HA HA

PEOPLE LAUGH AT ME CARRYING AROUND MY CARRY ON.  I KEEP EXTRAS OF EVERYTHING.  I USED THE NEW $TORE GYM LOCK.  WORKS GREAT AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE MY PRIMARY LOCK WENT.  MY SECOND LOCK WAS IN THE POCKET. 

I'VE BEEN GOING UNCONSCIOUS PUTTING THINGS AWAY THINKING I'LL REMEMBER, GETTING DISTRACTED AND FORGETTING.  MAKES ME UNEASY.  END OR BEGINNING OF THE MONTH BLUES.  FOR SOME REASON I PUT A LOCK IN MY BOOK BAG.

I THINK I'M GOING TO LOVE JULY.

WOO HOO

I WENT TO LX LUCKY'S 7 A M TO USE MY REWARDS ON PEANUT M&M AND KIND ALMOND DARK CHOCOLATE BARS.

I'M GETTING GREAT RECEPTION OUTSIDE SARATOGA LUCKY'S.  I WENT TO WALMART TO SEE CLEARANCE AND BOUGHT 2 MINI PECAN PIES.  I FORGOT MASH ROLLS AT HOME.  DRIVING PAST SARATOGA CAR WASH AT 8 A M PACKED.

NOW I'M SITTING WAITING FOR ST J TO OPEN 9 A M AND RECEPTION MEDIUM.  ZILCH.

I GOT TO SENIORS 9:30 AND PARKED FRONT ACROSS IN SHADE.

I FOUND IT IN MY WILCOX BAG.  EH.  LOST A GYM LOCK.  HAD NEW SPARE IN LUGGAGE 3 KEYS!!

so bitter sweet

COOKIES OREO CUPCAKE.  I WENT TO ST J AND LEFT THE TOP OF THE LAVA LAMP (HALF OFF) ON THE COUNTER.  IT'S VERY WARM AND WILL BE PERFECT FOR WINTER.  I'LL GO TOMORROW TO FIND IT.  TOO MUCH SUGAR. 

KELLY ASKED ME TO SHOW HER STRETCHES.  I THINK SHE JUST WANTS TO CONNECT.  I ALSO THINKS SHE'S ASPY. 

GHOST WHISPERER HAS AN EPISODE ON HANGING.  MY GRANDFATHER, DAD'S FATHER HANGED HIMSELF IN THE FRONT YARD ACCORDING TO MOM THE FIRST YEAR THEY WERE MARRIED.

TOO SAD.  HE'S SORRY.

GOING WELL

WAKING EARLY IS GREAT AS LONG AS I GET TO BED EARLY.  BEN FRANKLIN WAS RIGHT. 

I WANT TO CLEAR THE BACK YARD AND GROW ARTICHOKES AND TYLOPHORA.  AND WHATEVER I WANT. 

NOTHING FOR THE RACCOONS AND SQUIRRELS.

LISTENING TO LOUISE

TODAY WAS BOOK MOBILE.  I FINISHED XMAS PUZZLE WAITING.  KELLY GAVE ME 6 SKIRTS I CAN REMODEL.  I TOOK STRAWBERRIES I PREPPED LAST NIGHT.  WHEW!  I HAD TO THROW 4 AWAY.  I HAD THE PACKS STACKED AND THE JUICE STARTED MOLDING.  I MIXED SUGAR AND XYLITOL.  GERDA ATE SOME IN HER SALAD I DID TOO AND ART TOOK HOME THE REST.

MAIN HAD ANOTHER HOLD SO I HUNG OUT THERE FOR AWHILE.  I WAS HOME 4:30 WATCHED AS TIME UNTIL JEOPARDY ATE LEFTOVER CHICKEN AND SALAD, STRUDEL.

I LOVE TAKING MY TIME.  I SAT IN THE CAR SLOWLY DECIDING WHAT I WANTED TO DO.  I LOVE THE NEW ME.  I KNOW WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT I'LL DO EVERYTHING I NEED TO DO.

