cathy called happy halloween

she got my card today.  perfect.  i feel a tiny bit better.  i haven't had a cold for 7 years at least.  how old my meds are.  i ate burger and baked beans for lunch.  slept most of the day.  

9 am i cancelled lunch

11 i called toki.  i slept, rested, cooked and ate burger, salad, baked beans.  i'm improving loving myself.  

it was 47 degrees too cold so i decided to stay home.  i'm finally living my health most important.  finally.  i just checked air quality is borderline caution. 

toki left comics, dozen croissants and 2 cans chick broth.  so delicious.  she called to let me know just after i got it from the porch.  so i was breathless fighting with the door.  

still feeling so much dread

the family tradition.  it's still deep.  compounding my cold.  it's my lungs clearing a lifetime of smoking.  i quit 2019/20.  

halloween is my favorite holiday.  the only time as a child i felt in control of my life collecting candy, sorting, trading and making it last 6 months.  the only sweetness in my sad childhood.

resting and recovering

feels so good to lie here relaxing.  toyota parts is open 7 days 12 hours so no rush.  i want 2 keys.

i cooked kale pasta.  not good.  i'll try turmeric pasta tomorrow.  

i'm still feeling feverish and taking c and willow.  i'm watching cooking and comedies.  'arsenic and old lace' always makes me laugh.  i watched 'igor' still a perfect movie.

sinus infection

i'm used to caring for myself.  i've been a caretaker all my life.  i can remember being sick as a child all on my own.  

gloria gave me 22 game tickets.  i gave her xmas cards.  she gave some cards to diana.  

i picked up free soda and bought a $5 3 x hoodie in lime green.  i tried on large white hoodie i bought last week.  fits perfectly.  

i picked up held movies from county after bingo.  last day.  home i ate salad and terrible squash chicken stew.  

such a sinus headache

i caught a cold.  i'm taking grapefruit seed.  willow and lots of c.  i considered staying home too boring.  i'll wear my mask.  i'd just feel sorry for myself if i stay home.

i postponed carlos he's disappointed and i have to care for me.  i waited with alex and diane for extra lunch.  i finished the puzzle and checked city library.  hot spot ready.  i picked up, checked working properly, considered county.  i'm tired.  went to nob for salad and picture hardware $1.21.  

lost everything blog 1% charge

somehow didn't charge.  regained settings.  weird energy key broke off in trunk lock.  drove by carlos' after calling.  left him bag of rice and beans from sophia.  and ricardo 2 sandwiches.  i called dealer key blank $55 in stock with fob(transponder) $177.  later.  3 day backlog.

better

the shots perked me up. 

not good

i'm feeling terrible.   I don't know.  lunch was tiny square cottage pie, slice of bread, small scoop frozen broccoli cauliflower.  i finished owl puzzle, rested then went to lucky's prune found new white hoodie $5.  3 tickets.  lady ahead of me gave me 24 one winner 3 game pieces.  on to pay pge at walmart and buy medicare nicotine and d-3.  walk in shots wonderfully easy.  flu and c-19.  rsv next week.  i felt so empowered i went to nob hill used $5 coupon.  me-me there i finally gave her my silver tortoise hair clip.  salad mix, 3 dressings, 4 coconut water, grass fed beef.  i'm loving salad.  

library is hosting light saber lessons

and i'm eating my great sprouts' multigrain turkey sandwich.  this morning i swam an hour, puzzled 'til 11:30, jetted to st. just, signed up for thanks and xmas per gloria.  checked out store.  bout 24 movies for $5 library book sale after noon.  home 2:10 i watched all of jamie oliver.  i made quick mac & cheese added tuna.  i ate half.  blueberry pie dessert.  bed by 8:30.

sunday-i dozed 'til 7:30 am finished mac for b'fast .  still tired slept 'til 11:30.  dreaming of heaven i'm ready to go home.  

picked up free caffeine sparkling ice

and now i'm blogging.  i can exercise later.  6 monopoly tickets.  

i freaked myself out.  i won 3 times at bingo.  clock, puzzle, pewter studs.  then in the car i wanted to look for the clock battery online, turned on auxiliary to open windows and thought the car was broken.  bad air i felt dizzy, couldn't breathe, no oxygen.  driving home was like 2003 when i'd pull over to rest.  low blood pressure/sugar.  i feel all jittery like too much caffeine.  

i just remembered i can go to nob for internet.  my back and shoulders so sore from stress response to no oxygen.  and too much exercise wed on nu-step arms and legs workout half hour.  takes me longer to bounce back.  well, not bounce.  my back looks swollen.  my neck has never recovered from the whiplash when i fell 2014.  

