watching tina

ike turner was like velma bullock.  cold calculating lacking the ability to love.  no compassion.    dead eyes. snake eyes.  makes me cry she had so much love inside her.  straight from god.  

went 24 janitress off putting so loud violent complaining.  not as much recycle as i thought.  danny's $8.94.  sliver in my thumb i covered with scotch tape.  couldn't get it out with adhesive.  more room in trunk for laundry maybe tomorrow.  i stopped at target to use card to keep current bought lap desk for car or house $5.  i showed to gloria for her dad.  alex interested too.  walked sprouts 6 clearance, sample almonds one for toki.  sitting upstairs at  library feeling hot.  had to search for hassock.  i don't know where i put 'jerk' copy.  funny how i used to think it was hilarious.  maybe i've matured.  

omg i just got that mit and craig martin raved about steve martin like he's related.  woosh.  always stuck in my mind not their usual brag.  atypical subject.  more wwe.  

sunday 6/4 9:30 pm craig turner shot himself 7/4/2018 tina ran for, started her solo life on a 7/4.  this was one year after i lost eric the same time i bought my car.  ronnie turner died cancer 12/2022 six months before tina.  her 2 sons who survived were ike's.  

back to basics

i'm practicing a softer approach to living.  i'm following toki's kindness.  someone i respect and admire.  patient and compassionate.

went to 24 showered, $tree walk about engine treatment, mission library thinkng it was mon not, detoured college safeway clearance bear claw bites spending mood, seniors opened doors late retrieved phone and charger.  under main relaxing charging filling water.  returned 11 movies picked up 3.  

happy yoga/de stress power outage hour half

i forgot to plug in charger ran down to 1% regained all settings listening to 2 healing sites.

i'm feeling anxious.  and 7:30 power out home and i'm sitting lawrence lucky 24 hour gym parking lot.  gym 2 leisurely shower no suit spinner i may as well go to fremont tomorrow.  hopefully lawrence up tomorrow since seniors closed.  

exercisers make me laugh when they look all hot sweaty like death warmed over.  i like the life energy here.  and i'm sitting on dressing room chair charging since I don't know power situation at home.  i suppose i can find a cafe or panera.  when i went to you tube i expanded my sub listening to include a diversity.  

when i first plugged in 22 minutes to full and now 24.  maybe because i'm using it?  tattlttale reported me poor janitor had to tell me i couldn't use chair in locker room.  hitlers everywhere.  so i dropped off movies at sunny and spot stopped working.  home noon.  i couldn't decide what i wanted for lunch.  i'm so relaxed.  i wanted beans and vienna sausages 3 pieces toast.  so good delicious cuz what i wanted.  

5 pm toki dropped off sushi.  she's so giving.  i am blessed.  she didn't have hour and half power out.  

county library

open 10-6:30.  my days used to be according to the hours open.  i had to have air conditioning.  my back inflammation required cold.  i can tolerate heat better now and using wet bandanas.  i had a routine of parking garages to keep the car cool.  The car air con was too cramped.  i had to have space.  vallco had lots of free covered parking.  before i used a back brace so driving kept unbalancing my muscles.  and frequent breaks resting in the car.

i'm better, still old, back is better.  i checked out cup safeway.  walked store bought mango passion smart water and 3 plain doughnuts delicious, water tastes terrible.  library great at 10 plenty of parking.  home 10:45 overcast and cool.

free peanuts from lucky's game piece.  and safeway free frozen veg exp 6/6.  

awake since 12:30

cut a bucket of flowers, delivered to toki.  she's brought me so many treats.  it's so nice to be appreciated.  inspired i walked safeway homestead looking for mango passion smart water none, lots of strawberry.  stopped at dollar tree 4 different baked beans and frozen fruit and veg.  beef patties.  home 10.  

lovely cool today.  i love it.