OH, BOTHER

YESTERDAY WHEN I OPENED THE NORTH DOOR SOMEONE HAD KNOCKED OVER THE WOOD PILE AND ADDED TWO 4X4.  AT SOME POINT IT NEEDS RE STACKING NOT TODAY I NEED PETROL.  MAYBE TOMORROW.  I WANT TO TRY.

LIGHT

DREAM OF A SMALL BLONDE BESPECTACLED BOY ACTING AS BUTLER WWII.  I'D THINK IT WAS CURDIE-PRINCESS AND GOBLIN I WAS READING BEFORE SLEEP BUT HE WAS NOTHING LIKE CURDIE EXCEPT BLONDE AND BOY.  A PROPER BUTLER TRAINED TO BE EFFICIENT AND SELF SACRIFICING LIKE ME.  HUH.

PRINCESS AND GOBLIN ACTION IN DARK MINES=SUBCONSCIOUS.

LOUISE HAY 'I AM WORTHY OF SUCCESS' BRINGS UP MEMORIES OF RETALIATION FROM MY FAMILY.  ALL OF THEM KEEPING ME FROM ENJOYING SUCCESS. 

CHEERIOS

GENERAL MILLS IS SALES ALL OVER.  I'M STOCKING UP FOR THE SUMMER.  $1 GIANT BAG.  3 BAGS FULL.

ST J WAS FUN.  IF I REMEMBER I'LL GO BACK TOMORROW FOR TWO RACKS.  LUNCH WAS CHICKEN SALAD, 3 EGG ROLLS, DINNER ROLL AND BUTTER.  ALICE, GINNY, SOPHIA, I GAVE GERDA 4 ASPIRINS AND A CARD FOR HER BIRTHDAY TODAY.  I DO LOVE GIVING.

GIVING IS THE BEST REASON FOR GETTING.

OH, WELL DISCOVER

TOO RELAXED I FORGOT TO PAY DISCOVER AGAIN.  NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I FORGOTTEN TWICE IN ONE YEAR.  I EVEN HAD IT ON THE CALENDAR.  THERE'S A NEW PAYMENT RECORDING.

IT WAS GERDA'S BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION AT SENIORS WITH A DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE SHE ASKED ME TO CUT.  BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED WITH COOKIES/3 CUPCAKES AND SERVED WITH ICE CREAM CUPS ALL FROM HELEN.  I ATE CAKE AND BROUGHT HOME THE SALAD, CHICKEN AND BAKED BEANS.

AND I DID REMEMBER TO RENEW MISSION CHROME.

AND I WENT TO TAJ FOR APPLES AND LOTTO.

I'M LOVING WATCHING AS TIME GOES BY ENTIRE SERIES.  LIKE VISITING OLD FRIENDS AND FAMILY.  MAYBE WHY PEOPLE WATCH SPORTS.  AND IT GIVES THEM TOPIC FOR CONVERSATION.

DOING MY JOB OF RAISIN THE VIBE.

I'M READING RECEIVING LOVE AND I DON'T FIT THE DESCRIPTIONS.

TOMAS/D W PROSPERITY

TODAY WAS LISA GILMORE MAYOR'S STATE OF SANTA CLARA WITH PANERA BOX LUNCHES 3, WATER 6, CUPS LIDS 3, 1 1/2 HOUR PRESENTATION.  I FELT BETTER ABOUT THE 40% WHO DIDN'T VOTE FOR STADIUM.  ALL WOMEN ON COUNCIL AND OFFICIALS. 

I FELT INSPIRED AND PRINTED ALL BY MYSELF, FILLED OUT, AND MAILED WATER EXEMPTION.  I PAID P G E CAME HOME AND ATE SANDWICH.  READ AND DID PUZZLES. 

5 P M TOMAS CAME BY WITH ISIDRO TO DROP OFF GAS LAWN MOWER.  I PUT IT IN GARAGE NO PROBLEM.

TYGJ.

synchronicity

I CLICKED ON A REFERENCE TO GEORGE MACDONALD COMPARING HIM TO C S LEWIS AND J R R TOLKIEN AND FOUND HE WAS WAY AHEAD 1824-1905 A CONTEMPORARY AND MENTOR TO LEWIS CARROLL.

