QUITE OK

I FELT GOOD UNTIL I OPENED MY BILLS.  THE RESPONSIBILITIES ARE ONEROUS.

TOO MUCH FOR TOO LONG.  I GUESS I'M FEELING ALONE.  I'M FEELING A LITTLE SAD.  I HAVE THE ENERGY TO FEEL SAD. 

ON MY WAY HOME.I SAW GRACIE AT HOMESTEAD KIELY BUS STOP.  I ASKED HER 'FRIEND' ABOUT HER THIS WEEK AND HE SAID SHE'S SUICIDAL I ASKED WHAT HE DID ABOUT IT HE TOLD THE CHURCH PASTOR,   WHAT A WIMP LIKE I THOUGHT.  HE BLAMES HER SON.  SAYS SHE'S CRAZY.  I TOLD HIM ASIAN MEN ARE SPOILED HE DENIED IT.  YEAH, RIGHT LIKE I HAVEN'T TWO EYES AND EARS.  WHEN I MET HIM I KNEW HE WAS WORTHLESS SELFISH ASIAN MAN USING GRACIE.  MAKES ME WONDER IF HE'S WHY SHE DOESN'T COME ANYMORE.

I HAD LUNCH, PUZZLED AND WENT TO MISS TO CHECK CHROME IN AND OUT.  BEA SAID I HAD 3 HOLDS AT CENTRAL I WENT TO PICK UP. 

IT'S BEEN MILD 64 o s.  MAYBE I'LL CHECK OUT YARD TOMORROW MAYBE NOT. 

READY, SET, GO

I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.  5 HOURS SLEEP.  I'M FINDING I SLEEP WHEN I'M TIRED.  PEOPLE WORRY ABOUT SLEEP.  I CAN SLEEP WHEN I WANT LIKE A BIG BABY.

I'M FREE.

ARRIVED SENIORS I DON'T KNOW.  TOOK MY TIME.  I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WANTED TO GO.  I DECIDED I'D DRESS, GET IN THE CAR AND SEE.  SATURDAY I GOT DRESSED AND UNDRESSED.  I CAN DO WHAT I WANT AND I EVEN STOPPED JUDGING MYSELF.

GOOD DAY

I EXERCISED 10;30 BOUGHT PANDA EXPRESS $8.94 2 ENTREES AND CHOW MEIN FOR LUNCH WATCHING REVENGE PINK PANTHER.  ANDREW SACHS PLAYS HERCULE POIROT IN LOONY BIN SO I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE REALLY SOUNDS LIKE.  I ENJOYED MYSELF.  I NAPPED A COUPLE HOURS, HAD WHOPPER FOR DINNER.  HEAVENLY. 

TYGJ.

I LIKE IT

I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 5.  SORE AND ITCHY FROM BIKING.  AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO.  I DON'T HAVE THE IMPETUS OF FEAR OR GUILT TO DRIVE ME TO EXERCISE OR THE LIBRARY.

I AM READY FOR MY BURGER AT 9;30.

I WATCHED 12TH LAST SEASON BIG BANG ALL AFTERNOON.  5 PM I WENT 8 MI TO CAMPBELL RETURNED AND PICKED UP BOOKS AND DVD.  STOPPED HAMILTON BURGER KING MORE EXPENSIVE NOT HOT FRESH AS MUCH LETTUCE ONIONS PICKLES.  HOME 6;30.  THE LATEST OUT DRIVING AND I FEEL GOOD

.

PLAYING

I WENT WALGREEN'S SMOKES, $ANTA MOUTHWASH NO KETTLE CHIPS.  OH, WELL.  I MAY EXERCISE I MAY NOT.  I'M DEFINITELY PLAYING.  WOO HOO....

I PICKED UP SMOKES AT WALGREEN'S, MOUTHWASH AND CORN CHIPS $STORE.

I PUZZLED AND PHYLLIS BROUGHT MARIE CALENDAR PUMPKIN PIE.  NOT AS GOOD AS I REMEMBER.  I IGNORED HELEN AND MARILYN.  HURRAH!!

