PROJECTIONS.

THE OVERWHELMING SADNESS ISN'T MINE.

1995 NORA MONACO WARNED ME MOST OF THE GUILT I CARRIED WASN'T MINE.  I WAS JUST THE SCAPEGOAT.  I DON'T DO ANYTHING I NEED TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.  IT'S A WASTE OF ENERGY.

ENERGY WHETHER POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE, HAPPY OR SAD CAN BE PROJECTED: CAROL KULTANSKY-SOUTHERN CROSS PSYCHICS.  I MUST REMEMBER SHIELDING.

I DID BETTER TODAY AT LUNCH.  I WAS GOING TO SWIM AND REMEMBERED I HAD TO RENEW CHROME AND PICKUP FROM CAMPBELL.

I STOPPED OFF AT CENTRAL TO PICK UP BOOK AND CHOW MIEN FROM CHINA STIX, CHICKEN TEMPURA, SWEET SAUCE, BROCCOLI BEEF.  I HAD GREAT DINNER.  THE TOWN HALL MEETING WAS SUPPOSED TO LAST 'TIL 5 BUT 4 THEY WERE GONE FOOD TOO.

NORA MONACO/JULIET JAFFRAY HUBBS-OWNERS OF GEMINI BOOKSTORE MORGAN HILL 1995-6 WHEN I LIVED GILROY.  UNIVERSAL ANGEL CARDS.

AMAZING.

TIME IS THE ESSENCE

I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE TRUNK.  AAA TOOK 15 MINUTES FROM WHEN I CALLED.  I WAS FEELING FRUSTRATED USING THE PHONE BOOK.  IT USED TO BE AAA THEN THEY WENT CSAA AND CALIFORNIA STATE AUTO ASSOCIATION.  MAKES IT CONFUSING LOOKING UP THE NUMBER.  I'M THINKING OF TATTOOING THE NUMBER SO I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK IT UP.

ROSE WAS HER SELF AND I GOT IRRITATED LISTENING TO HER LIE AND DENIGRATE PEOPLE.  I ALLOWED MYSELF TO GET DISTRACTED.

I DECIDED I'LL GET GAS SATURDAY ON THE WAY TO SUPER WALMART.  I COVERED MY TRANS LIFE CHECK AND MAILED IT. 

I THOUGHT ABOUT RENEWING CHROME TODAY AND I'LL DO IT TOMORROW ON THE WAY TO CAMPBELL.  I'M BETTER ABOUT PAYING THE FINE.  I'VE GOTTEN SO MUCH FREE I STILL FEEL LIKE A DOOFUS. 

I REMEMBERED MY PASSWORD

I'M REASSURED.

i'm feeling a little sad or tired.  i can't tell.

what happened to yesterday?

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S FUNNY.  MY NECK SORENESS IS IN MY RIGHT HIP.  WHEN I STRETCH MY HIP THE NECK TIGHTNESS GOES AWAY.  WHEN MY HIP TIGHTENS UP OVER THE COURSE OF THE DAY MY NECK HURTS AGAIN.

I EXERCISED AND WASHED MY HAIR AND IT RAINED.  WALTER SHOWED UP. 

RESISTANCE

I PAID LIBRARY ONLINE.  I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO BLESS IT AND LET IT GO.  I'LL GET REWARD POINTS.  TOOK ME AWHILE.  I'M SO SLOW ONLINE.

i'm playing

I NAPPED UNTIL 2 AFTER LUNCH.  I'M GOOFING OFF.  RESTING AFTER A FULL WEEK.  IT'S HARD TOLERATING MOST PEOPLE.  I'M EXHAUSTED MOST OF THE TIME.

I NEED MY REST AND RELAXATION.

I FINALLY GOT A LETTER FROM AUNTIE THELMA.  SHE SAID SHE SENT ONE IN DECEMBER I NEVER GOT.  LAST ONE RECEIVED WAS APRIL.  SHE SAID SHE SENT BIRTHDAY MONEY SO IT WAS PROBABLY STOLEN.  HELD UP TO A LIGHT I CAN SEE THROUGH IT.  I WONDER WHAT SHE WROTE.  I'M UPSET I'M SMOKING ANOTHER.