TODAY I LOOKED AT COUNTY LIBRARY OFFERINGS AND AN OBSCURE DVD CAME UP NOT BY HIM BUT A DVD I BOUGHT FOR $1.

WEIRD. 

HOW IS GEORGE MACDONALD RELATIVELY UNKNOWN?

thieves

THEY TAUGHT ME NOT TO VALUE POSSESSIONS.  ALWAYS STEALING FROM ME I LEARNED TO LOOK FORWARD TO BUYING BETTER REPLACEMENTS.  AND MY SISTERS WERE NEVER SATISFIED WITH WHAT THEY HAD 'CAUSE THEY NEVER EARNED IT.

I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING. GO ANYWHERE.

FULL MOON

I'M FEELING THE PRESSURE.  I PUZZLED ALL MORNING AND DECIDED I DESERVED TO TAKE IT EASIER.  I STRETCHED IN THE HOT TUB, THEN WENT AND PLAYED ON THE COMPUTER.

THE FRIDGE RAN ALL NIGHT THE DOOR WAS AJAR SO I HAVE TO WATCH MOVIES AT SENIORS.  I DESERVE A CUPCAKE.  I WENT TO NOB HILL FOR MEAT LOAF AND CHEERIOS.  YUM.

I MANAGED TO PAY CITY ONLINE.  IT'S WEIRD.  I COULDN'T GET INTO THE WEBSITE AT SENIORS BUT I COULD AT HOME.I DID EVERYTHING I COULD REMEMBER WANTING TO DO.  I BOUGHT 4 BOXES CHEERIOS SAFEWAY $1.49 EACH.  HALF OF NOB HILL.  GOOD FOR SUMMER B'FAST.  I HAD APPLE SOGGY THIS A M.

WHAT A GREAT GIRL AM I.

PIT TERROR

THE FEAR I FEEL ON WAKING IS THAT MOM AND AILEEN WILL TORTURE ME FOR THEIR JEALOUSY OR THEIR UNHAPPINESS TO MAKE ME UNHAPPY TOO. 

THAT'S THE ROOT CAUSE FOR MY CONTINUING SADNESS AND DEPRESSION.  FRIDAY I HAD A DREAM OF VAMPIRES AND ME DANCING AWAY.  I DIDN'T REALIZE THE TRUTH BEHIND THE DREAM.

SO TIRED

I'M STILL MOURNING ERIC.  AND HAVING INFANT FLASHBACKS OF AILEEN STABBING ME WITH SAFETY PINS.  DOING WHATEVER TORTURE TO MAKE ME CRY.  SHE WAS ONLY 6 OR 7 SO I ALWAYS FORGAVE HER AND BLAMED MOM FOR MAKING A CHILD RESPONSIBLE FOR TAKING CARE OR ME.  MOM WAS JEALOUS OF HER OWN MOM TAKING CARE OF ME.  MOM NEVER WANTED TO.

ALL MY PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS WERE SET IN INFANCY.

JONNY HAWKINS CARTOONIST 'IT TOOK YEARS OF THERAPY BEFORE I BECAME THE BLUEBIRD OF HAPPINESS.'

COOL

EXCELLENT DAY.  I PARKED IN FRONT.  I'M PUTTING MY SELF OUT THERE.  I HAD EXTRA BREAD FROM GERDA AND INGE AND EXTRA TRI TIP AND TWO APPLE OAT MEAL FOR BREAKFAST TOORROW.  FATHER'S DAY MEAL.   

I'M SO TIRED FROM LACK OF SLEEP.  I HOPE I'M CAUGHT UP. 

I'M FEELING UPSET

FUNNY HOW I THINK I'M OK WHEN I'M NOT.  DENIAL.  I'M STILL HURTING FOR THE WAY ERIC DIED.  SUFFERING AND TOO SOON.

I PRAYED, SILENT UNITY PRAYED.  I WANT SO MUCH FOR THE PEOPLE I LOVE.  I WANT ALL OF US TO BE HAPPY.