I SHOWERED AND BIKED.  WALTER SHOWED UP.  WE TALKED ABOUT HIS DAD AND MY DAD AND CATHERINE LIBRARIAN BUTTED IN LIKE WE WERE TALKING WITH HER.  SO RUDE.  I WENT TO RESTROOM.  WHEN I CAME BACK SHE WAS DONE.  I DON'T LIKE HER ANY MORE.  I LIKE EVERYONE UNTIL THEY BETRAY, DISRESPECT ME. 

I TALKED WALTER THROUGH SOME OF HIS SADNESS.  I CAN SEE HOW FAR I'VE COME AND I STILL HAVE A LITTLE WAY TO GO. 

I WANT A JOB.  I WANT THE STRUCTURE.  I CAN'T SEE SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WAITING TO DIE WHEN I CAN STILL BE OF SERVICE, 

VERY RELAXED

I WENT TO EXERCISE AT 8 AND FELT LIKE STAYING ALL DAY.  I CAN DO IT SATURDAY.  SENIORS AT 10 WAS VERY RELAXING.  I LISTENED TO SECRET CD AND PUZZLED.  NOT HAVING TO LISTEN TO MARILYN AND HELEN IS HEAVENLY. 

I COLLECTED THE DVD'S FOR LIBRARIES.  TOMORROW CITY AND SATURDAY COUNTY.  I'M DOING OK. 

I HAVE LITTLE TOMATOES ON MY PLANT.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

I WOKE 6.  AT 8 I MADE LOADED OATMEAL SUNFLOWER SEEDS DRIED CHERRY PINEAPPLE.

I'M WATCHING THE 4 CHRISTMAS DVD'S I GOT YESTERDAY AT MAIN.

10;30 ATE TURKEY JERKY.  I WANT CHOW MEIN I DON'T FEEL LIKE DRIVING.  I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GO TO GET IT.

I CALLED WALTER TO SEE WHAT HE WAS DOING.  HE'S PLANNING ON TAKING THE BUS TO PALO ALTO CHURCH.  I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S NOT DRIVING. 

I DROVE TO CUPERTINO SAFEWAY NO HOT BAR, DELI.  NO CHOW MEIN.  I DROVE TO PANDA EXPRESS MARIA CLOSED.  SAFEWAY ACROSS STREET NOTHING BUT I FOUND SHINY DIME.  I ENDED UP AT TONG SOON $13 ONE ORDER I ATE AT 3 FOR LUNCH AND DINNER. 

CATHY SENT ME TEXT WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD I CALLED HER ON HER WAY OUT TO PICK UP LO MEIN GOING TO HER MOM. 

I WATCHED 3 CHRISTMAS DVD'S. 

8 YEAR OLD FLASHBACK

MY BACK IS ACHY AILEEN BEAT ON ME LIKE MOM BEAT ON HER LIKE DAD BEAT ON HER.  PECKING ORDER.  MOM WENT TO WORK.  I HAD TO WAIT FOR AILEEN TO COME HOME TO LET ME IN.  SHE ALWAYS TOOK OFF WITH FRIENDS.  I BECAME CONSCIOUS AND WATCHFUL FOCUSED ON SURVIVAL.  MITZI WENT TO BABYSITTER AND EMOTIONALLY HYPOCHONDRIAC.

I WOKE TO OLD DREAD.  THAT'S WHEN I STARTED HATING WAKING UP.  MOM'S ANXIETY ON KEEPING HER JOB.  THERE WERE NO JOBS FOR HER BACK HOME THAT'S WHY WE CAME HERE TO CALIFORNIA TO GET HER JOB.  SHE NEVER TRUSTED DAD TO TAKE CARE OF HER.  HE WAS ALCOHOLIC LIKE HER BROTHERS.  SHE HATED HOUSEWORK BEING HOUSEWIFE.  MOM WANTED TO BE LIKE DIVORCED AUNTIE HIDEKO WORKING.  AND AILEEN AND MITZI REPEATING PATTERN.  POOR AILEEN HAD TO DIVORCE LARRY.