SIMPLE LIFE

CRAFT MAN SHIP WAS LOST WITH MASS PRODUCTION.  WHILE IT MADE PRODUCTS  CHEAPER, MORE AFFORDABLE, THE SENSE OF PRIDE AND ACCOMPLISHMENT WERE MISSING.  LACK OF RESPECT.  DISCONNECTION.  PEOPLE LOST THEIR SENSE OF SELF AND PLACE IN THE WORLD.

I DREAMED DELORISE LUCAS WAS SPEAKING AT A LIVING ROOM BUSINESS MEETING.   THE PENDULUM IS SWINGING BACK.

I FORGOT TO RENEW CHROME $70 FINE.  OH WELL.  JUST WHAT I WAS AFRAID OF.  GIVING WALTER THE GIFT CARD SIGNALING THE UNIVERSE I DIDN'T WANT FREEBIES.  I DO WANT FREEBIES.

I DROPPED OFF CITRUS AT CARLOS' CAR REPAIR SHOP AND WASHED CLOTHES.  3;30 I GOT TIRED AT MISSION LIBRARY AND CAME HOME AND REMEMBERED I NEEDED TO HANG CLOTHES.  OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND.

ANOTHER WEEK.  GERDA WASN'T FEELING WELL.  I DON'T KNOW WHY PETTY VINDICTIVE ROSE MARIE IS SO IMPORTANT TO HER.  INGE HAS THE FLU.  NO ONE ASKS WHO'S TAKING CARE OF HER.  SHE THINKS SHE'LL BE FINE MONDAY.

I'M STILL FIGURING IT OUT.

FEELING GOOD

AS LONG AS I EXERCISE AND FRESHEN I'M GOOD.  I LEFT MY LOCKS OVERNIGHT.   LUNCH WAS BEEF SALAD.  WEIRD.  NOT SATISFYING.

I WENT TO CAMPBELL LIBRARY AND GOT 5 GRAPHIC NOVELS.  AT CENTRAL I CHARGED CHROME, STARTED READING AND ATE LEFT OVER LUNCH BBQ CARROTS.  I LOVE EATING AT THE LIBRARY.  I PAID PGE AND GOT WHOPPER FOR DINNER.  I AM BLESSED.

I NEED LOVE

I HAVEN'T FELT LOVE FOR 65 YEARS.  A LONG TIME.  MOM BROUGHT US HERE.  NONE OF THEM KNOW LOVE.  I'M REMEMBERING.

WALTER SHOWED UP.  WE CHATTED 'TIL I REMEMBERED SPROUTS COUPON.  I BOUGHT TURMERIC MIX, 2 CORNBREAD, 2 ZUMIST.

WE'RE PRAYER PARTNERS.  HE'S NOTICING GIRLS.  SO CUTE.  THE SC PSYCH STUDENTS.  NOW I FIND OUT HOW COMPLICATED HIS MESSED UP FAMILY IS.  WALTER HAS AN OLDER SISTER GIVEN AWAY.  WE TALKED ABOUT HIS FINANCES.  HE NEEDED THE $50 ARCO GAS CARD.  MOTIVATION FOR HIM TO DRIVE.

addicts

WE ATTEMPT TO AVOID UNHAPPINESS.  WHEN WE START TO FEEL UNHAPPY WE REACH FOR OUR ADDICTION TO CHANGE OUR FEELING.  AN ATTEMPT TO USE POWER.

I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY IN MY RELATIONSHIPS.  ALL MY RELATIONSHIPS HAVE THAT IN COMMON.  UNHAPPY PEOPLE LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS.  HAPPINESS IS BEING.  FEELING.  AN INSIDE JOB.  I'VE SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFETIME FAILING TO MAKE UNHAPPY PEOPLE HAPPY.

