I'M TRUSTING

I BOUGHT A CAR ALL BY MYSELF.  NOT PERFECT.  I HOPE CARLOS MY MECHANIC IS OK WITH IT.

DW-FORGIVE.  I GOT TO PALO ALTO AT 7.  SALES DIDN'T OPEN 'TIL 9 SO I DROVE LOOKING FOR PACC AND I ACTUALLY HAD TO SEARCH.  I FORGIVE MYSELF.  I WENT BACK TO MAGNUSSEN TOYOTA AND WATCHED 15 MINUTES OF WORLD CUP 'TIL 9.

TEST DROVE AND LOVED IT.  I BOUGHT IT.  $10 K.  THE AMOUNT AIL GAVE EACH OF US.  ONLINE FAIR PRICE.

IT TOOK HOURS FOR THEM TO DETAIL IT.  BECAUSE OF THE FOURTH THEY HAD HOT DOGS AND HAMBURGERS.  I HAD ONE OF EACH NO BUN WHILE I WAITED.  I DID SJ MERC NEWS PUZZLES.  AND I'M OK.  CALM AND FEELING OK.

I'M FEELING SO UNSURE OF THE CAR AND PROUD OF MYSELF FOR DOING IT.

NOW TO RELEASE THE OLD AND BE SET FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS CAR WISE.

I'M OK

I MISPLACED A BOOK AND DVD AND FOUND THEM.  ALL LAST NIGHT I LEFT THE LIGHT ON AND I'M STILL OK.  I FOUND A FABULOUS CAR ONLINE IN PA AND GOT EXCITED.  I'M EXERCISING MY SPIRITUAL MUSCLES.

MIRACLE SHOE INSERT

MAYBE A YEAR AGO I FOUND ONE RIGHT INSERT IN THE PARKING LOT AT SRS, WASHED AND SAVED IT.  TODAY I PLANNED ON WEARING THE SHOES AND THE RIGHT INSERT WAS SPLIT IN TWO. 

HOW PERFECT IS THAT.

GOOD DAY

4 AM WATCHED DVD, TIDIED, LUCKY'S, HOME, ST J, LIB, LUCKY'S SARA, HOME.  IT'S LOVELY COOL AT 8.  YESTERDAY I SPENT THE DAY AT THE LIBRARY, WALKING AROUND, READING, MY FAVORITE THING TO DO, TACO BELL LUNCH.

AND TODAY CHICKEN SALAD AND BINGO AT ST J.  I WALKED AROUND, SAT AND PEOPLE WATCHED.  TODAY THE KIDS WERE OUTSIDE PERFORMING.  THE BOOKS AND PROGRAMS ARE GREAT.  I HOPE FOR A BETTER WORLD WITH BETTER PEOPLE. 

I AM CONTENT.

92 o day

I'M HANGING OUT AT THE LIBRARY.  I DECIDED TO PADDLE IN THE LAP POOL AND CAME TO THE LIBRARY BY 10-OPENS.  THINKING AND PLANNING FOR LUNCH I WALKED OVER TO TACO BELL.  $10 FOR HASH BROWN, TWO CRISPY TACO, BURRITO SUPREME($4!!), B-FAST BURRITO.  EH, BETTER THAN $15.

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF.  I TIDIED THE CAR SO I CAN NAP.  I PARKED UNDER IN THE SHADE.  WATCHED ANOTHER DAD MOVIE- I CAN ONLY IMAGINE.  IF U DON'T GET OVER IT THIS TIME UR NOT REALLY TRYING.

FOR THE FIRST TIME THE CSC FREE WI-FI IS WORKING.  AMAZING.

SOME KIND OF BBQ THING IS AT THE PARK.  SO NOISY.  LOVELY QUIET, COOL HERE.

UPDATE-THE TACO BELL MADE MY BODY SWELL AND SORE ALL OVER.  DOES NOT GO WELL WITH ARTHRITIS.

WEEPING WEREWOLF 2

THE BOOK MUST HAVE FALLEN INTO THE RECYCLE BIN.

IT'S ABOUT DAD.  I'M OVER IT.  I HAVE MR. ROGERS NEIGHBORHOOD FOR AN EXAMPLE OF A GOOD FATHER.  YESTERDAY I BORROWED THE BOOKS FROM CAMPBELL LIBRARY AND READ THEM AND IT'S ABOUT FINDING UNKNOWN MISSING FATHERS AND RESOLUTION.  SO IS THE MY TEACHER IS AN ALIEN SERIES OF BOOKS.

I NEVER HAD A FATHER.  HE WAS MENTALLY, EMOTIONALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY ABSENT.  HE NEVER HAD A GOOD FATHER.  HE HAD AN ALCOHOLIC SUICIDE FOR A FATHER, SOMEONE WHO CHOSE TO GIVE UP.  DAD WAS ACTUALLY AN IMPROVEMENT WHO ALSO GAVE UP.

I HAVE TO KEEP ON TO BREAK THE CYCLE.

 GREAT WOMEN HAD GREAT MOTHERS.  I HAVE TO CRAFT A GREAT MOTHER.