UNCLE KATSUGI FOUND DAD A CARPENTER JOB AND AUNTIE KIYO WORKED AS SECRETARY TOO.  MOM HAD KIDS TO COMPETE WITH HER SIBLINGS.  MY FIRST TWO YEARS GRANDMA TOOK CARE OF ME SO MOM COULD WORK.  MOM WAS ALWAYS AFRAID DAD WOULD KILL HIMSELF LIKE DAD'S FATHER HUNG HIMSELF IN THE FRONT YARD THE FIRST YEAR THEY WERE MARRIED SAVING FOR A DOWN PAYMENT FOR THEIR OWN HOME.  DAD'S FATHER DRANK HIMSELF TO CANCER NEVER WORKED.  MOM SOUNDED LIKE SHE WAS PROUD OF HIS NEVER WORKING AND SHE'D BUY HIM BEER.  MOM COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HER MOTHER IN LAW NOT APPROVING.  OR MAYBE IT WAS SCHADENFREUDE.

very nice day.  not many people showed up lots of left overs. 

FEAR ANXIETY

LEAVING ME.  I FEEL EXHAUSTED AND EMPTY.  A LIFETIME OF FEAR IN THIS HOUSE.  IN EVERY NOOK AND CRANNY AND ESPECIALLY IN THIS BEDROOM.  I WOULD FEEL NUMB.  THE NEUROPATHY WAS SURVIVAL DEFENSE.  THIS HOUSE WAS INSTILLED WITH FEAR.

I DREAMED OF BUGSO COMFORTING ME WHEN ART ARMSTRONG GIVES AWAY MY CHRIST MAS GIFTS AND I HAVE TO RETRIEVE THEM.  MY EMPTINESS.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

WHILE I LIKE FIXING THINGS I'VE NEVER ENJOYED FIXING PEOPLE.  I REFUSE.  AND YET THEY COME TO ME.  TOM WILL NEVER FIND THE PERFECT WOMAN.  HE HAS TOO MANY FOREVER FEMALES.  NIECES SISTERS COUSINS AND THEIR OFFSPRING.  LIKE RABBITS.  DEANA MUST BE REBELLING AGAINST HIS ENMESHED FAMILY.  HE ACCUSED ME OF TRYING TO CHANGE HIM WHEN I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.

OH, WELL.  HE MUST HAVE LEARNED IT FROM HIS DAD.

I'M ENJOYING GOING IN AT 9, 10 O'CLOCK.  TODAY 10;30. 

WHAT I NEED

I NEED LOVE AND I DESERVE LOVE.  I'M WORKING ON IT.  ANY DAY NOW.

I LISTENED TO THE SECRET CD ALL AFTERNOON.  I CHECKED TO SEE IF I COULD FIND THE LITTLE SPEAKERS TOM GAVE ME.  NO.  I PUT IN IN THE DVD PLAYER AND IT WORKED.  IT WOULDN'T PLAY LOUISE HAY CD. 

I RESTED ALL DAY FROM YESTERDAY EXERCISE AND LAUNDRY. 

I MADE AND ATE BOX OF MAC AND CHEESE IN THE QUICK COOKER.  DELICIOUS.

PLAN

I WOKE 3;30, 4;30 WATCHED HOT IN CLEVELAND NAPPED 'TIL 10.  WATCHED SOME MORE DID MY SUPPLEMENTS.

I DREAMED DAD WAS RIDING A BANANA SEAT BIKE DEAD HEADING THE ROSES.  I ATTACH A PLASTIC BAG TO HIS HANDLEBARS.  I MAKE EVERYONE'S LIFE BETTER.  I'M RESOLVING MY EMOTIONAL ISSUES.

I CAN DO LAUNDRY, BUY DINNER LUCKY'S 3 X POINTS GET MY BK CARD.  CHECK WALMART OR DO MAINTENANCE.  I ALREADY PUT TOGETHER SUPPLEMENTS FOR THE WEEK.

