loaded free vit water

9:30 done and done.  bought yogurt.  used expiring rewards.  cost me 25 cents confused clerk.  showered and stretched only 1 stall hot water.  lovely quiet.  eating detox herbs and boost.  very tired and thirsty.  lunch good extra for home.  little gloria and diane next table.  toki, alex, 3 strangers.  pondered.  i was tired came home put things away.  napped 2:30-5 forced myself up.  keep moving forward.  back to bed 9.

'father stu'

i guess we set our curriculum based on what we need to learn.  i keep practicing compassion.  i don't know how the dalai lama does it.  there's so much that can go wrong i suppose it's a miracle when it goes right.

woke 7:30 took enhanced cilantro slaw with me for b'fast.  after swimming i was so hungry.  shared flax blueberry muffin with cody ate one myself.  my right shoulder and neck swollen stiff sore.  i'm healing.  cody brought me 'puss in boots; last wish'.  and i borrowed prince harry 'spare'.  very readable.

speaking of wright saw kelly upstairs after lunch.  talked for half hour her spinal stenosis i shared my experience.  she does no foot exercises so her feet hurt all the time.  i explained her feet are caged in shoes all day so of course the muscles atrophy.  and the fact modern medicine is only 50 years old.  unless has back issues knowledge is hearsay.

sitting ensconced upstairs at library i'm watching soccer game and maintenance covering bocce lawn field with plastic sheeting.  3 pm i decided to swing by dollar tree for gold duct tape.  only silver and white.  thursday delivery day.  butter pecan ice cream, mushroom swiss burgers, tater tots.  i ate ice cream first.  defrosted cooked chicken with ketchup.  so good with tater tots.  

ready for today

people acting polite ask me how i am and i honestly don't know.  i was never allowed to be.  i'm learning to connect with the authentic me.  first i have to find out who i am.

i laid out my clothes last night.  i just started doing this.  saves me time, energy in the morning.  more relaxed.

8 am i need my grandma to hold me and love me.  the first time i know what this feeling is.

10 am 40 minutes to arrive seniors.  stopped homestead safeway clearance nut bars and everything artisan loaf.  free vive 2 oz boost.  heck of a time loading to account took hours.  i did it.  showered relaxed.

lunch good, company excellent little gloria, toki, alex.  mallory traded new bright colorful flowers puzzle for boring tree.  raining steadily i went to under central.  rested upstairs while it rained.  by 3 it stopped.

lovely to awaken calmly

some days the physical and emotional pain are too much.  today is a good day.  i feel good.

rainy cold i dressed in layers 3 light jackets boots.  

swam, puzzle, lunched, went to under central library parking to air swimsuit.  rested feet up, read newspaper, computed 'til 2:30.  

doing what i want.

scary still new.  home 2 pm with left over veg pasta lunch hilda resented giving me.  if not for next table asking her she would have ignored me and given to her favorites.  

i waited 'til 9:30 to go to seniors detoured to costco to fill gas.  beautiful day of sunny and warm.  lunch good little gloria, toki, alex.  i had roast beef sandwich.  i rested to digest and got extra veg pasta/ spinach.  hilda was going to ignore me but next table made a point of asking for extra so she grudgingly gave me some too.  all the times she tries to short me leaving something back from my lunch.  i have to laugh.  

my back and butt hurting in different spots.  i ate some shepherds purse.  i think it will help my eyes.  the alkilai compounds.  since i'm already detoxing.  

lucky's wi fi

got freebie small red bull big lots, tropical fruit packs.  lucky's spam and chips.  walked stores my exercise.  cupertino library 3.8 mi.  on to gym 1, i showered.  so many cute asian kids.  thought of chipotle passed time for sunny.  same rigamarole.  chrome closed loses all pages.  not convenient.  supposedly safety feature.  only sunny.  olive street open.

home checked online 4 spots available.  what!!  ate squash beans corn.  toasts.  pie dessert.

dreams of 2 yr old me missing my gram.  a lot of my anger frustration.  watching the 'whale' and 'strange world' in japanese bringing up pain and suffering.  

relaxed routine

i'm practicing every day a new me.  picked up freebie lucky's loaded in store on their wi fi.  drove leisurely to seniors.  

right shoulder blade screaming.  right eye blurry i'm not sure from pain or sugar.  bean, zucchini, corn stew toast b'fast.  i'm doing everything leisurely.  showered, had lunch, gloria then asian man, toki, diane decided to sit with avocado linda, alex, ron came very late.  tiny sloppy joe on small plate.  still hungry.  

charged chrome upstairs 'til 2 then home and rest.  big lots freebie red bull.  

nice feeling relaxed no wi fi.  i'll pick up and test sunny combo i have 'til tuesday.

waiting for cody

very tired all night ate b'fast stewed chicken with olive toast 6 am.  9:15 i woke from napping dressed and drove straight to seniors.  parked waited got first space.  returned 'belfast' borrowed 3 movies and free book on sensitivity.  

lunch good dijon? pork loin.  strangers took 4 spaces alex little gloria next table.  toki and i.  

