT TO FEEL IMPRISONED IN MY BODY EITHER.  IT'S A VEHICLE OR A TRAP.

FEAR OF SUCCESS

I WENT AND REDEEMED THE COUPONS AND REDEEMED ANOTHER PART OF MYSELF.  I WANTED TO USE THE COUPONS.

I FULFILLED MY DESIRE AND REALIZED MY DESIRES AS A CHILD WERE CRUELLY THWARTED STUNTING MY SPIRITUAL GROWTH.  I FELT SO MUCH FEAR.

I'M LEARNING TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY WANTS WITHOUT FEAR OF LEARNED SELF SABOTAGE.  MY FAMILY SABOTAGED EVERY SUCCESS I EVER HAD.  OUT OF FEAR AND LOYALTY TO THE FAMILY I LEARNED TO SELF SABOTAGE.  MY SISTERS WERE SO JEALOUS.  I NEVER KNEW WHY.  THEY STILL ASK ME WHAT I WANT IN ORDER TO DENY ME.

NOW TO UNLEARN FEAR OF SUCCESS.  I WAS AFRAID I'D LOCK MYSELF OUT OF MY CAR, OR LOSE MY KEYS OR THE CAR WOULD BREAKDOWN OR SOMETHING.  SATURDAY AT LUCKY'S MY KEYS BROKE OFF THE RETRACTING STRING.  LUCKILY SOMEONE FOUND THEM AND TURNED THEM IN.

FIDDLER ON THE ROOF IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.  THE MOTHER IS AFRAID OF TEMPTING FATE BY PRAISING THE BABY.  JUST LIKE MY MOM.  SHE NEVER HAD A GOOD THING TO SAY TO ME.  WHEN I WAS A TEEN I OVERHEARD HER ON THE PHONE BRAGGING ABOUT ME.  I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

I MET BLACK ELLA MAY.  SHE SAT DOWN AT THE PUZZLE TABLE COMPLAINING AND 4:30 I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE.  TONIGHT IS SUPER LOTTO.  PRAY FOR ME.

DECISIONS

BACK TO A NEW WORLD.  JEANIE GAVE ME 3 MICROWAVE RICE/QUINOA, 5 MICROWAVE POPCORN, A BIG BOX OF SALTINES.  I GAVE ART THE POPCORN.

I HAVE CHERRIES AND P-CHIPS.  YUM.

HAPPY!

LAST DAY FOR COUPONS AND SPECIALS.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.  I DON'T WANT TO WASTE THEM AND I DON'T WANT TO EAT THEM EXCEPT FRESH CHERRIES. I'VE BEEN EATING HALF A POUND A DAY.  I SUPPOSE I COULD GIVE AWAY WHAT I DON'T WANT.  I LOVE VEGGING OUT TOO.

WHAT TO DO.  WHAT TO DO.  NOT KNOWING IS TOUGH.  I NEVER HAD OPTIONS BEFORE.  I'M NEW AT DOING WHAT I WANT.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL.  I WAS ALWAYS TOLD WHAT TO FEEL.  I DIDN'T USED TO HAVE A CHOICE.  ERGO THE DILEMMA.

I WENT.  LUCKY'S DIDN'T GET HOT DOGS, I GOT A RAIN CHECK.  FOUND OUT CHERRIES ONE TIME PURCHASE.  MARIA HAD NO DOUGHNUTS SO I GOT BREAD WITH MY AND 4 FOUND COUPONS.  I DECIDED TO GO TO G-2 ONLY A MILE AND 7 LEFT OF OLD FASHIONED W/CHOCOLATE THE ONLY ONES I REALLY  WANTED FOR 7 COUPONS.  PERFECT.  TYGJ.  $16+6+4 SAVED.

I'LL BE FINE.  IN BED BY 10:30.  GOOD THING I NAPPED 2 HOURS.  I FEEL GREAT.

