last day lettuce

feeling tired despite 6 am 2 awakenings.  watched 'concentration', 'now you see it', cooked faux french toast with yogurt topping.  i managed to eat it all a lot.  sitting seniors listening healing waiting for my soul to catch up.  Aussie aborigines had the right idea.  

i did 3 hours constant activity.  napped.  tried looking up charger instructions too many.  Megan bookmobile tried.  looked around college Safeway bought lettuce found 2 dimes and cloth mask.  forgot dollar tree for dinner too tired.  home napped ready for tomorrow.  i'm feeling excited tgif.  inge gave me lettuce i added can tuna.  

i'm feeling so guilty playing online games.

recycled

$4 one laundry load.  space in the trunk.  sitting in the parking lot seniors letting my soul catch up.  

terrible lunch good thing it was tiny.  came home finished real chicken.  inge gave brownie bite from cost co.  so good with milk.  

i feel so guilty feeling so happy.  i want it to be fry day.  and the weekend.  sales i always had to work sat and sun days.

freaking myself

going so well.  i'm still charging the chrome.  20%.  

i did it all

got to seniors early and gym almost empty.  after lunch picked up combo dropped off chrome hot spot movies and my summer reading prize portable charger.  with an offer for instruction bookmobile.

6/26/22 chrome crashed again

a lyrical day.  just sounds good.  i'm cooking chicken.  3 batches.  four huge thighs tiny drums.  must be really weird looking chickens.  took all yesterday to thaw.  the eggs i got yesterday are flavorless.  so probably better to cook in recipes not eat as eggs.   Eggland is so much better'

wow crashed again 7 pm

i get it.  chrome is teaching me to release resentment.  replacing my tabs like i replaced what family stole from me.  but they only inconvenienced me.  stuff is replaceable people too.  i replaced Eric with Walter, Art and Carlos.  and the things they try to keep from me is just stuff.

my back is trying to teach me and i haven't been listening i've been resisting.  that's why i'm not better.

went to st just easy.  home unloaded put away what i wanted.  watched half 'any day now'  ate rice beans chicken.  

i'm better at wanting and receiving.  this crash i wasn't confused and confounded.

seniors 9

i added lucky's checked e mails.  decided gym and lucky's freebie.  so relaxed.  

grand opening ace already closed.  oh well.  if i want soldering tip propane i can replace alien theft.  she stole glass door knob, vintage p o wooden steam ship globe, spanish fan.  so many one of a kind collectibles.  

seniors biked stretched.  i'm doing a little more every day. forgot chrome charger considered library forgave myself puzzled upstairs.  i think some mistakes are to teach us self forgiveness.  computed and art came and gave me extra lunch.  home 2 pm.  91 o.

learning to love myself-chrome kicked me out again

i don't know anything.  

seniors 8:30.  i'm in wonderland.  no Jamie don't feel it today.  no obsessing.  just quiet contemplation.  forgot bookmobile just happened to go to car at 10 how perfect.  returned 4 borrowed 1.

got home and no tabs.  gone.  i spent afternoon puzzling.  charged phone everything.  

ace hardware grand opening tomorrow weekend.  i love reading maps.  too tired i aspirated orange slices i was eating.  i hate when i forget how to eat.  

getting used to 3 am 22/22

not publishing it automatically updates.  i remembered Jamie Oliver cooking 8-11.  

i think commercials are so bizarre.  companies telling us what to want.  

10 i dressed for seniors enough Jamie.  seniors ok showered rested stretched art gave me fish i rinsed at main picked up movie hold back shady parking.  no cooling city only 90 o.  go figure.  dollar tree burritos, tater tots, chicken mac, 4 clearance.  home 4:30. 

i'm getting good at recovering settings

and determining what's important.  yesterday i remembered 5 years Eric died 13th other b'day 3rd.  Walter and Carlos' replacement.  

elevator still out, now showers water shut off fountain too, glad i went 24.  got here seniors 10:30.  i checked out g w almost bought s/steel straws and brush and i never use straws.  courtyard closed says for cleaning nothing happening makes me laugh.  they think we're so stupid.