PEOPLE ARE UNHAPPY BELIEVING IT'S CARS OR JOBS OR SOMETHING OUTSIDE TO MAKE THEM HAPPY.  ABUSE IS JEALOUSY.  ABUSE ATTACKS HAPPINESS, INNOCENCE, PEACE.  'IF I CAN'T HAVE IT NEITHER CAN YOU.'  ABUSE IS A VIOLENT ATTEMPT TO CONTROL POWER.  DESTRUCTION.

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY COULD NEVER DO WHAT I ASKED.  THEY COULDN'T LET ME BE HAPPY.  THEY SEE MY HAPPINESS AS TAKING AWAY FROM THEM.  LIKE THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH HAPPINESS IN THE WORLD AND IT HAS TO BE RATIONED OUT.  LIKE LOVE.  WHEN IN FACT THE MORE THE MERRIER.

THE BEST WE CAN HOPE FOR IS FINDING HAPPY PEOPLE TO SHARE HAPPINESS WITH.

CARLOS TIGHTENED A VERY LOOSE AIR HOSE RESET THE LIGHT AND SAID IF IT DOESN'T COME ON TO CALL AND LET HIM KNOW.  NO CHARGE.  ANOTHER CHANCE FOR ME TO SAY GOODBYE TO ERIC.

nightmare

JUST WOKE FROM WORST EVER.  I GO WITH AILEEN ON TRIP AND SHE GETS MAD AND LEAVES ME BOARDING PASS.  EVERYTHING IS STOLEN FROM MOTEL ROOM AND NO ONE HELPS ME.  I HAVE NOTHING.  NO WHERE TO GO NO ONE TO HELP.  CAN'T USE COMPUTER OR PHONE TO CALL CREDIT CARD COMPANIES.

I WAKE CRYING.  TOM AILEEN MITZI.

I'M STILL BETTER OFF ALONE.

I EXERCISED 11;30, BURGER KING I CALLED CARLOS.  HE WORKED HALF DAY.  I HAVE APPOINTMENT 9 AM.  DUE DILIGENCE.

I FEEL SO SAD.  TOOK ME ALL DAY TO SMOKE ONE AND HALF.  I WANT TO FIND MY PLACE.  MY JONATHON LIVINGSTON SEAGULL FLOCK. 

oops

WATCHED SORDID LIVES.  THOUGHT PROVOKING MOVIE.  I'VE ALWAYS WONDERED WHY PEOPLE ARE SO CONCERNED ABOUT SEX.  IT'S PROCREATION AND RECREATION AND ANGER AND REPRESENTS SO MUCH MORE.  PEOPLE SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND MONEY TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT IT IS.  I DON'T GET IT.

IT'S LOVELY QUIET OVERCAST.  I WAS WORRIED IT MIGHT BE HOT.  I'M FEELING TIRED.  I KEPT TRYING TO WATCH PING PONG SUMMER AND FALLING ASLEEP.  SO WHILE I WOKE 7;30 AND HAD OATMEAL I FINALLY STAYED AWAKE LONG ENOUGH TO FINISH THE MOVIE AT NOON.

THE CHECK ENGINE LIGHT (CEL) IS TEACHING ME I'M OK.  NOT HAPPY OR SAD.  I'M CONTENT.  I CAN'T DO ANYTHING 'TIL MONDAY WHEN CARLOS MAY BE IN DESPITE MARTIN LUTHER KING JR HOLIDAY. 

I COULD EXERCISE, DO LAUNDRY I DON'T KNOW. 

I'M STILL ADJUSTING TO LIVING ON MY TIME.  I KEEP REMINDING MYSELF I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP A CERTAIN TIME.  I CATCH MYSELF STRESSING WHAT TIME TO SLEEP TO WAKE UP. 