INCLUDED

BEING BACK TO THE ROUTINE IS DULL AND REASSURING. 

POWER

DAY STARTED NOT SO GOOD.  I WAS EXHAUSTED YESTERDAY AND FELL ASLEEP AT 8 AWOKE AT 1.  WATCHED GENIUS UNTIL 5.  FELL ASLEEP 'TIL 6:30.  THEN I LAY IN BED WATCHING MORE GENIUS AND AT 9:30 DECIDED TO GO TO SARATOGA LUCKY'S LOOKING FOR HOT DOGS AND FOUND D3 THAT I NEEDED.  I BOUGHT SOME HEBREW NAT'L.  I'M WORTH IT.

I STOPPED AT SAFEWAY FOR KRAB AND 20 FOR ENVY APPLES AT TAJ MAHAL.  CAME HOME TRIED TO MAKE WHEAT IN GARAGE MICROWAVE AND BURNED IT.  IT MUST COOK HOTTER.  CRACKED THE LINER.  SO I ATE SPAGHETTI FOR LUNCH.  I MADE WHEAT INSIDE.  AND COOKED THE TUNA I HAD FROZEN.  I WENT BACK TO BED AND WATCHED MORE GENIUS.  FELL ASLEEP FROM 1-3.  I TOOK MY TIME WAKING UP. 

I WENT TO LX LUCKY'S AND THEN WALGREEN'S FOR SMOKES AND GOT 8 FERRARO ROCHE DOZEN FOR $.99 EA.  I DROVE TO MARIA SAFEWAY PCH CALL AND FOUND TWO BAGS SALT VINEGAR P-CHIPS $.75 EA AND GOT 20 CASH FOR CITIBANK BILL.  ON TO G-2 SPA AND HOME.  NEXT DOOR MOVED MY BINS IN.  TYGJ.

I ATE MY WHEAT AND TUNA AND CHIPS AND CHERRIES WATCHED JEOPARDY JUST AS IT STARTED.

PERFECT. 

ARROGANCE

AND HEART FELT APOLOGY.  TALK IS SO CHEAP.  NO ONE MEANS WHAT THEY SAY.  HOW DID LIFE BECOME APPEARANCE ONLY?

IMMIGRANTS FLEE DEATH THREATENING SITUATIONS AND LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT'S IMPORTANT FOR MONEY BELIEVING MONEY CAN PROTECT THEM.  THEY COME TO AMERICA FOR FREEDOM AND SUCCUMB TO THE SLAVERY OF THE ALMIGHTY AMERICAN DOLLAR TRADING ONE OPPRESSION FOR A PRETTIER ONE

IF I SEE ARROGANCE I MUST HAVE IT.  I CAN'T SEE IT UNLESS I HAVE EXPERIENCE WITH IT.

IN THIS CORNER OF THE WORLD SET IN WARTIME JAPAN WOMEN ARE TO BE CALM AND ALWAYS SMILING.  SHUZU SMILES WHILE COOKING, CLEANING, LIVING FOR HER FAMILY.  ME.  AND THERE IS ALWAYS A WAR.  COLD WAR.  WAR ON POVERTY.  WAR AGAINST ILLITERACY.  ETC.  WAR GIVES LIFE MEANING TO THE WORLD.

GREED IS THE ATTEMPT TO FEEL REAL.  TRYING TO FEEL SUBSTANTIAL THROUGH THINGS.  WHY AMERICA IS FAT AND GETTING FATTER.  PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH THINGS.  I KNEW MARLIN AND HELEN WERE DOING IT AND NOW I FINALLY KNOW WHY.  AND  AILEEN AND OTHERS TRYING TO TAKE MY THINGS AND MY LIFE.  WITH ALL THE GETTING GET UNDERSTANDING.  THEY MISSED THAT ONE.

