9:30 lovely cool overcast. and i'm watching 'that girl' ...heaven.
11:30 nuked frozen chicken rice added tomatoes, sliced lettuce, egg. teriyaki made it better.
after sunnyvale lihrary detour sidewalk driveway closed, soaked and swam @ 24 feeling good, $tore no parking got frozen dinners. home 2 burritos.
5 pm watching old 1940's cartoons. still makes me laugh.
yesterday evaporated. i updated so i don't know where it went. gone this morning.
lost yellow driving glasses somewhere retraced steps evaporated. wore new backup pair. seniors looked online hour bbb, new view websites to order couldn't navigate user unfriendly. feeling frustrated ok. i wanted to use gift cards coupons.
Cody suggested Walmart. reading prize book bag, coupon 1 free bookstore item. borrowed 4 new movies. woo hoo!!
lovely easily digested lunch. Toke and Diane. Alex left early with weird curry turkey salad. diced potatoes what it needs.
mom criticized everything about me all the time. she praised my sisters when they stole believing she was exempt. what a crazy planet. they looked like her i looked like dad. why did she hate me so? she pretended to love dad yet couldn't love me. and i'm still suffering. like a vitamin i never had to nourish me. vitamin love.
i'm learning to love myself.
sitting in shade waiting for main to open at 1. perfect timing. tygj. picked up 2 movies they couldn't find prize maybe tomorrow bookmobile.
i still feel weak. soaked gym feeling better. picked up recycle bottles. seniors walked park picked up recycle.
sat with inge she shared oatmeal bel vita. diana's curry turkey salad inedible. brought it home couldn't save it. for the birds. the turkey white bean chili like soup another adventure in eating. jessica started serving 11:20 toke was early i was finished by 11:30 so hungry tiny portions.
crash!!
i went 24 hour after b'fast burrito and game shows. soaked 15 minutes. 8 am called Carlos said 9-9:30 noon better for me. + air filter. i'm championing myself. i ate cherries and avocado squashed in car. i liked it. my stomach still upset from pain and i'm feeling so tired.
upstairs on the couch feet elevated so comfortable i could sleep. back stomach stopped spasms.
lunch good i took my time fun. Pete's lunch i pounced mango salsa strong allergy upset stomach. Carlos' 12:10 reclined gaming new couch and bench seat. he moved cars changed oil filter checked air filter still good done hour. i napped 2 hours.
having my body fall apart is depressing. i can feel depressed or work on psychotic. fewer choices with age.
so spaghetti o's for b'fast.
i'm feeling frantic 10:40.
wow, chrome crashed i didn't even blink. real progress.
left haunch leg stiff swollen achy and i'm ok. i know i'm feeling the healing.
watching 'venture bros' 2004 cartoon. now i understand mass shooters. what they have as childhood is just sad. dried souls of desert dust. bugs bunny a cartoon rabbit was more human. what is popular reflects the inner workings of society.
i'm accepting camouflage protection from vulture sisters. if house and yard attractive they'll harass me to death.
this society is so appearance no substance. not watching cooking today. resting from all that. looked for lunch tool box dad gave me missing garage. thieving vultures.
Cathy left message that Kimo tried to scam her encouraging her to invest $750 she doesn't have. i guess it's good she doesn't have any money. she thought it was hilarious that he said he got 50 k.
i love having lunch seniors now. i'm ready for better.
it's been 2 years so yeah. been feeling sad. i'm releasing another old time pattern changing my life me.
my miserable childhood of threats, torture, punishment, sabotage stored in my cells as chemical imprinting is leaching into my bloodstream to be swept away. incredibly torturous.
feeling sick in my gut brain. and i'll survive. dollar tree chips, dark chocolate cherries coconut mochi for Jeanie.🤩 went to check cashing at 8:30 website 9 am but open door sign 10. left with lunch 3 clerks no service left after 20 minutes standing. feeling annoyed and tired. didn't eat first got hungry angry engine light on i didn't wait. oh, well. terrible i'm still human.
listening to healing is releasing waves of anxiety. i'm breathing through it. i keep forgetting the house and gardens are protecting me from sisters' greed. has to remain unattractive or they'll fight for it.
i nuked onions added cooked chicken stuffed Pillsbury crescent rolls into toaster oven. onions so sweet like jam.
separated bagged and frozen
cooked 6 drums, noodles, pizza sauce. pleasantly tired.
and now i'm feeling strangely restless.
after lovely lunch i returned to main due combo. then it occurred to me to use sunny hot spot with city chrome. so i borrowed Lenovo. i don't know if it's the programming. sunny resets whenever lid closed. most annoying to have to restore tabs every time. city keeps settings intact. unless it crashes. much better.
muscles and nerves in legs and feet so sore and stiff i can barely get up and walk. but i put out the garbage after prepping (skinning separating quarters) 5 lb bag of chicken i froze in plastic. been wearing brace for all work.
i've been awake since 4 watching thinking about Rosalie Glass and her daughter Lillian. two remarkable women. holocaust survivor
love it. sunny vale has combo ready just as city expires tomorrow.
dell chrome not as good. already crashed once. i don't like the charger, the hot spot is the same. the case is huge.
stopped at gym 2 safe way almonds on sale. walked lucky's morning but they didn't have dill flavor chips couldn't use coupon nothing i wanted..
sitting watching 'Beverly Hillbillies' back in time keeping quiet don't disturb elders or be punished.
internet has same problem. fading in and out. i feel like something is missing.
i went to st j and home. 15+ lbs frozen chick quarters. i have to develop a better method of cooking. less usable. tossed 2 seedy celery, 4 mushy salty cucumber. decided to cook chicken asada micro. ate plums, cooking cauliflower with turmeric and eating raw. cheddar cheese wrap sheets a winner. feeling happily full.
daily word prosperity. i called to verify library book sale this weekend. tomorrow.
falling asleep.
the stomach is called the second brain but i think it's #1. the brain is good at planning and executing ideas. the gut uses intuition and facts in its calculations.
i checked freebie and loaded perfect bar.
