4th DAY 90o

I CAN'T TELL IF IT'S BETTER OR I'M BECOMING USED TO IT.

THE THREE SPRAINS ON THE LEFT FOOT AND THE 2014 ON THE RIGHT MUST BE CORRECTING ITSELF. 

THAT'S ALL I CAN FIGURE.

DESPITE 90o HEAT.

3rd DAY

MY FEET ARE SOOOOOO SORE.  I HAVE TO WEAR THE ARCH SUPPORTS TO BARELY BE ABLE TO WALK.  LFT CALF IS BOUND.  RT IS SORE. 

REMINDS ME AT 21 AFTER THE FALL, MY FEET HURT.  ALL I COULD WEAR WAS ONE PAIR OF SANDALS.  I WORE SUPPORT HOSE TO KEEP MY LEGS FROM ACHING.  I WAS TAKING LOBSTER HOT BATHS 3 TIMES A DAY.  MY LEFT ARM ACHED TO THE POINT I KEPT IT IN A SLING FOR A WEEK.  AND THE MIGRAINE HEADACHES!!!

I'M SUFFERING AND IMPROVING. 

SRS MAINT.

YESTERDAY STARTED TUBBING AT 24.  G2 WILL CLOSE THUR AND I'LL GO TO G1. 
I STAYED IN AT SRS FROM THE HEAT.  RESTED.  SUNDAY I PICKED A GROCERY BAG FULL AVOCADOS.  WHEW!!  HARD WORK.  T SAID THE GIRLS WOULD BE AT D'S FOR CORN PANCAKES.  AND TODAY I PAY.  LAST NITE I AWOKE EVERY TWO HRS.  TODAY SUCH PAIN IN RT HIP, ACROSS BACK. 

OH, WELL.  SO I'M SLEEPY.  AFTER 24 TUB I'M SOMEWHAT BETTER.  I WAS NAUSEATED SO AT LUCKY'S I GOT GRAPEFRUIT AND CRACKERS. 

MY FEET HURT SOOOO BAD.

more anxiety

AND I DON'T WANT TO SMOKE TODAY.  SO WHAT DO I DO??

DW-FREE.  I ACCEPT.  FREE FROM BAD HABITS.  FREE FROM SELF SABOTAGE LOYALTY TO FAMILY.  FREE FROM ANXIETY.

I WENT G-ARQUES AT 7:30 AM, SAVERS.  I FOUND MY ONE AND ONLY MICHAEL KOORS TEE 6, CLOGS 6, FAN 3.2.  I USED MY ONE TIME 20 o/o OFF. 

I FOUND DIME, PENNY, NOW AT M-SRS TIGER GLIDER, NOTE CARDS.

AND NOW I'M HUNGRY.

THREE STRIKES; FORGOT TOWEL, FORGOT PURSE, STOOD AT DOOR AT SAVERS AND COULDN'T FIGURE OUT WHY IT WASN'T OPENING.  MAN PUSHES OPEN DOOR.  IT WASN'T AN AUTOMATIC DOOR.

PRE 9/5

I'M FEELING TIRED AND DRIVEN.  BY MY AXIETY.  AS DAD'S DEATHIVERSARY COMES UP. 

AA MANIPULATED DAD TO GOING TO ACCUPUNTURE AND CHIROPRACTOR BY TAKING MOM TO TAHOE.  MOM PAID FOR IT.  THEY KEPT IT SECRET FROM DAD AND ONLY TOLD ME TO NEENER.  SO I TOLD HIM AS SOON AS I COULD.  THEY WANTED ME TO BEAR THE BRUNT OF HIS WHINING AND CRYING ALONE.  NO WAY. 

SO HE WENT TO HER TORTURE AND DIED LIKE SHE WANTED, USING MIT AS HER STOOGE. 

WORTH IT

I'M WORTH HAVING FUN!!!

IT'S TAKEN DILIGENCE AND DEDICATION.

