I mailed life ins shopped Safeway done for the day

I picked up free Lucky's onion dip and proceeded to seniors.  sprinkling rain people speeding 50 mph.  I puzzled, showered, stretched my hips and stiff heavy.  puzzled 'til lunch.

Trudy early, Kenny, Fred, Toki, Walter.  Hilde still weird.  she likes to pick on me and tries to make me wrong.  lots of extra lunches.  she lies she was still serving at noon.  eh, I let it go and $52 store bargains.  8 half price soup, 12 pre-cooked rice $12.88, 'crab', salads, 2 frozen Chinese, chips.  

I'm wrestling with Joanie's fur boots.  I hope I'm not hurting my back.  takes me 10 minutes.  first my feet have to heat it to make it malleable.  maybe I should use a blow dryer.  

home 2:25 game shows.  I'm eating my feelings and they're delicious.  

48 degrees

not so cold.  rain forecast tomorrow.  

dreaded Valentine Tesla accident coming up.  The music recording changed from DNA repair to Heal Depression.  huh.  spooky.

Dave tried to convince me Margaret Sanger was the creator of Eugenics.  that Planned Parenthood was all about Hitler's superior Aryan race.  I asked him if he believed she was a Nazi he was startled.  my God he hates women.  his mom passed before Thanksgiving and he's still holding a major grudge.  he believes Kamala Harris caused the Ukraine war.  he's convinced and tried to convince me.  I asked where he pulled his facts from he couldn't or wouldn't say.

tom called.  he's a piece of something.  I don't know what.  tom Tesla.  Tom and Dave.

happy snake year-4/22 Jin day

Inge's b'day.   Jin brought her a large fruit tart.  I had my plastic tub for a piece.  I gave her a new nail file from the pack.  Florence brought Chinese new year mochi cake.

eating my salad at 7:30.  the latest I've eaten dinner.  usually between 3-5.  

slept 'til 7

I stayed up 'til 12:30 the latest in a long time.  I took my time eating left over rice fish b'fast and arrived at the seniors 8:17.  I soaked for an hour and thought and relaxed.  lunch was tiny and good so no left overs.  out the back door.  Walter stopped for a bit.  

I'm amazingly relaxed.  dinner salad of hickory smoke tuna mediocre.  I don't need to buy more.  

35 degrees

8 minute drive 3 minute warm up looking for finger gloves.  and they insist on standing by the door waiting to be let in.  I just don't know.  

lunch was OK fish the best part the ginger slaw.  Fred, Toki, Walter.  I got an extra meal.  

I rested after my game shows great 50 years of SNL music.  the best.  I missed out on so much working and taking care of the parents.  

what I need is 12 hours sleep

8:30 pm nothing on tv last night.  I slept quietly peacefully.  heavenly.  then back to back pain.  still processing PTSD shaking.  at least now I know how to address injury.  explains right side body weakness.  

10 am watching The Millers.  I enjoy the family dynamics.  a bully mom incompetent dad.   family.  when it's happening to someone else it's funny.  I don't even watch another show during commercials I just mute and wait.  I finally found season 1 at County.  

mom set my physical life by her physical abuse.  Ail Aiko was nothing by comparison.  an adult inflicts so much more damage.  

5 pm Love Boat.  6 pm so dark.  7 pm Rocky and Bullwinkle.  

I'm doing more chair and mini exercises.  and sleeping more.  I napped from 11:30-4 pm.  and eating salad at every meal.  with nuts, chips, and canned fruit.  

9 minutes to seniors

a new record.  my new Dove shampoo makes my hair feel like silk.  soaked an hour taking my time.  FLASHBACK to toddler being shaken to coma.  my back and neck problems started then.  made my arthritis worse.  

I puzzled at main borrowed 2 movies then picked up 11:30 St J lunch and donut, related my fall to Charity and Sandy and decided to pick up Cup library.  parked first available spot 10 items I have 27 total.  Igor is overdue both libraries.  Woo Hoo!!  new ME.  

new ME came back to central to puzzle.  2 Kimo asses telling me how to puzzle.  is two a herd?  central starts being open Sundays tomorrow.  I can return IGOR.  I can read newspaper.  I can go to Sunny.  I have 'til 30 for pick up holds and due Feb 2.  Groundhog day.  oh, forgot New Year's celebration today.  no food listed on events.  last year was delicious.  I have salads and rice.  

I ate clearance Asian salad added peanuts and cashews.  I found an online picture record of Tina.  