I WENT TO CAMPBELL AT 2 AND NO TRAFFIC.  THEN $TORE AND ATHERTON 4 PM.  LUCKY'S 2 X POINTS I WENT TO SARATOGA AND 2 BOTTLES GLUCOSAMINE AND HOT DOGS.  FLORA VISTA WALGREEN'S AND MADE IT HOME 6:45.  NO JEOPARDY-NBA FINALS.  I'M OK.

MANIPULATOR

GERDA SAVED ME.  DYKE INTERRUPTS TO MAKE ME WRONG.  I COMMENT EVERYONE SENIOR IS AN EXPERT.  SHE ASKS IF CRITICISM I OBSERVE.  I HURT HER FEELINGS LIKE FEMALE LARRY MANIPULATOR.  SHE COMPLAINS CRYING BOO HOO TO LOU FERRIGNO ANOTHER BULLY MANIPULATOR. 

100o days

SLEPT GOOD MONDAY NOT SO GOOD LAST NIGHT.  IT SEEMED HOTTER.  MY BODY DOESN'T HURT AS MUCH IN THE HEAT.

I FEEL MORE ENERGIZED I THINK.  I DON'T KNOW.

BOOK MOBILE DAY!

OK

I HOPE I REMEMBER MY ROLLY.  I'M USING THE FACILITIES TO THE MAX.  100 TODAY.  IN THE LOCKER ROOM.

THERE WAS LOTS OF CHICKEN LEFTOVER AND GERDA GAVE ME HER SANDWICH.  I TRIED TO GIVE IT TO ART, HE DIDN'T WANT TO WASTE THE BREAD.  I TOLD HIM TO KEEP THE SALAD. 

SO MY TIME IS ALL MINE. 

SORE

I'M READING HANNA SOMATICS FOR NECK SHOULDERS.  I KEEP HOPING.

I'M FEELING EXHAUSTED LIKE WHEN MOM DIED.  TAKING CARE OF TWO PARENTS TOO HARD.  MAYBE JUST ONE PARENT BUT LOOK AT TOKI ETC.  THE EMOTIONS TOO INTENSE WITHOUT A BREAK.  I KEPT LYING TO MYSELF THEY WERE GETTING BETTER TO MITIGATE/TOLERATE THE SADNESS OR I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION.

HAVING SOMEONE ELSE WITHOUT EMOTIONAL TIES CARE FOR THEM IS BETTER.

I SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY DOING WHAT I WANT.  I WENT TO LUCKY'S FIRST FOR WATER AND CORNED BEEF.  THEN MARIA ZERO, G-2 TORTILLA CHIPS FOR LUNCH.  I FOUND NEWSPAPER AND FANNY DISCARDS.  I DECIDED TO GO TO MATHILDA LUCKY'S FOR A SANDWICH FOR LUNCH.  2 X POINTS.  I WENT TO TARGET AND WANTED TO HANG OUT AT THE MALL BUT IT'S GONE.  THEY PUT UP HUGE APARTMENT CONDOS FOR A HUGE NOKIA BUILDING.  SO I STAYED IN THE COVERED GARAGE UNTIL 3 READING THE PAPER, WENT TO ROSS'S LOOKING FOR A BRIGHT YELLOW BRA AND SPROUT'S UNTIL 4 AND HOME.  IT SAYS 88 os BUT IT FEELS OK.  I CONSIDERED MUFFINS BUT DECIDED TO COME HOME FOR SWEETS.

I ATE SALAD AND MEAT BALL AND ROTINI PASTA AND PEAS WITH CHIPOTLE KETCHUP.  I WANT GINGER DARK CHOCOLATE.

FRUSTRATION

OR PATIENCE.  PEOPLE BELIEVE I'M PATIENT.  THEY ALWAYS COMMENT ALTHOUGH WHY THEY NEED TO I DON'T KNOW.  HOW VERY BRITISH TO STATE THE OBVIOUS BUT IN THIS CASE THEY SEE ME AT THE PUZZLE TABLE AND ASSUME.  WHEN I GET BORED I DO SOMETHING ELSE.  NO ONE BUT GOD PAYS ME AND HE'S AN EASY BOSS.