no inge she and gerde at rosemary's.  and gerde needs dmv los gatos for her test.  art and greg mellow.  raymond is a piece.  

as i was packing up at 3 jennifur announced staying open'til 8 due to 101 heat.  home 5:30.  beautifully relaxed.

friday chrome asked proof i'm not a robot

the autistic neutrality overwhelms the programming.  chrome doesn't recognize the pattern.  the same thing that off puts people.  so the internet is neuro typical.  

seniors 9:30:  7:35 paid discover by phone @ gym swim, Walgreen's no reasonable ice cream, dollar tree kind plant based pint full of almonds dark chocolate.  and i amazed myself.  this behavior is so outside my routine.

i ate the frozen treat 3 servings and mixed with lunch coffee.  found shiny dime senior parking lot.  biked half hour feel pretty good.  lunch ok sandwiches all week.  Jennifer told me id expired i asked pools opening only for classes.  typical.  

i'm feeling brand new.  my eyes are bothering me maybe the heat and pollution.  i went $tore for frozen burritos, meatballs, tater tots cooked and ate.  i can pick up dinner every night on the way home.

i am determined to be happy.

sleeping to 'up'- chrome crashed again 8 pm

woke 3:30 slept to 'up'.  

went to gym pool 84 o tub 105.  then lucky's used $1 coupon 2 froze dinners $1.50.  i've been wanting to try b king biscuit 2/$4 and greasy yummy.   

home 9:30 'any day now' at 10.  noon i went looking for free yerbae from safe way.  2 stores s v library in between.  dollar store still no ice cream.  picked up movie, induction cooking backpack, filled water.  gym safe way bought ice cream.  home 3 pm.

frozen dinner added cranberry almond.  

crash

don't know why.  lost all my settings.  i'm getting faster at recovering settings.  

woke 3;30 feeling ok compared to previous.  won't attempt physical strain without brace again.  felt so bad.  i don't know how i survived 21 years.  i couldn't feel the damage i was doing.  

i'm so blessed.  i have food at my fingertips.  still mobile.  i'm just not used to doing one thing at a time.  i enjoyed seeing how much i could pack into one day.  total ego.

i used to love driving.  so it's like i don't know who i am.  the hardest part of aging is the loss of functioning.

called Walter for his b'day 39 minute chat he was shopping cost co.  i explained his insomnia to him.  i've been through it fearing you'll never sleep again.  the trauma of parental care is recorded in the body so even the calendar becomes a trigger and it feels like the body is betraying when it's only reacting to genetic coding of survival of the species.  

glad to be of service.

watching 'queen mimi'

everyone is the star in the movie of their life so be the best you can be.  ate cob i nuked last night.

7:40 i decided $v dollar tree.  got there 8:07 just open late.  frozen 2 burritos, asparagus, dinner, 6 eggs $1.25, mouthwash.  i thought about gym but remembered frozen so home 8:30.  cooked asparagus and burrito.  i've been wanting one for months stores haven't had them.  no ice cream today but later ok too.  

woke 3:30

the only way my stubborn self is able to accept change.  i have to surprise myself.  

contemplating my lucky freebie.  i checked offers and smart water.  when to redeem.  

9:30 seniors power out no generator.  no internet.  half hour back still slow internet.  i used chrome light in bathroom no lights.  i carefully descended stairs with rolling gym bag without back brace in locker.  reminded me of cleaning gutters in the rain i do what i have to do.

feels like hawaii.  oh, my sore hips and legs.  i can barely get up my back and legs hurt.  big mistake i'm paying for now.  wasn't wearing back brace locked in locker.  they over reacted.  i under reacted.  i'm paying for it.

ate lunch quickly picked up 4 corn 14 cents ea free water home in agony.  lay down stretched out relaxed spine.

woke missing my parakeet

 birds are lovely affectionate.  two movies i watched triggered the memory.  