2 PM I WENT ARQUES,  WASHED MY HAIR AND WAS GOING FAIR OAKS LAUNDRY WHEN I CHECKED WOLFE HAD PARKING AT FRONT DOOR.  MACHINES BUSY I WAITED AND PEOPLE WATCHED.  $2.75 DOUBLE LOAD.  I RETRIEVED SOURDOUGH BREAD FROM TRUNK AND FOUND HALF TURKEY SANDWICH FROM LAST MONTH.  THANKSGIVING HONEY BAKED. 

I ONLY HAVE ONE PAIR OF WALGREEN'S SWEATPANTS.  THEY'VE STOLEN ALL THE REST.  I HAVE 4 PAIR BLACK WORK OUT PANTS.  OH, WELL.

I'M HAVING FUN LIVING MY OWN LIFE.

PHYSICS AND METAPHYSICS

FOR THE FIRST TIME I FEEL I'M LIVING MY LIFE.  I DON'T OWE MY LOYALTY TO ANY ONE OR THING.  ME ME ME.

NOT FINDING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE FOR CHRISTMAS.  I WON'T BUY JUNK FOR ANYONE JUST TO GIVE THEM JUNK.  I DON'T DO THAT.  MY LIFE MUST HAVE MEANING.  I DON'T MAKE MEANINGLESS GESTURES.  I DON'T SPEAK TO HEAR MYSELF.

I CAN'T FIND PRESENTS TO BUY, I ALREADY HAVE THEM.  ALL THE GOOD I BOUGHT THIS SUMMER.  SOCKS, A D CREAM, AND I FOUND CANS OF MIXED NUTS, PROTEIN DRINK MIX.  I CAN WRAP AT THE LIBRARY. 

FEELING THE HEALING

THAT'S THE REASON FOR EXISTENCE.

I'M WATCHING ABOMINABLE.  LOTS OF SPECIAL FEATURES.  HOW TO MAKE A PAPER LANTERN.  THE BEST PART OF DVD.  BESIDES WATCHING FAVORITE BITS OVER AND OVER.

4 AM DREAM OF BIG WHITE BOARD LIKE 'BIG BANG' OR 'CLOSER' CHRONICLING MY LIFE.  AT FIRST I WANT TO ERASE MY PAST BUT I WANT TO REMEMBER WHAT I'VE LEARNED SO I GET A NEW ROLLING BLANK WHITE BOARD.  NEW ADVENTURES AND TREASURES.

LOTS OF GREAT LUNCH AND LEFTOVERS.  TURKEY, STUFFING, CRANBERRY SAUCE, GREEN MESCLA SALAD PECAN PEAR CRANBERRY, ROASTED RED POTATOES,

UNLIKE MY LIFE.

DOING WHAT I LIKE WHEN I LIKE.

I WENT TO G2 THEN CHECKED $SUNNYVALE.  2 CHIPS.  $SANTA ZERO.  IF I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING AT CAMPBELL OH,WELL. 

CRUISED INTO SENIORS 9;30 AND WAITED FOR THE BOOKMOBILE.  SO RELAXED FROM HOT TUB. 

I SPENT MOST OF MY LIFE TENSE NOT EVEN KNOWING LIFE COULD BE DIFFERENT. 

I DON'T OWE ANYONE.  I'M FREE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE.  AND IT JUST GETS BETTER. 

living vs acting

JUST WATCHED GERTRUDE LAWRENCE BIOPIC JULIE ANDREWS.  SHOWCASE FOR THE PERFORMERS NOT AUDIENCE.

I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD AND I FEEL GREAT.  NOT A WHISPER OF ANXIETY OR FEAR.  I REJOICE.  I FEEL CALM AND ASSURED.

I WENT TO COSTCO FOR GAS AND CONTINUED TO ARQUES 24 TOOK MY TIME AND WENT TO SENIORS 9;30 PLENTY OF PARKING.  I WAS OVER THE MOON.  ALEX GAVE ME NEWSPAPER FOR MILK, GERDA GAVE ME TIN OF BUTTER COOKIES, ART BAG OF TREATS. 