I RELAXED AND ARRIVED AT SENIORS 8:45.  I PUZZLED 'TIL 10:15 WASHED MY HAIR AND STRETCHED IN HOT TUB FOR 45.  I FORGOT TO CHARGE CHROME.  I PLUGGED IT IN, ATE MY APPLE AND PUZZLED HALF HOUR.  IT NEEDED HALF HOUR MORE SO I CONSIDERED GOING TO LAFFAYETTE WASH.  IT WASN'T TOO BUSY.  AND THE WIND KEPT THE TEMP PLEASANT.  I PARKED AND USED A CART TO TRANSPORT WASHING INTO TRIPLE LOADER.  EASY PEASY.  I SORTED LAUNDRY AND DROVE HOME.  I ATE CHIPS AND CHERRIES FOR LUNCH AND HUNG CLOTHES IN STAGES.  SO NICE.

I FELL ASLEEP WATCHING TV.  I WOKE AT 7:30 ATE SPAGHETTI AND MEAT LUMP.  WATCHED SOME MORE TV.  WHAT A GOOD DAY.

IRRITATION

HARVILLE HENDRIX-PROJECTED WOUNDS RESULT IN ANGER AND IRRITATION.  SOMETIMES.  WHEN WILL CHOSE TO STAND ON MY FOOT THE PAIN WAS REAL.  I WAS RIGHTEOUSLY ANGRY.

MY PART WAS CHOOSING HIM WHEN HE HAD NO DESIRE TO HEAL.  I LIED TO MYSELF THAT HE WAS THE ONE.  HE LIED TO ME ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE.  I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW HE WAS THE SUM TOTAL OF MY DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY.  THEY CONDITIONED ME TO ACCEPT ABUSE TO SURVIVE.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS GOOD ABOUT THEM.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL KNOW.  I'M FEELING SO PARANOID I DON'T WANT TO RISK REPEATING THE PAST EVEN TO ANY LESSER DEGREE.

THE MUNDANE IS REASSURING.  I'LL FOCUS ON DOING LAUNDRY.

I MAKE MISTAKES WHEN I'M AVOIDING TRUTH.  I DISTRACT MYSELF BY CREATING A PROBLEM TO FIX.

AT BINGO ALMITA CALLED GINNY A DONKEY BECAUSE GINNY HELPS HER.  AT LEAST GINNY'S NOT AN ASS.

MY UTILITIES ACCOUNT IS BACK.  WHERE IT WENT FOR TWO MONTHS I DON'T KNOW.

FREE DONUT AT LUCKY'S.  TODAY IS NATIONAL DONUT DAY.  2X POINTS THIS WEEKEND SO I BOUGHT ALOE H2O AND CANNED CORNED BEEF.  JUST LIKE HAWAII.  I GOT CHIPS FOR 100 POINTS AND COCONUT H2O FOR 100 POINTS.  450 POINTS ARE EXPIRING SO IF I GET IT BACK UP TO 1000 I CAN GET ANOTHER B-KING GIFT CARD. 

I' FEELING TIRED AND BLUE.  I OVER TRAINED YESTERDAY SO I'M RESTING WITH MY BAG OF CHIPS.

CHOOSE*#&@$

HAPPINESS OR THE APPEARANCE OF HAPPINESS.  IT'S A SURVIVAL ISSUE.  THE APPEARANCE OF HAPPY AND STRONG PRECLUDES ARBITRARY ATTACK.

PEOPLE IN SURVIVAL FOCUS ON APPEARANCE WITHOUT ANY ATTENTION TO HAPPINESS.  HAPPINESS REQUIRES A BALANCE OF APPEARANCE AND BEING.

BEING REQUIRES CONSTANT GROWTH AND EXPANSION:  EXERCISE AND SELF IMPROVEMENT.  MENTAL AND PHYSICAL HEALTH.