I LOVE MY CURVES.  I DON'T WANT TO BE A BLIMP FULL OF HOT AIR.  MY THINGS GIVE ME PLEASURE.  IT ALSO GIVES ME PLEASURE TO GIVE THEM AWAY.  DAD, MARLIN AND HELEN USE THINGS AS WEAPONS IN THE WAR TO BE SOMEONE.

BOUNCY

I FELT SO GOOD I BOUNCED ON THE HALF AND FULL BALLS.  THEN I STRETCHED.  OH MY LEGS AND BOTTOM ARE SORE.  AND I'M HAPPY. 

I WENT TO SAFEWAY AND TOOK FRESH CUSTARD DONUTS TO KIMO'S STALE ONES.  MEMORIAL DAY LUNCH.  I GAVE MY RED FAKE COOL WHIP JELLO TO ART.  HE ATE SO MUCH SUGAR.  GERDA WAS GIDDY SHE ATE SO MUCH.  I'M JUST FINE. 

I HAD LEFTOVER BBQ AND COLESLAW FOR DINNER.

I WANT PIZZA FOR THE HOLIDAY. 

CODEPENDENT COUNTRY

I STARTED TO WATCH ALL IN THE FAMILY SPECIAL. I WATCHED THE LIVE JEFFERSONS BUT THEN THEY HAD A PROGRAM ABOUT THE SHOW.  I THINK THAT'S WHY PEOPLE TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

THERE'S A JOKE ABOUT CODEPENDENTS;  IN HEAVEN THERE'S TWO LINES TO GET IN, THE GATE INTO HEAVEN AND THE LINE OF CODEPENDENTS TO FIND OUT ABOUT HEAVEN.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE TALKING YOU'RE NOT LIVING; YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT LIVING.

MARILYN TALKS AND TALKS AND TALKS WHILE HER BODY CONTINUES TO DETERIORATE.  SHE SITS PONTIFICATING.

THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR CARS AND HOMES BUT NOT THEIR MIND/BODIES.  THEY EXPECT DOCTORS AND NURSES TO DO THAT.  CARS AND HOMES THEY SEE AND NOT THEMSELVES.  THEIR EYES ON THE OUTSIDE THEY DON'T LOOK WITHIN.

I ASKED ART TO READ HIS NEWS AND HE TELLS ME MARILYN SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM NOT TO GIVE IT TO ME.  I TOLD HIM I WASN'T SURPRISED.  LIKE WHEN ROSE TOLD ME I COULDN'T HAVE HER MILK TO GIVE TO GINNY AND TURNS AROUND AND GIVES IT TO GINNY.  HYPOCRITES.  NOT A GIFT THEN.  RANSOM.

A MAN FELL AT LUNCH AND NO ONE CALLED 911.  IF HE HAS CONCUSSION OH, WELL HELLO LAWSUIT GOODBYE SENIOR CENTER.  TODAY WAS 45 ANNIVERSARY NUTRITION LUNCH PROGRAM.  WE GOT COFFEE MUGS.  I USED MINE.  BETTER THAN PAPER CUPS.

GEORGIA

I HAVE TO ASK HOW LONG SHE'S KNOWN WHERE I LIVE COULD SEE ME STRUGGLING AND NEVER OFFERED HELP INSTEAD TELLING ME TO VOLUNTEER.

AMAZING. 

KINDA WEIRD DAY

I ATE POLENTA AND LENTILS, WASABI ALMONDS AND SLEPT TO 2008 IGOR.  VERY DEEP.  MY STOMACH AND BACK ARE IFFY.  GEORGIA ASKED ME FOR A FEW AVOCADOS.  SO MANY WANT FROM ME.

SENIORS WENT WELL.  ART SAVED ME THE PAPER AND I TOOK THEM TO ST J.  I PICKED UP IGOR MOVIE AND I GUESS I NEVER SAW IT BEFORE.  A LOT OF GOOD THEMES.  A LOT OF BIG STARS.  I'M ENJOYING IT.