GOOD DAY

FIRST DAY OF POOL SHUT DOWN.  LOTS OF OPEN PARKING. 

I NU STEPPED HALF HOUR AND SHOWERED.  CENTER CLOSING SHOWERS TOMORROW SO I'LL GET GAS AND SHOWER 24 FITNESS. 

I NEEDED REST YESTERDAY.  TODAY WAS GOOD.  I WENT TO UPDATE CHROME AT MISSION.  READ THE PAPER.  IT WAS SO HOT THERE.  HOME 4;30.

I MISS CATHY.  SHE FLEW OUT TODAY.  SHE GAINED 3 HOURS MINUS THE 5 HOUR FLIGHT. 

HAWAIIAN FUNERAL

MOM SEASON 4 DISC 3.  THAT'S WHY WW CALLED 1999 WHEN DAD DIED AND FOR SURE AILEEN TOLD HIM.  I'M RESTING ALL DAY DRIFTING IN AND OUT OF SLEEP OR IS IT.  LUCID MEDITATION.

THE DREAM IN WHICH I FORGAVE WW AND FREED MYSELF OF ALL ATTACHMENT.

I FINALLY STAYED AWAKE 4 PM.  I'M SO USED TO FORCING MY BODY LISTENING TO IT IS NEW. 

I'M WATCHING LIVE WELL NETWORK 'MOTION' TRAVEL SHOW; KALALAU TRAIL/BEACH KAUAI HAWAII.  5 DAY MAX LICENSE CAMPING. 

I'M FINISHING MY LETTER TO AUNTIE FOR CHRISTMAS.  AND CATHY'S CARD. 

MOM

SO FUNNY.

ROYAL WEDDING COLLECTION JAMES BROLIN SAYS DOG IS MAN'S BEST FRIEND BECAUSE HE WAGS HIS TAIL NOT HIS TONGUE, PLOW AROUND THE STUMPS.

GOOD ADVICE.

I ATE MASH H B POTATOES AND SOURDOUGH BREAD FOR BREAKFAST.  I FORGET WHAT I HAVE.  QUINOA AND SOUP FOR LUNCH.  I FIGURED GOING TO CENTRAL IS HALF MILE SHORTER THAN MISSION. 

MMM...

PANERA.   I TRIED TURKEY APPLE SALAD SANDWICH.  SO GOOD.  TODAY WAS LAST DAY FOR FREE BIRTHDAY PASTRY, CHERRY BRITTANY.  I FORGOT I WANTED TO TRY ALMOND CROISSANT. 

THE FAREWELL

CENTRAL HAD IT SO I WENT AND WATCHED IT.  I CRIED.  SEEING ASIANS AND THE ASIAN AMERICANS NOT A WHITEY TO BE SEEN.  NOT EVEN IN A MINOR ROLE.  I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT IT IN CRAZY, RICH ASIANS CONSTRUCTED LIKE A WESTERN FILM.  FAREWELL WAS DEFINITELY ASIAN THROUGH AND THROUGH.  I NEVER NOTICED BEFORE. 

KELLY

BE KRAZEE.  SHE WORRIES ABOUT EVERYTHING AND TOLD ME HER SIDE OF A PHONE/TEXT ROMANCE SHE'S HAVING.  SHE HASN'T MET HIM.  TWO MONTHS NOW.

I'M DOING PRETTY GOOD.  MY ARMS WERE SORE BUT I SWAM AN HOUR AND I FEEL GOOD.  EUPHORIC EVEN.  I LET MY PREFERENCE BE KNOWN TO 2 WOMEN TALKING LONG DISTANCE IN THE LOCKER ROOM AND SUGGESTED THEY STAND TOGETHER TO CONVERSE PREFERRED TO SHOUTING ACROSS THE ROOM.  I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THEIR CONVERSATION AND DON'T LIKE THE ECHOING VOICES. 

ROSE AND ELSIE AT LUNCH.  I CAN TAKE ONE NOT BOTH.  GERDA GAVE ME HER FISH.  SHE'S GOING GAMBLING TOMORROW. 

