YYY

THAT WAS ON THE CAR LICENSE PLATE IN FRONT OF ME AS I DROVE THRU 3 GREEN LIGHTS IN A ROW.  REMINDED OF MOMMA'S DAY.  DRIVING 20 MILES OF GREEN LIGHTS SAN TOMAS EXPRESSWAY. 

TODAY DW COURAGE.  AND AS RAIN IS FORECAST AND I KNOW THE TOPPER SCOTT ADDED TO DAD'S SKYLIGHT IS TOO BIG AND ALLOWS H2O TO BLOW INTO THE SHAFT I'M PRAYING.  HE CHARGED ME $500 FOR THE JOB.  HALF FOR THE TOP AND HALF LABOR.  BAD KARMA.

HHWW.  TYGJ FOR MY BLESSINGS.

I KNOW WHY WE AGE AND BECOME FEEBLE IN SOME CASES.  AN OPPORTUNITY FOR COMMUNITY.  FOR SOME TO RECEIVE AND SOME TO GIVE HELP.

LIVING THE DREAM

MY DREAMS ARE MODEST AND PEACEFUL AND CALM.

KOREAN MARKET

I WENT SRS, ST J, WALG CIGS, SUSHI&FISH&ARARE.  THEY DON'T TAKE PLASTIC AGAIN SO I PAID CASH.  AND I DIDN'T MIND.

I ATE AN ENTIRE 3 OZ BAG AS MY DESSERT.  SOO GOOD.  AND TODAY I FEEL GOOD.

I BIKED MY AFTERNOON W/ MILL&JEO. 

AND 2015 THE STORMS AVOIDED THE SOUTH SO WHO KNOWS?

MAKING A DIFFERENCE

I TALKED TO AN ORIGINAL MONK.  NO RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION.  FORMER AEROSPACE ENGINEER.  BING WAS ORIGINALLY FROM CHINA, WENT TO CANADA AND DIDN'T FIND WORK IN HIS FIELD.  AT 44 HE FOUND HIS CALLING OF TRAVELING ALL CONTINENTS WITHOUT MONEY ASKING FOR ONLY FOOD AND WATER.  HE STARTED AT 45 AND HAS BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR 11 MONTHS NOW.  46.

AND I FEEL BETTER FOR MEETING HIM.  HIS TASK IS SO MUCH HARDER, LONELIER THAN MINE. 

YESTERDAY I WENT TO SV SENIOR CENTER AND LISTENED TO STANFORD MEDICARE.  AND LOOKED AROUND THE CITY HALL.  SO DIFFERENT FROM WHEN I WAS THERE FOR VOTER TRAINING.  THE TALL CEILINGS LEAD ME TO WONDER WHY.  IT'S NEWER, SHINIER AND SMALLER.  SO MUCH IS FLASH.  AND THE DYED WATER IN THE PONDS AND FOUNTAINS MAKE ME WONDER WHAT THE CHEMICALS ARE.  THE AIR CONDITIONING WAS GOOD.  I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT WAS 90o. 

I STOPPED AT WOLFE MARKET FOR RED POTATOES 69c.  COOKED THEM, HEATED LENTILS AND ATE LIKE A QUEEN.

TYGJ.

ST. J

LAST NITE I FELT AMBITIOUS AND MOVED THE DVD PLAYERS.  AND THEN I WAS WIRED AND DIDN'T SLEEP 'TIL 12:30, AWOKE AT 5:30 AND IGNORED CH5 AM AND WATCHED DVDS SOME MORE. 

G2, LUCKY'S, HOME WITH SALADS, GRAPEFRUIT DRINKS.  3X POINTS.  SET FOR THE WEEK.

WENT TO ST. J AND 3 SILVER STONES BRACELETS /$6, AMETHYST, BLUE ZIRCON, WHITE.  BETTER THAN MOM/DAD BDAY PRESENT 1989.  MORE TREASURES.

TOMAS CALLED RE EMAIL OF CAR IN GARAGE.  FOR SALE 2007 YARIS SEDAN 7K MI.  MAYBE $3K NEEDS SMOG/REGISTRATION.

FINALLY

I WENT TO VV AFTER A UPSY DAISY NIGHT.  FREE STUFF:  2 DREAM CATCHERS, PLASTIC STAND.  SPARKLE JEANS.50, 2 ROCK NECKLACES, SILVER COWBOY BOOT EARRINGS .25, THE ROWELS SPIN AND APPEARS TO HAVE YELLOW AND ROSE GOLD DECORATIONS.   

