white men between voted for the high priest of money

 Bezos and Musk.  not enough money in the universe to satisfy them.  

LOVE of money is the root of all evil.

6:45 am 40 degrees

I puzzled 'til 9 soaked 9:30-10:30.  lunch Fred, Toki, Walter.  we talked over puzzle 'til 1:20 bingo.  i'm so proud of the great inner work he's doing.  I suggested a wife with family.  he's thinking about it.  bingo size more challenging.  

Lucky's 2 dozen Egg land best, 3 party chips.  home.  I'm feeling tired.  

I feel surprisingly calm.  I usually stress myself.  I'm content.  

I'm calming myself

I woke typically terrified.  the family did a number on me.  old terror rising.  I drove past DMV at 6:47 am 47 degrees people outside waiting.  I have lots of terrified company.  

old depression rising.  talking to Dino about Mike Winn I realized how much his choices like dad's death saddened me, I cried and the cloud lifted.  at least for now.   I just miss Eric too.

I tried the DMV website.  at least it has usage graphs.  I have 2 complete weeks.  

I considered sewing tonight not tomorrow at Sunny Vale.  too cold and my priorities tomorrow bingo exercise.  next Monday no hot lunch.  

I forgot Sunnyvale trick

The connection is spotty and once connected I can go all over the library.  i puzzled and when I calmed down I remembered.  I did my updates and puzzled 'til 5.  

I need love.  I keep wondering why they never loved me.  my friends love me.  my teacher loves me.  lots of people love me not my family.  just cruelty and jealousy.  makes me sad for them.  what you put out you get back.  simple physics.  

with God life is simply easy

life is what we want it to be.  

I can still hear ex whining, ooh, same as mom 'not what they want' yet they do nothing to change anything, the definition of insane.

at 8 I dressed for Costco gas.  drove in, filled up, drove out deciding to check north Walmart.  bought shakes, 2 beets, extra back brace.  

used nob hill internet and bought salad and burritos.  left pomegranates for Me Me.  and home 9:30.   

time to let my soul catch up.  

7:47-7:57 am seniors drive

how I avoided bad drivers for 57 years I don't know.  must have been my family armor. 

weird day.  

I soaked an hour at seniors and pondered what to do.  I decided St Just for lunch pick up then Star One deposit and county library.  Cupertino star 1 closed Saturdays.  I returned and borrowed at the county library.  straight to Walmart closed no power.  then to the open Star One and the main library.  success finally.

1 pm eating lunch and considering book sale I forgot.  I browsed but nothing I want.  sunny book sale tomorrow.  

feeling a little sad leaving behind the old life bits of myself.  separation and change are uncomfortable.  especially for me.  

neck rehab from '72 and '14.  

a plastic tub of candied fruit fell off the shelf to the floor.  i picked it up and put it back.  i didn't know it was cracked and leaked syrup over the shelf onto the floor.  i brushed against the shelf and got it over my clothes.  i didn't notice the floor until after I'd tracked through it over the house.  i soaked up as much as i could with papers and i'll let the ants clean up the rest.  I've become so relaxed. 

leisurely 7:30 free pasta

$5.59.  and I bought Mac nuts $5 on sale 'til 12/2.  I made oat meal added nuts.  senior puzzling to my heart's content.  tygj.

9:30 I'm feeling sad.  time to exercise and change my chemistry.  it always works naturally.  no chemicals no nasty side effects just better health.  I love love love taking my time.  

sloppy joe lunch good.  Fred, Toki, Salome.  Andy came and went very early.  Walter showed up I congratulated him on feeling.  we talked 'til 2.  I explained how the head brain is a computer to figure out how to get from here to there and the gut brain is the controller.  the gut generates health and dis ease.  the gut never lies or makes a mistake.  the head brain needs training like a dog to be happy.  gurus taught meditation to lead to happiness, nirvana, paradise.  the unintentional celebrity suicides are from head brains without discipline.  I told him I know for sure he can construct his happiness from his discipline and focus in accomplishing what he's already lived.  I'm so proud of him.  he's suffered like I've suffered.  he shared for the first time his dad's pre death visitations.  I told him about Elinore Geracci and he remembered George.  I told him how Elinore was concerned when George had visitations for 2 nights and he died the third night at 3 am after talking to people who predeceased him.  Walter cried remembering his dad talking to predeceased relations.