2 pm resting upstairs main i remember to eat tylophora for allergies.  maybe why i'm sleeping so much.  detox.  3 days now.  and using hand lotion with castor oil.  more detoxing.

sitting here i can watch soccer game beautiful weather, another world.

1 pm feet up main

weather calm today.  i gave cody the extra choc pecan pie.  not healthy for seniors.  too much for me.  living my heart's desire is scary.  i keep expecting to be punished by the family.  so lovely peacefully reading resting in the quiet no yelling screaming histrionics.  after this weekend i feel like i dodged a bomb.

yippee!! forgot to leave page open -first day spring

evereverything is still here.  rainy windy went 9 and waited for parking.  swam showered 45 min sat upstairs relaxing.  thought of going sprouts didn't feel like getting drenched.  complimented on hilo hattie dress i thought of retiring to home looks so good with stretch royal blue jeans jacket.

first year i'm calmly living with calendar.  today's ex b'day.  i'm good.  i guess it's worth being alive.  i'm done with income taxes so alien b'day ok.  feb-mar-apr-may usually rough getting lighter.  

lunch ok i love my senior family.  stopped sprouts 2 tables of goodies maybe 3 dozen pieces.  coconut macs, 2 kinds of cookies, breads, i bought 2 choc pecan pies.  so many goodies.  parked under main to enjoy the upstairs viewing storm sitting feet up fireplace.  

heaven.  safeway peas and almonds $5.33/lb.  home 4 pm piece of pie, heated stewed chicken balsamic olive oil last of everything bread.  mayo peas almonds dessert.  tv storm reception terrible.  maybe towers out.  advised to keep everything charged.  

seniors

nice and relaxed.  I thought I lost all my settings and they miraculously reappeared.  i'm tired of the routine so it's changing itself to amuse me..  

my vision blurry right shoulder neck and eye.

did too much

and feel good about doing the max.  i sat 3 hours, filled water bottles, and put everything away and tolerated crazy woman, bartolo at 5.  i did so much.

more insanity.  i went to cup library all good.  gym 1 building up shopping center lots of young asians from cup.  i decided to walk safeway, clearance olive cheese bread.  bought soy almonds no slivered.  on to sunny library noon.  i waited in car no booksale not in the mood.  checked in hot spot picked up combo seemed ok got home not working no phone drove all the way back.  same run around.  better not to report it then next checkout charged for repairs.  

i'm more insulted than the cost.  that i would abuse library property.  any property.  bad karma.

happy b'day dad-taxes-pantry

despite everything i love my family.  mom treating me like the enemy created so many identity problems for me.  hard to love yourself when everyone hates you.  

i woke thinking it was friday.  my back and stomach hurting.  i couldn't decide what to do so i dressed and headed out.  like yesterday morning.  underground parking still closed so i went st justin first.  pcked up pantry and underground open parked in shade.  

checked in 10:30 taxes.  lisa came over to talk to me interrupted by extremely rude crazy lady embroiling 6 people in her own drama trying to bully everyone to do her bidding even if it's impossible illegal.  my older sister.  security came to de escalate.  added 3 more to her drama.

that's why i'm here.  chuck lorre on one of his vanity cards posits do unto others as you'd have them do unto to you; what if you're a masochist?  unless you're a masochist.

heaven.  i'm gaming, blogging while kyeong leon kim does my taxes.  he finished 1:30 after it was checked.  whew tired.  adrenaline wearing off.  looked at st j thrift too tired.  home i realized I hadn't eaten lunch.  pork and dal.  watching 'dragonquest' 2009 i've never seen.  

my back neck shoulders so stiff sore.  

lovely

a good day to pay pge i drove to walmart.  7:45 counter not open 'til 8 i activated prepaid medicare mastercard.  easy.  found stretchy spiral bracelet in parking space.  i went in looked around.  used coupon to locate a reds vitamins and back brace.  $87.  

then on to lucky's free peach crystal geyser and clearance pork roast.  packed it in trunk.  

detoured to inge's picked up recycle took to danny's $6.65.  