WEEKEND W/BULLWINKLE

I WATCHED THE ENTIRE SECOND SEASON.  I'M RESTING MORE.  BULLWINKLE IS FULL OF FAMILY RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.  I LEARNED FROM CARTOONS.  I WAS EXCLUDED FROM MY OWN FAMILY, SINGLED OUT, OSTRACIZED, LEFT TO MY OWN DEVICES.  RELEARNING IS HARDER.  UNLEARNING FIRST.   BETWEEN OBSERVING MY FAMILY AND CARTOONS I HAVE AN IDEALIZED FRAMEWORK OF WHAT I WANT.

DON'T PEE ON MY LEG AND TELL ME IT'S RAINING.  MARILYN MADE A COMMENT ABOUT MY CART.  I DON'T NEED OR WANT TO HEAR I COULDN'T GET ONE MORE THING ON IT.  THEN SHE SAYS IT'S A COMPLIMENT.  YEAH, RIGHT.

WILLIE BEST

JUST AS I WAS WAKING SO I LOOKED INTO WIKIPEDIA.  I DON'T KNOW.

MY BACK IS LESS PAINFUL BUT MY LEFT HAND IS CRAMPING.  EXERCISE.  I WIGGLED AND STRETCHED ALL AFTERNOON YESTERDAY.

I DREAMED OF BUGSO

YESTERDAY AT THE HEALTH FAIR I SAW 4 KITTENS SLEEPING THAT MUST HAVE REMINDED ME OF BUGSO.  I DREAMED HE DIED AND I COLLECTED HIS WHITE AND AQUA BATH SHEETS HE SLEPT ON IN THE GARAGE TO WASH.  WHEN HE DID DIE I DECIDED TO LEAVE/DIVORCE WILL.  WILL TOOK HIM TO THE VET AND PUT HIM DOWN WITHOUT A WORD TO ME.  I KNEW THERE WAS NO HOPE.  FRITZ RAN AWAY A FEW WEEKS LATER.  I WAS WORKING FULL TIME AT GOODWILL FREMONT.

MY SHOULDERS AND FEET HURT TERRIBLY.  ALL THE NERVES ARE  COMING ALIVE EVEN THE ONES AILEEN AND MOM KILLED.

I GOT TO LOS ALTOS METHODIST RUMMAGE AT 7:30 SO I DROVE ACROSS FOOTHILL TO SAFEWAY BUT IT'S A SMALL NEIGHBORHOOD MART SO I DIDN'T FIND ANYTHING I WANTED.  AT THE RUMMAGE I BOUGHT 5 SHIRTS, THE 2 RAW SILK, FUN JUNK, 2 SHOE INSERTS, 2 BAGS LITTLE RUBBER BANDS, AND WALKED FOR AN HOUR. 

I WENT TO G-2 SHOWERED NO HOT TUB.  PICKED UP FROZEN VEGS, MARIA SHRIMP POKE CRACKERS.  LUCKY'S FREE OXIGEN WATER.  HOME I ATE FROZEN BBQ SANDWICH AND NAPPED AN HOUR.  CONSTANT PAIN IS EXHAUSTING. 

there's limited reception

I DON'T KNOW.  FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I'M LOOKING FORWARD.

NO COMPUTER YESTERDAY/LAST NIGHT SO AN INTROSPECTIVE EVENING. 

I'M THINKING ABOUT MY NEXT CAR.  I'VE NEVER CARED ABOUT CARS.  AND TOM.  I'M PRAYING HE GROWS UP.  MAYBE DEANA IS ENOUGH. 

I'M LOVING BEING COMPLETELY TOTALLY SUPPORTED IN THE POOL.  NOW BIRTHING MAKES SENSE.  WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTED. 

I RENEWED THE CHROME.  I'M PREPARED FOR THE WEEK.  NEXT WEEK THE NATORIUM IS CLOSED. 