11 heaven sitting waiting for lunch gaming front of the line.  i'm feeling so relaxed listening to healing.  Pete gave lunch to Art gave to me.  quinoa cooked cup for leftover chicken dinner.  bad reaction to raw onion in cucumber salad i felt exhausted came home slept.  now i'm considering no jeopardy wheel i could go sunny library pick up movie and ice cream dollar tree.  i enjoy bribing myself.

i'm yawning my head off.

got home 6:15 pm yesterday-6:50 today chrome crashed

 and i'm ok.  i amazed myself.  i picked up 'what if' at main and still had energy for safe way dinner.  

i forgot supplements too.  

dollar tree i need mouth wash almost out.  i suppose i don't need it i want it.  i'll have to go sunny.

chrome skipping like recordings must be my tenuous convictions.  would the past be as easy to erase as this blog.  Shakespearean.

i was going to pick up sunny library hold but not.  12:30 there's always tomorrow and i feel happy. 

i don't even care the chrome is skipping entries.  i was so focused on high totals.  then chrome kept failing so i learned it's all good.  it's still jerking around.

jumpy

signal strong but chrome jumping like a flea.  may be the overcast interference.  tv is spotty too.  

i'm feeling all up and at 'em atom ant.  awake since 3 i did eat the entire pizza last night.  

puzzled 2 hours seniors moving the entire time.

i put out garbage

i'm back doing.  i was worried.  i couldn't motivate myself.  i was afraid i'd never want to do anything ever again.  the child in me.  i'm reliving my formative years.  watching tv from the 60's and before is unlocking my programming.  as my muscles are unlocked and the pain leaves i can feel.

creating a new healthy pattern is key to happiness.  i don't know what i want to do with county loans.  listening to healing helps calm my stress.  i feel like crying.  sadness stuck in my solar plexus like a knife.  i'll sit with it awhile.

8:30 seniors fixed grey steering wheel cover.  in the winter my arthritis hates feeling the cold wheel.  exacerbates the pain.  the rainbow one elastic snapped.  

i like and not the uncertainty of what to do when.  i used to be obsessive to know.  typical co dependent.  

puzzled upstairs 'til 2:30 well rested drove to cup library.  returned all movies taking break from driving 12 miles round trip.  looked up panera online still took 10 minutes driving around looking for it.  tried chicken bacon pizza delicious.  home 4:30.  brought in bin.

doing nothing is healing

i'm sitting watching Becker marathon.  i'm re doing 1998-2004.  

3 pm watching HOUSE OF GUCCI all about family betrayal.  what my family taught i never learned.  choices what we learn and choose to teach.

lost all my tabs chrome crashed.  i watched 'george o jungle' online new behavior and found full episodes 'no, honestly'.  

miracle morning anat baniel since feb

course in miracles says every day all the time.  feels that way today 6 am comfortable easy.  i haven't felt this well since i can't recall if ever.  8 am i decided to try dollar tree s'vale no mouth wash or clearance bought 3 beef jerky drumstick ice cream.  b'king b'fast i remembered to order ham.  i considered and discarded going to 24 hour.  pacing myself.  home ate ice cream yum.  ham croissant lunch added lettuce.  life being uncertain eat dessert first.

exhaustion isn't healing sleep.  i'm finally getting rest for the first since the 80's.  

jamie oliver one 7 minute commercial in the middle.

already did so much by 11

i stopped main to load freebie picked up lucky's paid city 2 and 1.  and main has hot spot. 

unlimited once again.  ate lunch separate listening to healing.  the only way to consolidate change.  i love pain free.  97 o i came home from library too hot to shop.  

dinner pasta chili corn.  

amazing people already leaving

seniors.  lovely weather.  stomach complaining.  ate lunch separate listening to healing.  pizza casserole penne pasta hamburger tomato.  tasty.