AND NOW I KNOW WHAT MY FEAR OF CHOOSING THE RIGHT CAR, THE RIGHT EVERYTHING IS BASED ON.

UNKINDEST CUT

I THOUGHT MITZI WAS THE ONLY ONE TO LOVE ME IN THE FAMILY.  MY BIGGEST MISTAKE.  NONE OF THEM LOVED ME.  I WAS JUST AN ODDITY.  SOMETHING TO BE USED.  A TOOL, NOT EVEN HUMAN. 

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

PICK MYSELF UP OFF THE GROUND, DUST MYSELF OFF, AND HOW DO I START OVER AGAIN?

I JUST CRY.

SELLING MY HOME OUT FROM UNDER ME

MIT UNDER THE GUISE OF A JOB TRAINING TONIGHT 7-9 AT CENTRAL LIBRARY.  SHE WANTS TO BENEFIT FROM MY HOUSE AFTER I TOOK CARE OF THE PARENTS.

NOW IT MAKES SENSE, THE MISSING BIKE PEDDLES AND BOOK.  ONE OF THE SINISTER SISTERS.  SISTER IS IN THE WORD SINISTER.

GAS LIGHTING IS THEIR STYLE.  I WANTED TO BELIEVE MIT WAS DIFFERENT AND BETTER THAN AIL BUT TWO PEAS.

THEY BOTH WANT ME OUT ON THE STREET.  I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE IT.  IT'S THE TRUTH.

THEY'RE THE REASON FOR THE LAW IN CALIFORNIA.  THEY CAN'T EVICT ME.

WEEPING WEREWOLF

I'VE MISPLACED THE BOOK AGAIN.  I DID IT LAST WEEK TOO.

DW-LISTEN, I'M THE WEEPING WEREWOLF.  I'M CLINICALLY DEPRESSED.  I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME I WASN'T I THOUGHT DEATH WAS IMMINENT.

HAVING GROWN UP IN A HOUSEHOLD OF SUICIDAL ALCOHOLICS I DIDN'T KNOW HAPPINESS.  I THOUGHT IT WAS LACK OF PAIN.  AND THE FIRST TIME I FELT JOY FEAR OVERWHELMED ME.  WHEN I FELT LOVE FROM MOMMA I HAD TO RETREAT IN TERROR.

I AM LOOKING FOR A NEW USED CAR AND I GET TO CHOOSE AND I'M TERRIFIED OF MAKING A MISTAKE AND MOM AND DAD PUNISHING ME.  DEAD FOR 18 YEARS AND STILL TERRORIZING ME.

STOP!

THE GOODFATHER

AMERICA OWES MR ROGERS FOR WHAT SANITY EXISTS TODAY.  HE TAUGHT KIDS HOW A REAL MAN BEHAVES.  IF I HAD BEEN THE RIGHT AGE AND GROWN UP WITH HIS INFLUENCE I'D HAVE CHOSEN BETTER.  INSTEAD I MARRIED SOMEONE LIKE MY FAMILY, UGH.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.  I CAN REDO MY CHILDHOOD AND UPGRADE THE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

I'M ALREADY DOING BETTER.  I EXERCISED, RETURNED DVDS TO CUPERTINO, BOUGHT HOT DOGS AT LUCKY'S, ATE LUNCH, WALGREEN'S, $ANTA,  RENEWED CHROME, AND I COULD BE DONE FOR THE DAY.

I BOUGHT A SELECTION OF CHIPS.  YUM.

HAPPY F-DAY TO ME.  I'M CHARGING MY CHROME. 

BEST FATHER'S DAY EVER.

I'M FEELING

A LITTLE OUT OF MYSELF.  I FORGOT TO WHEEL GERTA'S WALKER.  I WENT TO ST J AND HOME.

I ACTUALLY LOVE COMING HOME NOW.  I NEVER FELT THIS HOUSE WAS MY HOME.  I WAS NEVER MADE TO FEEL WELCOME.  I HAD TO EARN MY PLACE HERE.  I HAD TO DO ALL THE WORK WHILE MY SISTERS AND MOM LAZED AND MY DAD DID THE BIG JOBS UNTIL HE DECIDED BEING AN INVALID WAS EASIER.  SO I NEVER FELT AT EASE HERE. 

AND MOVING BACK WAS BETTER AND WORSE.  I WAS AN ADULT, STRONGER AND THEY WERE MORE CHILDLIKE AND SET TO REMAIN UNCHANGED.  MATURITY REQUIRES, DEMANDS CHANGE. 

LIFE REQUIRES CHANGE.   THE LACK OF CHANGE IS DEATH. 

BLAHHHH

I DON'T LIKE THE HEAT.  I'M FEELING BLAH, MEH, AUG.  SPELL CHECK CONSIDERS THEM REAL WORDS.

AND THAT'S HOW I FEEL. 

