it's nice waking at a decent hour

it's nicer doing what i want.  waking at 2:30 waiting for the world to wake is like weekends as a child watching cartoons and eating cereal taking care of little sis while waiting for the older sis to wake.  

i'm wondering when senior pool opens back up what time i'll go.  with the center closed i'm driving a lot more.  

showered at 24 walked lucky's and got free drink and lightly salted lays.  bought b king for lunch.  ate fries on the way to cup.  i decided to go to ace hardware with coupon.  such variety.  bought 2 tiny phillips head sets.  toys and tools galore.  stopped at nob hill walked a lot.  bought 2 clearance dinners $1.99 ea.  i'm set for tomorrow.

i'm finally free to be me

i lay in bed 'til 10:30 when i remembered last library day of 2023.  i wanted to use coupon no volunteer for book store.  i found 6 movies.  drank protein shake for lunch feeling so good i went to walmart used medicare card.  bought supplements and shakes.  $94 for 39 cents.  then i remembered clearance frozen dinners at college safeway and walked store.  feeling wonderful home by 3.  fish dinner and double chocolate muffin.  

babies have the right idea

eat when you're hungry, sleep when you're tired.  that's why seniors don't sleep.  we're still growing.  just in reverse.  so i think we deserve to do what we want when we want.  we've earned it.  and anyone saying otherwise is a killjoy.  

i'm getting excited.  i washed my st just cat pajamas for new year's eve.  new socks.  new calendar.  i'm new.  county is open eve 'til 5 pm.  

seniors ok.  sprouts parking in front i felt so good i went to walmart patient young man clerk helped me use $80+ medicare money.  beet tablets, choc drinks, etc.  i still have $86.  i have a better idea of what i want.  and next month is 2 days away.  

now i know how sunny keeps spots current.  they bill after 21 days.  got an e mail 5:50 i called no one picked up.  they didn't subtract 4 days closed for xmas holiday.  and another 4 days over new year's.  

i'm feeling jubilant

after a lifetime of anxiety.  nothing has changed but me.   my allergies are terrible.  the threat of rain.  only barely sprinkles.  the fireplace burning is terrible.  says air quality good i don't agree.

today i showered and plenty of parking and 24 open on new year's.  go figure.  the janitor was hosing the floor then mopping.  less dust.  i found the little cuts on my hands are from the shower wand in the handicapped stall.  i noticed today it's messed up.  it's frequently occupied.  

i had 15 minutes straight to seniors.  i think my job may be to play subliminal music to raise vibes.  i can always go to sprouts after.  

my fishing shirt mobile storage weighs 2.5 lbs.  i need to wash it.  

sprouts 4 double choc chip muffins, broccoli clover sprouts, 2 chips.  feeling good and weather clear i did wash.  parked in driveway, hung everything easily, still feeling ok.  forgot to wash shirt.  i forgot i wanted to go to sunny to use sewing machine and return hot spot. 

book arrived.  checked it out.  matte finish not so good.  it's ok.  more expensive not better.  

sleeping to 'igor'.

still makes me laugh.  i stretched my back and my right hip is still locked tight.  

showered, walked lucky's.  considered big lots no.  walked safeway then sprouts clearance half cherry pie 99 cents, 2 yogurt cheese, almond dip, olive artichoke and chili honey hummus i gave to toki.  she thought i already left because no water at senior center no plumbing everything to go.  i walked prune ridge lucky's then ate at main library.  cathy called she got my card.  she needs money.  she likes to go out with her ladies and entertain.  

so good, so good, so good

after 24 hour i walked lucky's just in case.  returning to car parking lot i spy colorful toy solar hula girl missing skirt.  looking around i find plastic skirt carefully replace.  doesn't work.  i leave in sun and she recharges.  so cute.  

i walked sprouts clearance vanilla 4/$2.  good for 2 years.  got to seniors 11:30 lots of parking.  lovely lunch thom and toki.  and chinese people.  no coffee for 3 days weirdness explained.  then college safeway clearance lean cuisine $2.25 i bought 3.  checked st just, discarded cardboard box had veg supposed to rain tonight i saved it.  good sturdy storage box.  

i spoke my word.  all the poufs were taken in fireplace room so i walked and terrace room even better.  lovely 72 degrees no coats.  and much quieter.  more to explore.  