SU GAVE ME A STINKY BLK/GRY DRIED FOOD SWEATER WITH A 2 XL  STICKER FROM SOMETHING WITH RED FIBERS.  SO INSULTING TO GIVE IT AS NEW AND LIKE I'M TOO DUMB TO KNOW.  THE BEST PART WAS THE PLASTIC BAG IT CAME IN EXCEPT IT STANK UP MY CAR.  I HAD TO PUT IT ALL IN TRUNK.

.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

CAME OUT 2018 I DIDN'T LIKE BECAUSE I WAS SICK.  I DIDN'T KNOW IT'S BASED IN REALITY.  THE NEW ISSUE HAS SPECIAL FEATURES THAT EXPLAIN AND CLARIFY THE CHOICES MADE.

sitting

I'M CHECKING PCH.  I DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE GET TO SENIORS HALF HOUR EARLY AND SIT IN THE COLD AND DARK WHEN THEY COULD BE SITTING COMFORTABLY IN THEIR CARS.

I'M FEELING NEUTRAL.  MOST OF MY TYPING IS RIGHT HANDED.  MY SHOULDER AND ARM HAND FINGERS FEELS WEIRD.  OH WELL.

TYPICAL TOM TOLD ME INACCURATE.  HE FILLED OUT NEW APPLICATION IN PO.  RENEWALS ARE ALL DONE BY MAIL.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  AND IT'S $110.  HE PAID $16 FOR PO PHOTOS.  I CANCELLED TOMORROW NEW APPLICATION APPOINTMENT.

I'M HOME EXHAUSTED.

I SLEPT

THROUGH THE NIGHT.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I DID TO SLEEP SO SOUNDLY.  WHEN I WOKE MY HIPS HURT AND LAST NIGHT MY RIGHT HAND HAD TREMBLES FROM MY RIGHT NECK/SHOULDER.  WHEN I COULD KEEP THE MUSCLES STRETCHED AND RELAXED THE TREMORS WENT AWAY.  NOW MY RIGHT ARM FEELS BOUND AGAIN.  ACHY.  RIGHT SHOULDER SORE.  COULD BE FROM MY TAILBONE.  RIGHT HIP.

I USE MY TREMBLING FINGER THE MOST.  TYPING AND MANEUVERING AROUND THE

WHAT I LEARNED 1972; THE BIGGEST PAIN IS ALL YOU FEEL.  THE LESSER PAIN ISN'T NOTICED EVEN THOUGH THE DAMAGE MAY BE WORSE. 

WATCHING BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN WE'RE ALL ON A JOURNEY NOT ARRIVED.  THAT'S A PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF NO REASON FOR HUBRIS.  I'M WATCHING THE DOCUMENTARY BECAUSE OF BLINDED BY THE LIGHT.  BASED ON A TRUE STORY. 

TAKING TO JIMMY KIMMEL BRUCE TALKS ABOUT OSMOSIS.  KEN KEYES 100 MONKEYS.

I WAS TALKING TO KELLY ABOUT THINK AND GROW RICH NAPOLEON HILL RECOMMENDED READING BIOGRAPHIES. 

I'M FEELING WHIMSICAL

A LITTLE IN LOVE WITH YESTERDAY. 

I NEEDED CLING WRAP AND STOPPED AT $STORE.  GOT 2.5 GAL, ONLY HAD 1 BAG KETTLE CHIPS, HUGE SPATULA AND COLORED PENS TOO. 

TODAY WAS SANTA'S PANCAKE SAUSAGE BREAKFAST.  15 FAMILIES CANCELLED JOANNE INVITED ME.  I ATE HALF.  I EXERCISED, WENT TO SPROUTS FOR BUY ONE GET TWO KETTLE CHIPS.  WENT TO CENTRAL TO READ PAPERS AND CHARGE CHROME.  ATE PANCAKE SAUSAGE CHIPS FOR LUNCH.  LOVELY WARM ON RAINY DAY. 