SO TIRED

I FELL ASLEEP 8:30, AWOKE 1P, 3BMP, 5 TO TURN OFF TV-DVD.  SOMETHINGS GOING ON WITHIN.  I THOUGHT IT WAS TOO MUCH CARBS BUT THE WEATHER SPEAKS OTHERWISE. 

IT'S STILL OVERCAST.  AND COOL. 

I'M CARRYING ON.

T-CALLED YSTRDY

I HAD CALLED HIM SAT FROM CAMBLIB AND REMEMBERED HE WAS PLAYING MUSIC.

I THOUGHT HE WAS RETURNING MY SATURDAY CALL BUT HIS RT RR WINDOW WAS SMASHED AT CVS WHILE HE WORKED.  HE DIDN'T MENTION UNTIL HANGING UP.

HE OFFERED POTATO OMELET SO I WENT TO SHOW SOLIDARITY.  HE GAVE ME RECYCLE.  I GAVE HIM ORANGES FROM LUNCH. 

HE MAKES LIFE COMPLICATED.

SUNDAY 13 I WENT G2, LUCKY'S 6 PENNIES, QUARTER IN SLOT. 

I'M FEELING BLESSED.  TYGJ

I WENT

TO $ANC THIS AM FOR LIGHTERS. I FOUND A WADDED $.  I GOT SALAD AND UNDIES.  THEN SRS.  REMEMBERED POPEYE'S CHICKEN $5. ON THE WAY A FREE DRAWERS.  AND ST JUST.  NOTHING.

NOT VERY RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT FEELING VERY ADULT WITH THE STRESS OF THE WEATHER.  IT'S VERY HUMID.

knowing

DOESN'T MAKE IT EASIER.  I STILL HAVE TO SIT WITH THE FEELINGS AND WAIT FOR THEM TO RUN THEIR COURSE.

GOT IT!!

I RETURNED SCOTT-CAL SKYLIGHT- CALL FROM 2:20PM YESTERDAY. 

SITTING THINKING, TALKING TO VERA I REALIZE THE NEVER ENDING REPAIR = DAD WITH A NEW CRISIS EVERY YEAR. 

OF COURSE I'M FEELING DEPRESSED, HOPELESS, HELPLESS, INCAPABLE.  HE DIED AFTER TORTURING MOM AND ME. 

I HAVE REASONS FOR FEELING DEPRESSED.  GOOD VALID REASONS. 

space saver

SATURNDAY- THE FREEDOM TO WRITE WHEN I WANT, WHAT I WANT. 

I REMEMBERED LAST MINUTE TO SAVE THE DAY SPACE.

DRAINED

OF ALL RESISTANCE.  realized the weather and my anxiety are about the 20 yrs of horror with the parents and the 10 with the sister/thieves. 

PERKS

PERQUISITES-I WENT TO ST J AND FEEL BETTER.

I WAS FEELING SO ANXIOUS.  I DON'T KNOW WHETHER FROM THE WEATHER EMINENT ECLIPSE OR ASPERGERS.  TODAY IS OVERCAST.  WONDER WHERE THE SECURITY GUARD IS?  WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER LAST VISIT AND HOW SHE PREFERS CLOUDY DAYS.  I HAVEN'T SEEN HER TODAY.  

AUGH!! DISTRACTED.  THAT'S DEFINITELY AUTISM. 

I FOUND 2 BOTTLES, 4 MARYS, PLASTIC STAND, PURSE MIRROR AND FEEL RICH. 

TU-8-1

A NEW MONTH AND A RENEWED ME. 

IT'S 90o AND I'M OK.  I DON'T EVEN NEED MY COWBOY AIR CONDITIONING.  I'M IN AWE. 

I DROVE TO SAVERS, SHOPPED FOR 2 HRS AND I'M STILL VERTICAL.  I'M SO GRATEFUL, TYGJ.

I'M GETTING MY APPETITE BACK.  AND I'VE DECIDED TO STOP SMOKING. 

IT'S PART OF MY PAST.  NOT HAVING HAD A CHOICE IN UTERO I LOOK FORWARD TO BEING FREE.