by the time my hair's dry the chrome is charged.  perfect.  i knew i was exhausted when i looked through my bag for my water bottle and couldn't find it 'cause it was in my hand.  

home 3 pm lean cuisine fish not fresh when frozen too fishy.  

i'm feeling healthy

watching 'chinatown' 1974 and how we're programmed through repetition to make the same mistakes.

watching super 'love again'.  i'm usually so skeptical and yet i found a great love movie.  

best xmas so far

no worries, disappointments, strife.  peace is truly the best gift.  i don't need presents.  i never got what i wanted from my family.  they made a point of denying me.  getting what they wanted.

awesome!!  bethel church has changed!  many colors.  i went for carols and hot chocolate, new improved church.  young non white congregation.  

showered noon walked lucky's for celsius drink and bought small deviled mac and mustard potato salad clearance $2 ea.  woo hoo!!  i've been checking every day.  

i have small chem cuts from 24 shampoo body wash too harsh.  thinking what i did last night what i ate.  too much turkey fat in dinner brie noodles or too much chips.  or pies.  oh, well delicious.  oh, wait i scrambled 2 eggs with swiss cheese in turkey fat for b'fast.  i was fine before.  my hands.  like chemical trauma i had before.  

2:30 i'm sitting cup library air drying hair.  young adult section lots of room and charging table with outlets.  seat low like sitting in a hole better on my back.

home 4 pm ate some of both salads and cooked carrots with deli turkey, cherry pie.  so good.  

i've never had a more peace comfort filled day.

free rice pudding

too much free stuff feels like work.

i don't understand the popularity of 'barbie'.  maybe it's just the dearth of female themed movies.  it's ok but i wouldn't say it's good.  makes me feel bored.  and i am grateful my life is calm and boring.  that's why ginnie creates her dramatic scenarios afraid of ennui.  

i wore sweat pants to pick up rice pudding.  i haven't worn pants out in years.  i was thinking of using the cooked packet of wild rice to make pudding and ta da!!  

i had to park in back to shower at 24.  an hour.  part of my workout.  went to st j pantry but closed 'til jan.  i like it better than shopping for myself.  it's like God choosing for me.  Carol at the shop has ocd son taking care of his grandmother.  great kid.  we talked about kitchen appliances with timers to avoid all burning.  

charged chrome and rested at main.  sunny closed 'til wed.  county open tomorrow.  4 holds ready.

i'm having the best time.  good food, i'm my best friend.  

i'm such a nerd

watching 'the lost king', about finding richard the iii's grave.  the writing and acting is fascinating.  so good.  starring sally hawkins and steve coogan based on the true story of people searching for truth in a fabricated world, a world of barbies.  

roger ebert review denigrates 'feelings' in quotes as not enough when that's all we have.  all we are.  feelings are everything.  wars are fought because of feelings.  people are murdered because of feelings.  e motion=energy motion.  addiction is chemical measurable controllable.  chasing feelings.  

lunch good with the wives.  mike + pandora (pandy) prefers candy and fred + debby.  carnitas.  all the animal protein makes me tired and sleepy.  i ate potato turkey b'fast.  i need more veg cleanse.  

main library i used tech nick computer for help with book order.  i considered sending direct to aunty but i want to check it first.  so many options on mixbook.com website confusing.  redwood city print to order.  size, type of paper, matte or glossy, hard or soft cover.  

sneezy

i hope i didn't catch anything at Walmart yesterday.  i was there a long time in line to pay bill and waiting for vaccine record.  i didn't eat much sugar.  i don't know.  i'm eating allergy plant.  and i'm hungry.  egg bites.

i checked lucky's, free 16 oz yachak energy drink.  

the family always asked me what I wanted then denied me with lengthy explanations that made no sense.  so now to actually receive anything i want feels like a miracle.  and my sisters continue the behavior which makes me sad because what goes around comes around.  my mom always said she could never have anything nice (what she wanted) when she and dad played the same game with each other.  so how could they ever have what they wanted when they were so busy denying each other.  their first top uppermost priority was denying others instead of focusing on attaining happiness.

main library 2 pm 13 minutes charging 'til full.  lunch was ok.  i took dried mushrooms + beets.  i shared samples and gave the extra to art.  he's moving to mtn. view atria.  not online.  sprouts peach pie and 99 cent shredded red cabbage for sweet sour.  cabbage potatoes, turkey dinner.  lunch peas w/mayo.  so much good food to eat.  2 pieces peach.

so sleepy.  i watched graceland too erratic boring.  