5:21 pm i forgot phone #1 at work, i.e. seniors plugged in charging upstairs.  good thing i have 2 phones.  i know me.  i'm a little concerned but not freaking out worrying.  

watching dolly movie 'seriously red'

'find out who you are and be the best you.'  hard to do when everyone is telling you who they want you to be.  they try to keep you from being you.  they're too weak, lazy, cowardly etc. to look at who they are.  

walter yesterday tried to keep himself from evolving by wallowing in the past carrying it with him.  to remain his friend i can't allow that.  i'm evolving i can't stay stuck.  been there done that.  

life is so interesting

i'm getting up early.  seniors 7:17 a m i computed, showered and swam.  lunch ok.  toki and diane a lot in common.  they're talking eyes.  they need surgery.  neither takes supplements.

mall set out 1 k puzzle said to slow me down why a mystery.  senior center closed next week so i don't care.  i'll be in sunnyvale.  i'm a little excited.  

so much politics here.

changes

up feeling restless.  it was 2 weeks sans hot spot continuous healing.  i'm hungry.  b'fast Amy's lentil soup, cottage cheese, parmesan herb cornbread.   

lovely day

 woke early, seniors 7:30, swam hour, got new sunny puzzle.  lunch ok.  weather perfect.

today resting seniors using internet connection

i've been more aware this month.  the shock and numbness is lessening.  i ate lots of protein.  rebuilding cells.  gristly hamburger regularly $9/lb, cottage cheese and this a m 3 eggs.  

listened to healing hour half.  ready to shower and start day.  infinite aches.  stretching is the only solution.

yesterday at 24 hour i checked sunny hot spot available today.  i miss the music.  and the ability to look up what i want when i want.

forgot to eat lunch.  i picked up hot spot, 2 puzzles, pizza book.  stopped, walked safeway looking for clearance found parmesan herb cornbread.  2 loaves everything bread $1.47 ea discounted.  never bought fresh b4.  i ate 4 slices with butter.  2 good mangoes $1 ea.

lucky's gym

after much deliberation sitting at traffic signal i filled gas at costco.  next week is memorial holiday.  today minimal traffic.  so much more than '60's.  

29-2 seniors closed this is the best alternate.  angry janitor still angry.  she blocks off doorways, bangs equipment, lectures people, complains and yet she's still here.  so human.  

walked big lots.  i'll look for coupons or discounts.  amino and apple cider sparkling drinks idea of making my own.  

lucky's clearance 7% fat burger gristley ceasar salad.  $8.  

playing at the seniors puzzle table

 i finished one at sunny yesterday in a couple hours 500 pcs.

me!

I swam over an hour.  my back crackling and popping.  i tried to enter celebrity wheel, repeat so no.  

sunny library pick up still no spot.

puzzle 8:30

calms me.  fallout from death a versary.  

too late

found bart v mail left 6:48 too late cleanup came yesterday.  returned his call he drove by.  like we haven't talked about removing the broken fencing 3 times already.  boys.

no hot spot.  reminds me of mom keeping me in communicado on the threat of death.

i swam total an hour in all 3 pools.  

yesterday no blogging even without internet if page is opened i can blog.  not yesterday too much interference.  tv reception spotty too.  today it's open.  i can write.

i went to cup and picked up 'vicar of dibley'.  filled 4 bottles of water.  decided to go to sunny later.  my back and neck popping and cracking as i'm driving.  80 degrees i'm in less pain and feel happier.  

i'm feeling glad i didn't bring innocent children to suffer in this world

the betrayal from my family made me glad my kids wouldn't suffer as i've suffered.  

5/14 my day

bingeing doc martin i thought i missed episodes but they skipped a lot.  2 year intervals between seasons.  i thought it was me but it's them.  

mom's 22nd death birthday everything in bloom just like when she died

and i did laundry 9:30 at lawrence lucky's like when i was so sick and could barely drive.  more expensive.  more convenient.  flashing back to when alien broke the washer, oven etc.  not just mom dead but the betrayal of all of them hurt me so badly.  the worst pain i wanted to die too.  but i didn't i had more to do.

went to st j pantry parked under the library and sorted groceries.  relaxed reclined upstairs.  copy of doc m 9 listed but not on the shelf.  i asked to check in back and she found it hurrah!  came home put away groceries and hung wash.  i did a little at a time and rested.  new me.

i'm amazing!  i ate the pineapple cake i made and napped 4-6.  i watched 'galaxy quest' 3 times 3 different stations.  heavenly.

hurray!! me!!

doing different to be different creates a new life.  stomach a little upset.  22 years of releasing the suffering, the acute abuse, neglect, pointed personal humiliation stored in my body.  

played bingo after lunch one game i won $2.50 snack bar certificate.  

doing what i want

it's great!  i swam, i ate, got extra yams and sprouts, visited with gerde, finished puzzle, home resting. 

i'm having a happy second childhood.

i just now realized, remembered mom's death a versary in 2 days.  and i'm ok.  

adult 10

playing catch up.  i forgot to set up yesterday.  i'm feeling joyous.  i picked up safeway freebie.  loaded sitting in front of the store.  