CHECK ENGINE

AGAIN.  BEAUTIFUL DAY.  I LEFT IT TO GOD.  AT 8 I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WANTED TO DO.  I MADE MY MIND BLANK AND DRESSED AND WENT TO SENIORS ARR 8;58.  I EXERCISED EARLY AND PUZZLED HALF HOUR TO LET MY HAIR DRY AND COOL DOWN.  GOT 2/1 WHOPPER AND PARKED ST J FOR LIBRARY'S NEW YEAR LION DANCE.  ATE MY WHOPPER AND PRINGLES.  WASN'T A PARADE.  JUST JUMPING AROUND IN LOBBY.  GOOD COSTUMES.  PURPLE, ORANGE, YELLOW DRAGONS.

I CHECKED MAIL AND FREE LUCKY'S YOGURT.  CHANGED FORMAT.  NO LINK ANYMORE.  MAYBE THEY'LL PUT IT BACK. 

I WENT TO SARATOGA LUCKY AND BOUGHT BANQUET MEGA BOWL I'VE WANTED FOR WEEKS.  I DECIDED TO TRY PAYING CAPITOL 1 AT WALMART AND WALKED AROUND LOOKING FOR CLEARANCE.  THEY HAVE MONTEREY MEAT BEAN BURRITO $1 DOLLAR TREE HASN'T HAD FOR MONTHS.  AND HOUSE BRAND MEAT LASAGNA, BEEF STROGANOFF, FRIED CHICKEN MEGA BOWL $1.88. 

I THOUGHT ABOUT RETURNING TO LIBRARY TO CHARGE CHROME FEELING TIRED AND CHECK ENGINE LIGHT CAME ON.  SO I CAME HOME TO REST.  AND TO PUT AWAY GROCERIES.  ATE MY SECOND WHOPPER.  CHARGING CHROME WATCHING FROG PRINCE, LIBRARIAN JUDAS CHALICE, TIME MACHINE.  FUN

nausea

LUNCH WAS OK.  INGE ABSENT.  SWAM HALF HOUR, STILL FEELING TIRED.  FINISHED TOY PUZZLE WENT TO CENTRAL TO PICK UP PING PONG MOVIE.

WENT TO SAFEWAY TO HUNT FOR DINNER AND FOUND 16 BAG CLIPS $2 AND $60 TO PAY WALMART AND PG&E BILLS.  I DON'T MIND ANOTHER PAIR OF BLACK PANTS GONE.  SIS' STOLE SCRABBLE TILES, HAIR DRYER, DE ICE WINDSHIELD, CANISTER OF EVELYN'S CHIP CLIPS.  I HAVE 24 K NECKLACE, EMERALD, 18 K JEWELED RING.

I WANTED MY 1 SMOKE AND WENT OUT TO THE CAR.  I FOUND MY PCH PACKAGE ON THE PORCH.  THE MAILMAN HAD JUST DROPPED IT OFF.  I GOT MY SMOKE AND GAVE THE MAILMAN A BOTTLE OF WATER.  HE WAS GRATEFUL.

HURRAH!!

MORE FUN

I NEED MORE FUN.  UNLIMITED FUN.  I STARTED WATCHING WRONG GUY.  CREATIVELY DUMB.  DAVE FOLEY REALLY SELLS IT.

I DID A BRAVE THING.  I DROVE TO CAMPBELL IN THE RAIN, RETURNED THE 2 DVD 4 DAYS LATE, NO OVER DUE FEES. 

I LOOKED THROUGH THE ANTHEM CATALOG.  BACK BRACES UNDER $20, NICOTINE GUM. 

LIMPING ALONG

FIGURATIVELY.  I GOT TO SENIORS 9;16 AND 9 MINUTES TO PARKING SPACE.

LUNCH GOOD.  GERDA GAVE ME BK B'FAST SAUSAGE EGG CROISSANT.

I ASKED DON WHAT HE USED TO UNBLOCK FOUNTAIN DRAIN HE USED COAT HANGER.  I FEEL STUCK TOO.  DIDN'T WORK.

I GUESS I'LL EXERCISE.  I'M FEELING SAD.

AILEEN TOOK BOTH HAIR DRYERS.  MAKES ME WONDER DID SHE SABOTAGE SINK LIKE SHE DID THE TOILET.