12 hours sleep

45 minutes at the dentist wiped me out.  cleaning, polishing, fluoride.  

home in time I watched the last 5 minutes of People Puzzler and ate Boston market fried rice with salad, egg, cashews and peanuts.  

5:30 pm nothing on TV I wanted to watch I lay down for a nap.  woke at 7 decided racist Ken and racist Ryan not worth it.  I woke at 11 brushed my teeth, back to bed I slept 'til 5:30 am.  

woke and checked Lucky's Friday freebie Bloom drink, walked store no low salt party BBQ chips, 'crab' $4.49 for 20 oz.  possibilities.  

I forgot no pool.  I puzzled, relaxed.  lunch OK.  Trudy Kenny, Fred, Toki, Salome, Walter.  I hung out at the front turning in my February menu with lots of left overs.  I talked to Walter upstairs he seems better.  

digested went to college Safeway for 5 bags of chips, 3 sale salads, free diced tomatoes not with canned veg with chili.  

 

safe at seniors-Dentist 2 pm

an hour soak and waiting for the bookmobile and Cody.  new people in the tub.  Kyla looks happa haole and her very white bossy lady.  91 year old mother 13 year old daughter.  a sandwich senior.  

I used to be consumed by my obsessive compulsive.  now I have to consciously remember my dental appointment.  now I'm afraid of forgetting without the stick.

driving slower is faster

I left home at 6:39 and arrived at seniors 9 minutes.  usually 10 minimum.  driving slower I got here faster.  and 34 degrees weather people standing at the door for 12 minutes.  not including wind chill.  

I decided NOT to pickup Sunny last night too cold.  I (re) requested it.  new behavior.  I usually just pass and don't feel worthy.  I have to do without.  not any more.  and I'm not stressing about who gets what when.  I have yet to write thank you cards.  AND I'm going to eat more green beans and I'm committed to Dr Christian Northrup "Happy, Healthy, Dead".

lunch was OK.  I got extra when Hilde brought out bowls of beans I asked if there was fish she gave me an entire meal.  they served beans on top of the fish.  she didn't lie to my face.  her illness may have straightened her thinking.  I added hot dressing for flavor.  

I want to stay up and watch Margaret Cho on celebrity Jeopardy at 9.  I have to get through Abbot Elementary yuck.  I am not in the least amused.  Margaret beat them soundly.  Ken Jennings and Ryan Seacrest are so racist.

wait for 8

pool opens after 7 weeks.  I'm wearing a 12 on a 22.  I'm excited.  2 hour soak.

good day.  lunch Fred, Toki, Walter.  Safeway salads, orange chicken, $5 pumpkin pie, $3.49 Boston Market.  Walter's much calmer looking for a new hobby.  

I remembered and watched my game shows.  

10 hours holiday rest

feels so good.  I wanted and ate "crab" green salad b'fast.  it's wonderful to have what I want.  and lunch.  

I'm watching Hanky Panky 1982 Gene Wilder, Gilda Radner sad love ended in her death.  she wanted a baby more than life.  movie is supposed to be funny I find frantic.  mostly stress.  I'm waiting for Love Boat at 1 pm.  

I watched part of Trump inauguration.  I was always working.  and he's a circus.  first inauguration since JFK.

I don't want to talk to anyone.  I'm content.  I don't know if I'm happy.  I am at peace. 

I was nicotine anxious.  I had a bit.  

I'm viewing a lot of Henry Cho on You Tube.  it never occurred to me to connect Margaret Cho to Henry because they're so different.  like two different worlds.  and they're not related.  

I forgot my game shows.  

crying for TINA is crying for myself

I'm watching TINA 2019 movie again.  each time I get something more from it.   23:23 guilt and fear was my road too.  i always felt I couldn't, shouldn't, wouldn't abandon my family.  anyone or anything.  I'm still manic about abandonment.  Kaiser counselor said because of my abandonment issues when a 2 year old and mom took me away from gran.  TINA was abandoned by both abusive parents.  her story of survival and overcoming to live her dreams is remarkable.  her forgiveness of her mother despite the permanent estrangement.  

1966 "Mountain High" was a big karaoke request in 1994.  

watching channel 2.3 bachelor and Bobby-Soxer 1947 and Crystal Ball 1942.  

got dental 6 pages e mail to fill out for Thursday appointment makes me sad or anxious I don't know so I'll exercise and change the way I feel.  

I haven't talked to anyone in 2 days.  when I was bedridden it was weeks but I was too sick to notice.  I'm noticing.   

movies are my family

I was a latch key kid.  I came home to an empty house.  Ail frequently lost hers and took mine.  then I'd have to wait for her to show up.  of course she'd lie and say I lost mine.  so she taught me to recognize liars.  

watching TINA again I have a new appreciation for her honesty.  It hurts to relive torture.  I journal to release my pain and share my joy.