1 pm returned renewed secret cd mission.  Bea explained summer reading map.  filled h2o.  home rest.  forgot bookmobile returns at home.  

must pay cities tomorrow.  my back and forehead itches something is healing.

new me

amazing i am.  this chrome is tiny.  so i enlarge the screen.  i'm slowly reclaiming my tabs.  what is important.  it's actually fine no connection i explore functions.  

i'm still hungry after the senior mini lunch.  what to make?  2 pm watched whew!  so much i want to do and no energy.  the constant pain kept me from feeling kept me moving.  all i could feel was the pain.  pain was my entire world.

watching "thin man" marathon commercials so silly.  

good karma hospital

amanda redman caught my interest from "new tricks."  another brilliant series.  even though i could predict the story line 9/10 of the time the 1/10 so worth it.  and the scenic tour of india the way i prefer to travel.  no bugs, discomfort, lost luggage, dregs.

helped me resolve mom dying on her terms.  

playing with internet reception.  have to turn in chrome combo and vote.  borrowed just chrome.  no hot spot available i can go to main.  this chrome book is filthy.  cleaning lost tv guide.  oh, well.  

sigh

i wasn't sure if i wanted seniors or 24 so i decided to get in car and go.  and here i am seniors not knowing if desire or muscle memory.

i've been feeling nausea nothing new.  fruit candy.  sat in car updating bills listening healing.  8:30 shower exercise.   ate lunch with table.  home 1:30 "whew!"  clouds making tv reception spotty.  watching "good karma hospital" British series.  Amanda Redman from "New tricks" seems to have retired to India.  looks beautiful.  

somehow

i have to laugh when i watch the fire works queen's platinum jubilee.  what a tremendous waste of money resources lack of perspective to ego.  

and so business as usual.  

tv always

changing my mind changing my life.  in the car 7:30 i suddenly decided fill up gas.  drove to sc gym and decided b king first back to lucky's free yogurt 3 chips.  ate hash browns 1 croissant.  decided pool.  filled water.  home 10:30.  filled supplements lite housekeeping.  

i love smelling of chlorine drinking delicious coffee.  

i feel ok

my back was screaming at me took 81 gr aspirin slept like baby.  

60 years of negativity denial depression house.  it's taking time to change energy.  i'm just as hard critical on me as family.  i keep forgetting.  resentment just not part of me.   i'm taking time to plan today city holds expire today, tomorrow county.  lovely lying here listening soothing calming healing.  homestead safe way i found clearance bubble gum.  down to last 2.  i picked up main holds filled water considered st just felt sick driving came to seniors.  taking more and more time for myself.  almost wrote tom for myself.  tom=twin.  

left hand achy like 1972 when i wore a sling to keep it from aching.  i don't know my right baby toes i don't recall ever injuring them.  yet they feel broken.

amazing i can go gym at night.  i love love love the freedom versatility ability.  i can go anytime.

i want world peace

i can start with me.  George of the jungle super chicken tom slick makes me laugh.  great to start the day.  8 am Jamie Oliver.  watching cooking and computer  games during 5 minute commercial restful.  almost asleep.

people who have no friends watch talking heads.  consensus confirmation bias looking to confirm reinforce their opinions.  they only approve of people with the same opinions.  

realized what bothers me about Mike Lindell My Pillow cotton from Giza he's still pro slavery where cotton is king.  a Trump er.

rested no jeopardy wheel preempted by basketball.  online 24 gym open and i want b king.  no swim suit spinner i can adjust.  i showered checked out amenities filled water. home 9 ate fries 1 burger.  save one b'fast.

my right ribs so sore

from 1966 open heart surgery lung draining tube.  it's odd it didn't hurt 1966.  my left side muscle spasms so bad makes me nauseous.  takes my breath away. 

i'm watching millionaire tv 1955-60.  woke 3:30 channel 36.5 so i researched online and you tube.  listings had new tom swift from 1911 books i recalled cartoons from childhood.  research tom slick George of the jungle with super chicken on you tube.  i never imagined.  i can relive my entire childhood sans serpents.  computer is freedom from boredom.  

i started reading tom swift on gutenberg.  it's ok.  did my bank runs.  not impressed with emphasis on appearance.  don't know what they're doing.  lunch was sparse.  i picked up and left immediately home.  county due fry day city pick up requests.   

i'm feeling a little anxious how good everything going.