dealing with dying and death. it perfectly describes my emotional experiences with taking care of mom and dad and losing my sisters to greed. WOW!
I called St Justin as self care. I talked to Joe Bauer who discussed it with Nancy Uyeda. he left a v mail he'd mail cards to me.
I don't want anything but I know I must eat something. I can go to Nob or J I Box. or ramen, soups.
feeling paranoid since Mits' b'day card. today is 10 days. I did 2 Covid tests negative.
I toasted a muffin and topped it with mild spicy tuna. and a cup of coffee tea retrieved yesterday from the car.
I called St Justin I decided not to push myself for Saturday. I've always forced myself (pride ego?) loyal to the family. I'm done with self torture. they insisted I suffer.
I've finished book 2 Helen Hoang. I have Autistic Exhaustion.
lucid color dream Aiko killing mom and dad. I've resisted accepting Aiko and Mits killing mom and dad keeping me stuck and physically sick. Mits even admitted to me. they dump their sickness on me.
I opened a can of 20 mg CBD took one sip before sleeping. I don't want to admit or accept my family is so sick. I've been carrying it time to put it down.
I finally found my car keys looked for Citibank bill found property tax I'd forgotten. paid online with Disc. I managed to toddle out to car moved it forward further under tree. small bottle water.
Hiratas in Hawaii sent care package. exact same last year.
I don't miss it. I feel relieved. it's like a job. I exercise then lunch and the library. boring.
6 pm found Toke's call re her washer laundromat and repairs.
I'll use blog to track bills. means I missed Citibank 10th.
I'm thinking of Kyochan/Amy. she was the oldest of Waipahu auntie and uncle. she had a delicate way of doing things. she put herself through nursing and took care of her brothers and sisters. she and Charles grew up together in Hawaii. then Amy brought them all to LA. her dad was an alcoholic. mom would have him stay with us a week in the summer. he was her eldest brother.