'elemental'

the commentary describes the depth of thought and heart that went into the creation of this love letter to life.  it's the culmination of so many lives' experiences.  

i find out so much about myself from movies.  what i want, who i am, who i want to become.  

the subliminal is working so well.  to day i picked up lucky's free 1.7 oz salami.  it was so rainy at 9:30.  decided i wanted to shower at 24 drove around.  so rainy i only took towel, slippers, undies.  i drove to seniors and started writing out bills.  lunch today women's table.  eddie left earlier.  mike and fred sat next table.  i ate half a cookie wasn't hungry, ate my lunch at 4.  feeling good i mailed cathy's card checked lucky's clearance saw nodira and other cathy. and continued to walmart to pay gas and bought 2 braces , gloves, cherry nicotine and i still have $180 on debit card.  home 2:30 organizing for tomorrow.  i want to return spot when lucky's freebies over.

i'm excited barry manilow xmas special.  8 pm so not late.  

watching movies

my lucky day.  decided not to redeem free deodorant.  stretched 24 hour fitness saw ginnie.  similar non communication with her daughter.  my older sister more my mom than mom herself.  so convoluted.  

decided i don't have to be perfect, only best me i can be.

lunch ok.  fred, mike, eddie then new guy.  finally toki and susan, chinese looks japanese.  eh, same food diet same looks.  leftovers i didn't want i already cooked so much better.  county went to cup library.  'chinatown' ready pickup.  when i got there 'barbie' also ready and i found 3 others i wanted.  woo hoo!!  

gives me hope for happy viewing this best xmas.  

cooked carrots with onions in turkey juice.  so good i ate all with cornbread.  so delicious.  then i cooked pasta in juice.  covered with parchment paper stays moist.  used corning ware worked great.

seniors lunch

they make us wait i wouldn't mind if not raining.  ah, my ears popped.  i went 24 hour saw jeanie at 9:15 am.  i didn't know i was early.  i decided on saratoga lucky to check clearance.  naught.  today's freebie 4 ice drinks.  4 in one day to make 12.  21st last freebie.  and last unsalted chips.  $5.  

3 men 4 women lunch today salt free salisbury steak gluey mash.  always different never boring seniors.  i'm doing a lot of walking.  not my best feature.  sprouts $1.99 double crust cherry pie and 2 deli clearance 99 cent cooked ham egg whites.

oops, county due is requested.  tomorrow is good.  sunny is 10 over.  i'm drying out at main.  my hair is almost.  so heavenly sitting upstairs main after sorting st just groceries in underground parking.  3 pm finally turned down heat.  open 'til 6 but i want to stew turkey thigh.  i considered roast but no appeal.  one more serving pastrami.  so good in salad.  great protein for healing.  

remembered nob tamales only cheese left i prefer pork.  tomorrow.  home 4 pm preparing for county returns found stickers i saved to include in xmas cards.

freebie coke 1.23 liter

i walked the entire store twice looking for it.  huge plastic covered palette in aisle.  i went to dollar tree fun clearance and 2 cooked rice.  then safeway bought beets, salad and sunflower seeds.  noon i went to st just to scope out new procedure.  through the front no drive through.  shopping in main hall.  quiet no waiting done by 12:23.  lunch room clothing give away i found white shorts and beige pants.  $15 safeway and $10 target gift cards plus celery squash and cauliflower.  dropped off library returns.

and no one to yell at me to condemn or criticize or judge me.  

free hummus today

9 am i took off too fast check engine light.  seniors i swam and talked to brian, sprouts mini croissant sandwich $1.99 and $20 super food drink for $.99.  main library rested and ate lunch, found a new book.  i caught up on mccall smith.  2 pm i suddenly remembered that the sunny hold expires.  picked up and stopped sunny sprouts 50 cent bag of shredded romaine and cornbread $2.22.  i made the best salad with beef and cheese.  bed 8 pm wheel 10.