INGA

I WAS SURPRISED SHE CAME BACK MORRIS WANTED TO SEE A VISITING NEPHEW.  THEY'RE LEAVING TO CONTINUE THE CAR TRIP ON SATURDAY.  GLENN KNEW HER CAR.  WHITE MERCEDES SPORT.

I STARTED A NEW PUZZLE.  I FINISHED THE NOAH'S ARK YESTERDAY AND TOOK IT DOWN TODAY.  I SWAM AFTER LUNCH.  BOOKMOBILE DAY I WAITED UNTIL AFTER LUNCH.  AND TOMORROW CAMPBELL.

WOMEN WHO FOCUS ON MEN AS THE SOLUTION TO THEIR LIVES, GERDA AND ROSE DON'T TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.  WOMEN WHO VIEW WOMEN AS SISTERS AND NOT THE COMPETITION LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES AND HAVE MORE BALANCED LIVES AND RELATIONSHIPS, INGA.  MEN KNOW SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF AND THEM.  INGA IS VERY CAREFUL IN WHO SHE BEFRIENDS,

18 YEARS

I'M DOING WELL.  I CAREFULLY WENT TO TOM'S PARTY, RECOVERED TAKING MY TIME AND TODAY NAPPED 2 1/2 HOURS.

ROSE SHOWED UP.  I THINK BECAUSE INGE IS ON VACATION.  SHE TAKES INGE'S CHAIRS TRYING TO REPLACE HER.  IF I HAD TO SPEND EVERY DAY WITH HER I'D GO SANE.

I LEFT HOME AT 18, RETURNED TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AT 38 AND I'M FINALLY RECOVERING.  I CAN MAKE THIS HOUSE MY HOME.  I WAS BARELY TOLERATED AND NEVER ALLOWED TO MAKE ANY CHANGES. 

WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

mom's day

I'M DOING OK.  THERE'S NO TRAFFIC.  EVERYONE IS HOME CELEBRATING.  AND I'M ENJOYING THE MELLOW. 

I DID MY SHOPPING GETTING ALL FREEBIES.  I USED MY COUPONS AND REWARDS. 

I ATE MY FREE MAC SALAD AND TWO DOUGHNUTS.  I'LL CHECK MY MONOPOLY AND HAVE A NAP. 

SUCCESS

I FIGURED IT OUT.  I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR SOMEONE TO CARE FOR HOPING HE'D TAKE CARE OF ME WHICH THE BABY BOYS NEVER DID.  I ALWAYS BECAME MOMMY UNTIL I BROKE UNDER THE WORKLOAD.  BIG BABIES ARE HEAVY JUST LIKE MY PARENTS.

I NEED A MAN WHO WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF ME.  NO BOYS LOOKING FOR MOMMY NEED APPLY. 

POP POP RUSH

MY ADDICTION WAS DUE TO RUNNING AWAY FROM MISSING ERIC.  SECOND YEAR OF HIS DEATH 6/13/2017 REALLY IS THE HARDEST.  I REREAD LAST TWO YEARS OF POSTS AND I WAS A MESS.  PARTIALLY SHOCK I GUESS. 

HIS TRAGIC LIFE AND DEATH COULD HAVE BEEN MINE.  GROWING UP JAPANESE IS TOUGH.  HE TRIED SO HARD TO BE THE GOOD JAPANESE SON AND I SUPPOSE HE DIED FOR IT. 

WHEN I MET HIM 1992 HE WAS LIVING IN THE HOUSE HIS MOM OWNED DOWN THE BLOCK FROM TOGAMI AUTO REPAIR SHOP.  HE WAS STILL PAYING RENT.  HE PAID RENT WHEN HE LIVED THERE TAKING CARE OF HIS GRANDFATHER 'TIL HE DIED AND PUTTING HIMSELF THROUGH SAN JOSE STATE.  HE WORKED HARD AND PLAYED HARD.  IT STILL AMAZES ME SHE CHARGED HIM RENT.

