i exercised and stretched early. said hi to table and toke, ate my lunch in car listening to healing. decided to try calling tom. i expected to get v mail but he picked up. he kept saying he was worried. said he'd call me back he was going back to work. we'll see. not holding my breath. i'm living my autism.
got home 12:30 watched 'medium. heated quorn and soup. i was still hungry from tiny lunch. getting smaller and smaller. added chicken and can corn to soup.
rested watching 'poirot'.
my autism? for the first time i enjoyed thanks break. it gave me time to just be without criticism. and yet the new behavior of getting a ride to my check up comes with fear. i was always punished for most of my life and i'm afraid the habituated behavior will cause me to punish myself. may be what Cathy is doing with her stomach problems.
when mankind rapes the planet the results are global warming, covid, swine flu, bird flu, ebola, sars and it will continue until the ignorant builders learn to change the planet with respect.
i went to sunny vale and detoured to dollar store. from there i decided to go to gym 1.
i went to library to return movie that wouldn't play and borrowed 'Waltons' finally. i looked for 'Spencer's Mountain' no one has it. i considered going to gym and as i drove past st j picked up 2 bags of groceries. liquid smoke leaked strong smell. i started going to gym and remembered freebie egg bites at lucky's and bought broccoli. i forgot stamps again. so i came home, put away food watched 'concentration'. i decided i can go to gym tomorrow. i don't want to drive.
watching 'all about eve' is about human predators who never feel love or compassion. they lie and manipulate to acquire what they believe will make them happy but they are never happy. happiness isn't in things. material things are only symbols. they don't feel love and compassion so they are never able to feel happy. they hate and envy anyone who is happy.
capitalism is a predator system. the most successful predators acquire the most money without regard for the results of their actions. they destroy what stands in their way.
i thought yesterday was sat day because seniors closed. soaking in the hot tub relaxed me and talking with Walter for hour and half distracted me. so i forgot 'wheel' bonus puzzle entry until i was watching a new 'jeopardy' 7 pm. and i didn't feel guilty or stupid when i remembered it was Thursday. big win.
and today i decided to watch original 'concentration' and 'now you see it' 6-7 am 'classic concentration' 10 am. 'f troop' 11, noon 'medium' 'til 1. then i went to s v library for internet before 'wheel' 2 pm cut off. it was too slow for computing and gaming so i went to gym 2 and soaked stretched, home by 3. i carved turkey. my stomach upset at all the croissants i'm eating. my rheumatoid arthritis keeps me from over indulging.
i don't know. messages are showing up that have nothing to do with what i'm doing. yesterday's page wouldn't open and i bought chocolate croissant ate 2 toasted. so good. today i bought clearance bear claw bites and minis. and a half already roasted turkey breast. at seniors i called to check gift cards having been disappointed by my family and friends so so many many times i don't trust. and i still have $6.29 on card. i called care more for benefits and scheduled ride to yearly check up next month. i get 2 free round trips and unlimited doctors' uber trips.
yesterday i found tom's moon day v mail when i charged phone and usage alert. i'll call 27th phone time reset. when i think of all the times i rescued him and all the times he let me down i feel irritated. he wanted me to need him and failed me so so many many times.
i realized i can nuke veg and brown in toaster oven for roasted flavor without time the way i used to cook dad's potatoes.
alien and Cathy hated reading their journals while i've enjoyed seeing how much i've accomplished. i never thought i'd live past 16. mom threatened to kill me so so many times. once would have been enough. mom loved alien the liar manipulator. makes me wonder if Cathy is the replacement. she admitted she moved to Hawaii expecting a big inheritance. i wasn't paying attention.
thanks 11/25-i watched classic concentration and went to gym 2 planning to leave 12:30 to get to St Clare by 1. i got there early and as i walked up to a line Walter came around the corner. we talked 'til 2:30. so i didn't compute. i came straight home with small turkey, stuffing, cranberry, roll, cookie, veg. glad i didn't take 2. they ran out of food.