HOME BY 5 RESTED AND RELAXED.

IT'S ME

I'VE BEEN UP SINCE 3.  I LIKE HAVING TIME TO DO WHAT I WANT.  WATCHED MOM DVD.  MADE OATMEAL AND HAM.  I THINK LAST NIGHT'S BBQ RIBS WOKE ME.

I LUCID DREAMED I VISITED WILLIAM IN HEAVEN.  HIS BUNGALOW.  I FOUND MAGAZINE WITH PICTURE OF FINISHED LATCH HOOK RUG I STARTED AND DONATED.  IT HAD SEQUINED FISH IN PAISLEY CENTER.  HE'S OK.

YESTERDAY YOUNG MEXICAN MAN APPROACHED ME IN HONEY BAKED PARKING LOT FOR BATTERY JUMP FOR HIS VAN.  HE WAS FURTHER DOWN THE STREET IN THE NEXT PARKING LOT SO I OFFERED TO CALL TRIPLE A BUT HE SAID HE WAS IN A HURRY AND LEFT.  BY THE TIME I WENT INTO STORE HE'D FOUND SOMEONE ELSE.

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING ME FOR HELP.  MUST BE MY FACE.

BEST DAY EVER.  I CHARGED CHROME IN GYM AND CUT INTERNET CONNECTION WIPING ALL SETTINGS.  WALTER SHOWED UP BEFORE LUNCH AND STAYED ALL AFTERNOON.  LUNCH SANG TO ME.  WALTER MADE APPOINTMENT FOR ME AT AGNEW PO AND TOM CALLED SINGING.  TOM DID WALK IN TO MAIN DESK TO RENEW PASSPORT.  I HAVE APPOINTMENT FOR BACK UP.  I PUZZLED 'TIL 4;30 WHEN WALTER REMINDED ME I WENT FOR ROUND TABLE AND DENNY'S FREEBIES.  DELICIOUS.

BEST DAY EVER.

SORE

FROM RUNNING AROUND YESTERDAY.  MAYBE IT'S THE BOURBON BREAD PUDDING.  I WOKE WITH A STOMACH ACHE THAT WENT AWAY EATING OATMEAL. 

I STAYED THIRSTY ALL DAY AND DRANK MY TURMERIC PROTEIN SHAKE.  I REALIZED I DON'T HAVE MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME BECAUSE GRANDMA RAISED ME FIRST TWO YEARS AND UNTIL I WAS 4 AND WE LEFT HAWAII I WAS EVERYBODY'S DARLING.  AND AT 8 I IDENTIFIED WITH CINDERELLA DUE TO BEING MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR COOKING AND CLEANING, 

I WENT TO COUNTY AND GOT ANOTHER COPY OF KELLY HOWELL'S SUBLIMINAL CD.  I CONSIDERED WHAT I WANTED TO DO NEXT AND WENT TO HONEY BAKED AND BOUGHT THE SAMPLER.  INSPIRED. 

THEN ON TO CENTRAL.  I PAID PROPERTY TAX.  THE FEE IS SEPARATE FOR EACH INSTALLMENT SO I DID ONE.  IF I COULD HAVE SAVED ONE FEE I WOULD HAVE PAID IT ALL.  9 BUCKS IS 9 BUCKS.  I'LL GET POINTS.

I ATE LEFT OVER LUNCH, EH.  AND HONEY BAKED RIBS 4 PRETTY GOOD.  SLEEPY.

AQUA SMOKES TASTE BAD.  I PREFER THE ORGANIC GOLD.

TOMORROW ST NICHOLAS DAY.

CLEAN UP THERAPY

I STARTED LOOKING THROUGH MY THINGS.  I HAVE SO MUCH.  THEY HAVE SO MUCH AND YET CONTINUE TO STEAL FROM ME.  I FOUND A BRAND NEW LAP BLANKET STILL FOLDED IN PACKAGE.  I CONSIDERED GIVING IT TO WALTER SINCE HE DIDN'T TAKE THE LAST BLANKET I GOT FROM ST CLARE'S.  I DESERVE NEW TOO.