HES THE ONLY PERSON I EVER SAW ACTUALLY GREEN.  HE AND GLEN WERE DOING A SHOW AT THE COUNTY FAIRGROUNDS AND I WENT TO SUPPORT KARAOKE KIDS.  GLENN MACHIDA WAS STILL SETTING UP WHEN I GOT THERE AND ERIC WAS IN THE VAN LITERALLY GREEN FROM ALCOHOL POISONING.  I MADE HIM DRINK LOTS OF WATER AND SLEEP IT OFF.  HE WAS STILL SICK WHEN WE SHUT DOWN THE SHOW BUT HE SURVIVED TOO MUCH FUN FROM THE NIGHT BEFORE.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY HE FELT LIKE A LITTLE BROTHER.  HE NEEDED LOOKING AFTER.

AT SENIORS-T PARTY

TONIGHT IS TOMS PARTY.  I MAY NOT GO.  I'M CURIOUS ABOUT DEANA.  HER HOUSE.  IT REMINDS ME OF THE ONE AND ONLY PARTY I THREW FOR WILL AT TENTH STREET BEFORE WE MARRIED.  DOWN HILL AFTER THAT.  HE BECAME AN INCOMPETENT CHILD UNABLE TO CARE FOR HIMSELF AND I GUESS LOOKING BACK THAT'S WHERE IT STARTED, THE BEGINNING OF THE END.

THAT MEANS DAD WAS A CHEATER.  LIKE AILEEN WHO TAKES AFTER HIM.  LIKE WILL.  I WONDER WHO SHE'LL DIE LIKE.

TOM MUST BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME THERE.  HE WANTED ME TO LOOK AFTER DELLA FOR HIM.  LIKE I USED TO VISIT HIS MOM IN BELLE ROSE AND SKYLINE OLD AGE HOMES.

10:30
I WENT.  IT WAS OK.  MAYBE 30 PEOPLE FROM THE PAST.  THE 3 NIECES AND BAND MEMBERS.  PIZZA, CAKE, ICE CREAM,VEG CHEESE CAKE.  SHE'S A VEG WHO RIDES BIKES.  INTO APPEARANCES PERFECT FOR HIM.  HES STILL THE SAME.  ALL STILL THE SAME.  I'M DIFFERENT.

LOOKING FOR FREEBIES

SO MANY DONUT/BAGEL COUPONS. 

SCARY

I DREAMED WILL CAME BACK HERE.  I WENT INTO THE LIVING ROOM TO SLEEP WHILE HE SLEPT IN MY BED.  MY CHROME BOOK WOULDN'T WORK.

I FELL ASLEEP AT 11.  TOM SENT AN EMAIL ABOUT HIS BIRTHDAY AT DIANE'S FRIDAY 7 PM.  IS THAT WHAT THE DREAM WAS TELLING ME?  TOM=WILL=DAD. 

SCARED ME AWAKE.  GOOD THING I NAPPED 2 HOURS.  BRRR....

TOO SICK TO CARE

FOR EIGHT YEARS I LAY IN BED HURTING PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.  MY PARENTS WERE DEAD MY SISTERS PERSECUTING ME.  AND I DELUSION ALLY THOUGHT THE CHILDHOOD CONFLICT BETWEEN US WOULD DISAPPEAR.  IT WAS NEVER SIBLING RIVALRY.  I MISJUDGED THEIR GREED.

I'VE BEEN HOPING MY SISTERS WOULD HELP ME FOR ONCE IN THEIR LIVES BUT MY PARENTS RAISED THEM TOO WELL.  THE FAMILY TRADITIONS OF GREED AND SELFISHNESS THRIVE AND CONTINUE IN THEM. 

THE WORLD CAN ONLY IMPROVE WHEN WE RESPECT WHAT WE HAVE. 

