my stomach sore I need oatmeal. and vienna sausage for protein.
I'm watching movies I've never seen. I'm resting, healing. I've been pushing, forcing myself to function. it feels strange to rest and allow myself to heal. I expect attack, ambush from the family.
6:30 pm hungry I eat beets.
living here with the parents all their fear infected me. I've been pushing myself barely functioning for 35 years taking care of them.
Heal Your 7 Chakras While You Sleep-Louise Hay 2:15:20 best Rx. I gave myself hiccups.
probably shouldn't have soda /caffeine. so tasty though. spaghetti-o s not the best b'fast. instant oatmeal dessert too much sugar. oh, well. my blood sugar is resetting again.
1:30 Carl's 2 Cali onions on the side. passed on 24 hour register today. home 2 pm. taking care of me.
viewing is by year. I have to click on year to view blog entries. I'm researching dental plans. so many. praying for universal health care but for medical greed.
I remembered where I left my wallet yesterday so weak.
I made instant oatmeal, dressed. packed chrome and spot.
my plan I drove to 24 hour no parking I paid my Costco Citibank and bought 2 Cali XL burgers. 10:30 I checked back at 24 parked and showered 15 lbs lighter. reminded me Enrico Caruso slept a month at a time for weight loss. I used head & shoulders left behind.
dressing in locker room my blood sugar dropped for half hour. I lay on bench. 15 years since last time all my candy drops in car. sugar free gum 5 calories bad idea. triggered another faint. I slowly carefully got in the car feeling OK. noon I ate a Cali burger removing diced onions.
well, I no longer have inflammation. 50 degrees 96% humidity feels cold.
now it all stinks from pollution and toxins. beef, pork, veg, poultry. rich poor doesn't matter. the entire planet is poisoned. no one escapes.
so cold 39 degrees 7 am. 37 at 8 am. I want to soak at 24 hour but it's too cold.
watching girl next door 2004 repulsive movie that's supposed to be funny. shallow Hal 2001.
listening to Louise Hay my life was charmed but for my family. they cursed me. they stole my joy. old programming. re-reading looking backward I read in college.
Queen of denial. the many times I saw Eric literally green from alcohol poisoning. having to drive him back from karaoke jobs too drunk from free liquor. the fact he'd charge $5 K and pay me $100 but split with the guys. he took the guys when Vanna White hired him for a private party and didn't tell me 'til after. oh, well.
and all the times Thomas cheated and betrayed me over 40 years makes me feel stupid.
this has made me sick.
I choose to have a hot spot over New Year.
lying in bed my leg muscles have finally relaxed. I can finally heal. my illness is from family poison. the toxins dumped on me from everyone close to me. I became the holder of their sins. I'm sick at heart.
I'm eating salad with mayo and lemon pepper tuna. mayo is my favorite.
I'm reading online of Ernest Holmes and Charles & Myrtle Fillmore. soothes my heart. and listening to the infinite Louise Hay on you tube.