great day!

naan crisps 6 oz 12 days free x mas

so good to feel good.  listening to 432 Hz + 528 Hz almost 12 hours continuous play.  subliminal avoids conscious denial negation.   

lunch i campaigned for extra.  she brought lee huge covered plate so i went and got one.  lee tried to give me, i wanted to give art so lee took it.  bingo i won last game snack bar gift card.  dino had lots of yesterday balsamic salad.  so delicious.  i ate one cupcake bite and started sneezing compounded by dusty heating.  i ate all my allergy plant.  

sprouts clearance over a lb lean pastrami $1.04 and .67 sliced deli turkey $.67.  i'm set for weekend.  bed rest 4 pm.  stayed up late last night watching disney 100 years i'm feeling tired.  and all the shopping walking.  no toki lunch with bowling team.  still not home i drove by.  

left over salad from yesterday of greens, pear, sliced almonds, cranberries perfect balsamic dressing with 5 thinly sliced pastrami.  all the goodies were down at the bottom of the salad.  

xmas lunch

ladies auxiliary turkey and stuffing home cooked.  the golden voices sang carols.  hilde so slow to serve.   

no time to swim 10 am picked up freebie drink and clearance turkey thigh $2.51.  walked store.  home in fridge with heavy cream.  

package front door from hiratas.  opened in car.  so much to do.  helped bev find her keys dropped in her car in purse.  she was crying.  dementia.  i don't know how she still drives or has a license.  

so i'm at main drying my hair.  nothing at sprouts but good walk.  

dan russia came to ask about senior lunch, during conversation on taxes he makes more than 100 k a year?  ok.  

3 pm feeling tired from late nights ready to go home.  napped 6-7:45.  watched 100 years disney.  

i'm having so much fun even with arthritis

it's back.  the sweets and chicken i ate.  worth it.  free stuff 12 days of xmas at lucky's heavy whip cream i can shake it.  doesn't have to be whipped.  everyday something different i parked across the street.  i'm ready.

veg pasta lunch today way better than monday pasta with meat.  lee gave me his roasted yam kale salad.  he eats b'fast at 10 and then isn't hungry.

i puzzled and brian showed up.  he's so competitive.  he's a puzzle piece tapper.  has to show off when he puts in a piece.  i pointed it out to him, he couldn't stop.  so i practiced calm.  eventually i succumbed to his cat dander.  by 4 when we finished the puzzle i was totally congested.  he's so competitive he kept working in front of me 'til i traded places with him.  such a baby.  he complained about my meditations and changed it.  the nerve.  

so i got home by 5 after more sprouts cheese.  so good.  so glad celebrity tv tonight.

still feeling good.

a few twinges.  slight.  arthritis smooth.  must be veg diet.  lovely peaceful day.  lunch chicken mole better than usual.  unoffensive.  forgot short day on puzzle.  sprouts more clearance deli cheese home 3:30.  brie delicious.

salome depressed brother's death and missing service.  going home canada after thurs for a month.  doesn't know if she'll stay.  

people confide in me.  confessor.  maybe because i'm nonjudgmental.  my family dumped all their sins on me.  check out 'twilight zone' 'sin eater'.

i feel surprisingly well

most days i'm filled with stubborn determination just to get through the day.  i freaked out, forgot to pay cost co yesterday late fee.

lovely chat w/brian in pool.  stayed half hour.  called cost co after 6 miss-dials.  victoria waved late fee up to $41.  variable percentage.  

lunch time inge gave me choice of 3 metal magnet bracelets, i chose turquoise.  diana picked same one, we're magnet sisters.  toki brought back some of the snacks.  i like to try.  salome gave me 2 bags veg after everyone left lunch.  best birthday ever.  

too many snacks

even too much 'healthy' ones upset my digestion.  i'm better off with potato chips, i can eat as much as i want.  must be the simple ingredients.

i heated chicken with goat cheese for b'fast.  protein building blocks for healing.  

new me.  i'm taking my time.  i'm eating good food.  resting as much as i can tolerate.  trying not to re-injure myself.  healing requires drastic behavioral changes.  

dressed to return sunny.  took out recycle and decided to stay home.  too smoky.  more compassion for over dues by becoming one.  my back is twitching.