8:43 treated myself mango mochi bite dollar tree sitting seniors. the only part flavored is mochi wrapped around vanilla ice cream ball. gave coconut to jeanie as she was leaving 8:50. green tea would be a great flavor.
i can ask Cody about bookmobile karaoke i saw on channel 2 Tuesday night commercial. no more karaoke. i'll have to go on my own.
had lovely lunch with my crew. makes me happy. oy my back. tomorrow if i remember i'll soak and pick up friday freebie.
Dr Daniel Amen pg 152 End of Mental Illness mice programmed to fear cherry smell genetic coding next 2 generations.
i work at keeping it as the soundtrack to my life. the trauma and drama of my past was so deeply ingrained. it's working lessening the neg in my life. i can celebrate and enjoy. more and more. lunch with Toke, Pete, Alex.
put out bins 15 minutes. can't understand mom's naked hate resentment every monday. i only served as dad's caretaker never as daughter. both of them continued to blame me for their unhappiness all my life. told me repeatedly to my face. made me wish i'd never been born.
cooked chops garage micro with onions celery mustard v 8. delicious. made rice and potato. i have to make my happiness where i can. so glad i didn't have kids to warp as i was abused and my niece and 3 nephews.
8:41 waiting sv dollar tree. gym 2 big safeway no juice last 2 almonds produce section sale $2.99 $4 saving. forgot to scan card used gifts. oh, well.
i'd like to soak. i definitely want to watch 'any day now' 10 am. and i want frozen food for dinner. i made brown rice 2 eggs last hot dog omelet. 2 pizza, 2 beef, 2 chicken pot pies, 2 beef bean burritos home. forgot eggs lucky's $2.99 and clearance pork chops home again. noon soak gym.
never driven so much since 2001. couldn't renew induction cook online returned to library borrowed 5 movies.
looking for another unicorn freebie. minute maid agua fresca 16 oz can. walked entire store had help found nothing. i finally figured out they lose an item and list as freebie in hopes a customer locates the item for them.
i'm making a lace cape. taking apart a bed skirt. and i want to cut out tunic dress from pink embroidered edge fabric i've had years.
i picked up free crystal geyser Lucky's saw estate sale sign opens 9. stopped at smart final potatoes. if i want service i have to go 8 am only customer. i generally don't shop this one treated like invader of employees club. i'd rather be treated like a paying customer in Sunnyvale 6 miles away. i bought 5 pillow cases lace fabric from liar said hem not. interesting bee pins $25 pair. thinking about it.
Pete gave me his chicken and beans. i tossed carrot slaw. charged chrome and spot half hour. home 1:30 'whew!'
i guess i'm old. i was asleep by 9. woke 3 bathroom breaks and 6 am still sore pelvic issues. moving slowly carefully.
remembered i wanted to do banking today everything opens 9.
ray had the nerve to ask me to get him a back brace. he's too lazy to learn the internet but wants me to do his dirty work. i'm taking my time. an opportunity to heal. i have to get papers and ramp up walmart order. found records took 30 minutes going through car paperwork. step 1 done. told him at lunch.
back leg pain easier than pelvic. immobilizing. home 1 pm too much pain. haven't felt this bad in awhile. it's like the ocean.
i'm watching 'any day now' and checking 'concentration'. i parceled out the pie in 3 tubs. ate mash and 2 dogs. lunch hot dog omelet sandwich.
how will the problems be solved when there's no creative thinking. so sad all the programs from my life are being recycled there's no new thinking happening. the new ideas are all fear and horror.
considering going lucky's tomorrow. my back hurting. i'm feeling pressured. realized i don't have to exercise.
the hardest job is loving myself. 70+ years of being taught to hate myself is a lot to overcome reprogram. this house is imbued with the essence of blame, criticism and hatred.
3 pm resting. cooked toaster oven Lucky's clearance 6 bacon wrapped asparagus spears half hour for crispy 6 min at a time. no instructions. free $4.49 eggs. 1 chips. decided on coconut cream frozen pie easier to consume than chocolate. bar s hot dogs creative. spaghetti, mash, beans, sprouts etc.
crashed again.
i went 7:30 bought some potato and soaked for an hour gym. saw Kelly Wright from seniors. she hasn't been back to seniors. they got pool noodles i paddled around. Lucky's coupon free eggs with $10 purchase i want chips and choc cream pie. woo hoo!
playing Mahjongg. found 2 boxes corn muffin mix garage fridge. cooked one in micro 5:30. even better than oven. tenderer. and i cooked Brussels sprouts. b'fast and lunch burger patty peach turnover.
Q ginger ale. forgot to pick up. i went dollar tree taste test bought new burrito not as good and tater tots not as good. more of them but salty chili not as potato-y. and took longer to cook. Lucky's clearance burgers for holiday.
beginning of month blues or greens or some funny color. feeling gamut of the rainbow.
Safeway fry day $5 sushi free water, clearance peach turnovers.
i'm happy it's fry day. being able to do what i want is wonderful.