Walter is missing his dad. i'm blessed i don't miss the wolf pack.
feels like sat day so i forgot wheel until watching a new jeopardy. so i didn't die from my mistake. i'm ok.
i shampooed, showered, exercised, stretched then upstairs to compute and game. "let go, let god" i picked up lunch. i suddenly love playing mah-jongg. fry day i played 2 hours straight.
toke is better. the back issue kept her heavy she's looking thinner and walking better despite the pain. she used to have that obese rolling gait.
Eddie Murphy marathon; 'golden child' 1 pm, 'Pluto Nash' 3, 'meet Dave' 5. Heaven.
that's one good pandemic thing. wow, huge line for 10 am book sale. hope it makes us wiser. daily word 'free' i didn't decide to come 'til 9. dressed and here i am. i'm wearing tights not skirt or dress. i spent the entire time with parents constantly planning critical path management. my childhood. how to avoid disaster.
i came in checked for Kelly Howell none. looking up 'riptide' marathon this week i encountered Kelly Preston died of breast cancer didn't return to Hawaii for treatment. why?
strong signal slow computer response time. air traffic? i may be here awhile. i wanted to soak gym 2. i have all the time in the world. it's pch i got a message.
11:43 air conditioner finally kicking in. i checked again for healing found ukulele how to decided home for lunch and 'concentration'. 2:15 i decided st just pantry pick up given choice of turkey chose gift cards. home i put away 1 bag. 45 minutes total.
i cooked onion potatoes added tuna. with broccoli and cornbread i forgot i bought last weekend. unopened still great. b'fast was cornbread, broccoli, chicken enchilada soup.
sun 11/21-ok i did too much. i kept waking up stiff and sore every few hours. i'd stretch watching movies until i'd sleep to wake a few hours later to stretch. so i didn't get up 'til 8 to eat not hungry but needing to fuel my body. taking care of me. heat 2 min potato tuna broccoli cornbread. lunch toast micro eggs. i whip 2 with chop sticks nuke 2 minutes. even tho' i ate b'fast late at 11:30 my stomach or maybe my back telling me time to eat lunch.
Raymond Maes called re St clare dinner and back brace. i told him to go to Walmart. he has Kaiser now. we talked for an hour. he believes Rose Marie the liar and wants to visit her. she's looking for a free driver. he got my number from Gerde such a good predator. she's never called me.
i emptied my trunk for st just dinner pick up this weekend. so i showered exercised early. computed gamed 'til 11. picked up lunch sat in car ate listening to healing saw toke. all's right with the world. went to lucky's free cookie dough. home and rest. cooked 19 oz frozen fish. ate it all up. yum. i checked out garage freezer food burned so gradually to the garbage. i've decided buy food for one week only.
i decided to pay discover and found Cathy called twice to thank me for card. i'm delighted i can watch my shows and return call guilt free. i've never felt so free. when family called only needed something and third degree torture. Cathy has done more for me in 3 years i've known her than 70 years my entire family. she and toke my real family.
20/20 the strange case of 14 abused children that went on for 30 years and how predators continue. they are obsolete. the animals have been seen and a few prosecuted.
yesterday i spent 2 half hours talking with Walter. i'm holding my energy. frequently getting involved means taking on their energy that's how i survived my family. i process energy. like living here. renewing the energy here.
at seniors i showered exercised regular routine. 4 new movies bookmobile. ate lunch in car listening to healing didn't see toke. i went to walmart to pay p g e and buy nicotine gum and h2o2. i stood in line at pharmacy no key sent to customer service stood in line. sent back to pharmacy. waited 'til someone appeared and back standing in line pharmacy where wouldn't ring up. waited 'til clerk figured it out. finally done.
home i couldn't believe it was only 1:30. seemed like it took forever. i rested ate chili squash corn with whole bread. napped read magazines rested. i found 2 packages dove chocolates.
my right knee hurts when i sit and my right temple. the nerves are coming back online.
i already planned on another load soon. wonderful uneventful day. i love being. i used to feel unfulfilled without a lot of doing.
i showered, exercised, computed, picked up lunch talked with toke. she's still suffering with leg. i offered dad's cane in the car but she said too tall. i must have given the floral cane away. the 3 others are the same height.