AND CAME ON TO SRS FOR WHEEL AND FINALLY FOUND A WEBSITE FOR ANSWERS.  I GOT DISTRACTED AT THE END AND WATCHED PBS ON BOOT MAKING BY HAND.  $1200+. 

YARD SALE; CAMPBELL SOUP SILVER WARE $5 SET, SPOON FORK KNIFE.

AND DRY SKIES FOR THE NEXT WEEK.

SAVERS HAS A 40% SALE MONDAY AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO. 

THANK YOU GJ.

DOWNPOUR

@12:26 FOR MAYBE 20 MIN.

AND I'M OK.  THE WIND WAS NW.  THE HOUSE IS OK.

AND I FINALLY FIGURED THE SOUTH SIDE IS THE LOWEST PART OF THE TOPPER.  AND IT ISN'T SNUG SO IT DOESN'T FIT.  THE RAIN CAN PUSH UP UNDER THE LID.

letting go of dad

I HAVE SO MANY REPLACEMENTS. 

INTO EACH LIFE.  I'M RESIGNED TODAY.  NOT HAPPY.  NOT TOO DEPRESSED.  DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

DISCOVER, WMART, PGE.

WHEN WILL IT END

THIS WEEK RAIN IS FORECAST AND THE DEPRESSION CONTINUES. 

AT LEAST I'M CLEAR THAT IT'S A FLASHBACK TO DAD'S SERIAL CRISES. 

EVERY EPISODE I HOPED WAS THE TURNING POINT WHERE HE'D LEARN TO DO BETTER AND BE BETTER BUT I WAS SO DEEPLY IN DENIAL I COULDN'T SEE I WAS IN DENIAL.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO KNOW I'M IN DENIAL?  DOES DENIAL PRECLUDE KNOWING?

SO HE DRAGGED ME DOWN WITH HIM.  WHAT ELSE COULD I DO, ABANDON HIM LIKE MY SISTERS?  I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE THEM.  I KNOW THEIR FATES.  I WANT HAPPINESS.  HEAVEN IS POSSIBLE.  I'VE LIVED IN HELL.

HE ABANDONED MOM.  SHE NEVER RECOVERED.

I'M RECOVERING.

FEELS SO WEIRD

TO DO WHAT I WANT, WHEN I WANT.  I PUZZLED UNTIL 9, I ATE AN APPLE AND ORGANIZED MY BAG WHILE WAITING FOR COMPUTER ROOM TO OPEN.  THEN I WHEEL'D, SOAKED, REMEMBERED PAY CON CELL WHEN I PUT WET THINGS IN CAR TO DRY, LUNCHED WITH LADIES, BIKED FOR 1 1/2HRS WHILE WATCHING TV.  HEAVEN.

AND NOW MY SNACK.  MY BACK IS STILL SLOWLY IMPROVING.

TYGJ.

I LOOKED IT UP

ONE WHO FATHS?

AND IT DOESN'T REALLY KNOW.  CIRCULAR DEFINITION. 

I'M HERE AT SV TO RETURN DVDS.  I FORGOT YESTERDAY.

THIS 9AM I CALLED SCOTT/SKYLIGHT AND HAVEN'T HEARD A PEEP.  PEEEEP.

I WATCHED xXx  AT SRS.  AND JEO WHILE BIKING.  AND HAD THE FIRST TOTALLY NORMAL BM IN NO IDEA. 

SATURDAY NIGHT I HAD EXCRUCIATING STOMACHE.  I HAD TO GET GRAPEFRUIT DRINK TO GET BACK TO SLEEP.  IT COULD HAVE BEEN THE TWO STAN'S DOUGHNUTS.

SUNDAY T CALLED AND TOOK ME TO PHO AND I HAD RICE AND I'M BETTER.  I ALSO WORE TWO BELTS UNTIL BED.

WHAT NEXT?

I'VE BEEN CLEANING UP MY EMAILS.  WHEW! A LOT OF THEM.  SO THIS AM YAHOO WANTED CONFIRMATION I'M ME.

I'M STILL ME.

still FATH

I'LL HAVE TO LOOK THAT UP.

FAITH!

FREUDIAN SLIP.  I TYPED FATH.  I FORGOT THE I.  I SENT IN PRAYER FOR THE SKYLITE AND I HAVE TO LET IT GO AND DO IT'S JOB.  ANOTHER TEST.

