THE SEGREGATED-SEGMENTED MIND-DIS/FUNCTION

I CONSTRUCTED SHIELDS TO PROTECT ME FROM MY ABUSIVE FAMILY.  THOSE WALLS ALLOWED ME TO SURVIVE BY AVOIDING DIRECT CONFRONTATION WITH THE HYPOCRITES WHO SPOKE LIES TO MY FACE BASED ON THEIR WALLS.


THAT IS HOW THIS PLANET DIS-FUNCTIONS.


I CAN ONLY BE AS HONEST WITH MYSELF AND OTHERS BASED ON THE ACCESS I HAVE TO MY AUTHENTIC THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS.


AUTHENTIC FEELINGS ARE BASED ON REALITY.  AUTHENTIC REACTIONS TO STIMULI. 


SELF-PROTECTIVE, CONSTRUCTED FEELINGS AND REACTIONS ARE REQUIRED IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS.  MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL DEFENSIVE WALLS LIKE CASTLES AND MOATS.  REACTIONS ARE CONSTRUCTED BY LEARNING WHAT WORKS TO DIFFUSE EVENTS; HOW TO MINIMIZE UNWARRANTED PUNISHMENT. 


I DON'T KNOW WHAT I FEEL FROM TRAINING MYSELF TO DIFFUSE.  RETRAINING IS EXHAUSTING.  I WILL GET FASTER, IT WILL BE EASIER.


 

survived another death-iversary/NOT VERY WELL

I'VE BEEN BETTER. 

SUNDAY OR MONDAY (LABOR DAY 9-5) I USED THE POLE BAG TO PICK AVOS AND THIS WEEK HAS BEEN TORTURE.

MY BACK, FEET, ARMS, SHOULDERS HURT SOOOO BAD.  AND TUES' 88DEGREE DAY I ALMOST HAD A MIGRAINE.  I HAD TO GO HOME AFTER CAMPBELL LIBRARY FROM NAUSEA. 

TODAY'S THE WORST.  I'LL GO $TORE AND HOME.  I PROMISED MYSELF CHIPS AND ICE CREAM.

I MAY STAY IN THE REST OF THIS WEEK RECOVERING.  THE SQUIRRELS AND CROWS CAN PARTY HARDY.