bartolo did yard.  this weekend yearly clean up set out.  

adult tu 9

safeway looking for bread i went to both stores saw and loaded free roar drink.  i'd seen display at homestead and wondered new product.  i changed location and it was available.  

i'm getting so many compliments makes me wonder.  life gets smooth i start to worry.  

remembered i needed fish oil safeway listed on medicare mastercard, 2 for one.  it worked.  

first full day w/o hotspot

we'll see how a change feels and affects my day.  used senior center wireless.  spent the day resting, taking care of me.  puzzled 'til 2:30 then home.  still unsettled weather.  sprinkles feels like hawaii.  

watched jeopardy masters special hour.  2 shows.  heated carnitas, cooked potatoes, baked beans so good.  chips, boxed milk and reeses pieces chips ahoy cookies for dessert.  

hurray!! me!!

forgot to enter the wheel of fortune puzzle.  stress free!

distracting myself from pain

The brain can only focus on one thing at a time.  playing music, keeping busy helps me tolerate the pain.  i'm feeling the lack of love i needed as a baby.  love is a distinct energy we need to thrive.  celebrities get it because loving is stronger than being loved.  

at the beginning of relationships we optimistically love hoping for reciprocity.  when we're repeatedly disappointed we give up on the relationship and look for another.  

planning on sunnyvale and cupertino libraries.  early to rest my back from driving.  

went smoothly.  3:30 sunnyvale.  i considered first but decided to keep hot spot as long as possible.

pain is a powerful motivator

i had fish and rice for breakfast.  trying to run from pain.  distract myself for a while.  so i'm thinking of what to do to avoid feeling and watching 'the travels of jaimie mcpheeters.'  

and watching the once in a lifetime charles coronation.  so much bs.  british speech impediments.  hilarious. 

today kentucky derby too.  

oops!  forgot chrome lost settings turned itself off.  luckily i updated.  i think.  i don't know.  

regained settings easily.  

feeling exhausted

I woke 2:30 from pain i needed a potty break and white willow.   The lemon drop soothed my upset stomach i fell asleep.  chronic pain is exhausting.  needed another potty break.  back to sleep.  not.  too tired.  heated lunch sprouts with beef au jus.  b'fast.  

loaded and picked up lucky's free hawaiian wave chips luau bbq only flavor so i bought tim's unsalted.  i want safeway guacamole and free corn chips after senior lunch.  I stayed for bingo and got an extra fish lunch.  

sick and tired of feeling sick and tired STAR WARS DAY

i don't know how people put up with living life.  i guess we all live for each other.  

roger rabbit is about how the car industry took over transportation creating american dependence on oil, funding the middle east, making america weak to line the pockets of greedy selfish capitalists, and creating more greed.

1988 roger rabbit

ignorance is bliss.  i was so naive.  i watched it in theaters 7 times.  the only time i ever repeated.  now i just borrow movies from the library.  most are too long to sit through with my back.  brand new for me from church rummage sale last friday.  

made 3 egg omelet.  i don't feel like baked beans beef or potatoes i cooked last night.  now to digest for half an hour.  

inspiration.  movie and book library at home.  healing and comedy.  

and more is revealed

searched for the senior center i d 25 minutes in the car.  under front seat.  for timing conversation with parental care taker.  her mother passed february she's now caring for her ex boss and her husband.

i went to homestead safeway clearance olive parmesan foccacio $2.15.  if i'm eating unhealthy i don't want to pay a lot.   checked college nothing.  swam 'til 10:45, dressed, lunch ok.  kimo's girlfriend volunteer server very slow.  played on puzzle upstairs, dessert club got leftover spaghetti.  2:30 homeward.  baked beans and cooked beef entree were so delicious.  

over mom

i'm ok.  halfway to seniors i remembered i wanted nob hill carnitas.  turned back and bought 2 and 10 $1 cans of baked beans.  i'm out.  dropped off at home and proceeded to bartolo and paid $70.  

remembered mom's b'day.  102.  and i'm ok.  no depression, sadness.  deliciously showered, hung out, relaxed.  lunch ok company better.  toki, alex, diane.  made toki take alex's asian coleslaw.  her favorite.

after lunch digested and pondered.  decided to mail life insurance.  Chase bank then rest at home.  cooked potatoes still had half of corned beef.  sliced napa added eggs.  i've been reading online that egg protein for muscle rebuilding.  b'fast was spinach cheese omelet.  i've been living on stress and caffeine.  i'm finally feeling healthier.