THE FIRES UP NORTH, NAPA, SONOMA MENDICINO COUNTIES ARE OVERWHELMING THE SOUTH BAY.  THE SMELL AND ASH.  I HAVE TO REMEMBER TO CHECK AIR FILTER.

I LEFT A DVD IN THE SR COMPUTER AND IT WAS HERE.  I TOOK BACK A BUNCH AND TEDDY BEAR DIDN'T REGISTER RETURN SO I ASKED AT DESK.  I CAME BACK AFTER WATCHING IT YESTERDAY.  TODAY I WATCHED STAR TREK BEYOND.  I LIKE WATCHING AT DOUBLE SPEED. 

DREAMS

LAST NITE I LOOKED FOR AND FOUND THE LIB WODEHOUSE BOOK.  I'M DOING OK.  I'VE DONE BETTER AND I WILL AGAIN.

I ATE TOO MUCH AND AWOKE @ 2:30.  I WATCHED SNATCHED.  SO GROSS.  THE GOOD PART WAS LADIES.  EQUALITY.  OF A SORTS.  AMY SCHUMER, GOLDIE HAWN LOOKING LIKE A FROG.

NAPPED 5-6.  STARTED BIO/ANTHRO DVD.  IT'S OK.

DREAMED I LEFT T SHOWERING AND DROVE INTO HURRICANE CALMLY AND RESOLUTELY.  HUH.

I'M GROWING

MY HOROSCOPE CAUTIONED AGAINST GETTING FAT.  TOO LATE.  I LIKE THE NEW ME.  AFTER A LIFETIME OF SKINNY POPO I'M FEELING REFRESHED.  I LIKE BEING THE RUBENS WOMAN.  A WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE.

I FOUND A PHONE CHARGER AT SRS.  I HOPE IT'S WELSUN'S.  SERVE HIM RIGHT AFTER SHORTING MINE. 

ST. J. HAD CLOTHES HALF OFF.  I WAS HOPING FOR THE SHIRTS TO EXERCISE IN.  I FOUND 2 AND A TANK AND FABRIC FOR INSOLES. 

NOW I HAVE TO WASH ALL THE CLOTHES.  MAYBE TOMORROW. 

I'M NOT GOING TO WORRY ABOUT THE ROOF.  DIVINE ORDER. 

WORRYING IS SUFFERING TWICE.

somewhat disconcerting

TODAY MY SVLIB ACCOUNT SAID I OWED 1.20 FROM APRIL.  SO WHY DIDN'T IT SHOW UP LAST WEEK?  SO I PAID IT ON DISCOVER.  WEIRD. 

I DULY WENT AND EXERCISED HALF HOUR.  WALKED THE SV CITY HALL CLOSED.  FOUND ABANDONED STARWARS TEE AND BLACK LEVIS.  BUT THE LIB IS OPEN.  WEIRD.

I CAME TO BRING BACK THE CRAFT BOOKS.  ZERO.  AND PICK UP ANOTHER WODEHOUSE.  SO ZANY.

I'VE BEEN SOOO HUNGRY.  AND I HAVE SOOO MUCH FOOD.  I MAY TAKE TIME OFF FROM SRS TO EAT IT. 

THE SVLIB HAS A GUESS THE WEIGHT OF THE PUMPKIN.  THE PRIZE IS THE PUMPKIN.

 

LLA

LONG, LONG AGO IN A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY.... I WAS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.  THIS AM AT G2 I WAS WATCHING STAR WARS 3.  HOW ANAKIN BECOMES DARTH.  AND THEN IT SEGUED INTO 4.  I SAW THE ORIGINAL BACK WHEN.  AND I AM AMAZED AT MYSELF. 

I WENT TO LUCKYS FOR PAPER, VEGS AND CONSIDERED RETURNING PEANUTS BUT I'M WORTH IT.  MAYBE TOMORROW. 

I FELT VERY TIRED AND CONSIDERED NOT GOING TO ST. J. BUT THEN I HAVE TOMORROW TOO.  AND I SAW LUCELINA.  LUNCH WAS CHICKEN BREAST, SALAD, ROLLS THAT TASTE SO MUCH BETTER BAKED, RICE AND GRAVY.  I GOT 3 ICE CREAM CUPS THAT MAGICALLY APPEARED.  I FORGOT THEM ON THE PORCH.  I'M JUST NOT AN ICE CREAM PERSON.

WHAT TO DO FOR DINNER?  I LIKE THAT.  MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS WHAT TO HAVE FOR DINNER.    HURRAY!!  REAL PROGRESS.