seniors showered then played puzzle 'til lunch.  glorias, toki, alex, diane late, ron later.  corned beef cabbage like mom made except no sugar.  carrots sweet.  leftover eaten at 2 slept 3 hours.  salome kept going on and on about her sister's b'day.  eventually i remembered dad.  his birth certificate says tomorrow.  i finished puzzle 1 pm came home.  tired from errands and sugary lunch.  baked pork roast 2 hours 325 turmeric, ginger, garlic salt.  delicious cuts like butter.  ooh, with baked beans.

i've been alone my entire life

i woke from my dream of driving alone and picnicking alone.  awake i feel nothing.

as i continue to process the painful past my present feels slightly better.  i've had leftovers for b'fast and i'm actually looking forward to today.  i haven't said that very often.

seniors i swam half hour and then new puzzle an hour.  i'm feeling relaxed.  cody brought me my holds from main i gave him an orange.  kimo showed up vera gave me a cookie.  

lunch ok little g, toki.  i played on the puzzle 'til 3.  

b'fast senior pkg

searched 2 stores no freebie.  i wasn't hungry so i loaded offers packed potato melange and started my day.  i feel like the first half of my day is done.

lunch company excellent.  2 glorias, alex, toki, diane.  extra bean soup chicken potatoes broccoli.  i puzzled upstairs 'til 3 home and lunch part 2.  5 pm watching adam 12.  my new addiction.

classmates.com

online yearbooks.  listen pswrd Hearn*1.  i spent last night reviewing 66-67.  no idea what happened to 68-69.  i can view online.  spent 3 hours reviewing sisters gave me stomach ache.  so much pain and fear stored in my body.  looking at my picture and my classmates i wonder at the terrors and horrors lying below their surface.  

reliving the terror has me quaking.  most of my life i smiled and ignored what i felt.  denied my home life.  the insane asylum.  

reading lillian glass body language the specific behaviors of predators and prey.  stomach turning.  my childhood hell.  i'm a miracle.  

swam an hour decided to read, talked to inge awhile.  lee bought me chinese rice fish soup and shumai from store.  great dinner.  lunch good rainy.  cleared up after lee gave me food.  ate spaghetti lunchand rested.  came home.  rested.  

oscars so good

 finally asians are world citizens.  

don't like spring forward

losing an hour.  i'm done with games for awhile.  

chrome 5 coding locked up.  i'm on old acer chrome.  took me 20 minutes to think of googling frozen chrome.  tried alt ctrl 4 and then off.  finally turned off.  i planned on asking sunny library.  i don't have to go.  

cooked potato added to senior mix veg with nob cooked au jus.  pot pie w/o crust ate everything loaf.  

2:30 brought in bottled water filled recycle bin.  

5 watching oscars.  they love their war movies.  

once a month i sleep through the night. oh i don't know

i want to do and not do.  i'm thinking of st j pantry and taxes at library.  my body doesn't feel like it.  i had pizza b'fast.  

got bucket of herb out of car.  i could plant or harvest and eat maybe better.  tv gene autry show '50-'55 and jamie mcpheeters 9/63-3/64.  revisiting my childhood.

i resisted running from my feelings.  so much harder than distracting myself with doing.  being is so much harder.  

slept the day away healing broken body/spirit.

miracle shepherd's purse

i didn't realize too tired yesterday.  despite my back screaming i can see it now.  lucky's free chips and tate's extra crispy mac cookies.  seniors good.  restful.  i read ladies and lunch good.  my new family.  went to sunny finished 350 piece puzzle hour half walked gym 2 safeway and then maria bought 2/$5 pizzas clearance loaf everything bread $1.  home i baked both ate one.  a pizza a day keeps the doctor away.  so good.  ultra thin crust chicken alfredo and chicken bacon ranch.  

i'm no longer afraid of my car-dream of abundant fields shepherds purse

for all i know the light bulb could be burned out.  but it seems the new gasoline in car is running better.  sounds stronger.  

when i got home yesterday peony shoots suddenly 4 inches tall.  i dreamed of fields of shepherds purse.  the chinese shop i checked out had a dish $15.  i may try it.  talked to little gloria looked online asia village corner shop pricey too.  

thurs windstorm in locker room.  steam must be from wed night.  lunch good open turkey sandwich leftover fruit and veg.  company sweet, little gloria, gloria, toki, alex, diane.

went to sunny vale stopped sprouts 25 cent water, lavender elderberry 99 cents.  going to car planter strip 2 large shepherds purse to cook with.  sprinking rain pulled up easily.  i put it in bucket hung in car.  finished potter puzzle 5 pieces missing.  home 3:38 missed young sheldon guessed game answer.  