THE SADNESS WAS HERS. 

jeopardy

I'M COUGHING AND EATING CHINESE CHICKEN.  I HAD 1 SMOKE.  I'M STILL DEPRESSED BUT I HAVE A PROMISE. 

I KICKED SOMETHING ACROSS THE FLOOR AT SENIORS AND WENT TO PICK IT UP TO THROW AWAY AND IT WAS A RING.  I PUT IT IN MY POCKET AND WENT TO WATCH DVD DUE TOMORROW.  I USED THE 2;30 AND WENT TO MAIN FOR MORE TIME 2 AND EAT LEFT OVER DINNER.  I WATCHED ALL JOKER AND PART OF ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD A FICTITIOUS ACCOUNT OF TATE-BIANCA MURDERS.   
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.  I FEEL LIKE IT ISN'T ENOUGH.  MY FAMILY LEGACY.  NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.

never my family

NEVER MY HOME.  THIS PLACE IS IMBUED WITH NEGATIVITY.  I NEED HELP.

I HAVE TO MAKE THIS MY HOME.  I DON'T LIKE SQUARE WALLS, SEPARATE ROOMS LIKE A PRISON.  I MIGHT HAVE A DIFFERENT VIEW IF I'D BEEN ACCEPTED BY MY FAMILY.  REJECTION BEGETS REJECTION.

MY ADENOIDS HURT.  NO MORE SMOKES.  I MISS THEM.  I NEED A REPLACEMENT.  I HAD ONE YESTERDAY AND SET BACK MY SORE THROAT.

8 AM I'M READING ABOUT TERRY MELCHER AND FIND OUT DORIS DAY DIED MAY 13, LIKE MOM.  SHOCKING.  RUN AWAY.

I'M HAVING A SMOKE.  ONE A DAY

PAIN FILLED 2003

GOING THROUGH THE PAIN.  I LEFT THE CIGS IN THE CAR.  FIRST LINE IN CHANGING BODY CHEMISTRY IN FEELING PAIN.  I WENT OUT TO CAR TO GET CIGS AND CHROME CHARGER.  I REALIZED MY FLASHBACKS FROM 2003 WILL CONTINUE AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO DILUTE THE CATALYST OF THIS THROAT VIRUS.

IF I WANT IT TO END I HAVE TO LET THE PAIN RUN ITS COURSE, CONTINUE.  MY EYE SENSITIVITY IS NOT SEEING.  THE DRAIN PROBLEMS. 

I LET GO.

i'm feeling too sad.  first cig in over 36 hours.  still better than alcohol. 

NICOTINE IS MY ONLY RELIABLE FRIEND. 

how perfect

I SPENT FROM 2 AM TO 1 PM SLEEPING AND WAKING, EATING 2 CANS OF SOUP WITH SHREDDED LETTUCE,  SOURDOUGH BREAD, OATMEAL WITH ALMONDS, SUNFLOWER SEEDS, TART CHERRIES.

MY THROAT STILL HURTS FROM POST NASAL DRIP.  MY COLD IS A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I SURVIVED MY 8 YEARS NOT EATING.  I COULDN'T DIGEST MOST FOODS,  I'D GET HORRENDOUS CRAMPS NEEDING VICODIN WHICH PUT ME TO SLEEP.  I LIVED ON RAMEN NOODLES AND VEGETABLE BROTH.  THEN TV DINNERS, CANNED CHILI AND RICE, HOT POCKETS.

10 PM I'M WATCHING RE RUN FROM TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY JEOPARDY GREATEST OF ALL TIME.  JAMES HOLZHAUER, KEN JENNINGS, BRAD RUTTER. 

MEGA BOWL

I WANTED FRIED CHICKEN WITH MASH AND CORN $2.89.  I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR A WEEK.  WITH THE LEFT OVER SALAD.  DELICIOUS.