IT'S LOVELY AIR CONDITIONED.  AND I CAN CONTINUE EATING STRAWBERRIES.  I BOUGHT AND ATE TWO SFWY SANDWICHES FOR $12 AND I FELT GOOD.  I FELT I DESERVED THE BEST.  THE PROGRAMMED GUILT AND SHAME ARE LESSENING.  THE LESSONS.  NB HAS 1 lb FOR $.97.  YUM

MY APPOINTMENT WITH DR. PC TODAY AT 2. 

AND I'M SAD, TIRED AND OK.

I'M STILL HERE

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING.  I'M WORKING AT KNOWING WHAT I WANT.  I DON'T KNOW.

I LIKE HAVING THE LIBRARY COME TO ME.  CODY TOOK CARE OF MY ACCOUNT.  I WANT TO ARRANGE FOR BEING PAMPERED. 

choices

AFTER PHYS-THERAPY I FINALLY WENT TO $ CAMPBELL.  DRIVING TO SRS I DETOURED TO CARLOS' AND ASKED FOR MORE OPTIONS.  THERE AREN'T AS MANY USED CARS. 

no corolla

NO ONE CALLED ME BACK.  I'LL SEE IF THERE' SOMETHING ELSE CARLOS RECOMMENDS.

I CALLED AGAIN.  THIS TIME TONY.  SAYS IT'S SOLD.  THEY HAD RAISED THE PRICE SO I DON'T KNOW.

MY LOWER BACK IS COMPLAINING.  I DID A LOT YESTERDAY.  DAILY WORD-RENEWAL.  AND I AM.  I FOUND TWO SILK BLOUSES AND TWO GIANT BLACK TEES.

I WENT TO EXERCISE AND PICKED UP MY FREE GINGER ALE.  I BOUGHT 3 lbs. OF STRAWBERRIES $4.99 AND PREPPED THEM/MONK FRUIT SWEETENER.

TODAY I'M RESTING.  I FIXED THE SWEATS I BOUGHT FOR $.49.  AND JUST TOOK MY TIME.

CITY

I STOPPED ON THE WAY HOME.  GOOD THING TOO. I KEPT CHECKING TO PAY THE CORRECTED BILL AND THERE WASN'T ONE.  ASHLEY HAD TO TALK TO HER BOSS TO GET IT UPDATED.  AND IT'S NOW CORRECTED AND PAID.  IF I HADN'T FOLLOWED UP I'D STILL OWE $455 INSTEAD OF $143.78. 

SO MUCH FOR AUTOMATIC UPDATES. 

taking care of business

I awoke at 5.  I SLEPT SO WELL.  I GOT 7 HOURS.  I REMEMBERED I NEEDED GAS.  YESTERDAY I GOT ADDITIVE AND I REMEMBERED TO ADD IT.  MY MPG IS BACK TO 24.  I WENT TO SRS AND TWO OF MY LADIES WENT GAMBLING SO I WASHED THE TABLES AND DID A SMALL PUZZLE.  INGA GOT ME EXTRA FISH AND RICE.

I CAME HOME TO REST PLANNING ON HARVESTING TYLOPHORA.  DID IT AT 6;30. 

I'M FEELING SUCCESSFUL.

GINNY

ST J LUNCH IS SCHEDULED THE 24th AND I'LL CHECK THE 10th TOO.

TODAY'S P-T WAS TOUGH.  I REALLY NEEDED TO SOAK AFTER LUNCH.  GOING TO ARQUES  EARLY IS GREAT.  I CAN TAKE AN HOUR TO SHOWER. 

I COULDN'T GET WINCHESTER TOPLAY

I'M FEELING BETTER

IT'S 10 o's COOLER AND I'M TAKING MY TIME.  I WALKED OVER TO MISSION @ 9.  I REMEMBERED I DIDN'T DEPOSIT FOR LIFE INSURANCE.   I REMEMBERED THEY OPEN AT 9 EXCEPT THURSDAYS.

I FORGOT THE CHARGER FOR THE CHROME.  I CHARGED MY PHONE. 

I'M WALKING MORE AND WILL BE MORE ACTIVE.

SYD

CALLED FOR ST J.  I'M TOO TIRED.  MY BACK IS CHANGING.

NEARSIGHTED-saturday,didn't publish

ALL THE READING BOOKS AND THE GLARE FROM THE LAPTOP SCREEN IS MAKING ME NEARSIGHTED.

WHAT WAS I DOING DURING MY DIVORCE OR WAS THAT STRESS?  BATES STATED STRESS AND STRAINING TO SEE MADE VISION WORSE.

SO TODAY I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GO TO STAR ONE TODAY OR MISSION MONDAY.  IT TOOK ME UNTIL 8;30 TO DECIDE ON SRS.  I PONDERED SUNNYVALE BUT DECIDED TO USE COMPUTER TO LOOK UP CARDENAS MARKET.  IT CAN'T CONNECT ON THIS.  MAYBE NOT ENOUGH SIGNAL.  I checked on srs'.  Closest in oakland.

MY NEW BEHAVIOR IS TO DO EVERYTHING IN A RELAXED, TIMELY FASHION.  I GIVE MYSELF PLENTY OF TIME AND LOVE.