opened can of lentil soup added faux crab lunch veg.  cooked burger 2 eggs i can eat tomorrow's b'fast.

omg

my back, shoulders, neck.  at seniors i swam an hour in tub with pool noodles playing water park ride.  i wore my gold crochet chiffon top over homemade raw silk shift.  such a beautiful day clear sunny bright.  lunch good.  gloria, little gloria, her friend julie, toki, diane.  alex was very late next table.  no one wanted to add.  rested digested no puzzle i decided to take harry potter 3 d back to sunny.  puzzled 'til 4 harder than i thought.   nob hill frozen dinner i wanted healthy choice steamer dish, 3 clearance broccoli cheese $1 each, black forest gummy fruit $5.  bed 9 pm.  

today i wear pink top over long raw silk shift.  even at 3 am i feel pretty good.  we'll see what the day brings.

slept 5-7.  showered at 24 unlimited hot water so relaxing.  seniors busy 20 minutes driving around to park.  spun brief, rinsed beads, charged chrome, sharpened pencils.  lunch lovely gloria, little gloria, toki, diane, alex.  tummy upset from almond milk or level of exercise.  walked maria safeway free baguette.  went to sunny library potter puzzle difficult.  wrapped it up home by 3:45 watched 'young sheldon'.  yay!  

check engine light out.  might be new gasoline fill up monday. 

costco gas

maybe 10 minutes.  busy but not the zoo of last night.  seniors so good.  lunch ok, company excellent.  toki, diane, alex and 2 men.  safeway bread and cheese.  mission library no room for puzzle so i gamed 22,231 points.  borrowed 'thundermans 2'.  home 4:30 i missed 'young sheldon' game so i guessed right.  

tummy upset-hidden trauma

2 egg frozen fried rice b'fast.  tried watching sunny copy 'ove' scratches preclude viewing.  too much skipping.  suicide hanging like grandpa.

basic hula video led me to youtube my 4 year old self and losing everyone who loved me when we moved to cali.  wow heavy in my heart.  the pain in my hips is pain from being ripped from hawaii, hula, family.  listening and watching the hulas i learned as a baby.  the fear pain uncertainty of moving here linked to the sudden cold.  

3 pm warmest part of the day i went gym hot tub.  energized to county lib exchanged scratched for good 'ove' video.  then jetted over to sunny 15 minutes to spare returned and borrowed harry potter 3 d 300 pc puzzle.  walked nob hill for dinner.  drove to costco gas crazy full traffic.  home 7 pm.

new for me.

loop listening to healing

wonderful restful.  watching 'young sheldon' fifth season 2021.  bringing up dad issues. 

tosted asiago foccacia with frozen chicken alfredo for b'fast.  i'm restoring my self.  memories of caring for dad and sickening my body.  sacrificing.  forgoing my health.  

3 pm i went to big lots for free soda found body shaper 2/$12.  decided to walk lucky's looking for free move coca cola.  walked store found one in case and i wanted unsalted chips less $3 rewards.  = $1.74.  still early showered went to sunny pick up movies.  perfect day.  

so good

lucky's saratoga 8 am no free no clearance.  seniors lots of hot water everything warm, gym, locker room, pools steamy for weekend.  lunch good.  went main elevator still broken.  parked in back shade.  picked up acer older model laptop.  playing healing music everywhere.  blessed am i.  

safeway bought 2, count 'em, 2 sushi 2 free water, 2 free beets, pretend crab.  so excellent dinner just what i wanted.

tomorrow i can do anything.  st just, taxes extended 10/15.  sunny.  

puzzle therapy

i started healing my back 2007.  i started out playing on senior puzzle to decompress my back leaning and stretching seated at the table.  gave me focus other than my painful back.  can only think of one thing at a time.  respite from my life.  sisters set on evicting me.  betrayal and more abuse.  feeling stupid for expecting decent treatment.

dropped off bartolo payment sprouts bakery maybe for cody bookmobile.  bought brownie bites gave him flax muffin.  and 10:50 he's here.  he said last week one time change in hours.  very busy.  gerde 11 am i helped her and she wanted to exchange coins for paper.  i joked my tips she agreed.  $11.63.  i gave her $12.  she complains all the time like dad.  i love her as i love dad.  i got her coffee.  went upstairs puzzle gone.  took 300 piece 'library cat' puzzle to main.  donut puzzle trashed again.  dollar tree delivery truck day.  i got home to watch 'young sheldon' enter contest.  i nuked lobster roll and patty.  pretty good.  

beginning of month blues

beautiful day i did my banking.