PEOPLE ARE OBESE BECAUSE THEY CONTINUE TO EXPAND BY EATING NOT BEING.

EATING IS ACCEPTABLE.

SELF IMPROVEMENT IS BORDERLINE ACCEPTABLE.  IT'S MOSTLY IGNORED OR TOLERATED AS AN HARMLESS ABERRATION.  PEOPLE WATCH OPRAH AS ENTERTAINMENT.  TALKING HEADS ARE ENTERTAINMENT NOT INSTRUCTIONAL.

MY RESISTANCE TO APPEARANCE.  I HATE VALUING PEOPLE BASED ON ONLY APPEARANCE.

MY JOB NOW:  I'M SITTING RECHARGING MY CHROME AND READING.  I DON'T NEED TO PUZZLE.  BAD FOR MY NECK AND WHO KNOWS WHAT IS ON THE FILTHY TABLE.  I WATCHED LITTLE BIRD WITH A DROP OF SNOT ON THE END OF HER NOSE HOVERING OVER THE PUZZLE EITHER NOT FEELING IT OR IGNORING IT.  I WATCHED FOR OVER TWO MINUTES THE SECONDS SLOWLY TICKING. YUCK.

RIGHT ON SCHEDULE

SONG KEPT PLAYING IN MY HEAD "I ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU."  WHO?

SUMMER IS HERE.  I HUNG OUT AT SENIORS IN THE AIR CONDITIONING.  LOVELY.  I WENT TO THE CAR AND QUIETED MYSELF AND REMEMBERED I WANTED APPLES AND SMOKES.  I PLANNED ON GOING TAJ AND FLORA VISTA THEN REMEMBERED I COULD GO TO TARGET PLAZA.  I REMEMBERED LOTTO AT TAJ.  SO EXCELLENT.  AS AILEEN SAID IT TAKES SO LITTLE TO MAKE ME HAPPY.

I'VE NEVER TAKEN THE LUXURY TO REFLECT ON WHAT I'M DOING AND WHAT I WANT TO DO.  I DON'T KNOW MAYBE PEOPLE THINK IT'S A WASTE OF TIME OR SILLY.  I CAN APPRECIATE SILLY.

I HAVE A PLAN

TODAY I GO TO RECYCLE AND TOMORROW LAUNDRY.  I'LL HAVE MORE MONEY AND ROOM IN THE TRUNK.

I'M LOVING WAKING AT 4.  I HAVE ALL THIS TIME TO RELAX AND REFLECT.

IT WENT PERFECTLY.  AT COSTCO THE TANKER WAS REFILLING AND IT ONLY TOOK 20 MINUTES AT RECYCLE.  ONE PERSON AHEAD OF ME AND UNLOADING AND DRAGGING THE BARRELS. 

ok ok

SO I THOUGHT I'D DO  LOAD OF LAUNDRY DROVE TO LAFFAYETTE AND DECIDED NO, DON'T WANNA.  DROVE TO SENIORS DIDN'T FEEL LIKE EXERCISING.  HAD LUNCH GOT INTO CAR TO LEAVE AND DECIDED NO, DON'T WANNA SO I EXERCISED.  THEN I REMEMBERED I DIDN'T DO BANKING SATURDAY SO I WENT.  BACK TO MISSION CU AND SENIORS TO FINISH.  I MOURNED BY PUZZLING AND PLAYING POP POP RUSH TO EASE THE PAIN.

AND HERE I AM.

ERIC WOULD HAVE BEEN 63 TODAY.

II EXERCISED AND TALKED TO TOKI ON THE NU-STEP.  IT HELPED.  I REMEMBERED I HADN'T DONE MY BANKING YET AGAIN.  I'M SO RELAXED I'M NOT OBSESSING AND CALM.

FEELS WEIRD.  I WENT TO BANK AND CU AND BACK TO SENIORS EASY-PEASY.  HUH.  LIFE SURE FEELS DIFFERENT.

MY ENTIRE LIFE WAS OBSESSING THE WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIOS RUNNING IN MY HEAD.  CONSTANTLY VIGILANT WATCHING TO AVOID DISASTER.  PROTECTING MYSELF FROM ATTACK. 