went to store to update chrome and i wanted salad for dinner.  2 sale dressings good time.  new behavior.

i'm having more fun

 air ended up danger to sensitives.

i actually have energy

i'm so used to being forced i've been forcing myself beyond my limits.  i was totally empty, no energy.  i swam, puzzled, lunched.  so good with my chosen family.  i got bored and biked half an hour.  my legs are sore.  i watched 'halloween high' with debbie reynolds.  

no cream pie or pot salad

i cooked my own potatoes in sun day chicken fat.  i checked nob hill wi-fi and entire complex wired.  very good.

saw brian after lunch puzzling w/francine flirting w/judy.  he gets out of school 10:30.  huh.  he's not the one.

bought my manuka honey from tea tree flowers.  and 2 bags mixed candy.  i'm keeping almond, peanut butter snickers.

tcb

i called for for a rewards check i think i already redeemed maybe not beth 7-10 business resend.  if i get it ok if not ok. 

and i called lisa quest diagnostics re fit kit.  3 weeks to process.  not 3 weeks yet.  do i want $75 to get a mammogram?  i don't think so.  i have to get paperwork, make appointment, keep appointment if they're open.  'smart journey' was a waste of my time when they cancelled after i drove there.  

i'm amazed how much better i feel w/o eye strain.  my back continues to change.  

eclipse-what's the worst that could happen movie

it's a miracle how they fit together.  vastly different sizes over vast distances apart looking the same size.  full day.  brian going to reno dart tournament in tub 10:30.  toki arr 11:15  

best sandwich yet st just.  charity not there so i picked up pantry and asked for sandwich best grain turkey creamy cheese.  i was so hungry.  i brought 2 pieces cherry pie.  

so much excitement i'm feeling tired.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            i arrived at 8:20 for 8:30 start of library event.  a thousand ahead of me including kids.  who knew so many nerds.  and after me another thousand.  i picked up 2 viewers and thought i can see it anywhere so i drove to seniors and watched from the parking lot in the comfort of my car 8:50-9:50.  in the tub brian 10:30 took his son 2017 to oregon eclipse camping backpacking.  i was done by 11 didn't know what i was waiting for 'til toki arrived then i went to st just Charity gone next 2 weeks too i picked up pantry groceries.  3 whites to replace 1 black.  i was voracious i asked for a sandwich, best ever whole grain creamy cheese deli chicken.  usually boring plain white bread.  n 95 masks.  

parked under central francine in bookstore st just jumble i decided lunch more important reminded her sunny heritage jumble sale today.  

energy is weird today.  i suppose yesterday too with the elevator malfunction.   

i've been in survival mode my entire life.

i've existed from a foxhole peeking up at the world.  my family kept me enslaved for their selfish security.  i made them whole.  now it's my turn.  loaded picked up thai dressing and energy drink.  i had 6 in trunk i haven't tried yet.  

4 pm too late for wheel of fortune phrase.  i had fun guessing.  i'm loving friday 13.  at bingo fresh donuts made everyone a winner.  i almost got stuck in elevator.  first button pushed into panel so i grabbed wire to call elevator.  inside seemed ok but door slow didn't close.  man and his son helped me descend stairs.   bingo buddies won one.

glamour-wheel word 

lovely

yesterday was wonderfully, cool temps are going up.  had an entertaining chat w/cody.  told him about brian my twin he wants to be family too.  he looked hurt and left out.  i told him he is family too.  

bingo puzzle for dino

finished 1 pm.  i'm loving me so much.

exercising my left leg is freeing so much energy.  re balancing my back is re setting my metabolism.  doctors only know what they're told.  they have no real practical experience.  i know first hand what works.  

chicken today was weird tasting.  strangely bitter.  i added to soup improved taste.  i threw away diana's chicken and beans.  kept cole slaw, shared with toki.  inge said vera in hospital due to cancer chemo complications.  

oh, yeah

i used my anger to get to seniors early.  i puzzled 'til 8 swam.  lady asked if i liked jujube i said yes thinking the candy. actually chinese dates she picked are delicious and incredibly healthy.  big bag i shared with everyone.  tom looked online.  gerde early before me.  diana gave everyone lucky's pudding cake so sweet.  toki always remembers comics.  i gave her alex and lillian's lettuce since i have so much sprouts.  diana gave me pork chop and spinach.  so for dinner cherry pie, noodles pork chop, chunky lettuce.  so good.  banana muffin dessert.

study in contrasts-moon day-bad bartolo

eating salty multi grain honey ham sprouts sandwich $4.99.  i'm sitting on the patio watching people.  the sky is overcast and cool.  