I HAD ALREADY NUKED BACON FLAVORED PORK CHOPS.  SOOO GOOD.  I COOKED THE VEGS W/ ORANGE SAUCE.  YUMMM.....

THE HUNGER MUST BE THE HEALING.  MORE MATERIAL TO REMODEL. 

I GOT IN ! ! !

I HAD A GREAT DAY YESTERDAY AND IT'S GOING GOOD SO FAR TODAY.  I DECIDED TO COME TO SUNNYVALE TO EXERCISE AND COMPUTE.  MAINLIB HAS COMIC CON TODAY SO NO PARKING.  AND ST. J. IS SELLING PARKING. 

YESTERDAY WITH THE LUNCH LADIES WAS RELAXED AND ENJOYABLE.  I MIGHT MAKE IT PERMANENT.  HURRAH!!  NOT HURRY.  HUH.  I WENT ST. J. AND MAIN LIBRARY.  A GOOD WEEK.  A RELAXED WEEK AND I HAVEN'T MISPLACED ANYTHING.  EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE.  AS I PREFER IT AT THIS POINT.

TOMORROW IS ST. J. SENIOR LUNCH. 

IT SEEMS SV IS OPEN MONDAY.  NO COLUMBUS HOLIDAY.  SO I CAN DO MY REGULAR ROUTINE HERE. 


AND I MANAGED TO GET INTO MY MAIL.  WINNER!!

LUNCH LADIES

TUESDAYS AND FRIDAYS I'M SO MUCH HAPPIER AND HEALTHIER LUNCHING W/THE LADIES; INGA, GERTA, ROSE MARIE.  NO JT-DAD HAS MADE A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE TO MY ATTITUDE.  AND MY DIGESTION.  ARMANDO HAS BEEN SICK.  HE SITS NEXT TO JT.  I DON'T KNOW WHY HELENE GOES ALONG WITH JT.  SHE COMPLAINS BEHIND HIS BACK AND YET ACTS INTERESTED IN HIS INSANITY.  SHE MUST BE CRAZY.

I'VE BEEN DOING WHAT I WANT PRETTY MUCH WHEN I WANT.  I FOUND SOME HALLOWEEN STICKERS AT ST. J TO SEND TO AUNTY TOMIE. 

AND THE LADIES HAVE BEEN GIVING ME EXTRA LEFTOVERS FROM LUNCH.  RICE-A-RONI AND CARROTS TODAY.  TUESDAY; PASTA AND PORK CHOP.  PETER GAVE ME SALAD.  HE OFFERED ME FISH AND COLESLAW TODAY BUT I HAD HIM ASK HELENE FIRST, SHE IS A JEALOUS GOD AND I DON'T WANT EITHER OF US IN TROUBLE. 

I'M FEELING HAPPY.  AND ANXIOUS ABOUT FEELING SO HAPPY.  RETRAINING OLD RESPONSES.

2 NEW

I DECIDED NOT TO GO TO SAVERS AND NOT TO GO TO MISSCU.  I AM AT MLIB WATCHING COLOSSAL, A VERY WEIRD DVD.  I DON'T KNOW HOW ORIGINAL IT IS.  IT REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING I CAN'T QUITE RECALL.  VERY DARK. 

OH, WELL.

THE GALS GAVE ME EXTRA NOODLES, PORK CHOP, SALAD, MANDARIN.  YUM.  AND LAST NIGHT I MADE PF CHANG MICRO.  I'M SET.

I STILL HAVE THAT SENSE OF DOOM.  OH, WELL.

NEW-3

I'M FEELING NEW.  3X.  I WENT TO CAREMORE'S 25TH ANNIVERSARY 9-10, 10-11.

I JUST NEEDED SOME REASSURANCE.  I GOT A PACKET STATING CAREMORE JOINED ANTHEM BLUE CROSS.

WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW TIL TODAY, CAREMORE HAS BEEN ANTHEM SINCE 2011.

THE SAME BENEFITS AND I GOT TO GO ON AN ADVENTURE.  I HAVEN'T BEEN TO MARRIOT SINCE THE PARKING WAS FREE.  PARKING VALIDATION=$12.  PAIR OF SOX.  MELON, PINEAPPLE, MUFFIN, LOTS OF JUICE, DECAF FOR ME. 

I GO TO SRS AFTER 11:30, FOUND EZ PARKING HAD LUNCH AND HERE I AM.