I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO CLEAR UP

I USED THE CLEAN UP ENERGY TO MOVE THE GOOD ROLLING RACK, ADJUST THE WIMPY RACK TO TOPS ONLY, I HAVE TO CAMOUFLAGE WHAT I HAVE SO THEY DON'T STEAL IT.  I COULD KEEP BUYING NEW STUFF BUT I REALLY LIKE SOME OF MY STUFF. 

MOM THE SHEEP

DAD RAN THE FAMILY SHIP.  TRADITION.  MOM RAN THE FINANCES BECAUSE DAD WOULDN'T BE BOTHERED.  DAD CEO MOM COO.

AND AILEEN AND MITZI CONTINUE THE TRADITION.  I WONDER HOW IT WILL TURN OUT.

I LUCID DREAMED OF A CITY VAST DISTANCES.  ME AND MY HEAVENLY COMPANION WERE AVOIDING AILEEN AND MITZI THROUGH A MAZE OF BEAUTIFUL CONSTRUCTION.  WE HAD THE HIGH GROUND AND COULD SEE THEM SEEKING US.  SO MANY OPTIONS OF ESCAPE.  NO NEED FOR CONFRONTATION.

I CHOOSE HAPPINESS.

THEN MY SCREAMING LOWER BACK WOKE ME UP.

THURSDAY I FOUND A SAFETY LOUISE CD THAT ONLINE LURED ME TO CUPERTINO LIBRARY.  CATALOG SHOWED A COPY AT SARATOGA TOO.  THEN ONCE I WAS IN CUPERTINO  LOOKING ONLINE THERE WAS ONLY ONE COPY IN CAMPBELL.  GO FIGURE.

HONESTY

TAKING CARE OF MY PARENTS WAS EMOTIONALLY THE HARDEST.  EVERYTHING SO CLEARLY LAID OUT: CAUSE AND EFFECT.  WE LIVE IN DENIAL TO ALLOW US TO PUT  UP WITH OTHERWISE INTOLERABLE SITUATIONS.  HARDSHIPS VERSUS HOPE FOR BETTER CONDITIONS.  WITHOUT HOPE THERE'S NO MOTIVATION TO GO ON. 

IT'S EASY TO BE BRAVE UNDER SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES.  WHAT'S HARD IS THE DAILY GRIND SMOOTHING OUR ROUGH EDGES.  THE CONSTANT REMINDERS ON THE NEWS OF THE SHORTCOMINGS OF HUMANITY.  THE IRRITATIONS, INCONVENIENCES MAKING PEARLS. 

I DID IT ALL

I CHARGED THE BOOK, FINISHED THE PUZZLE, BIKED HALF HOUR, HAD LUNCH, WENT CHASE WITHDRAWAL, CUPERTINO LIBRARY, *1 DEPOSIT, SAFEWAY FREEBIES, $UNNYVALE, 7-11 LOTTO, HOME 3:30.

SAFEWAY OVERCHARGED ME AGAIN.  THIS TIME CUPERTINO LAST TIME SUNNYVALE.  THEY DON'T KNOW HOW COUPONS WORK.  AND THE REGISTERS AREN'T SET RIGHT.  I BLESS IT AND ALLOW MORE GOOD INTO MY LIFE.

I ENTERED MY CODES, CHECKED MY GAME PIECES.

I LOVE BOOK MOBILE

I LOVE HAVING IT COME TO ME AT THE SENIOR CENTER.  I HAD A RESTIVE NIGHT FROM 3 AM.  I GOT GOING LATE.  AT 8 AM I PARKED IN MY FAVORITE SPOT.  IN THE AFTERNOON SHADE.  I WROTE OUT LIFE INSURANCE AND MAILED AUNTIE'S CARD. 

AT ST J MONDAY IS DIANNE, TUESDAY CHRIS, I'M HOPING TODAY IS JOHN.  YESTERDAY'S BOMB SQUAD AT THE LIBRARY FREAKED ME OUT.  I'M HANGING ON HERE.