2 hour 300 piece puzzle.  so satisfying completing.  

my waist hurting left side weakness trembling.  i need tomorrow tub.  

could be the rose bush and kiwi i trimmed and set out garbage and green bins.  felt good to be able to do.

yesterday i rested watching first season 'bewitched' 1964.  before loss of anonymity.  alien did what she knew was done to her.  secrecy phillip zimbardo again.

i have audrey at home by her second son luca dotti.  very good with recipes and every day life.  i wanted salad and stopped at sprouts r/t lucky's.  50 cents more for salad mix w/o funny chemical taste also bakery special cherry pie $1.99.  i could have bought turnovers, 3 types of cherry pie.  sunny specials in the aft.  

bartolo oh that bad boy.  because i cut rose and kiwi he filled both bins after pickup left them full in the driveway.  left wooden ladder in the middle of back yard again.  not my job to correct him.   he's done.

good lunch

i stopped sprouts 8 am too early for bakery specials.  substantial clearance turkey sandwich $3.49.  seniors swam 40 minutes saw jeanie with boot cast on left foot ankle.  then back to sprouts.  toki never mentioned the jalapeno bread so maybe not terrific.  i bought apple turnovers and assorted muffins.  dropped off home 94 degree day.  sunny vale 10:30 ok parking.  ate sprouts sandwich hungry after exercise.  84 degrees on patio.  assembled bingo puzzle 3 hours.  out to car for soft boiled eggs, best parking under tree, i re parked.  i forgot glasses to puzzle.     

bewitched 127 hours complete series.  

happy b'day sis

i haven't talked to them in years or they'll come sniffing around like thieves.  i bless them from afar.  i loaded and retrieved the lucky's freebie.  sort of fruit soda not sweet not anything.  sophia gave 4 sandwiches, i gave the fruit cups to toki who shared with salome.  obnoxious know it all joe sat at our table looking for a slave.  he took my milk, tried telling me eddie's was mine.  he returned my milk then tried to sneak it back.  i took it back again.  tom and alex wouldn't sit with him.  he finally moved to another table.  whew!  dino likes him, doesn't have to do anything for him.  jane helped him at bingo.  he wanted someone to watch his card like the privileged women talkers last week.  treat me like their slave.  jane won twice me too.  i still wonder how many have bingo and don't pay attention.  

planning my week county city closed moon day sunny open.  today tomorrow 95 degrees.  morning swim seniors.

woo hoo! puzzled 2 hours

 i'm pampering myself.  supposed to get to 94 degrees today.  i'm remembering to exercise my left leg while driving my car and my back is popping and crackling.  

saw brian class cancelled

we sat 2 hours we're so the same.  we can change the world.  two gathered to fix the world.  arrogant hindu-christian man interrupted.  oh, well.  he tried telling me what to do be.  

lunch ok.  toki disappointed her other eye surgery cancelled 'til december.  

i am grateful.  i am grateful.  i am grateful.  i am grateful.  i am full of gratitude.  

i puzzled in senior air condition 'til 6:30.  91 degree day was 84 when i got home.

great day!  celebrity wheel at 9 excellent.  i'm saying my good byes.  regular wheel no vanna has covid.  and i'll miss pat.  jeopardy is a farce.  ken is just unpleasant.  

adult-finally figured out

it's been 3 years since i quit smoking.  my body remembers my mother attempting suicide and i started smoking again.  i'd forgotten.  

october dad would get anxious about being laid off during winter rainy season.  he was so mean to mom she took all his sleeping pills.  i was at work.  i got home 4 pm and dad asked if i wanted to go to carrow's for prime rib dinner.  i told him to ask mom if she wanted to go.  that's when he told me she was at valley medical because kaiser had no psych dept.  he called 911 instead of taking her to emergency.  we live 5 minutes away.  i couldn't believe my dad's behavior.  total disconnect with reality.  iasked when my sisters arriving he wondered if he should call them.  he hadn't, he called my auntie, her sister in hawaii 3000 miles away and didn't call my sisters half hour away.  so bizarre.  insane.  i never realized how deeply sick my family was.  my sisters to this day deny reality.  they still insist my mom swallowed an entire bottle of sleeping pills by accident.  

my body has remembered.  post traumatic body memory.  just thinking about it i want a cigarette.  i'll buy more nicotine tabs.  i may need them for the rest of my life.  i refuse to suffer any more. 

ate an apple

i'm getting my enthusiasm back.  stayed in bed watching movies yesterday.  very relaxed.  considered getting bags from car, nah.  i'm feeling more energy.