I CONSIDERED STAYING HOME TO CARE FOR MY COLD AND REMEMBERED I HAD TO PAY CITIBANK.  I DRAGGED MYSELF TO $TORE FOR MOUTHWASH AND CHIPS, COUGH GELS.  MY THROAT IS RAW FROM POST NASAL DRIP. 

I DRANK MY CHAMOMILE AND VITA C.  SWAM STRETCHED AND FELT BETTER.  I'M SO USED TO FORCING MYSELF IT WAS OK. 

TAKING CARE

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I CAUGHT COLD.  COUGH GELS FROM 2016.  I GOT SOME SLEEP.  BETTER THAN NIGHT BEFORE.  T-INDICA OK FOR ALLERGIES NOT ENOUGH FOR COLD OR FLU.  I DEFINITELY HAVE FLU.  I'M LOADING ON VITAMIN C.  I CAN FEEL INSTANT IMPROVEMENT.  MY NECK AND SHOULDERS ARE SO SORE.

I DECIDED TO GO IN LATER.  IT'S FINALLY RAINING.  I'M GLAD I DROVE TO CAMPBELL YESTERDAY.

I NEED TO SOAK HOT TUB.

I SOAKED CEREAL IN CANDIED FRUIT DISH.  WAY TO BE EFFICIENT.  DELICIOUS.

IT POURED EARLY.   I TOOK MY TIME FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER.  I SAT IN HOT TUB AFTER LUNCH.  SO GOOD.  WALTER SHOWED UP.  I HAD TO WAIT FOR MY HAIR TO DRY. 

I MADE INSTANT MASH WITH LUNCH FISH AND GREEN SALAD.  STILL HUNGRY I ATE JERKY.  I'M STILL HUNGRY.  I'LL HAVE CEREAL.  FEED A COLD. 

3 AM

I USED TO RESENT WAKING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.  AFTER 8 YEARS I'M USED TO IT.

I ATE MAC CHEESE TUNA FOR BREAKFAST AT 3, I WAS HUNGRY.  FEED A COLD.  I'M TAKING VITAMIN C SO I FEEL BETTER.  I'M FEELING EXCITED.  I WATCHED 'BEST CHRISTMAS PARTY EVER.'  I RESTED.  TAKING C MY NOSE STOPPED RUNNING AND MY SORE THROAT THEREFORE IS BETTER. 

NOW I'M WATCHING 'EX MACHINA' THE PRECURSOR TO 'BLADE RUNNER,'  FROM 'DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP.' 

ME

I'M DOING WHAT I FEEL.  I GOT GAS 7;30.  $2.959 GAL.  LIGHT AND WARMER.  EXERCISED, SWAM.  I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LIFE IS GOING SO BEAUTIFULLY.  IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN LATE TONIGHT EARLY TOMORROW.

TODAY WAS EASY AND COMFORTABLE.  MY BODY HURT UNTIL I SOAKED IN THE TUB.  I STRETCHED ALL THE ACHES AND PAIN AWAY.  RON GAVE ME CHOICE OF BITE SIZE CANDY.  LUNCH WAS OK. 

IN THE SUN IT'S PERFECT.  THE WIND IS BITING FREEZING.  I PUZZLED TO MY HEART'S CONTENT.  I QUIT WHEN THE LITTLE BIRD SHOWED UP FOR THE LAST HUNDRED PIECES.  I FILLED WATER BOTTLES TOOK MORE VITAMIN C. 

FOR DINNER I WENT TO TARGET TO USE 50 IN GIFT CARDS.  I TRIED BURRITO BOWL.  OK, I GUESS.  MORE EXPENSIVE THAT SPROUTS.  I WANTED FRIED CHICKEN MEGA BOWL.  I'LL CHECK  OTHER STORES.

NEW DAY

I'M GOING WHEN IT'S WARMER.  I'M TAKING CARE OF MY HEALTH AND NOTHING ELSE.

WOKE 2;30 COUGHING AND SNEEZING, CAUGHT GERDA'S LITTLE COLD FROM THE HAM SHE SHARED WITH ME SUNDAY.  THEN I STARTED STRESSING OVER BACKYARD AND PASSPORT RENEWAL.  OH, WELL.