Monday's MLK and Tuesday pool reopens.  today I want to go go go.  I'm mini exercising.  a little here.  I'm experimenting.  the General Tsao sauce is so chili flakes.  I strained it and mixed it with balsamic and apple vinegars and sweeteners.  It's still HOT HOT HOT.  

it's so good to feel good.  

I watched George and the Dragon on Tubi.  free movies.  3 commercial breaks.

Maude suicided at 80 mom died 80

the Kaiser counselor called her not taking her meds Mother's Day 5/13/2001 passive suicide.  Ail Aiko insisted I look through mom's purse to find her meds.  Ail maneuvered mom that day running her shopping.  I hope Ail got her money's worth.  the only reason they took mom shopping was to get stuff.  they were always criticizing me for having too much.  then they'd steal my stuff.  I have to laugh at the pettiness.  they were always afraid mom was buying me stuff when I worked for everything I ever had.  

I soaked at 24 stretching for half hour then picked up free orange drink and clearance "crab" for salads!  HURRAY!!  $7 for 24 oz.

I finished upstairs puzzle.  harder than I thought.  lunch off fish tough rice peas carrots.  Fred ordered salad and gave me half his pineapple bits.  I didn't want extra weird fish I want "crab" salad.  Walter is better.  he started crying I quoted Shrek "better out than in."  

I went to college Safeway for salad and bought sale mac egg salad, ice cream, chips.  YUM!!  came home ate 2 servings.  took me 10 minutes to open ice cream.  cup had no instructions.  open was etched in the plastic rim.  I had to turn it in the light to see it.  that's why it's on clearance.  too hard to open.  

looking back to create my future.

Walter has backed off I trust he's finding a new hobby.  I'm watching and re watching the special features and commentary on Harold and Maude.

lunch cilantro slaw and sweet potatoes best part.   I got 4 extra corn tortillas from Elizabeth and Florence.  the rewards of practicing positivity.  and this morning at 24 Hour I found a quarter walking back to my car.  I love finding money.  and I got extra lunch a chicken quarter, cilantro slaw, sweet potatoes.  

Harold and Maude 1971

I can vividly remember seeing at the drive-in playing with thx 1138 George Lucas before he was famous.  a revolutionary time.  they were constructing Bart and thx was filmed in the tunnels under the bay.  and Harold and Maude was filmed before the Dumbarton Bridge was built.  it's an historical record of the bay area.  Muir Woods.  I went there because of this movie.  

WOW !! and this was way before I knew of grand dad's suicide hanging.  

I'm tentative

10 minute drive.  I remembered to warm up the car 2 full minutes.  so far so good 35-37 degrees.  b'fast senior veg chili full of bell peppers.  

I've been wiggling more and feel better.  allergies are terrible.  more fires.  

an hour to do a 300 large piece puzzle of stamps around the world.  philately.  

listening to releasing guilt.  i can still feel a reaction.  

Woo Hoo!  after a not good lunch I decided to pay PGE and Walmart clearance 2 pairs soft stretchy pull on 2x blue and black jeans for $8.49 ea.  so comfortable.  I walked Lucky's Innovasian fried rice $9.99.  too much.  

I stopped at home Safeway for salad and sale pizza only one left.  I went to price fried rice on sale I got the last pork.  I deserve chicken too.  I put back the pizza.  dinner 1/3 salad and 1/3 rice so delicious.  

programming change

no Split Second.

I saw Jin at 24 hour.  her b'day 4/22 earth day reminded me Inge's 1/29.  

I used old gift card and I still have $96.  

weird I thought I finished Indian puzzle I didn't.  someone tried.  I had to use shades.  all the pieces there.  

and today auto update works.

I want to go to central and cup libraries.  I returned hot spot 11 days over.  125 holds.  Sunny is 132 holds.  I parked in front.  I started to go to Cup and remembered *1.  white woman in big black BMW getting ticket from motorcycle CHP.  PHEW!  lots of library parking at 1:30.  stopped at B King for 2 bacon melts and 8 cheesy tots are salty and home at 2:25 for People Puzzler.  

simple not easy

half of life is just showing up.  I'm deciding what to do when.  watching Temptation.  I'm doing chair exercises.  that and drinking water are the easiest ways to change my chemistry.  too simple for most people.  and the hardest part is remembering.  habits are programs.

