THE LAST DEMOCRACY

America is just another of Trump's women to be lied to, cheated on.  Ukraine will fall and Putin will reinstate 'communism' in Europe.  China will be unchecked.  Global Warming will incinerate the planet.  the amusing bit is Elon Musk, Zuckerberg will burn with the rest of us.  all the money in the world won't save anyone.  everyone has the same problems.  

Cooperation makes Heaven Contention makes Hell.  You choose.

we're living history.  the children of the world won't know fresh air or clean water until 'civilization' collapses under its own weight.  then the crash of civilization the Apocalypse will reset the world to zero.  

yesterday i left the 6 chocolate donuts (Vote)

today someone left a coconut creme pie.  delicious.  I decided after bingo size to come home for people puzzler.  I looked for book to return to sunny library.  I watched person, place, thing 4 pm.  I stopped at nob hill and bought peanuts, turkey dinner and burritos.  

24 hour turn around I requested how healing works again.  I walked around looked at puzzles.  I could have sewn.  At 6 pm I went to Sprouts and couldn't find anything I wanted not even corn bread.  At home the election results are depressing.  

toddler angst

I woke feeling upset in my toddler belly.  I could see myself lost and forlorn and rejected as a skinny toddler.  chilling, I can see my family enjoying my pain, bonding over my suffering.  my chronic depression was my survival.  whenever I showed happiness I was punished.

any attention is energy.  abuse will keep a child alive, warping and twisting its personality.  neglect is a death sentence.  

after 2 1/2 hours on DMV website and 3 agents 'cause i have to hang up to verify my account with phone code I learned Flora Vista is closed due to asbestos repairs 'til 11/18.  gives me 3 weeks to take the test.  2 weeks to study.  YUCK!!!  oh, well.

cup library-DST

I drove around the library twice along with 30 other cars.  added .4 to my mileage.  I decided to use the walking for my exercise.  I found a car leaving on the corner and backed up.  I walked all over the library and there were no special events but a lot of people were voting.  

it was packed with families and kids running around.  because of daylight savings I got home at 3:30 when I left.  amazing day.  I found the DMV letter from September.  I still can't figure out how to take the online exam.  

11:29 finished my st just lunch

all the lunches mom never made me God is providing.  soaking I remembered I have to renew CDL, AARP, Daily Word.  do I want Real ID?  I don't think so.  I'm enjoying traveling through the Daily Ukulele main library book.  

I love sitting here watching people while listening to healing.  kids are hilarious.  

I started my driver's license renewal.  I don't know what I did with the renewal letter.  I went around and around looking for the online test.  I practiced the samples in car and motorcycle.  

I'm tired and sugar crashing.  I need a hug and I'm alone.  I need to cry and mom beat it out of me.  "I'll give you something to cry about."

Mike Winn sick and dying 10/18.  I'm processing grief.  I've been distracted.  I've been watching the final season of Barney Miller the only series I cared about.  I'm honoring my loneliness an improvement of the terror and humiliation of my childhood.  People who respected and valued their differences.  They loved each other.

the only way to process pain is to allow it to run its course.  everything changes into something else.  I never felt loved by my family.  

i'm hopped up on sugar

The internet wasn't working and naturally I thought it was me.  Justin mentioned everyone complaining and I waited 'til it was fixed.  so much cookies and candies.  i'm so buzzed.  

OMG the safeway cornbread 8x8 has kernels in it.  so good and buttery.  i cut it up into 9 pcs.  i told Walter to get extra chicken for me and he did.  he was anxious from yesterday's trip to Stanford.  the highs and lows.  he deserves happiness.  we all do.  some people's happiness appears as misery to others.  

6:50 am

 new me.  and the lesson of ME ME.  I have to focus on ME.  

best Halloween.  lots of sweets and love.  and bingo size.  and home 2:45 for people puzzler.