dropped card post office suddenly remembered last day free frozen pizza safe way college store had clearance butter croissants too. home baked ate 3 meat pizza and lunch lettuce salad. opened drained canned mushrooms good. didn't need to open sliced black olives or pineapple. i ate senior lunch r b sandwich for dinner.
i'm watching movies i have. 'wholley moses' irreverent film has john ritter died stomach aneurism, richard pryor had so many problems. cast seemed doomed.
i took my time loading laundry and seniors i showered computed and exercised. free pizza safe way. i waited to pick up lunch put in car and went upstairs for games. after 2 hours i went to wash. no parking in back i parked front and ate my lunch. creamed chicken. home for 'love boat'.
the news makes me laugh. the space station is threatened by the junk they've dumped. humans can be so dumb thinking they're smart. they're astronauts not rocket scientists to believe they can disrespect outer space with no repercussions. littering in space.
i ferried in the wet laundry on my wheeled bucket. hanging the equivalent of 3 loads done in no time wearing my back brace protecting myself. that's so cool going to laundromat. washing 3 loads in 23 minutes not hours.
i ate mac cheese and patty. and i'm relaxing.
seniors loaded free lucky's drink. went thru' e mails, showered exercised. did too much yesterday couldn't find shirt. then it was in bag. Trudy have me dried persimmon while we were nu-stepping. upstairs gamed early. picked up lunch ate in car waiting for toke to give her glucosamine. she said she has some home. i take it every day. when alien stole mine for Dale Stone i hurt more.
went to lucky's 2 x points bought chips and slivered almonds. then america tire air pressure check Blanco did immediately and on to cup library pick up 'golden child' and 'meet Dave'. i borrowed 'coming to america' from sunny vale yesterday. an Eddie Murphy marathon.
i ate some of everything and gave myself nausea. probably the chips and dried persimmon. i'm sipping the free grapefruit drink. it works.
sat 11-13 i woke 4:30. i put on brace heated rice and meatloaf for b'fast cooked diced onions. added cubed zucchini, let cool added drained beans and can corn. complete protein for lunch. i guess that what succotash is supposed to be. i peeled cubed carrot. so sweet. i'm resting.
sun 11-14 oops i forgot to publish and open new page. i leisurely went to gym 2 and soaked. normal sweating 2 bottles water. too early for library i checked $tore but lack of product due to pandemic cargo problems, no burritos or c cough drops. drove to library still early. sat in car. had to pee went to sprouts and inari sushi 4/$3.99. lunch. 3 clearance supplements for hangover morning after. home for rest pacing myself and watching 'concentration.' warmed sushi. remembered i'm out of bread. double points lucky's. returned by 4:45 in time for 'love boat'. perfectly imperfect.
got to gym 2 about 8 am, shampooed and soaked half hour hot, then cold, again hot. felt so good stretching effortlessly. i took my time dressing sweating profusely then reclined just enough room with feet against wall. oh, so good. sunny vale library back to normal layout still masked. new computers but don't want to take a chance of timid google locking me out.
i borrowed a cookbook on avocados that has a zucchini bake recipe. i have a large zuke from st just pantry. i drained corn added to can chili chopped zucchini simmered microwave. so delicious and complete protein. after 3 helpings i napped an hour. probably the 2 half hours sweating wrung me out. lots of toxins released. my Louise Hay affirmations.
i read Louise Hay to sleep doing the affirmations. 4:30 am i watched special features for Wonder Woman 1984. i decided to watch the movie even tho' i don't like fighting. i abhor arguing. so much of comedy is yelling and berserk behavior. i like clever creative. jokes are going along a trail and taking a 90 o turn.
i went to seniors early. showered dressed computed exercised. went upstairs to game and following spirit i picked up lunch 11:15 and Gloria in passing said st Clare giving take out thanksgiving noon-2. i said hello to table my new social skill.
i decided to go to st just since tomorrow holiday. sign ups for thanksgiving and Christmas. pickup drive thru' weekend before 9-noon. 2 bags groceries 1 veg fruit. took an hour bring inside and put away. no fresh meat canned tuna and chicken. whew!! i still have 8 frozen drumsticks. i don't like cooking i like eating.
i love the extra hour. i'm better at living relaxed. i went and filled gas. i remembered. $4.159. up 16 cents from last month.