I'M WATCHING THE BACKGROUND TO 'IT'S A  WONDERFUL LIFE' FROM THE SHORT STORY 'THE GREATEST GIFT' SHORT STORY BY PHILLIP VAN DOREN STERN.  I WANT TO READ THE ORIGINAL.

BOOKMOBILE WAS FINE.  I RETURNED 1 AND FOUND 1.

WALTER CAME BY SENIORS I GAVE HIM LOCOMOTIVE ENGINE AND ASKED IF HE WANTED A LEOPARD SNUGGLE.  HE DOESN'T LIKE THE SLEEVES OR PRINT.

I LEFT AT 1;30 FOR 3 FLAMES TO HEAR VITALITY MEDICARE.  HOUR & HALF.  THEY'VE ONLY EXISTED 2 YEARS.  2 OF 5 SIGNED UP LAST YEAR AND COULDN'T GET THEIR QUESTIONS ANSWERED ANY OTHER WAY.  I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

I STOPPED AT $.99 SAN CARLOS AND $DOLLAR TREE.  CELERY, CAULIFLOWER, 2 SOUPS, 3 HOT PINK 2 X TEES.  AND THEN WALGREEN'S SMOKES.  HOME.

I FOUND LITTLE PURPLE BAG IN MY GYM LUGGAGE.

STILL HAVEN'T FOUND PURPLE BAG

I WONDER IF THEY STOLE IT.  TIME FOR A NEW BAG. 

4 AM

I HAVE ALL THE TIME I NEED.  I GOT TO SENIORS 15 MINUTES EARLY EXERCISED AND WENT TO CARLOS' HE BROUGHT ME BACK AND I HAD SUNDAY'S PAPER FROM ART.  LUNCH WAS GOOD BEEF AND GRAVY, BAKED POTATO, SPINACH, BREAD STICK.  I PUZZLED, ALEX GAVE ME TODAY'S PAPER.  2 PM I CALLED CARLOS.  READY.  $153 ON DISCOVER POINTS.  SO MUCH MORE MANAGEABLE.  BACK BY 2:30 TO PUZZLE 'TIL 5;30.

HOME 5 I MADE AND ATE LINGUINE WITH HOT DOGS AND BEST MUSHROOM OLIVES SAUCE.

HEAVEN.

I WAS TERRIFIED.  I'M BETTER.

UP SINCE 5

WOKE WITH TERROR.  NOTHING NEW.  MY CHILDHOOD WAS ONE OF DREAD.  I FELT SAFEST AWAY FROM HERE.

'IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE' WAS ON TV LAST NIGHT.   I WENT TO BED SLEEPY TIRED.

I'M STILL GETTING USED TO LIVING MY OWN TIME UN REGIMENTED BY WHAT I THINK I NEED TO DO, WHEN TO GO.  A NEW LEVEL OF FREEDOM.  I DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT.  I CAN'T WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT.  I HAVE TO JUST BE WITH IT.  I'VE LIVED MY LIFE ACCORDING TO THE DICTATES OF WHAT EVERYONE ELSE EXPECTED.  IT GIVES ME THE SHIVERS.  I'M IN BED WATCHING 'MOM' SHIVERING AND SHAKING OUT THE OLD ME.  APPROPRIATE TO WATCH PEOPLE CHANGING, GROWING INTO NEW LIVES.

AFTER LUNCH AND HALF HOUR NAP I WATCHED THE EPISODE HER DAD DIES.  AT LEAST HE WAS HAPPY.  MY DAD MADE HIMSELF AND US MISERABLE.  MARJORIE ASKED CHRISTY HOW SHE WAS DOING AND SHE SAYS SHE DOESN'T KNOW SHE HASN'T HAD TIME AND I STARTED CRYING.  I NEVER HAD TIME AND NO ONE EVER ASKED.

I WENT G2 2;30 IN THE RAIN.  I CHECKED $TORE FOR CHRISTMAS PRESENTS ZERO AND CAME HOME 4;40 BEFORE DARK.