Sale of the Century and playing online Mahjongg.  makes me feel close to mom and her poker machine.

I ate second half of rice and peas with sausage.  so comforting.  

11:30 soaking in 24 hour tub doing my stretches.  and I'm being aware.  12:30 ready for burger king.  I decided on 1 mushroom, 1 bacon melts lunch and dinner.  on to Sunny I ate half the bacon melt so YUMMY and picked up a hot spot.  OMG fried onions so good.

3 pm problem with battery looks like dried milk inside won't hold a charge i asked for new battery and they cleaned dried detritus.  best part I didn't have to fix it.  finished the burger in the car.  

stopped at Sprouts $1.99 pie, donuts, mini chocolate cupcakes.  home the mushroom melt so good.  Wedding Planner acting so good.  

BUZZR 4 minutes fast channel 2.4

I forget and miss the start.  I'm used to a restless night so I got up.  I love the morning.  I feel fresh and rested.  I love feeling fresh and rested.

I want to watch 10 am the air I breathe film 2007 I've never seen based on an ancient Chinese proverb.  all about perception.

I finally ate free Skinny Konjac spaghetti with boxed sauce and sausages.  slightly crunchy veg noodles.  tastes pretty good.  makes me wonder if it has any nutritional value.

I'm still reacting to reprogramming guilt.  I'm listening to Releasing Guilt and my body is cringing.  

I'm consolidating drinks and organizing.  and thinking and feeling.  Eric was me.  his sad life was my life.  he and I accomplished everything alone, no family.  no love no support.  we depended on the kindness of strangers.  my desire to help others gives me my purpose.  he gave up.  as long as I'm here I'll be my best.  Hernandez v Hamlet parole denied lists all the trial details.  Eric lived with it for years.  the original trial was two years and then the appeals dragging it all out.  

I'm watching sat night live.  it's been years.  

I'm moving and trusting

I spent my life thinking of what's best and here I am.  now I want happy.  being alone I don't worry about anyone else.  I pray for all.   

an hour of Split Second goes so quickly.  I want to pay Costco.  

picked up free drink and tuna salad 4/$5.  self check froze on gift card.  manager rang me up.  I paid Costco.

senior food was weird.  beans side and in the casserole.  Walter was insultingly stupid like his dad.  I told him so.  he left for counselor's appointment.  then I remembered Carlos check engine light.  WHEW!!  I called him and collected antifreeze and wiper blade.  he fixed everything for me and wasn't going to charge me so I tipped him $20.  

I got home 1:30 starving.  CHIPS!!  and my game shows.  71 degrees and calm perfect weather.  recooked potatoes added eggs on top of lettuce with creamy Cesar dressing.  so delicious.  

Split Second game show

I learned by accident search+s=speech of highlighted text.  it works.  I also learned a pound of feathers weighs more than a pound of gold because of different definitions of pound.  I love learning new facts.  

game shows exercise my recall and knowledge.  even though I could be relaxing and resting, my favorite pastime.  

41 degrees @ 6:55 and 4 standing in the cold. 

the new me paid most of my bills.  I also added 4 month cleaner to water softener.  Cody came I gave him a cookie.  

I do love playing mahjongg.  I told Walter he needs to develop a hobby to replace worrying.  he's the only one to fix his anxiety, not doctors or drugs.  replace a bad habit with a benign one.  

went to Carlos picking up parts Ricardo in office.  I called his cell he said more time tomorrow.  

M W F soak at 24 hour

my new plan.  parking at 24 OK between 6-7.  seniors at 8 am is fine.  I skipped when the seniors gym was closed, no suit spinner.  so I'm back.  and I bring it in to hang overnight.

my knee injury from Friday fall has corrected my walk.  it hurts now when I walk crooked.  Huh.

I may get Sunny hot spot this week.  I'm #12/125.  

turning stupid into stupendous.  Trump's lies.  he doesn't make any sense.    

Inge gave me 2 pieces leftover dutch apple pie from the senior dessert for breakfast club.   

front door lock loose I over tightened it.  I'll worry tomorrow.  my evil sisters interference.  

chrome book slow and hanging.  I reset works fine.    I'm breaking in Reebok and Sketchers Thanksgiving shoes.

Busy, Busy, Busy.  I decided to watch Hobson's Choice 1953.  Prunella Scales is in it.  I should like to be called Susella.  

52 degrees Sue and Inge standing in cold and wind-CHECK ENGINE

I believe life can be heavenly.