b'fast i ate roll and chicken Asian dressing. tasted weird. i prefer BBQ. @ seniors i called OTC to order from Sonja. no longer taking discover for overage so i ordered 3 back braces. 58 cents left. i showered dressed to exercise and no shoes. i must have left them fry day, not in car or bag. i checked lost and found nothing. i picked up lunch. sat in car to check discover for gift subscription and no record so i called customer service Becky. i had to re submit. i'm being gentle with myself.
i have to remind myself to drink lots of water. i think it the only thing keeping me healthy.
i'm still learning to take my time. after a lifetime of being driven old habits take time to reprogram. i ate sliced banana in milk for b'fast not setting well.
so many become addicts to drugs, behaviors, stupidity in an effort to ignore and deny the dysfunction of old programming that no longer works in a constantly changing world.
fascists hold on out of fear of survival. they generate anger to deny fear.
i sent auntie thank card. i can wait on Cathy. maybe i have b'day card big enough for auntie's book mark magnifier.
seniors i'm sitting listening in car you tube healing and eating weird mexican meatball lunch. chopped spinach with weird steamed cabbage carrot red bell pepper melange. i like sitting here watching the people. if only my hips didn't hurt.
drove to college safe way redeemed $5 for 8 clearance croissant. on to pay citibank and redeem lucky's free yogurt and bottle water. used rain check for ginger ale. tired and happy i went to chase but main atm down so i withdrew half. and home toke left 12 cost co butter croissant. i'm rich! i ate 4 for dinner and dessert. napped 2 half hours. ate free low sugar yogurt and free water. eh. i used to save for later.
11-6 sat-the new me @ noon. i've been up since 5:30 ate roll with soup, organized supplements for next week. i considered gym, what i want today. i'm gentle with myself. i don't want to drive. i wanted to order otc charged my phone. Cathy called yesterday 3:33 i returned call. she went to emergency 3 times just anemic. more doctors and tests.
11-7 sun-still don't want to drive. i want to clear and fix gutter. not now. i'm gentle with myself. the years i forced myself out of bed to haul ladders and take care of house kept me sick and pain filled. i took out garbage and recycle. next door left is taking all the parking. if i leave i may not have a spot to come back to. i'll fill gas tomorrow. my right temple is hurting but my neck shoulder is more relaxed. wheel makes me feel better. and willow.
i have a good routine going. i got to seniors 9:50 and visited bookmobile first. talking to Cody about magnets i realize gravity is magnetism on a denser scale. fascinating.
then shower listening to healing. i can open chrome and leave on ledge. charged and wheeled. site wouldn't work yesterday. mail preview auntie wrote. i'm so excited. means she's ok. so i came home directly.
she wrote she got ged. she couldn't attend high school working for family. i admire and respect how much harder it must have been. she said reading reader's digest taught her. even more impressive. self taught like lincoln.
my back and hips still hurt from all that driving. feeling nausea i'm eating fruit drops. under the nausea i feel pinched hip nerves through abdomen.
yesterday i focused on my meeting. came home after college safe way free pizza pick up. cooked on foil. ate tiny chicken mole lunch and pizza. brushed my teeth, lay down 'til 3, dressed, drove San Tomas to Hamilton half hour despite weather. early i sorted papers. checked in.
hour and half sitting in hard chairs excruciating. on survey i suggested break halfway through. dr coyle started with pain level survey so he knew most of us were in pain. i don't understand. is he a sadist? doesn't encourage me.
i couldn't keep sitting drove to corner good will walked the store felt better. checking in with my back and energy i picked up nicotine gum. whew!
so tired. left side of my face and ear so ticklish it's annoying. right side is feverish and sore. taking willow helps. left index finger hurts sharp pain. pinched nerves.
i'm feeling sad. mom made me feel being born was a mistake.
i took a look at gutter again and it isn't fastened to all eaves. so much for gutter guys co. i've been thinking about gutter guards. leaf filters isn't the only way to go. a mesh tube would work too. and be easily removable.
i couldn't play wheel the site didn't work. i think i ordered daily words for auntie and Cathy, i hope.