I'VE ALWAYS FORCED MYSELF TO KEEP TO A SCHEDULE.  MY FAMILY FORCED ME TO LIVE A TORTURED LIFE, IF I DID IT TO MYSELF IT WASN'T AS BAD.  IT WAS UNDER MY CONTROL AND WASN'T AS DEPRESSING.  I COULD LIMIT THE PAIN.

I TOOK VITAMIN C.  THE ROAST BEEF SANDWICH AT LUNCH WAS GREAT.  LOTS OF LEAN BEEF.  ALEX GAVE ME HIS SALAD. 

I HAD THE SECOND STUFFED CRAB CLAM, MADE NOODLES AND THE LAST OF MUSHROOM ARTICHOKE MARINARA.

MY THROAT IS SO SORE AND COUGHING FROM POST NASAL DRIP.  ATE TYLOPHORA FOR NOSE. 

ST J

I'M TAKING FRUIT IN CASE GINNY SHOWS UP.  ALMITA IS MAKING HER SICK.  SHE'S SURROUNDED BY USERS.  USERS HAVE A FUNNY WAY OF FEELING SORRY FOR THEMSELVES WHEN THE PARASITES KILL OFF THE HOST AND HAVE TO GO LOOKING FOR SOMEONE NEW TO SUCK DRY.

I HAD A GOOD WORKOUT.  50-60 YEAR OLD'S GO AT 9-10.  SO MANY MEN NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION.  SAFEWAY HAD LOTS OF CLEARANCE CRAB, POKE, SHRIMP, I BOUGHT 2 CRAB STUFFED CLAM SHELL FOR $2.80.  AFTER $TORE I PUT THEM IN OVEN.  IF I WAIT I MAY NEVER COOK THEM.  I KNOW HOW I AM.

MY SKULL AND RIGHT EYE HURTS.  MAYBE THE STROKE AT 21 WAS AN ANEURYSM.

6 PM I'M STILL FULL.  PRESSED HAM, SCALLOPED POTATOES, CESAR SALAD, ROLL BUTTER.  I WON $3 BINGO.  CHARGED MY CHROME AT LIBRARY.

and back again

once more unto the breach.  I'M WATCHING IMAGINE.  JOKO=JON AND YOKO.  SELF INDULGENT IN MY OPINION.

BEST DAY YET.

I HADN'T PLANNED ON GOING TO SENIORS.  I WENT TO WALGREEN'S FOR SMOKES AND ENDED UP THERE. I SHOWERED AND WASHED MY HAIR, BIKED AND STRETCHED.  AT 11 I DECIDED TO PUZZLE KIMO WAS ENSCONCED AND WALTER APPEARED.  WE TALKED 'TIL 1;30.  I WENT TO TARGET LOOKING FOR LUNCH.  BOUGHT SHREDDED COCONUT.  AT SPROUTS I BOUGHT CHICKEN CESAR WRAP, TRIED TO USE 3.33 LEFT ON VISA GIFT CARD CLERK DIDN'T KNOW HOW.  I PAID DISCOVER AND ATE HALF AT LIBRARY WHILE CHARGING CHROME AND FOUND WISHBONES.  WRAP TASTED DRY AND SOUR.  I CHECKED EXPIRED SELL BY DATE AND RETURNED TO SPROUTS.  THEY REFUNDED AND I ATE FOR FREE. 

I DECIDED I WANTED MY FREE COTTAGE CHEESE AND WENT TO LAWRENCE LUCKY'S.  I BOUGHT 3 100 POINT BONUS ITEMS, CLEARANCE BACON WRAPPED ASPARAGUS $2.10, BOXES OF CHAMOMILE TEA AND PAID WITH VISA GIFT CARDS SO FREE.  I REMEMBERED TO REDEEM REWARD POINTS FOR $10 BURGER KING GIFT CARD.  CAME HOME, BAKED IN PUCK OVEN 5 STRIPS OF BUTTERY BACON 15 SPEARS.  DELICIOUS. 