A test.  I'm trying something different.  I was pondering when to fill up with gas and the light came on.  so after seniors I picked up $3 STP cleaner at $tree, 2 biotin, lens cleaner.  I forgot nail files.  I drove to Sunny Costco and instructions said I could add after fill up so I came home and did.  never occurred to me.  $3.76/gal.  Coleman is $3.70.

feeling depressed I realized Eric still makes me sad.  Frank's killer was up for parole so the case is on the internet with witness descriptions.  gruesome.  parole denied.  

kids are always moving.  they get exercise all the time.  

one step back

I soaked for half an hour 6 am at 24 hour.  Jin arrived just as I was leaving.  seniors 8 am OK parking.  

I puzzled unchanged.  lunch OK meatloaf Jessica put it in back I got extra.  I left 1 pm and remembered to check Nob Hill.  i bought coconut water on sale.  used to be so cheap when no one wanted it.  limit of 4.

home I checked wiper blade size.  

unheard of-I have no dreams, goals

I'm resting watching  Ben Stiller 2007 Heartbreak Kid.  

I'm listening to Releasing Guilt.  I cut my finger opening a can of soup.  I'm feeling healing's total body makeover.  I'm vibrating.  I need to stay calm and allow my healing.  subliminal avoids denial.  resistance to change.  people don't believe prayer works because they pray 20 minutes consciously and 90% unconsciously.  prayer is mental energy.  

I wanted to buy soup and pizza but taking care of me is most important.  

biotin seems to help my hair, skin and nails.  dollar tree stocks it now.  

I am blessed-7:30 temptation game show

right now I'm caught up.  I like doing nothing.  I'm having my happy childhood.  I'm creating my happy childhood.  I enjoy other people succeeding.  sometimes more than me.  

it's all in how we see things.  

napped from 9-noon my knee is better.  I usually force myself to keep moving.  well, my family insisted I keep doing for them.  

I warmed salad with amino and tofu ham for lunch.  just what I wanted.  I'm watching Christmas movies.  I just got that Hallmark romance movies are a lot of royalty due to the crown.  watching these movies about families and traditions, ours were fights and resentments so I don't miss them.  I'm happy to be on my own.  I can understand homeless people.  they just want peace.

free vegan butter Lucky's-I fell 24 hour walkway

I found quarter 2 dimes, I successfully  then quarter.  climbing back up my right leg gave out again and I wrenched my right knee.  2 men and woman stopped to help me.  the incline was too much for me.  

it was overcast I put the butter in the trunk and got my gym bag.  I was shaken.  I wondered whether to soak at 9 am.  I went slowly still undecided.  in the gym I realized I didn't pack my flips so no tub.  just slow relaxation.  I think my neck is OK I tucked and rolled.  

sitting at seniors I'm glad I got here early it was raining when I left 24 and it hasn't stopped.  and people are waiting out in the cold and they haven't opened the doors.  oh, well.  Toki gave me 6 Inari sushi.  YUM.

chicken was OK.  not general tsao but nice teriyaki.  Jessica gave back field 2 alternate meals I gave mine to Fred.  Boca burger.  he's too lazy to get it for himself.  men die early due to lack of movement.  women are always busy.  even with my injured knee.

Happy's Place makes me happy.  and Lopez vs Lopez.  

I soaked, stretched at 24 hr-paid Bartolo

 I feel differently.  I'll just enjoy it without judging.  11 am 55 degrees.

2 hrs = 7% of battery.  I love details, statistics.  I'm wearing my $7 dress as a slip under my diaphanous summer dresses.  they're much longer than I remembered.  then in the summer I'll go back to regular slips.  so much warmer.  

I spent hours looking for the gardener's envelope.  I looked through all the bags in the car, chrome bag multiple times, TV chair, trunk, everywhere.  so I sat down preparing to make a new envelope and suddenly when I was counting out cash it was back in the chrome bag.  

I mailed my life insurance, and withdrew at Chase.  came home and Bartolo showed up not remembering I paid him last month or our conversation about leaving the wet yard alone.  he filled both bins too heavy for me.  we discussed gutters and front overhang repair again.  

pizza for b'fast-still alive in 2025

I woke to a lovely Heaven dream.  my home is bigger and brighter and peopled by kind compassionate thinking beings.  

I lost channel 36.5.  Byron Allen must have sold to KICU.  so no more Funny You Should Ask.  I'll have to go back to watching Jeopardy and wheel or maybe not.  

even Person Place Thing I'm only interested in the contestants.  today's weren't.  I watched Wheel because of Pat Sajak.  I watch People Puzzler for Leah Remini.  

blogger is weird.  the view is either this year or last.  no transition.