what i want

i got last parking space senior center because b'fast w/santa.  i soaked in tub, kicked aside slippers moved into my place.   talked to inge, toki, trudy.  i relaxed, took my time.  toki told me she didn't want the snacks.  i guess she couldn't see.  after seniors i went to sprouts clearance 2 cheeses, 2 salads, artichoke hearts 99 cents ea.  baked donuts $1.99.  yum.

st j thrift looked at everything bought nothing.  on to cup library.  picked up, returned movies.  home lunch 2 pm.  not even hungry i ate cheese chicken and a donut.  i napped 'til 5 pm.  dinner delicious salad.  avocado oil no flavor.

i'm doing what i want when i want.  i think happy people become healthy people.

free candy lindor truffle

i have so much free stuff.  i am blessed.  i have a dozen sodas.  garlic bread, so much good food.  toki left pound of see's bridge mix.

salome offered box of free snacks toki took entire box and put in her car.  i waited for toki in back parking lot to give her bags of persimmons and oranges i saved for her so toki wouldn't have to carry.  she hurt my feelings not even offering snacks for both of us.  like cathy hoover taking $20 i found from shell station saying it might not be real.  then she returned only $10.  i never talked to her again.  i feel betrayed again.

oh, well i'm warned about toki.  i won first bingo $10 lucky's card.  i went sprouts bought clearance 4 delicious apple cider goat cheese and bag dried mushrooms too oily.   everything balances out.

still codependent

milder with toki.  lovely quiet.  i can do whatever i want.  lunch i prefer sitting in the back to watch people.  could be a survival thing.  on alert.  i don't know.    

so perfect.  i finished the puzzle and went to sprouts found garlic bread 99 cents.  4 grilled chicken breast $1.98, 3 snacks 99 each.  stopped by toki's to check if she wanted some or oranges.  she said wait 'til tomorrow.  so i heated one chick with ragu and toasted bread.  so delicious.  the first time in my life i'm eating just what i want.  it's intimidating.

monk 2002-2009

tv was the only family i had.  

what a perfect day.  i puzzled 'til 4:30, diana gave me her barley 3 bean salad; garbanzo, black, kidney.  the green onions took me an hour to eat around.  celebrity wheel a full night of tv.

cathy left v mail

2 days ago to ask about the card she sent.  football i called 9 pm.  she says she's getting along better with sister needing shoulder surgery next month the 30th.  we'll see.  sister may just be feeling mortal.

happy b'day to me.  i went cost co the only thing i wanted 24 oz lays chips $4.69 best quality.  biggest bag i've ever seen mine all mine.  i used rebate check.  oh, so good.  i need windshield wipers i have to measure.  feeling ok i detoured to home depot and bought 3 water softener cleaner i needed for warranty.  over $40.  home 3 pm put away.  napped.

2004 season 9 'everybody loves raymond'

family is family.   it saw me through the worst.  everything i wrote yesterday disappeared.  seniors i went late saw brian in pool.  puzzled a bit drying my hair.  wanted 2 chips 2 waters using certificate Nodira gave me free.  happy birthday to me.  sprouts clearance turkey sandwich on sourdough, 2 packs dried diced nectarine.  considered deposit will wait.  went to main ate lunch picked up 'rockford files'.  star one cup closed walked super safeway.   picked up county holds.  home 4 pm.  napped and finished watching series.

and today i'm resting.  i keep forgetting how much energy healing requires.  salad mix and cilantro lime chicken.  

i fixed bathroom curtain and mixed cheerio cereals.  

dream of psycho lover-will you walk me to my car?-song

very elaborate dream of dinner with friends at their home.  lover becomes upset angry jealous leaves, i ask them all to walk me to my car just in case he's still around.  they comply.  i'm tested positive for Parkinson's.  they are extremely supportive.

bart showed up i paid him.  stopped at carlos' he was test driving got back as i was leaving reset check engine light lean nothing wrong.  i tipped him $20 for lunch.  so lucky dropped water softener cleaner bottle yesterday i retrieved in gutter.  seniors good relaxing 2 leftover lunch fish.  college safeway sushi and water.  chase withdrawal home by 4.  bart set bins in street.  if fined for too early bart pays he knows better.