EH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO BE.

I'M SET UP AT MY TABLE LISTENING TO BRAIN WAVES.

I'M AT PEACE.  I WOKE UP DISAPPOINTED I WOKE UP AND MAYBE THAT'S WHAT DAD LIVED.  I BELIEVE-FEEL AS I CHANGE MY LIFE I RAISE THE VIBRATION OF THE PLANET AND CATALYZE THE EVOLUTION OF THE UNIVERSE.

I FINISHED WATCHING NILSSON.  FUNNY OR APPROPRIATE HE WENT THE WAY OF DOUGLAS ADAMS.

OOPS

I'M USING THE PORTABLE DVD PLAYER TO LISTEN TO SECRET CD.  IT WORKS.  AND I CONFIGURED IT TO PERPETUALLY REPEAT.  I DON'T LIKE LEARNING NEW ELECTRONICS.  WHEN I STUDIED COMPUTER 'SCIENCE' (HIT AND MISS) AT SJSU IT WAS ALL FINDING MY OWN WAY.   I NEVER GOT THE TAYLOR POLYNOMIAL TO RUN AND GOT A B.  BUYING, PUNCHING, SUBMITTING MY CARDS TO RUN IN THE ENGINEERING COMPUTER TOOK SO MUCH TIME.  SEEMED A WASTE OF RESOURCES REINVENTING THE WHEEL.

INGE AND WHITE SUE 2 CRITICIZE THE OLD PEOPLE SITTING IN WHEEL CHAIRS AT THE FRONT DOORS OF THE CONVALESCENT HOME NOT SEEING THEY DO THE SAME THING HERE VOLUNTARILY.  IN THE HOME NURSES PARK THE PATIENTS THERE.  THEY HAVE LITTLE CHOICE. 

I CHOOSE TO PUZZLE.  SOOTHES ME.  I GUESS CRITICIZING, BAD MOUTHING OTHERS SATISFIES THEM IN SOME WAY. 

MAILED MY LIFE INSURANCE.  PLANNED MY BILLS.  SO FAR SO GOOD.

I KEEP FORGETTING MY DAILY WORD.  I CAN LOOK IT UP ONLINE.  I'M REMEMBERING MY SUPPLEMENTS.

GUIDANCE.  I'M GUIDED.

NEW YEAR

I HAVE TO BE THE NEW ME.  NEXT DOOR WOKE ME 12;15 FIREWORKS.  I WATCHED DVD'S.  I HAVE TO GIVE AWAY WHAT I DON'T WANT.  I FELL ASLEEP WOKE 7.

YESTERDAY I CHANGED MY HARBOR FREIGHT BATTERIES IN CD PLAYER AND IT ONLY LASTED 3 HOURS.  OH, WELL.  I'M LISTENING TO THE SECRET.  MAKES ME HAPPY I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO TOXIC ANYONE ANYMORE.  I CAN GET ON WITH MY LIFE RAISING THE PLANET VIBE..

MY BACK IS ACHING FROM YESTERDAY BIKING AND STRETCHING, NU STEP.  TODAY I REST STRETCHING OUT RELEASING NEGATIVITY.  OUTDOOR ACTIVITY IS FREE FROM HUMAN NEGATIVITY.

WATCHING TWILIGHT ZONE IS DEPRESSING.  KNOWING THEY'RE ALL DEAD AND HOW THEY LIVED AND DIED ON THE INTERNET.  THE SEEDS OF TODAY BECOME THE LIFE OF TOMORROW.  SO MANY EPISODE THEMES WERE HORRIFIC.  BAD THINGS HAPPENED FOR NO REASON. 

I TOOK MY TIME WATCHING TWILIGHT ZONE WITH A NEW EYE AS AN ADULT.

I HAVEN'T KNOWN WHAT DAY OF THE WEEK IT IS ALL WEEK AND IT DOESN'T MATTER.  I ALMOST FORGOT JEOPARDY AND WHEEL.