OLD AGE AND SICKNESS

WHEN I TOLD INGE AND GERDA ABOUT MARILYN INSTRUCTING ART TO WITHHOLD THE NEWSPAPER FROM ME INGE GASPED BUT GERDA DIDN'T BAT AN EYE.  I THOUGHT IT STRANGE UNTIL I NOW REALIZE SHE WAS GIVEN THE SAME INSTRUCTIONS WITH MONOPOLY.  MARILYN ONLY GIVES HER "TRASH".  AND MARILYN DOESN'T GIVE FREELY MARILYN RANSOMS WITH STRINGS CONDITIONS ATTACHED.  THERE'S A PRICE TO HER LARGESS.  BECOMING COMPLICIT.

THAT ATTITUDE IF ABSORBED BY THE HEARER CREATES NEGATIVE CHEMICALS IN THE HEARER.  INGE BOUNCES THE NEGATIVITY OFF WHILE GERDA IS AFFECTED.  MAYBE SINCE GERDA NOW KNOWS I DON'T CARE SHE CAN LET IT GO.

MARILYN AND HELEN CONTINUE BALLOONING AND ARE TAKING GERDA WITH THEM.  AND NOW I KNOW WHY IT UPSETS THEM WHEN OTHERS WON'T JOIN THEM IN THEIR CONSTANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATIONS.  TWO ASS' IN ASSASSINATION.

I'M EXCITED DISCOVERING ANOTHER PIECE OF THE HUMAN CONDITION PUZZLE.

I'M OFF TO EXERCISE.  POSITIVE THOUGHTS CREATE HEALTHY CHEMICALS MAKING ME WANT TO DANCE.  TODAY BEING SUNDAY I CAN GO TO 24 HOUR ANYTIME.

SENIORS IS MY JOB FOR NOW.  I ALWAYS WANTED A NORMAL JOB.  I FEEL LIKE I'M LEARNING IN A SCHOOL OF MY CHOICE.  INDEPENDENT STUDIES ON A  SCHOLARSHIP.

DOING WHAT THEY KNOW

I'M WILLING TO LEARN NEW BEHAVIORS.  I'M KEEPING MYSELF NUMBER ONE.  I'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.  I LEARNED MY SURVIVAL DEPENDED ON DOING FOR OTHERS.  TO LIVE I LOOKED TO MAKE MYSELF USEFUL TO OTHERS SO THEY'D ALLOW ME TO LIVE.

I'M LEARNING TO LIVE FOR MYSELF.

PEOPLE AREN'T GOOD OR BAD ONLY DOING WHAT THEY KNOW AND MOST ARE UNWILLING TO LEARN ANYTHING NEW.  IT DOESN'T MAKE THEM BAD JUST HUMAN CHILDREN.  THEY NEVER MATURE OR NEED TO.

I WANT TO ALWAYS BE WILLING TO LEARN NEW THINGS.  I WANT TO GROW UP NOT OUT.

DUENA

SABOR A MI-  TOM CALLED HER DUENA PRINCESSA.  DEANA DUENA FORSYTHE.  I DON'T KNOW.  I HAVE TO PONDER.

THE NEW MOON IS ALMOST UPON US.  MY ANXIETY IS LOOMING.  I FELT SO GOOD YESTERDAY. 

I WORE MY STRAPLESS RUFFLED GREY DRESS AND FELT QUITE COMFORTABLE.  I KEPT MY SHIRT ON.  I PARTICIPATED IN STEPHANIE (THE POOL INSTRUCTOR) 'S GOING AWAY TO IDAHO PARTY ON THE PATIO AT SENIORS.  I WENT TO ST JUSTIN FOUND CALLIGRAPHY SET AND SEWING KIT.  I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO.  MAYBE LAUNDRY.  MAYBE NOT.  ERIC'S DEATH-IVERSAY IS THE 13TH.  I HAVE MY CHECK UP THEN.  I'M CONFUSED.

I'M OK.